filed under: eating disorder rumors
November 25, 2008
Michael Jackson's Super Delicious Gravy Diet

If there's one thing we've always said about
Michael Jackson, it's that he knows how to celebrate. Around Halloween time there were always stories about Neverland getting all decked out, complete with an over-the-top haunted house where neighborhood boys would enter a super spooky darkened room and get the pants literally scared off of them by prodding hands attached to hidden bodies. There was even a hand-painted sign outside decreeing "No Girls Allowed" with a backwards R, just like a super secret clubhouse that you never, ever tell anyone about. Especially cops or your parents. And now, just in time for Thanksgiving, Jacko is getting in the holiday spirit by adhering to a gravy diet. Festive. Reports our own Pilgrim gossip guide,
FemaleFirst:
Michael Jackson is said to be living on a diet of gravy, painkillers and biscuits.
The cash-strapped star - who settled a £4.7 million court case against Sheikh Abdulla Al-Khalifa at the weekend - is apparently surviving on the bizarre diet after his spending habits spiralled out of control.
Jackson's financial woes are said to be a result of him blowing £1 billion on luxuries such as a Ferrari car and the entire stock from antiques shops and comic book stores he has visited.
Sources close to the 'Thriller' singer say he is a "millionaire who lives like a billionaire".
However, the 50-year-old's family lawyer Brian Oxman insists the star is in excellent health and is not struggling financially.
He said: "Michael is in excellent financial shape. We should all be so fortunate to have his problems.
"He lives a pretty simple lifestyle these days. The extravagances are in the past. He is very low-key, but he is happy and doing well."
Most celebrity diets don't appeal to us. Billy Bob Thornton's insistence on only consuming orange food? Amusing, but not overly delicious. Carrots and sweet potatoes can get pretty boring. But biscuits and gravy? Yum. Truckers have been living on that diet for decades, and they're all dead sexy, right? Maybe MJ should start taking cues from truck drivers for all his decisions. Becoming a frequent caller to the Rush Limbaugh show, showering at Petro, picking up lot lizards. That last one would probably do him some good, actually.
October 02, 2008
Angelina Jolie Is Fat and Sad

Stars are just like us. They go to the grocery store! They cut their toenails! They wear socks! They suffer from delusions and post partum depression after having a C-section to take out the twins that were cooked in a laboratory with
Brad Pitt's semen and implanted into our guts to accompany the rainbow spectrum of kids collected from around the world! Post-pregnancy mental issues are no laughing matter, but hey, we gotta feel superior to
Angelina Jolie in some small way, so ha ha you jerk. According to the new issue of Star, Ang thinks she's fat and flubbery after giving birth to twins Knox and Vivienne, and Brad has "forced" her into therapy to work on her mood swings and body image issues.
After months of stress and turmoil, a weary, frustrated Brad Pitt has put his foot down and has forced Angelina Jolie to get professional help.
In the Oct. 13 issue of Star we report that almost three months after the birth of her twins, Angie is still in a deep funk and Brad is so determined to get her back to her old self that he put her in therapy to get her to eat, get out of the house and put an end to her intense mood swings.
"Angelina didn't want to accept the fact that she was struggling after the twins were born and was really resistant to Brad's pleas for her to get help," an insider tells Star. "But she finally agreed."
While still in France at Chβteau Miraval, Angie started seeing the doctor who Brad found in Paris for daily power sessions, says another source. Now that they've moved to Berlin she's continued their sessions via phone and webcam.
So what kinds of things is Angie working out? For one, the mother of six has been unhappy with her body since the July 12 birth of Knox and Vivienne, sources say, and has hardly been eating. "She still thinks she's fat," says a source. "She barely touches the food that is brought to her. After a few bites she'll say, 'Take it away; I'm not hungry.' Brad is trying to get her to eat more, but she has no appetite.
We can only assume that it was the good doctor's idea to continue therapy via webcam. "Oh no no, Meez Jolie! Ze telephone would seemply not work. Eet must be webcam, no? Eet ees . . . eet ees ze best thing for your recovery. So I can see your progress, oui? And ze best way to measure zat would be you wearing a brassiere. And a G-string made from pearls. And lots of body oil. And eating a banana. And would eet keel you to lick your lips more?"
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June 29, 2007
Nicole Richie Wears Shoes, Puts Food on Tongue, Is Problem-Free
Nicole Richie sure can spin things. She missed her calling as a publicist, or perhaps a pinwheel. In the new issue of
Nylon, she is Cleopatra, Queen of Denial, and explains to us why, when she was addicted to heroin, she was not a junkie, and also why she's not the poster girl for eating disorders:
"When I pictured heroin, I pictured some crazy crackhead with no shoes under a bridge. You never think that is going to be you. And it never was me. I was never under a bridge, and I always had shoes."
"I've never gone a day without putting food in my mouth. I've never sewn my mouth shut. I've never gone on a liquid diet. So I want to know why I'm the face for a problem."
We're into this.
Nicole did heroin and was arrested for it, but since her feet were clad and her mail wasn't delivered to an underpass, it was not a problem. Furthermore, she absolutely does not have any sort of issues with eating or weight, since every day she lays some sort of edible item inside of her mouth (chewing and swallowing are totally different!), has not yet taken a needle or thread to her mouth (duct tape is chill), and not solely ingested liquids. Man, someone should scour Craigslist for an opening for a Master Logicist because Nicole's got this shit in the bag!
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May 30, 2007
Nicole Richie Skips Burgers, Spends Entire Party Budget on Booze

Try as she might,
Nicole Richie just doesn't possess the patriotic three-day-weekend spirit. Holiday weekends aren't
just about drinking until
one of your friends ends up in the hospital; they're also about eating massive quantities of grillables and potato salad and BBQ buffalo chips. To her, eating four Baked Lays may seem like totally pigging out and warrant a four-hour stint on the elliptical the next day, but she's got nothing on your uncle Earl's Monday goal of polishing off four entire packages of beer brats before dusk. Uncle Earl really loves America.
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May 23, 2007
Nicole Richie: In and Out of Rehab? Eh. Whatever.

We're having a devil of a time trying to muster up enough enthusiasm to write about
Nicole Richie possibly being in rehab but probably not but maybe even though her people say no yet other people say yes but if she WAS in she's back out, so please, if you are filled with a burning desire to hear about it, let
The Blemish tell all, because we can't deal with it. We've finally reached our breaking point when it comes to substance-dabbling, food-eschewing (not food-chewing), inexplicably famous chippies. One more
Nicole Richie story will put us over the edge, so please, leave us in peace. We'll be on the veranda under soft, paper-shaded lighting, drinking mint juleps and depending on the kindness of strangers.
more »
March 15, 2007
When the Pot Makes Nicole Sleepy, She Pops an Adderall

And in other Hollywood addiction news,
Nicole Richie can't stop popping pills that make you not want to eat. Also,
Anna Nicole Smith might be dead. And
Paris Hilton might have a neverending prescription to Valtrex. According to
In Touch Weekly:
Insiders say Nicole has been using Adderall - a prescription drug normally used to treat Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder and is a powerful appetite suppressant. She loves Adderall because she stays awake, and it makes her not want to eat, says a close pal. And she takes it even more when shes filming.
Although her rep denies that she uses the drug, a pal says Nicoles actually increased her dosage: Shes taking more and more lately.
We're really looking forward to Nicole's excuse when she gets caught sucking on her little orange vial. "Uh, this is Adderall. My doctor told me it would adder all my weight back. This is me making a proactive decision to take care of my personal health. So don't judge me, bitch!"
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February 20, 2007
Brody Jenner Nabs Second Place to Howard K. Stern in Ultimate Asshole Showdown

We don't usually enjoy giving publicity to lazy rich assholes who have no claim to fame other than where they've stuck their dicks. Yet we do it anyway. Just look at how many times we've mentioned
Howard K. Stern. If a scary sci-fi future where everyone is dying of starvation is ever realized, he's the first one being turned into Soylent Green. Except then everyone who ate the Soylent Green would probably become total assholes. Anyway, today we must focus on a different breed of asshole, the young, cocky, Daddy-gives-me-a-million- dollar-allowance breed. Specifically,
Brody Jenner.
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January 26, 2007
'Tis the Blonde That Makes Her Skinny

All those
Cosmo articles advising you to eat nothing but river rocks and carrot juice or to quit your job so you can spend eight hours a day at Bally's? They're totally missing the point.
Mary-Kate Olsen knows that all you have to do to look skinner than a dying Ethiopian orphan is to dye your hair blonde.
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November 15, 2006
CNW Junk Drawer: "I Am In the Process of Putting on Weight, and That Should Be Enough"
Oprah was
not invited to
Tom and
K-Hole's wedding, but she is trying to figure out what to send them as a gift. Duh! A couch.
Bigger news than Santa arriving at the lighting of the Macy's Christmas tree:
Victoria's Secret supermodels getting on their boob-shaped spacecraft and arriving on Earth after their long journey from Planet Jiggle.
Madonna wants to
buy another baby as soon as possible. Perhaps it will be a Christmas gift for the other one.
Sure,
Vida Guerra has a gargantuan tail. But did you know that she has
boobs, too?
Nicole Richie has
responded to PageSix's insinuation that SOMEONE had reverse gastric bypass in her
MySpace blog. The lady doth protest too much.
Is
Kirsten Dunst sinking her vampiric meth mouth baby teeth
into rodentlike eunuch
Orlando Bloom? And will their hypothetical babies be weaselly nutless bloodsuckers?
Paris Hilton's ass looks less flapjacky
from the back. But don't they all, really? When it comes right down to it, aren't they all less flapjacky from the back? Deep.
Jenny Love Hewitt might be all chaste and crap, but she will still wear a
small strip of fabric nestled lovingly betwixt her buttocks.
Lesbian Week continues:
Joan Jett and
Carmen Electra love rock n' roll. Joan mighta put another dime in Carmen's juicebox, baby.
No, as a matter of fact, we haven't actually seen Ron Jeremy and Super Mario in the
same room together. Luigi, though, sure.
November 13, 2006
Victoria Beckham's Stepford Wife Diet Revealed
Tom Cruise's dastardly plan to make
Katie Holmes crack so he can hide her away in a state-run mental facility has finally been uncovered: Confuse her on the subject of caloric intake! One day she'll be with Tom, watching him
pack in about 4000 calories with bag after bag of jalepeno Krunchers; the next she'll watch
Victoria Beckham splurge on half a spicy tuna roll and have to replace a week's worth of Barney's visits with trips to the gym. It can't fail!
more »
Rhymes with "Mipole Blichie"
The
New York Post's blind items are so cryptic. For the better part of the morning, we've been perched in our seats staring at this one, back and neck stiffened with deep concentration, brow furrowed, teeth digging into lower lip:
Which young Hollywood starlet had secret gastric bypass surgery, but then lost too much weight? During a recent four-day stint at a health clinic, she was actually having an operation to remove the bypass.
Damn you,
New York Post! Why must you be so vague? Why couldn't you add some specific details so we could figure out this inpenetrable riddle?
more »
October 30, 2006
Nicole Richie, Who Does Not Have an Eating Disorder, Collapses
Yesterday,
Nicole Richie fell down. But she did not go "boom", presumably, due to her lack of girth. So she fell down and went "tap". Or maybe a weak, metallic "ping", perhaps.
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October 27, 2006
Nicole Richie Gets Help with Chewing and Swallowing
Nicole Richie has entered a treatment facility. But it's not because she's anorexic. She's just tired. Tired of not eating! Ho, ho. We are comic geniuses. Like Carrot Top and Gallagher and our uncle Schlomo all rolled into one.
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August 15, 2006
CNW Junk Drawer: Two Princes
Who wears short shorts?
Jessica Simpson wears
short shorts. Heyyyyy. Nice mons pubis.
Given the choice,
Nick Lachey would rather be stuck on a desert island with Satan than with his supremely vile former father-in-law,
Papa Joe Simpson. That makes 6 billion of us, Nick.
Kate Moss might as well face that
she's addicted to
Pete Doherty. She wishes she knew how to quit him. Brokecrack Mountain?
Another Doherty--
Shannen--angrily
hung up on a Newsweek reporter after being asked about her fiery,
Naomi-Campbell-like, fired-from-Spelling-shows days. God, you run over a boyfriend 15 years ago and you never hear the end of it!
"
Christina Milian" kind of rhymes with
"this tiny little thong". Sorta.
The divorce gets ugly: Travis Barker questions his estranged wife
Shanna Moakler's parenting skills, booze intake, nail salon visits, and open-door vagina policy . . . on his
MySpace blog! We can't wait until she hits back with a string of vitriolic friend comments and some extra-hot profile pics taken in the bathroom mirror.
Keith Urban,
pre-tooth job looks an awful lot like Limahl of Kajagoogoo fame.
Note to
Nicole Richie: when
size 000 bikini bottoms start to look like droopy adult sumo diapers, it might be time to try a cruller or something.
One,
two, princes kneel before you/thats what I said, now/princes, princes who adore you/just go ahead, now/William has a cosmo in his hand/that sounds great, now/Harry said he wants to honk your mam, now/aint in his head, now.
August 09, 2006
CNW Junk Drawer: A Feast Fit for a Bosworth
Suri No Middle Name Cruise pictures might finally appear soon . . .
in Vanity Fair! Hopefully on the cover, wrapped in swaddling clothes, using
Scarlett Johansson's ass
crack as a manger.
Bryce Dallas Howard is baking up a big batch of
baby.
Kate Bosworth ate! Ate
cigarettes, water, and lettuce. Baby steps, people.
Pam from
The Office becomes Pam from The
Duff-ass.
When
Janet Jackson wants her
water cold, she wants her water cold, dammit. Also, yes, she did feel that pea placed under her 12 mattresses last night.
Newly-separated
Dave Navarro is
dating newly-separated
Jenna Jameson. And she's now #1 on his
MySpace Top 8, so you know it's love.
Jen and
Vince:
engaged! Whhheeeeeeee! Yayyyyy! Whoooo! Who gives a crap! All riiiiight!
Robin Williams is in
rehab. Body hair rehab, we hope.
Sienna Miller dons dirty pink cowboy boots, a wedding dress, a red Cleopatra wig, and an exposed
upskirt cotton panty look. Indeed, she is truly the fashion icon of our time.
July 21, 2006
Warning: Excessive Heat May Cause Fainting, Hair Loss, Aversion To Anything Containing More than Fifteen Calories
Nicole Richie is the runt of the spindly-legged, razor-sharp collar-boned Hollywood kitten litter. Try as they might,
Mischa Barton,
Keira Knightley, even
Kate Bosworth can't push the scale numbers low enough to compete with Richie. But being the tiniest little kitten has it's disadvantages. Nicole is banished to the corners of the towel-lined cardboard box (otherwise known as the clearance rack at Kitson) while her stronger kitty brethren suckle at Mummy's teats (obvs, Koi). Nicole peers sadly behind her under-fed, saucer-like eyes (bug-eyed Dior sunglasses) struggling to just stay conscious. And sometimes poor Nicole loses that struggle.
more »
July 05, 2006
CNW Junk Drawer: Not Anorexic
K-Fed is all, "Yo, remember when I did PopoZao? Yo, I was
just funnin' y'all. No, surriously. When my REAL shit drops, y'all are gonna go nuts. No, really. PopoZao: just a big ha-ha. I meant to do that. Yo. Yo."
BREAKING: Hugh Hefner has had
sexual intercourse with ladies!!!
"
Elizabeth Hurley See-Through Nipple" does not actually mean that
her nipple is transluscent, you realize.
Hilary Swank tells People that her split from husband
Chad "brother of Rob" Lowe was not, in fact, due to her being a huge mega multiple Oscar-winning superstar acting Hollywood juggernaut while he had a few guest spots on CSI: Miami and Medium. It was
because he's a druggie. Dun dun DUNNNN!
Your friend
Billy Zane orders his colossally-kanockered girlfriend
Kelly Brook to wear only
enormous, dowdy underpants. Because he is a bad man.
Paris Hilton sets sights on
passing down the wonkeye gene.
Kingston Rossdale and
Piloh Shitt had a little
play date. Ah, yes.
Angelina and
Brad are already making quite sure that their facially fortunate offspring consorts with only the prettiest peers. Excellent, excellent.
Our gossip doula, FemaleFirst, agrees
with us that
Natalie Portman will
indeed be naked for real in her next film.
Keira Knightley says, "I'm
not anorexic. But my grandma was. And my great-grandma was. And also,
Tracey Gold was."
May 04, 2006
Nicole Richie Sick of Being Mistaken for a Third Grader
And today in the "Damn, bitch, tell us something we don't know" department:
Nicole Richie says she's too skinny. She went on to make other startling announcements, like
Jessica Alba is pretty, water is wet, and sex is fun. That Nicole, always ahead of the curve.
more »
January 16, 2006
CNW Blond Blind Item(s) #4 and 5
Which freshly single star is reaping the benefits of her brand new swinger status? Rumor has it, about two weeks ago she played horsey with a certain usually-second-fiddle-but-about-to-become-leading-action-hero star.
And speaking of "horsey", this starlet is notorious for holding up filming on her productions. She spends an awful lot of time hiding out in her trailer, but the reason might not exactly be her rumored narcotics problem. Need a clue? Well, it seems that she might be abusing a substance of a different sort--laxatives. Not very glamorous, but while cast and crew wait on set, she's busy dropping many a deuce in her bathroom.
more »
January 11, 2006
Lindsay Lohan: No Bul
Quick recap:
Lindsay Lohan was nubile and pretty and had huge knobs. Then she turned orange. Then she was blonde and
Nicole Richied herself. Then she kept going to the
hospital and touching older men's weenises. Then she was brunette and started
looking boobier. Then she
talked to Vanity Fair and said she dabbled in illicit substances and suffered from bulimia. Then she went to the hospital again. Now she's saying she never, never was bulimic. Lindsay. Why must you phunk with our hearts?
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January 04, 2006
Lindsay Coughs, Pukes, Strips
We woke up today, did our morning speedball, cheerfully skipped to the office and were promptly met with a veritable shitstorm of
Lindsay Lohan tidbits, the most shocking being the fact that she's in the hospital and not blaming Exhaustion.
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September 15, 2005
Will Someone Freaking Help Poor Hilary Duff?
Neigh! I'm
Hilary Duff.

Listen, ever since I got teef implants, I've been having trouble eating. My new veneers, they're hard to work, you see. I'm really hungry over here. Could you maybe put some food into my bag? A mashed-up apple would be nice, or a tender carrot. Or some oats. How about a sugar cube or two? C'mon, I'm dyin' over here. Anyone?
August 31, 2005
Ya'll Quit Hatin': Courteney Cox Likes Herself Bony
Courteney Cox is vehemently denying rumors that she's anorexic, insisting that she's just "found her optimum weight".
Which is 81 pounds.
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