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filed under: Elisha Cuthbert

May 07, 2008

CNW Junk Drawer: Megan Fox Gets Plump

• Megan Fox takes "next Angelina Jolie" title literally, gets lipplants. (ONTD)

• Elisha Cuthbert stalks the sandy landscape in a bikini; cuddles muscular male; gets handsy with own buttocks. (Drunken Stepfather)

• Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon's wedding photos will be in People. And they talk about being "soul mates". Even though they've known each other for six weeks. (Celebitchy)

• What mysterious pull do these Maddens have? Lindsay Lohan was busted trying to pick up Joel (that's Nicole Richie's Madden, not Paris Hilton's Madden) at a club the other night. There's not enough Maddens to go around. (Yeeeah!)

• Angelina Jolie is reportedly going to have twin girls. They'll have their mother's looks and their father's . . . looks. They can't go wrong! (I Don't Like You In That Way)

• Amy Winehouse is slowly devolving from soulful songstress to drunken party girl to crackhead to missing link to ape. Photographic evidence exists. (Holy Taco)

• Uma Thurman's name begins with a "u". So does the word "upskirt". Aaaand that's the closest we cam come to a joke here. (I Don't Like You In That Way)

• In other Lohan news, she's still stealing clothing from her friends. Because when girls' daddies don't love them, the fill up their hearts with pilfered fur. (The Blemish)

• Blake Lively may play a high schooler on Gossip Girl, but that rack is alllll freshman year at a state U, baby. (Fatback)

• Jessica Simpson must, she must, she must increase her bust. (Cityrag)

• Post-birth, Halle has some Berry nice cleavage. We knew our childhood obsession with Strawberry Shortcake speak would come in handy some day! (Flisted)

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April 16, 2008

CNW Junk Drawer: Oh, Behave

• Gisele Bundchen may be costarring in the new Austin Powers movie. Terrific. What's next, Adriana Lima in Mighty Ducks V? (Daily Stab)

• Eva Longoria and her husband want to invite Posh and Becks over for a foursome. A foursome consisting of slow and sensual games of Cootie! and Mousetrap. (Female Foist)

• Debbie Gibson got a restraining order against her stalker, who sounds like a real Electric Douche. Haw haw haw! (Celebitchy)

• "Deer dairy. today i went down and used the terlet at the Cogo's on wilshur bulevard. i plum fergoted my pantys inside! then i pixed up a ~~parperp~~ ~~pupozee~~ parparotzy man and kissed on him. rainbows r pritty!!!!!111" Britney Spears has video diaries and they may be released, woo hoo! (Hollywire)

• John Mayer's body is a wonderland. A wonderland of cliche tattoos like koi fish and waves and blooming flowers. (Cityrag)

• Elisha Cuthbert puts down cigarette long enough to grab her own tit in Maxim. (F-listed)

• Evan Rachel Wood's transformation into boyfriend Marilyn Manson is complete. Excellent. Release the bats! (CelebWarship)

• Bret Michaels says that "My hair is combined of my hair and the finest extensions Europe has to offer." And all this time we thought it was Britney's castoff weaveage sewn onto a bandanna. (ONTD)

• Pictures of Pete Doherty in jail. Hair product fashioned out of leftover butter pats. (Dlisted)

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January 31, 2008

Elisha Cuthbert Takes a Trip to Gay Paree

Note the picture at left of the lovely Elisha Cuthbert, star of the hit series 24 and general Crabby Patty-about-town. Now imagine Paris Hilton hiking her ruched knit skirt up to her ears, squatting with a smile, her buttflaps fluttering in the breeze, and planting her wart-scarred cooter right on that finger and whirling around like a Sit n' Spin. It could happen! It almost happened! Apparently, the two buddies were spotted getting awfully friendly-like on Tuesday night at NYC hotspot Tenjune. According to US Weekly:

Paris Hilton and actress Elisha Cuthbert were "all over each other and making out" at New York's Tenjune club Tuesday night, a source tells Usmagazine.com.

"Who knew?" says the source of the unlikely pairing.

Hilton, 26, and Cuthbert, 25, didn't arrive at Tenjune together. Hilton was there for a birthday party and was seen dancing on banquets. "It's Paris," says the source. "She loves putting on a show."

Sexy mental images aside, we have grown weary of Paris's displays of desperate attention-whoring. We wish the only shows she would put on would be puppet shows. Though the sight of a tiny hand-controlled tiger doll with one lazy button eye humping a sock puppet riddled with holes and sweat stains probably wouldn't be a big hit with the kindergarten crowd. And athlete's foot doesn't exactly have the same glamor and attraction as the clap, but Paris puppet will take what it can get.

Here's the happy couple from a few months ago. Elisha doesn't exactly look convinced.

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August 14, 2007

Half a Cuthbertkini

Hey there, Elisha Cuthbert of the hit television program 24. You sure are pretty, what with your shimmery blonde hair and your cleft chin and your shiny lady teeth. But why are you wearing pants over your bikini bottoms, Elisha Cuthbert of 24? Why you gotta go and be like that? What are you hiding under there? Botched bikini wax? Illegal contraband Jarts? An alternate reality? Perhaps later, she will look over the pictures she's taking of Paris Hilton and take a few tips. "Bikini bottoms go on the OUTSIDE of pants. Interesting. Also, cover self with glitter and feast upon small canines. Duly noted, duly noted."

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March 13, 2007

BREAKING NUDES: South by Southwest 2007

It's that time again, when we send pervy guys with mad eyes into darkened theaters, armed with a pen, a notebook, and a nice long trench coat, to count boobies. This year's South by Southwest festival offers up Elisha Cuthbert showing (someone else's) breasts, Chloë Sevigny unsurprisingly dropping her top, and a very special shoutout to the man who is the sun in our pervy Milky Way, Mr. Skin. more »

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December 15, 2006

Paris Hilton Corners Her Next Victim

Elisha: What am I doing here in a car with Paris Hilton? The last thing I remember I was on the set of 24, I think I was with some kid and running from a crazy wife-beating maniac. It was 2002. And then today I wake up and the Hello Kitty calendar above my vanity table says it's 2006, and Paris Hilton is calling me and asking me to party. What happened to the last four years? I thought by 2006 I would have starred in a few really awesome movies, had my own TV series, maybe posed in Playboy. But I find myself here. Next to a shemale with polyester hair who smells like Vagisil and cheese fries. And she tells me we were in a movie together. I do not remember this at all. Maybe she was at that crazy party at Keifer's house and kidnapped me and has been stuffing me full of roofies and controlling my life. Man, my career is totally fucked. I just hope she remembered to put panties on me today." more »

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July 25, 2006

Elisha Cuthbert--Nope, Still Not Naked

We're happy that Elisha Cuthbert is riding high from . . . what? Starring opposite Paris Hilton in House of Wax? Managing to not get killed on another season of 24? We really don't know what she has to be so proud of. Other than her breasts. Because they're pretty damn awesome. But girl's keeping them to herself. And she's gonna keep on telling us about it. That is until the day that she can't even land a cameo in a Tara Reid vehicle and decides to finally take off her clothes for some cash. Then she'll tell us she never said she wouldn't get naked. And you know what? We'll be able to read this here story and feel pretty good about ourselves. Not as good as seeing her boobs will make us feel, but still. more »

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December 27, 2005

Holiday Boob Round-up

It's the week between Christmas and New Year's, when it seems that only about 10% of Americans are working (and if our British gossip site oracles are any indication, all of England is asleep in their figgy puddings right now) and we can't see past our bulging gut thanks to that leftover batch of Santa-shaped sugar cookies we scarfed down for breakfast, so we weren't expecting much from the gossip world today. Of course we had forgotten that during the holiday season celebrities spend time lounging in tropical locales donning very little clothing. So today we're collecting more celebrity breast meat than you can shake your stick at. Happy Holidays! more »

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November 08, 2005

Cuthbert to Remain Clothedbert

We're assuming that yesterday you logged into CelebNewsWire with fevered, expectant fingers, as is your daily wont, and read our story about how Jessica Alba is ready and willing to shuck her duds for the right movie. And we can also assume that you thought lightbulbs would appear over the heads of lesser yet just-as-cute actresses like, say, Eliza Dushku and Elisha Cuthbert and other starlets whose first names begin with E and end in A when they realized that, hey, Alba's doin' it! It must be the hep thing. If you didn't think that, don't worry--we thought it for you. And as it turns out, we were totally wrong, and we don't often admit that, you know. more »

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October 31, 2005

Paris Hilton: Better Than You at Drinking, Not Just Slurping

Paris Hilton likes to claim that her bubbly personality and proclivity for flashing her poon are due to nothing more than Red Bull and a knowledge that people throw cash at her for the demanding task of simply putting her hand on her hip and jauntily cocking her wonky eye to one side. But her House of Wax co-star Elisha Cuthbert thinks the whiskey might have a little something to do with it. more »

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September 21, 2005

Carmela Soprano Serves Up Her Meatballs in The Quiet

We've all seen Carmela's mobster-loving ass on The Sopranos, but few have seen her mafiosi upstairs in the 1997 movie Trouble on the Corner. Hopefully the Toronto-screened film The Quiet will garner a bit more attention for Edie Falco's eclairs. For some reason Edie is having a hard time getting some attention from Martin Donovan, so she strips off her robe and struts around in just her white panties, to no avail (the guy must be blind). That's the only nudity in the film, but up-and-comer Elisha Cuthbert does look damn sexy throughout the movie, often donning a bra-and-panties combo (when she's not dressed in short-shorts or a cheerleading outfit). From Old School to The Girl Next Door, Elisha gets sexier with every performance, so we have faith that she'll join her co-star Edie in the land of the boob-barers before too long.
More Edie at MrSkin.com.
And Elisha too.

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July 08, 2005

CNW Junk Drawer: Jen Aniston Still Sad

• Jennifer Aniston collapses on movie set, pregnancy rumors sure to follow.

• We previously reported that The Lady Federline was about to pose nude and el preggo on the cover of Vanity Fair. As it turns out, she's not. Her burgeoning bump has grown to such gargantuan proportions that they'd have to spring for a foldout.

• Hurry! Empty your bank account and place all celebrity death pool bets on Zsa Zsa Gabor, pronto!

• Drew Barrymore forced to gently care for eight peckers.

• Because we hate ourselves and can only bolster our fragile self-esteem by mocking others, please enjoy Sky's "Stars Looking Rough".

• First Neneh Cherry, now Daryl Hall . . . why are our best and brightest being struck down with Lyme disease? It's a deer tick conspiracy.

• It's Crazy Eddie's 24-Hour, 24 star liquidation sale! Our prices are crrrrazy! We've got Elisha Cuthberts on sale for the low, low price of $47! Act now, and we'll throw in a couple of Keifers at no extra cost!

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Mr. Skin's Nudity Review: Elisha Cuthbert
CNdb: Elisha Cuthbert Review