CelebNewsWire - The skinny. The scoop. The Hollywood poop. Wherever there is a nipple slip, we'll be there. If there's a party, you'll find us doing shots with Lindsay Lohan and upskirt flashing alongside Britney Spears. Wherever Paris Hilton is breaking the law, you'll see us. If there's a celebrity sex tape, we will find it. Nude stars, drunk stars, scandals, hookups, breakups? Let CelebNewsWire be your guide. Hold our hands. Come inside.

filed under: drugs

September 04, 2008

Britney Spears: VMA Appearer, Teen Sex Haver

britney_spears_bubble_gum.jpg It's now time to check in on the non-bikini-ensconced life of one Ms. Britney Jean Spears. Where will life find her today? Doing laundry and changing diapers like any typical mother of two toddlers? Probably not. Planning her 1,278th comeback? Now you're talking. Our girl will once again be opening the MTV Video Music Awards, airing this Sunday. Brit said in a statement:
MTV has long played an important role in my career. How can I not be there to kick off their 25th VMAs? I'm excited to open the entire show, to say hi to my fans and to be nominated.
And according to TMZ, Brit won't sing or dance at the awards, but that's not so shocking. She didn't actually sing or dance during her performance last year either, so maybe Spears will end up hitting the stage. Semantics. We're sort of hoping that Brit will appear onstage in a straight jacket, her polyester hair all wild and disheveled. That, or she should come out in manpris and cornrows as a tribute to early Kevin Federline and the beginning of her own decline.

And speaking of men who have visited Brit's clam chute, her mommy claims Britney was humping like mad at fourteen. According to our gossip baby mama, FemaleFirst:
Britney Spears had sex at 14 and started taking drugs aged 15, according to her mother.

Lynne Spears' shocking revelations also include claims Britney began drinking at 13 and was introduced to drugs when she went to Los Angeles to record her first hit.

The 'Toxic' singer was even allegedly caught with cocaine and cannabis on a private jet when she was just 16.

Dispelling claims Britney lost her virginity to her former pop star boyfriend Justin Timberlake, Lynne says in her book 'Through the Storm' her daughter first had sex with an 18-year-old American football player while she attended her local high school in Kentwood, Louisiana, for a year before becoming a teen pop star.

Lynne admits she allowed Britney, aged 16, to sleep with Justin.

A source told Britain's The Sun newspaper: "Lynne thought Britney was in love and Justin was good for her."
Does Lynne expect us to be shocked that she has a room in her house equipped with a deluxe king-size pillowtop and lots and lots of lube with a sign on the door that says "Teen Sex Room"? Cause we are. Shocked. Outraged. Appalled. But most of all just wishing that we could go back in time and implant our little fetal self in Lynne Spears's womb. Sure, the genetic crazy would be tough, but that teen sex room sounds awesome. Way better than the Panasonic and Barcalounger room of our teen years. more »
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August 28, 2008

CNW Junk Drawer: Tara Reid Launches "Derelicte"

megan_fox_sweat_sex.jpg• God, Megan Fox is so gross. She's seriously such a dog. I mean, bow wow, right? (Fatback)

Matthew McConaughey sprung from the loins of another legendary cocksman, it seems. All right all right all riiiiiight. (Yeeeah!)

• Focus on Madonna's crotch and achieve inner peace. (Cityrag)

• Naked Kate Moss minus puss moss. (Mr. Skin)

Tara Reid is designing her own clothing line. Comes pre-scented with tequila shots and with grass stained knees! (Daily Stab)

Christina Ricci's nipples are so terribly sharp, they could slash tires. Or cut butternut squash. Or cut through this can. (IDLYITW)

• As a child, Mia Tyler ate what normal 8-year-olds eat. Chicken nuggets, pizza, Fruit Wrinkles, Little Debbies, and marijuana seeds. (Celebridiot)

Julia Roberts in a bikini. Where's that gigantic boob melanoma? (Drunken Stepfather)

• One snort at a time: Mackenzie Phillips got arrested for drugs. Where's Schneider when you need him. (Hollywood Grind)

Axl Rose wants young Kelly Osbourne to be his serpentine. He wanna hear her scream. (CelebWarship)

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August 18, 2008

Lindsay Lohan Got Courtegay with Courtenay

lindsay_lesbian_kiss_lohan.jpgLindsay Lohan kissed a girl. And she liked it. Liked it so much that she went and kissed another. According to a mysterious source who blabbed to the UK's always-reliable News of the World, Lindsay definitely had a physical and emotional relationship with rich person's daughter/gay lady/present muff-bumper of Tila Tequila Courtenay Semel. The stoolie sang:
"Everyone thinks Samantha is Lindsay’s first lesbian love, but we were very passionate until her fear of being found out drove us apart,” Courtenay told the pal. “At the time she was terrified her career would be over if she revealed her sexual tendencies. But then Samantha came on to the scene and I was dropped.”

The source continues, “She met Lindsay in the summer of 2006 at a party in Malibu. From the start Lindsay was very confused about her feelings for Courtenay so did more and more drugs to stifle the sexual attraction she was experiencing. But eventually she just gave in and at every party they’d kiss and touch each other in the corner. It’s a miracle nobody found out. Both of them would do lines of cocaine in the toilets then head home and fall into bed together."
Ah, the old girl meets girl, girl stifles urges, girl does blow and chews other girl's cha-cha. Honestly, this could be a made-for-Lifetime movie starring Tina Yothers and Tracey Gold. more »
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August 15, 2008

Titface, Meet Dickhead

jordan_new_lips.jpg Welcome to Crazy British Ladies Walking Around Looking Charming Friday! They may have been on separate continents, but Katie "Jordan" Price and Amy "WTF is that" Winehouse both demonstrated that certain intangible grace that only English women possess. First, Jordan was spotted, much like a yeti or a shooting star with fake tits, on the streets of LA. She recently downsized her silicone tetherballs, and it appears that the doctors make good use of the old implants by storing them inside her lips. Way to go green, Jordan! Sporting old tits in your lips is even more socially conscious than solar panels. Can solar panels suck your dong? We think not!



winehouse_tan_eyes.jpgIt's been a rough couple of weeks with little to no Amy Winehouse news. We've made do by dying a mop black, rubbing it in an ashtray, and talking to it, but it's not the same. But she emerges from the mist! And her slappin' hand is in fine working order! Reports The Sun:
AMY WINEHOUSE slapped another member of the public last night. The troubled singer was out and about in Camden when a passer-by grabbed her, seemingly concerned for her health.

But Amy lashed out at the middle-aged woman – giving her a hard slap and screaming: "Let fucking go of me, dickhead!"

As she walked away, Amy carried on shouting at her victim, calling her a "fucking bitch".
We hate to say it, but the lady kind of asked for it. You don't pet a copperhead and not expect to get bitten. And you don't touch Amy Winehouse and not expect to get slapped, called a dickhead, or catch chiggers. more »
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August 12, 2008

Ben & Jerry's Rehab Ripple . . . Delicious

amy_winehouse_sundae.jpgHave you tried Ben and Jerry's newish Stephen Colbert ice cream, Americone Dream? It's pretty good. We like the hunks of chocolate covered ice cream cone in it. Our only beef is that it doesn't have enough crack rocks in it. No crack, and no nice impetigo scab swirl for added crunch. Digital Spy gives us this story:
Ben & Jerry's has said it will not dedicate an ice cream flavour to singer Amy Winehouse.

The ice cream makers currently produce flavours named after musician Jerry Garcia and the Vermont band Phish. Last month, the company revealed plans to sell a limited edition ice cream in tribute to Elton John called Goodbye Yellow Brickle.

When asked whether the firm would work with Winehouse, founder Jerry Greenfield told Heat: "I'm not sure that Amy has the proper image that Ben and Jerry's wants to be connected with."
That's right! They're not about people who sit around all day pie-eyed with a crack pipe attached to their lip. Ben & Jerry's is about people who sit around all day pie-eyed with a bong attached to their lip. Big difference! more »
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July 30, 2008

Someone Slipped Wino a Mickey

amy_winehouse_scab_face.jpgWelcome to AmyWinehouseNewsWire, your A-number-one source for all things Amy Winehouse, every day, all the time. Listen, people, we want to report on the crust-faced wonder even less than you want to read about her, but we can't stop! She just keeps doing stuff! She was taken to the hospital Monday night because, according to her dad Mitch, "she mixed up her medication." We just assumed he meant Flonase and Flintstones, but no, it was something harder. And according to Mitch, not her fault. According to The Sun:
A source said after Rehab star Amy was discharged yesterday: "Mitch is furious. He’s certain someone put E in Amy’s drink — and he’s determined to get to the bottom of it. He is convinced that one of her hangers-on was responsible and he’s waiting for a toxicology report to show what caused her to fit.
Well, Mitch, we're no Flossie Bobbsey, but we're pretty sure we can deduce the dastardly villain who put Amy's life in danger by dosing her with illegal drugs. The vile cur's name? It begins with an "A" and ends with an "inehouse". A trail of vomit-encrusted black weave and a pair of dirty pink ballet slippers led us straight to the perp. That and the handwritten receipt that said, "Twelve (12) rocks crack cocaine, one (1) ounce marijuana, six (6) tablets of ecstasy (to go in my drink and mix with above). Signed, Amy Winehouse."
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July 28, 2008

Something Evil's Lurking in the Dark

amy_winehouse_ooc_1.jpgIt's times like these that lead us to question our line of work. Do we have a moral obligation to ignore these pictures of Amy Winehouse getting scabby, punchy, and crackulous? Or do we post them because we fancy ourselves a legitimate news source? Ultimately, after much soul-searching over some McGriddles, we decided to post them in hopes that it would scare our young fan base into a life of straight-edge teetotaling, thus making us heroes! The Sun reports:
Junkie singer Amy Winehouse’s dad insisted she was "fine" yesterday — hours after she punched a wall and burst into tears. Wild-eyed Amy, 24, caused her fist to bleed. The star, who had one of her nails ripped off, also lashed out at her security guards.

With her face ravaged by the skin condition impetigo, Amy wore torn and filthy ballet pumps as she flew into the rage in Camden, North London, early yesterday.

An onlooker said: "With her pale face and smeared make-up, she looked like something out of Michael Jackson's Thriller video. It was really sad to see."

But dad Mitch later insisted to The Sun: "Amy is doing fine."
Darkness falls across the land.
The midnight hour is close at hand.
Winehouse crawls in search of drugs
To terrorize your neighborhood.
And whosoever shall be found
Without the ale for chugging down
Must stand and face the scabs of hell
and rot inside a beehived shell.
The foulest stench is in the air
The funk of crack farts and faux hair
And British ghouls with tattooed boobs
Are closing in to steal your booze
And though you fight to stay alive
Your body starts to shiver
For no mere mortal can resist
The rotting of . . . her liverrrrrrrrr. MUAHAHAHAHAHA! MUAAHAHAHAHAH!

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July 25, 2008

Amy Weedhouse

amy_winehouse_pot_joint.jpgLess than a week ago, Amy Winehouse's beloved, justice-perverting husband was sentenced to 27 months in prison. And yesterday, Amy marked the her husband's next couple of years in the joint in the most literal way possible.









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July 03, 2008

Booze-Starved Wild Wino on the Loose!

amy_winehouse_traffic.jpgOccasionally, when nature is overpopulated and food sources are low, wild animals will find their way to urban areas and cause terror as they lope around the pavement, searching for berries or muskrats, until the authorities show up and put a dart in their necks. That's exactly what happened yesterday in London when Amy Winehouse made a break for it and carjacked a random vehicle for a ride to the pub. Because like a deer craves tulip buds, a Winehouse cannot live without ale. The Telegraph reports:
The troubled singer did a runner from her home yesterday and dived into a passing convertible containing a group of girls.

They sped off for a 20-minute drive around north London, only for Winehouse to jump out of the moving car in Camden, hurl abuse at the girls and leg it into the nearest pub.

According to eye witnesses, she was eventually dragged out by her exasperated father, Mitch, and taken home, where a burly minder was stationed by the front door - there to bar entry to unwanted visitors, but also seemingly to keep Winehouse out of harm's way.

One onlooker said: "Amy could be heard pleading to be allowed out for some fresh air, only to be told to stick her head out of the back window. Anyone who rang her doorbell had to be given approval by the man on the door. He left after a few hours, only for another big guy to take his place."
Try to imagine the terror you'd feel if you and your buddies were tooling down the street in the late afternoon, laughing, relaxing, maybe humming along to a little T-Pain on the radio. And then, from off to the side, you see an enormous barrel of synthetic black hair and facial scabs screaming towards you, waving its hands and shouting, "Me dad's got me locked up, cor blimey! Fancy takin' me to the fookin' pub for pint, innit?" and spewing crack breath mixed with gingivitis on your custom leather. It would be more horrifying than getting carjacked by a group of disaffected youths with semiautomatics.

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And for more on Amy Winehouse's latest antics and why we love her so much, please welcome our special CelebNewsWire correspondent, A Tipsy Lady on the Chicago Bus:


more »
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June 23, 2008

Amy Winehouse is Doing Great II

amy_winehouse_emphysema.jpgCoy enchantress Amy Winehouse is still in the hospital, and despite earlier reports that she was suffering from tuberculosis, she now has a different diagnosis. But don't worry; it's still something associated with the old and infirm: emphysema! According to The Daily Mail, Amy's dad Mitch Winehouse said:
"She's covered in nicotine patches. The only thing that can go into her lungs are fresh air . . . She faces a stark choice - either she sticks to it or she won't sing again. The doctors have said that if she had continued the way she was going she could have ended up an invalid - she wouldn't have been able to breathe. With smoking the crack cocaine and the cigarettes her lungs are all gunked up. There are nodules around the chest and dark marks. She's got 70 percent lung capacity."
Hey, that doesn't sound so bad. 70 percent, man, that's a solid C minus.
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June 20, 2008

Amy Winehouse is Doing Great

winehouse_orange_handjpg.jpgHaunting beauty Amy Winehouse is still in the hospital today after fainting at her home earlier this week. Break out the iron lung, and pretend it's WWII, because Wino might have the TB. Reports The Sun:
Stricken Amy Winehouse is coughing up BLOOD and has a raging chest infection, it emerged last night. Doctors are also worried by skeletal Amy’s weight loss and lack of appetite, other symptoms of tuberculosis. The 24-year-old Back to Black star has an irregular heartbeat and has been on a drip while medics try to wean her off hard drugs. Last night a close pal told The Sun: "Amy is in a bad way. Doctors are still struggling to control her heartbeat but the chest condition has been really worrying them. She’d been been suffering horrible coughing fits and hurling up blood for a while but refused to be examined. Doctors now believe it is tuberculosis and are doing more tests to be certain."
What in the name of Christ is wrong with England? They have a team of the finest physicians in the country observing a woman for three days, she's most likely sitting up in bed and taking huge hits off a crack pipe before snorting coke cut with Owens-Corning insulation and they're like, "Tut tut, old girl. Don't have the foggiest what's ailing you." Lots of Americans make disparaging comments about socialized medicine, and now we're thinking that maybe they're onto something here.
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Paris Hilton Suffering from Ganja Gut

paris_weed.jpgAnd speaking of celebrities who have been experiencing negative effects after sucking substances through a pipe, Paris Hilton is de-weeding herself. Paris's love for getting treefaced has long been immortalized in words and in pictures, but now she's decided to lay off the pot smoking because the munchies are making her chunky. Celebitchy reports:
[Paris Hilton] became concerned recently because her clothes have been growing tight and she knew she was gaining weight. But it didn’t take her long to figure out why - Paris smokes a lot of dope and gets the munchies!

So now she’s decided to throw away the pipe to avoid the munchies and get back to her ideal weight, The Enquirer has learned exclusively.

“Paris gets stoned all the time!” said the source. “She will go to the bathroom to smoke at different Hollywood clubs, or sometimes she’ll just light up in the VIP area. Paris showed up at a small house party once complaining that she ate a huge bag of chips before the party because she was stoned.”

And a Hollywood source told The Enquirer that when Paris couldn’t get into certain dresses she loved recently, she decided to give up smoking dope. "That was it for Paris,” said the source. “She said the munchies were making her eat too much and she couldn’t believe how much weight she had gained.”
Good for you, Paris! Way to take charge of your life. You don't want to end up a statistic. Everyone knows that marijuana is a gateway drug. A gateway drug to all kinds of horrors. Like playing bongos in the nude. Or banging Cisco Adler. more »
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June 17, 2008

Amy Winehouse Is a Delicate Blossom

amy_winehouse_huge_hair.jpgYesterday, Amy Winehouse fainted at her home and was promptly taken to the hospital, where she remains today for observation. We can only imagine that means that she's being held in a glass cage while children eat cotton candy and point and say, "Wot's it doing now? Why is that skinny gorilla scratching itself like that, Mummy?" The BBC reports:
Amy Winehouse remains in hospital in London after fainting at home on Monday afternoon, with tests on the singer so far proving “inconclusive”.

“She seems to be fine in herself, but they are taking their time to be sure,” her spokesman said.

Winehouse had been “doing admin” when she fell ill but “quickly recovered”.

Her manager’s assistant had stopped her falling and Ms Winehouse’s father, Mitch, had taken her to hospital “as a precaution”, the spokesman added. After receiving treatment, she stayed at the London Clinic for observation.
It's great that she can smoke 18 crack rocks and down a bottle of Valium with a quart of Sambuca and then shoot drain opener into her veins and people will let her sleep it off and then film it, but she faints once and it's off to the ICU. We're not doctors or anything, but we're willing to bet that the mass of her beehive finally outweighed that of her body and she just wasn't able to remain upright.
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June 09, 2008

YAY! Finally! New Amy Winehouse Song!

amy_blake_love_crack.jpgAmy Winehouse's charming husband, her Blake Incarcerated, pleaded guilty to beating up a barkeep and then bribing a witness. Another thing he's guilty of: being a total jive turkey. News of the World was contacted by a former friend of Winehouse and husband Blake Fielder-Civil and given a stack of photos and a video. A stirring sequel to its moving predecessor, Amy Winehouse Smokes Crack, the newly-released tape features our favorite lesion-mugged songbird debuting her new single, "Blacks, Pakis, Gooks and Nips":

A word to the wise, Amy: when someone says, "I'm not filming this! I swear on your life! I'm not filming!" while aiming a video camera at your face, uhhhh, they're probably filming. Furthermore, we never thought anyone could pull off an update or remake of the musical classic "Chinese, Japanese, Dirty Knees, Look at These", but once again, Amy makes it work--eye-pulling and boob-indicating intact. Grammys all around!


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June 03, 2008

CNW Hollywood Heathwatch Update

tatum-o-neal-arrested.jpgThey say bad things happen in threes, so Hollywood is heartily screwed today. In the last 48 hours, a great plague has befallen some of the best and brightest that the entertainment industry has to offer. A quick wrap-up:

Kelsey Grammer had a mild heart attack, but he's OK. One of his siblings was murdered and his twin half brothers died in a scuba diving mishap, so a heart attack for this dude is pretty much akin to having the hiccups.

• Fashion designer Yves Saint Laurent died at the age of 71. But his blonde fingerwaves and kicky ascots will forever live on as long as Austin Scarlett is on this planet!

• Twice-baked po-Tatum O'Neal on her crack bust: "My dog died! I was sad!". Well then. Prepare to head down to 87th and buy a few baggies of rock because . . .

• Bo Diddley done doodley dieddley.
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June 02, 2008

Bad News, Bears: Tatum O'Neal Arrested

tatum_oneal_drugs.jpgIf we were named after a potato, we might want to escape by gargling the glass dick, too. According to WENN:
Troubled actress Tatum O'Neal has been arrested for buying crack from a drug dealer on the streets of New York.

The Oscar-winning former child star - who chronicled her recovery from a heroin addiction in her 2004 book A Paper Life - was spotted by a narcotics team exchanging money with a man three blocks from her home in the Big Apple.

The actress, daughter of actor Ryan O'Neal, initially told cops she was "doing research for a part", according to a police source. But, after authorities searched her and found two bags of drugs and a crack pipe, she changed her story, the source adds.

According to the New York Daily News, she pleaded with cops: "I've been clean for a long time. Today was the first time I was relapsing, but you guys saved me! Can you let me go?"

The Paper Moon star, 44, was charged with seventh-degree criminal possession of a controlled substance, a misdemeanour.
We're pretty sure that "research for a role" only works when you go to a $20,000/week rehabilitation facility. Not purchasing a baggie of crack on the street. At this point, we'll have Robert Downey Jr. claiming that his 25 years of drug addiction was just research for Less Than Zero. Even though it technically happened after he filmed that movie. It's called post-grad research, people,. more »
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May 19, 2008

Angelina Jolies Slays Pets and Shirts

angelina_jolie_topless_1.jpgYou might think that writing CelebNewsWire is all rainbows and sunshine, hobnobbing with luminaries like Ted Knight and Pia Zadora, pink champagne toasts and freebie gift bags and invites to nightclubs in Dubuque. And you'd be right, of course, but there's also a sinister side to the glamour. And that's the moral dilemma that comes up when we're faced with posting pictures of an internationally beloved star famed for her philanthropy in a state of undress, pregnant yammos visible and obviously taken by some creepo paparazzo with a serious zoom lens.

When such a situation comes up, we usually hem and haw and weigh the pros and cons and then say screw it and post the pics because we have a weak moral fiber and because we don't want Lily Allen's cooch to be the only Sexy Lady Story of the day. After the cut, Angelina Jolie boobies! more »
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May 13, 2008

Stoned Temple Pilot Flies the Coop

scott_weiland_mug_shot.jpgRemember when tiny-mouthed singer Scott Weiland was arrested for driving under the influence of a drug? Neither do we because it's not 1995. Anyway, he was handed a 192-hour sentence, and served a mere 10 hours before he was released. TMZ says:
Scott Weiland was released from jail at 6:54 PM last night after serving only 10 hours out of his 192-hour sentence. His rehab stints last longer!

Weiland turned himself in at 8:55 AM yesterday, was officially booked at just after noon, and then assigned a housing location at 6:41 PM. But that wasn't quite necessary, since he was released just 14 minutes later.
Cool, but that doesn't explain the black eye boogers in his booking photo. Maybe jail turned him into a Himalayan cat.
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May 08, 2008

The English Bobbies Have Cracked the Case!

amy_winehouse_woods.jpgPicture of class and grace Amy Winehouse was arrested again yesterday and brought in for questioning over her crack-smoking video of yore. According to our gossip interventionist, FemaleFirst:
Amy Winehouse's spokesperson said: "Amy voluntarily attended a London police station today by appointment. She was arrested in order to be interviewed and is cooperating fully with inquiries. The interview relates to a video handed to police earlier this year."

Amy then went shopping at 4am this morning (08.05.08), just hours after being arrested on drugs charges.

The singer chatted to photographers as she left her North London home, asking for suggestions for a new tattoo.Wearing a bandana with her husband's name written on it, she headed for a nearby petrol station to pick up drinks and magazines and seemed unconcerned about events from earlier in the day.
She was then spotted by several understandably shaken sources, lurching through parks, attempting to groom lice off of neighboring bystanders, and overturning rocks looking for tasty grubs. When asked for a comment, Amy emitted a high-pitched shriek and hucked her feces at her questioner.

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May 07, 2008

CNW Junk Drawer: Megan Fox Gets Plump

megan_fox_lips_plumped.jpgMegan Fox takes "next Angelina Jolie" title literally, gets lipplants. (ONTD)

Elisha Cuthbert stalks the sandy landscape in a bikini; cuddles muscular male; gets handsy with own buttocks. (Drunken Stepfather)

Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon's wedding photos will be in People. And they talk about being "soul mates". Even though they've known each other for six weeks. (Celebitchy)

• What mysterious pull do these Maddens have? Lindsay Lohan was busted trying to pick up Joel (that's Nicole Richie's Madden, not Paris Hilton's Madden) at a club the other night. There's not enough Maddens to go around. (Yeeeah!)

Angelina Jolie is reportedly going to have twin girls. They'll have their mother's looks and their father's . . . looks. They can't go wrong! (I Don't Like You In That Way)

Amy Winehouse is slowly devolving from soulful songstress to drunken party girl to crackhead to missing link to ape. Photographic evidence exists. (Holy Taco)

Uma Thurman's name begins with a "u". So does the word "upskirt". Aaaand that's the closest we cam come to a joke here. (I Don't Like You In That Way)

• In other Lohan news, she's still stealing clothing from her friends. Because when girls' daddies don't love them, the fill up their hearts with pilfered fur. (The Blemish)

Blake Lively may play a high schooler on Gossip Girl, but that rack is alllll freshman year at a state U, baby. (Fatback)

Jessica Simpson must, she must, she must increase her bust. (Cityrag)

• Post-birth, Halle has some Berry nice cleavage. We knew our childhood obsession with Strawberry Shortcake speak would come in handy some day! (Flisted)

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May 01, 2008

Angelina Jolie Is a Heroin(e)

angelina_vein.jpgPrior to adopting underprivileged children from foreign lands, Angelina Jolie was smoking various sundry powders from foreign lands. According to the always dubious Starpulse, some dude approached the National Enquirer with a tape that allegedly shows Ms. Jolie sucking a dong. A glass dong. Filled with heroin.
The Enquirer’s source claims the tape’s owner is seeking $70,000 for its sale - telling the tabloid, “It appears to be from the 1990s, right before Angelina - then in her 20s - was breaking out in films like Gia and Girl, Interrupted, which won her an Oscar for Best Supporting Actress.

“The key part of the tape is Angelina doing heroin. She says, ‘Wow, this is really good smack - not that cheap crap that’s been stepped on.’ Angelina is seen sniffing white lines from a plate, and then as the drug cooks on tinfoil, she deeply sucks in its smoke through a tube.”
There is a lesson to be learned here. And that's if you are on the verge of international superstardom and someone points a camera at you while you are smoking illegal narcotics, to never vocally identify the heroin as such, because then you can pass it off as Lik-M-Aid through a hookah. Another lesson is to not smoke heroin on film, but that's secondary. The first lesson is the one you want to really take note of here. more »
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April 25, 2008

Amy Winehouse Assaults People, Lamppost

amy_winehouse_lamppost.jpg The beautiful and talented and oh, did we mention beautiful? Miss Amy Winehouse personified English grace, charm and modesty on Wednesday night with a quiet evening out with friends in London. According to The Sun:
[Amy Winehouse], is to be quizzed by police after claims she headbutted a Good Samaritan who hailed her a cab outside a bar. Amy, said to have punched a second victim in the face, sank to a horrific new low while high on Class A drugs. Onlookers told how the married singer also snogged a mystery fella at a nightspot and shocked punters by overturning tables and drinks. She was later seen smoking drugs in the street, walked into a lamppost, and riled a cabbie by paying only HALF her promised fare home.
Today, she apparently cried all the way to the police station after her people picked her up and drove her to her questioning. Honestly, she has nothing to worry about. It's England--the country that would only put Pete Doherty in jail after his 43rd drug arrest. At most, the bobbies will say, "Tut tut, then, missus!" and give her a cookie. Or a "biscuit", as it were. If she gets sent to trial, she and the judge can have a wig-off.

UPDATE: Forget questioning, they straight-up arrested her! Maybe that headbutt was more serious than we thought. After all, her hair probably weighs more than a cannonball and is twice as hard.
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April 24, 2008

CNW Junk Drawer: A Whole Bundch of Side Boob

Gisele_Bundchen_side_boob.jpg• Gisele gifts us with the side of her supermodel superbooble. (Drunken Stepfather)

• All hail the Poshycat Doll. (Daily Stab)

• Kids, heed the sad tale of Naomi Campbell's hairline: weave abuse leads to baldness. (Yeeeah!)

Rihanna has a crotch that emits mystical hot pink beams! (Cityrag)

• More Mischa Barton titty buttons from Closing the Ring. Now with video! (Egotastic!)

Julia Roberts stinks. (FemaleFirst)

Julianne Moore shows Moore of herself. Namely, nipples. (Fatback)

Billie Piper flashed a peck of freckled poppers. (Hollywood Tuna)

Amy Winehouse spends a night being dainty and demure. (CelebWarship)

Miley Cyrus in a typical MySpace picture pose. I.e., with exposed underwear. (Pop Crunch)

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April 21, 2008

Wino Boobs=Smack

amy winehouse angry ice cream.jpg Just about a month ago we were given the gift of Amy Winehouse's tape-covered 'hab-bags, and at the time we mentioned the curious fact that "Amy Winehouse nude" had been one of CelebNewsWire's top ten search phrases for a couple of months. Well, we're sorry to report that your interest in Wino's wobblies has diminished since that need was partially placated, with "Amy Winehouse nude" now pulling in to the #16 station. But fret not, our crack-fiend-loving brethren, because Amy's jailed junky hubby may just pique your interest anew--by trading a topless snap for a fix. Reports England's People (which seems a lot more interesting and salacious than its Stateside namesake):
Amy Winehouse will be left seething when she sees her banged-up hubby has traded intimate photos of her to feed his heroin habit in jail.

Desperate Blake Fielder-Civil gave a fellow lag seven snaps including one of the singer with her boobs spilling out of a bra.

He exchanged them for tobacco - which he then swapped with another inmate for the drug.

Superstar Amy, 24, knew the 25-year-old loser had been selling signed publicity shots of her while he's on remand in London's Pentonville jail.

But she'll be outraged when she finds out the rat has betrayed her by flogging personal pictures.

A friend said last night: "She'll be livid - the photos are her memories and for Blake to sell them is a real let-down. Amy won't believe he can stoop this low."

A prison source said: "Blake is in a bad way and is always desperate for any drugs he can get his hands on. Some of the photos of Amy are a bit racy but he obviously puts his habit before his wife."

The seven snaps include three of the loved-up couple canoodling on a hotel balcony on their wedding day in Miami almost a year ago.

Others show Amy posing in a bra - and sticking out her tongue as she frolics in a pool in a bikini.

But the most upsetting image for the Back To Black star is the boobbaring shot of her in lacy undies.
We are Yanks, so there are many things about England that we don't understand, but their legal system has to be at the top of the list. Pete Doherty had to get caught with drugs like 42 times before he went to jail, yet Blake has been locked up on suspicion of perverting justice for three years now, we think. Was he ever convicted of anything? Was there ever a trial? We don't think so, but we haven't really been trailing Amy and Blakey too closely lately, mostly because of the smell. But we are happy to learn that England's jail system seems to work pretty much the same as ours in the U.S.: Amy Winehouse topless photos are less valuable than tobacco, which is less valuable than heroin. Sounds about right.
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April 15, 2008

Booze, Baby, Booze

amy_winehouse_booze_baby_1.jpgForget rehab. Forget sober companions. Forget therapy, psych wards, and changing one's blood a la Keith Richards in the 1970s. Amy Winehouse is starting her own trend in the quest to kick her drug and alcohol habit--employing a sober baby to accompany her everywhere. Good thing too, because she was recently overheard wailing at a party that her impetigo was getting worse, according to The Blemish:
“I’ve been told I’ll lose my looks over this—but I can’t give it up! I’m told my scars might never heal. My dermatologist says it’s a result of the drugs and it could spread to other parts of my body if I don’t quit. What will I do if I lose my looks? Blake will never love me like that.”
Oh, and she said this while horfing rail after rail of cocaine from a toilet lid. If only she had employed her sober baby earlier. Direct your gaze to the picture at left, and you will see this irresistably huggable little moppet doing his job well, successfully pinching Wino's nostrils so as to make it physically impossible for her to do her drug of choice. However, five minutes later...

amy_winehouse_booze_baby_2.jpg
That baby is so fired.
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