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filed under: Eddie Murphy

July 01, 2008

CNW Junk Drawer: Heidi Christ, Superstar

heidi-montag-pink-bikini.jpg• Reality show star/monster Heidi Montag promises to make a Christian album, compares herself to Jesus. "Because we both have really shiny hair and heal leopards," Heidi says. "That's what the poor people with zits are called, right?" (Yeeeah!)

• Katherine Heigl downblouse cleavage shot. By the by, why is the term downblouse? What an antiquated word. We don't say "upcrinoline". Though "crack above slacks" has a nice ring to it. (Egotastic!)

• Anne Hathaway does not heed the rap world's advice to "stop snitchin'"; snitches. (Flisted)

• Cameron Diaz is beginning to look a bit Wildensteinian. (Cityrag)

• Eva Longoria gets plugged. Fireplugged, that is! (The Blemish)

• Pharrell thinks tattoos and skin are like wallpaper. (FemaleFirst)

• Lindsay Lohan and chick chum Samantha Ronson get cutesy together. (CelebWarship)

• Zooey Deschanel is everyone's favorite. You there. Go. Look upon her in a swimsuit. (Don't Link This)

• Bridget the Midget's nip slip proves that not ALL of her is tiny. (Taxi Driver)

• Amy Winehouse hit a fan (and it felt like a kiss). (Allie Is Wired)

• Eddie Murphy wants to retire from movies. Well, see ya. (Daily Stab)

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June 18, 2008

CNW Junk Drawer: An Emmy's Just Like a Razzie, Right?

lohanpeeved.jpg• Lindsay Lohan has pulled a Heigl and withdrawn her name from the Emmy race. To which the Emmy panel said, "OK. Sounds good. Who's Lindsay Lohan?" (Celebitchy)

• Mickey Rourke takes his new face out to ogle some gay stripper's grape-smugglers. (Yeeeah!)

• Keanu Reeves is seeing China Chow. You're also seeing China Chow. Seeing her topless, that is. In related news, China Chow is not kibble for Chinese people that comes in a 15 lb bag. Who knew? (Taxi Driver)

• Jennifer Lopez and Unfrozen Caveman Husband take their spawn out for some fresh air. (Faded Youth)

• Forget danceoffs; Mel B is getting her revenge on Eddie Murphy with an album called Beverly Hills Cock. That sounds nice. (Daily Stab)

• The many toups of Jeremy Piven. (Cityrag)

• Nicole Richie gets her Mrs. Roper on. (Seriously OMG WTF?!)

• Gisele Bundchen speaks highly of beau Tom Brady; says he "doesn't have a bad bone in his body." That's right, because his bad bone is in YOUR body. Swish! (CelebWarship)

• Boil some water and get some clean sheets--Britney's on her way to Lousiana to be there for Jamie-Lynn's birthin'! Wait a minute, we're talking about Spearses. Boil some Diet Mountain Dew and get some dirty sheets! (The Hollywood Gossip)

• Puffy Dangle Doobie Diddle waxes his nutbag. It is imperative that we know this. (The Blemish)

• Kate Moss dons a tasteful, maternal see-through dress to take her daughter for a stroll. (Flisted)

• Anne Hathaway is all, "there once was a man from Nantucket." (WENN)

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April 17, 2008

Eddie Murphy Moves Fast

eddie_murphy.jpgImpregnator of Spice Girls/alleged carpooler of transsexual hookers/Norbit Eddie Murphy has reportedly moved on from wife of a few weeks Tracey Edmonds. He has a new love in his life, and a source tells In Touch:
"Eddie is really happy. He is already telling his friends that he is in love. He's been sending Lara huge floral arrangements practically every day and is talking about moving in together."
Eddie's new love? A waitress/model named Lara LaRue. The only way this could possibly get even trannier is if it was a dancer/hostess named "Lady Candy Von Testicles". Or "Gary".
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March 14, 2008

Mel B Tricked Eddie Murphy into Proving He's a Total Jagbag

melanie_brown with eddie murphy's daughter.jpg You know those people in restaurants who accidentally get sent an appetizer they didn't order and then berate the server with "You can't make me pay for that. I didn't ask for it. I didn't want it. I'm not paying for it"? That's Eddie Murphy, only he's not rejecting a crispy beef satay but a cute little baby. The National Enquirer reports (via Celebitchy):
The Nutty Professor star claimed 32-year-old Mel insisted she was on birth control, and revealed they only had sex three times, according to a US report. “What was supposed to be a casual relationship ended with her having his baby and taking him to court for millions,” a source told The National Enquirer.

Although Eddie accepts that Angel is his daughter, he has said that he won’t see the little girl, because he doesn’t want to set eyes on Mel. A source said: “He says he will have to wait until Angel is older before he can get to know her without any interference from her mother.”

Secrets behind the couple’s doomed three-month fling have been revealed in legal papers in which Eddie, 46, states that Mel allegedly asked him for a $9million (£4.5million) house, plus living expenses for 18 years in exchange for her silence while she was pregnant. But Eddie baulked at the demands and it is claimed he has since refused to see the baby and the Spice Girl.
We know that Eddie hasn't had much luck in the past with hookers, but surely a little judicial slap on the wrist and a few fines look better than funding some washed-up pop star's quest for the most leopard print per square inch in a Bel Air mansion. Also, you'd think that a man who now makes his living amusing little children while sweltering under layers of latex would realize that abandoning his own child would maybe make parents not want to take their kids to see the latest Eddie Murphy joint. But if the prospect of millions of lost dollars in child support couldn't make him slap on that all-important layer of latex, then a few lost ticket sales isn't going to do shit. more »
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January 17, 2008

Eddie Murphy and Tracey Edmonds To Fake Divorce

eddie murphy tracey edmonds 3.JPG After two long, emotional, meaningful weeks, Eddie Murphy and Tracey Edmonds have ended their fake marriage. People reports:
Eddie Murphy and Tracey Edmonds have called it quits just two weeks after their intimate wedding, PEOPLE has learned exclusively.

"After much consideration and discussion, we have jointly decided that we will forego having a legal ceremony as it is not necessary to define our relationship further," Murphy and Edmonds tell PEOPLE in an exclusive statement. "While the recent symbolic union in Bora Bora was representative of our deep love, friendship and respect that we have for one another on a spiritual level, we have decided to remain friends.”

The couple exchanged vows in a sunset ceremony on New Year's Day on a private island off Bora Bora in French Polynesia. But, according to a source, the honeymoon got off to a rocky start.

"Eddie started yelling at Tracey in front of people," says one of Edmonds's wedding guests. "He did it on a few occasions and it was very embarrassing."

Since the couple's nuptials took place in a foreign country, the wedding was purely ceremonial – not legal. Murphy, 46, and Edmonds, 40, originally said they planned to have a legal ceremony in the United States, but that is now off.
WENN adds:
A source tells In Touch Weekly the couple fell out over the plans for a legal ceremony. The insider tells the magazine Murphy was upset when his new bride refused to take his name. Edmonds wanted to keep her existing name - from her marriage to R&B star Kenneth 'Babyface' Edmonds' - because her sons have that surname.
Duh. Tracey is in the music industry. Of course she would opt to keep the name of the man who wrote such hits as "I'm Your Baby Tonight," "I'll Make Love To You," and the Josie and the Pussycats soundtrack rather than take the name of the man responsible for "Party All the Time."

P.S. Our perusal of Babyface's Wikipedia page brought up this interesting fact: Kenny and Tracey's sons are named Dylan and Brandon, the same exact names given to the offspring of Pam Anderson and Tommy Lee. So let this be a lesson to all you 90210 fans out there; naming your spawn after edgily sideburned superhunks of yore could very well lead you down the path of multiple divorces. We don't think this curse will extend to children named after lesser BH alumni, so don't fret, parents of baby Joe E. Tata Jones. We think you're safe.
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August 02, 2007

Mel B Gets Even Scarier and Spicier with Eddie

scary_eddie.jpgWe are American and used to scorned single mothers calling out deadbeat babydaddies with a tire iron through a windshield or a visit to the set of Montel Williams's eponymous talk show. So the rich British lady way of doing it comes as a bit of a shock to us. Melanie Brown--that's Scary Spice to you and me--called a press conference yesterday to formally admonish Eddie Murphy for not stepping forward to acknowledge their daughter, Angel Iris, either monetarily or in a nice parental-like way. People.com reports:
Brown, wearing a white dress, told the gathered reporters, "I am here for one reason and one reason only - her name is Angel. Angel is my baby and Eddie's. She will always know that she was planned and wanted by both of us, but I want her to know that she has two parents who desire to be responsible for her during her life and who love her so much that they want to be a part of it."

Brown said the pregnancy was planned and that the couple had discussed getting married after the birth. "This wasn't some random, 'Oops I fell over and I'm pregnant.' I don't live my life like that," she said.
You might not live your life like that, but we sure do! Except for us, it's less "Oops I fell over and I'm pregnant" and more "Oops I stubbed my toe and I married conjoined twins in Vegas." Or "Oops I had sex with an arena football team and now I have crabs." What can we say, we're accident-prone. more »
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July 18, 2007

CNW Junk Drawer: Benatard

hailry_duff_leather_pants.jpg• Hilary Duff knows that love is a battlefield and hell is for children; dons Benatar pants to prove it. (Hollywood Tuna)

• Bridget Moynahan is such a bitch, getting pregnant when she did so the baby's due date coincided with her then-boyfriend's future Brazilian supermodel girlfriend's birthday. How dare she? How dare she? (The Blemish)

• Kelly Clarkson snacks upon weed cookies. (Cityrag)

• Scary Spice is set to marry her new boyfriend, who has a "much bigger cock" than Eddie Murphy. Yeah, but IS he a much bigger cock than Eddie Murphy? Ho ho, we thought not. Wait, what? (Bossip)

• Being pregnant totally grossed out Jaime Pressly. Awesome, because her naming her son "Dezi" totally grossed us out. And now we're even. (Celebitchy)

• Dave Chappelle was hospitalized for "exhaustion". Because sitting on comically giant piles of money and not making any new shows really takes it out of a guy. (Bricks and Stones)

• Jon Lovitz wiped up a bar with Andy Dick's stupid face. We Lovitz! (Derek Hail)

• Winona Ryder blames shoplifting on drugs. Which would also explain her sexual coupling with Dave Pirner. (Celeb Warship)

• Kimberly Stewart's butt cheeks. That's right. Kimberly Stewart's butt cheeks. (Daily Stab)
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June 25, 2007

Norbit's a Dad

Norbit.jpgMazel tov, Eddie Murphy, you're a Spice Dad! Dude is, beyond a shadow of a doubt, the father of Scary Spice's 2-month-old baby girl. People.com reports:
The results of the DNA test, which Murphy took on June 11, were received by [Melanie] Brown on Thursday afternoon, says rep Liza Anderson.

"He's the baby's father, it's official," says a source close to Brown. "The baby is undoubtedly, 110 percent his."

Of Brown, the source said, "There was no doubt in people's minds anyways, least of all hers. It wasn't a surprise to her. She knew all along."

Murphy's rep declined to comment.
When a man impregnates a lady and then drops her and denies paternity, it makes us feel happy, and more than a little smug. It makes us think of Eddie's own bit about "you dropped your iiiiice cream" only this time it's, "you popped a looooooad, in Scary Spiiiiiice, now you gotta pay chiillld support, you gonna be on wellllfare." In related news, why has Eddie Murphy never shaved his mustache, or even trimmed it into an alternate shape? What is he hiding? More illegitimate babies, most likely. more »
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June 11, 2007

Eddie Murphy's Golden Child Court Date

eddie_murphy_mel_B.jpgWe haven't had any Maury-style "who's the daddy" drama since Dannielynn, so today we welcome the much-anticipated court date to determine the paternity of Mel B's little Spice Girl. Our gossip assistant superintendent, Female First, reports:
Eddie Murphy will face ex-lover Melanie Brown for the first time since dumping her on live TV when they both appear in court later today (11Jun07).

The actor missed the London premiere of his latest film Shrek The Third to attend a U.S court hearing and provide a judge with a DNA sample in order to establish the biological father of Brown's daughter Angel Iris.
Man, Eddie been acting like such a complete prick about the baby, we're really hoping he gets his just desserts and the DNA test proves he's the dad. But we already know he's the dad. How, you ask? She was born with a mustache. more »
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May 03, 2007

CNW Junk Drawer: Powderpants

boshead.jpg• Kate Bosworth takes off her bikini just long enough to slip a bit of nip. (Egotastic!)

• John Voight finds his daughter "fascinating" and "attractive". And "stunning". If Papa Joe Simpson ever gets out of the daughter managing/ogling game, he might have a worthy replacement. (GlossLip)

• Sienna Miller slips both nip and panty waistband in the same outfit. Now that's multitasking. Slutty multitasking! (Drunken Stepfather)

• Busta Rhymes got Busta-ed. What a hilarious play on words! (Yeeeah!)

• Vanessa Minnillo shills for Bongo jeans. Bongo's still around? What's next, Jessica Alba for Palmetto and Mischa Barton for Camp Beverly Hills? Anyway, cleavage. (Derek Hail)

• Eva Mendes either showing a swath of upskirt panties, or she has a crotch that is a colorless, shadowless void. But which? (Taxi Driver)

• Kate Moss turns up with white powder on her pants. We dunno, Kate is pretty much a pro at blowing rails--it's hard to believe she'd let some go to waste hanging out on her Tsubis. (The Blemish)

• Scary Spice is taking Norbit to court, cuz she's mad at him, haaaay. (TMZ.com)

• Carmen Electra: in Soviet Russia, booty short and yarn bra wear YOU! (Cityrag)

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April 03, 2007

Mel B Gives Birth to Spice Girl

scarpreg.jpgMazel tov! Scary Spice has given birth! Her spokesperson says:
"The baby is completely healthy with a good head of hair. Mother and baby are now resting. No name has been decided on as yet, and she is purely known as Baby Brown."
No word yet from the babe's alleged father, Eddie Murphy, who has denied paternity yet says he's willing to take a DNA test. The infant is also, reportedly, a mere five pounds and four ounces, which belies the giant gut Mel sported during the late stages of her pregnancy. Maybe the kid's low birth weight was a result of rabid baby shower champagne-swilling, or perhaps Scary Spice is just taking a page from the book of Anna Nicole and trying to raise a skinny, sexy baby from day one. more »
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February 27, 2007

Eddie Murphy Needs to Go to Daddy Day Care

partyallthetime.jpgAccording to many, many eyewitnesses, Eddie Murphy took his Oscar loss (to Alan Arkin) particularly hard, storming out of the ceremony never to return, missing his Dreamgirls castmates' performances/Oscar wins. Eddie later told US Weekly:
"It's fine. It happens. It's OK."
Allegedly, after a change of Huggies and a sippy cup of apple juice in front of The Wiggles' Wiggly Safari, Murphy's good cheer has returned, and he's all better and ready to impregnate and leave another Spice Girl. more »
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December 08, 2006

Hell Hath No Fury Like a Scary Spice Impregnated, Then Scorned

scaryspice.jpgThe craziest fiery-tempered cuckoo with whom one could choose to have a baby is Lisa "Left Eye" Lopes--she of the obsessed tattoo-getting and mansion-torching. Since she has departed this mortal coil, God rest her tiny soul, Melanie "Scary Spice" Brown makes for a fine runner-up. And Eddie Murphy is most likely about to learn that the hard way. In the wallet area. more »
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December 05, 2006

"You Shouldn't Jump To Conclusions, Sir."

Eddie Tracey.jpg What's a girl to do when the presumed father of the bump in her belly is traipsing around town with another woman and decrying the genius of DNA testing? Slather her face in rocky road ice cream, pop The Way We Were into the DVD player, and cry until it's time to give birth? Not when you're Scary Spice. Then you just start talking about how in love you are and how great your life together will be. more »
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October 18, 2006

Spice up Your Womb

Scary Spice is pregnant with Eddie Murphy's (eighth!) child. We think we've figured out The Spice Girls' evil plan: to take the pop world by storm in fifteen to twenty years with Spice Kids. It'll be just like The Osmond Boys, only with five scary stage moms instead of just Marie. Look for offspring from Sporty and Baby, TK fall '07. more »
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