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filed under: Denise Richards

June 26, 2008

"And When Daddy Says 'Go Cry to Your Bald Mom,' How Does That Make You Feel?"

denise_richards_cute_kids.jpgWe watched two episodes of Denise Richards: It's Complicated and had to have a lobotomy, so we can totally relate to Denise's little daughters with Charlie Sheen, Sam and Lola. Recently, Denise revealed to In Touch that she and Charlie's constant squabbling has led to her putting the children in therapy. She said,
“My kids are in therapy. It’s very sad that they need to be there, but they do for now. On the other hand, it’s good they have an outlet to deal with their feelings and someone who is just their advocate.”
We're not sure what a three- and four-year-old actually do in therapy. Usually when kids that young see a professional, they use dolls to act out their feelings. Though we're not sure how the psychologist will react to the little Richards-Sheen moppets making the teddy bear say "prostitute-tranny-infested sperm." And we doubt there is any doll available that looks the part of Daddy's passel of hookers. Oh, wait. Bratz. more »
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June 16, 2008

Denise Richards + Nudity = Career Resurgence?

denise richards sad big hair.jpg It's well documented that we here at CelebNewsWire are not the biggest Denise Richards fans. But we are also professionals who are willing to set aside our personal feelings when faced with hard news. Oh, wait, we meant "faced with hard penises." Because Denise Richards showing off her sacks for Playboy has a lot more to do with hard penises than hard news. The San Francisco Chronicle reports:
Denise Richards is considering another romp for Playboy magazine.

The sexy star bared all for the men's magazine in 2004 and now her marriage to Charlie Sheen is over, the actress is thinking about making a return.

She tells AOL.com, "It's still a possibility. It's so iconic and fun."

And Richards admits she quite liked the attention she got after posing naked for the publication four years ago.

She adds, "I think that my niche is as a sex symbol. I'm never going to be the girl next door, so why not play up my niche?"
Holy shit, she's planning on showing her niche? That's awesome. We thought we'd only get tits.

And to verify that Denise likes you looking at her hooters, here she is admiring herself on MrSkin.com:

more »
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May 23, 2008

"Prostitute-Tranny-Infested Sperm"

Denise Richards Pussycat Doll.jpg We're about to do something revolutionary that has never been done in the history of CelebNewsWire: We're going to say something complimentary about Denise Richards. Girl sure is entertaining. Sure, her entitled, tarted-up face may induce rage in our heart, but whenever she opens her mouth it's sure to elicit a hearty guffaw from ours. Will it make us watch her new reality show on E!? No. Not unless she can promise to play voicemails from Charlie Sheen in every episode. But, alas, Charlie is a bit more wily than Alec Baldwin; he knows to only send text messages. Page Six scoops the poop:
DENISE Richards is lashing back at her ex, Charlie Sheen, over the ugly accusations made by his friends on Page Six yesterday.

Sheen branded her a liar and claimed she sent his fiancee, Brooke Mueller, an e-mail asking him for his sperm so she could have another kid. Now Richards, in town to promote her E! reality show "It's Complicated," tells us:

"For him to slam me saying I'm exploiting the kids, well, he's exploited our entire situation," Richards fumed to us yesterday. She claims Sheen obsessively sends her rage-filled text messages. "Last week, I sent Charlie a text message asking him if he's going to Family Day [for daughter Sam's school] and letting him know Sam was sick with a cold," Richards said. "His response was, 'I hope you and your worthless retarded father get cancer and join your stupid mom. Rot in hell you [bleeping] whore.' My mom died of cancer. This is what I deal with on a weekly basis.

"He missed Dad's day at the school and my father had to go in his place. And this is how he talks to me?"

Richards claims the e-mails sent to Mueller were fakes: "I don't want Charlie's prostitute-tranny-infested sperm. I have two beautiful kids. We'll leave it at that. I am so over him. He's the one who can't move on. He's disgusting and he's hit an all-time low."

But Sheen is taking it to the mat - or rather, a computer DNA expert - to prove Richards is lying.

Sheen's rep said, "Denise seems to be denying the existence of [the] e-mail. This goes beyond a he-said-she-said. We have an offer from a [live] TV show. They will bring a computer expert to diagnose the e-mail and to verify it was sent by her e-mail address and to verify it was neither altered nor edited. Computer DNA - it is conclusive.

"The only time Charlie has spoken on TV about her, they were sound bites at red-carpet visits or during set visits," the rep said. "He has not gone on multiple TV shows this week."
We've got a question for you, Denise. If Charlie's sperm is "prostitute-tranny-infested" what does that say about your daughters? It's not like Charlie was as virginal as Gary Coleman before you snagged him and only started paying for play after you split. Nu-unh, honey. Chuckie had been dipping his wick into every expensive-ass ho in L.A. for decades. So does this mean that when you sit Sam and Lola down for the "where do babies come from" talk (in front of an E! camera crew, natch) that you'll explain not that they're made of sugar and spice and everything nice but of one part mommy, one part daddy, and a hearty dash of transgendered streetwalker? more »
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May 22, 2008

Denise Richards Wants Charlie Sheen's Sperm, Money

denise richards wicked witch.jpg We don't understand why famous people bother to have babies. Half the time it ends really really badly. Sure, it miraculously made KFed financially solvent for the first time in his life, but not everyone is lucky enough to have two kiddos pop out of Britney's poon chute. Sometimes you're Charlie Sheen and you end up saddled to Denise Richards for some twenty odd years. We at CelebNewsWire have never hid our dislike of Denise Richards, but even if we thought she was as sweet as a gingerbread house filled to the rafters with kittens, we think we'd still say "Bitch, please" to her moaning about only raking in a measly $52,000 a month. Yes, we said month. Page Six reports:
DENISE Richards is a big liar, claim Charlie Sheen's pals - one of whom says she "gets more than enough money from Charlie to never have to work, much less do a reality show that exploits the kids."

Sheen and his friends are furious that Richards taped a reality show debuting this weekend on E! called "It's Complicated," which also features the warring ex-couple's two daughters, Lola and Sam.

In her bid to promote the show, Richards went on "Today," "The View" and "Larry King Live" to explain she did it to make money to support her children.

But, "Denise gets $52,000 a month tax-free in child support," a Sheen insider fumed. "Most people in America can figure out how to live on that, but Denise can't?"

In addition to the child support, Richards got $60,000 a month (also tax-free) for two years in alimony - adding up to a whopping $1.44 million. Richards also gets a chunk of Sheen's hot sitcom, "Two and a Half Men," which "eventually will net her up to $25 million," the source said.
But big hunks of cash aren't the only thing Denise wants from Charlie. According to The New York Daily News:
Sheen's ex Denise Richards denied on "Larry King" Tuesday that she'd ever asked Sheen, father of her two children, for a sperm donation after their breakup. Wednesday, the "Two and a Half Men" star countered by distributing to us and others in the media a copy of an e-mail he said Richards sent to his fiancιe, Brooke Mueller, on the subject in April 2007.

"I will no longer sit back and be egregiously painted as a liar," Sheen said. "The mere fact that she continues to publicly discuss and harass both Brooke and me three years after our separation, which for the record is longer than the actual length of the marriage, is beyond desperate and speaks volumes."

The e-mail, Sheen claims, reads:

"Dear Brooke, I don't want to have a baby with Charlie. I am having a baby in the next year. By myself ... my girlfriend suggested Charlie be the donor. So, I did bring this up to him. There are so many couples having unhealthy children. Charlie and I have very beautiful healthy children together. I was strictly looking for a sperm donor, if it's any of your business. If it were him, I said we would sign a document that he couldn't come after me and I couldn't come after him ... this wasn't to have sex with him, it was him donating ... that's it. "

After Richards told Matt Lauer on "Today" yesterday that the e-mail was a fake, Sheen challenged: "If any proof can be established that these are not in fact her words and statements verbatim, I openly invite her and would even encourage Ms. Richards to sue me in a court of law."
This is why you have to think ahead, ladies. Waiting for the man to willingly give up his jizz is so twentieth century. The new millennium is all about rooting through the trash for used condoms and stowing them in the freezer, just in case. more »
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April 25, 2008

Denise Richards Battles Heather Locklear with Brutal Bikini Action

denise_richard_surf_1.jpgThe dance-off is a classic (not to mention very entertaining) concept. From West Side Story to Cameron Diaz in a club two months ago, the cabbage patch vs. the Soulja Boy will always be an endless fountain of fun. However, there is one thing that tops the dance-off every time, and that's the bikini-off! During the past 48 hours, we've borne witness to one of the most brutal battles ever committed to sand. Salt water was flying! The air was heady with Banana Boat! But who emerged the victor in the battle of bikini vs. bikini? There can be only one. You decide: Denise Richards or Heather Locklear?



denise_richard_surf_2.jpg denise_richard_surf_3.jpg heather_locklear_bikini_10.jpg heather_locklear_bikini_20.jpg heather_locklear_bikini_30.jpg

It's a tough call, until you realize they both porked Richie Sambora and thus both lose.

more »
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February 20, 2008

CNW Junk Drawer: Boozin' and Coozin'

britney_bday.jpg• More oddly smooth Britney mons pubis. We're starting to think that maybe those are flesh-toned undies. Foiled! (Faded Youth)

• But she still can't see her chitlins. (The Hollywood Gossip)

• The bottle came between Jake Gyllenhaal and Kirsten Dunst. The bottle, and her baby vampire fangs. (Yeeeah!)

• Denise Richards says that exploiting her children in a reality show is fine, because they said yes when she asked them if they wanted to be on TV. They're two and three. If you asked them if they wanted to have live jellyfish sewn to their faces, they'd say "Yaaaay!" (I'm Not Obsessed)

• J. Lo has checked in to the hospital! She will now proceed to birth a child from each of her buns. (PopCrunch)

• Hilary's Duff, in a bikini. (Egotastic)

• The Heidi Klum-Seal family, in a traveling version of Cats. (Derek Hail)

• Megan Fox Jacks it. (Fatback)

• Alba pulls a Lindsay and recreates old junk in photos. Only without the boobs, natch. (The Blemish)

• OMG, Nicole Richie and Joel Madden actually left the house! They're such horrible parents! Alert DCFS! (Celeb Warship)

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October 09, 2007

Charlie Sheen: Sex Doll Murderer

Charlie Sheen is a badass.jpeg We think it's pretty fair to say that Charlie Sheen has done a lot of cuckoo things in his life, a few of which have recently come to light. But we never would have thought he was a Real Doll murderer. Rush & Molloy explain that Charlie's real life has made for some funny jokes in his beloved-by-old-people sitcom. We've never seen the show, but we think it's called The Adventures of Duckie and Chuckie or some such:
Give this to Charlie Sheen: He's not afraid to mine his personal scandals for laughs.

The other night on his hit TV show, "Two and a Half Men," Holland Taylor, who plays his mother, Evelyn, was griping that she had no date for the opera. "Why don't you try one of those escort services?" asked Sheen's character, Charlie Harper.

It was brave line, considering that Sheen admitted in 1995 to spending more than $53,500 on 27 "dates" with employees of Hollywood madam Heidi Fleiss. But the sitcom got even closer to the bone when mother and son began to banter about an inflatable sex doll.

"I tried it once," said Charlie Harper. "But I prefer a real woman."

Sheen also knows something about this subject. A few years back, we're told, he bought a $6,000 anatomically correct latex girl dressed in a cheerleader's outfit. According to an insider, Sheen was quite open about the doll — even bringing it to the set of his old show "Spin City."

But then came the night when, according to our source, Sheen tried to get two female party companions interested in a foursome with the bouncy cheerleader.

"They couldn't stop laughing at him," says the snitch. "Charlie got so mad that he ran the girls out of his house. Then he took a meat cleaver and chopped one of the doll's hands off. He and his bodyguard tried to dispose of it, like it was a real body. They wrapped it in a blanket and drove around in the middle of the night till they found a Dumpster."

Before the doll's demise, Sheen's friend used to tease him about the mannequin's resemblance to his future wife, Denise Richards, who later claimed she, too, saw Sheen's rough side. Richards talked about getting a restraining order against Sheen after she alleged that he'd pushed her during an argument, according to a Richards pal.

CBS chief Les Moonves, whose network airs "Two and a Half Men," is said to have implored her to not do so, lest the public filing trigger the morality clause in Sheen's contract. According to the friend, Richards agreed to work out the issue with a private judge the couple hired.

One Sheen ally blamed Richards for "dredging up all this [recent] ugliness in a pathetic attempt to garner attention for herself." A rep for Moonves declined to comment. Sheen's rep said, "Anything we have to say, we'll say to a judge" in the couple's custody case.
Charlie really should have held onto that doll, as she would have come in handy after his split from Denise. Instead of hurling insults at Denise via email and waiting for her to covertly leak them to the press, he could have used the Real Doll as a stand in, screaming that she's a "sad, jobless pig" until his throat gave out and then grabbing her one remaining hand, thrusting it at her face, and taunting, "Why are you hitting yourself, Denise? Huh? Why are you hitting yourself? Are you going to go cry to your bald mom about your black eye?"
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October 04, 2007

A Sad, Jobless Pig, Part II

denise richards in hoops.jpg Today is day two of "What horrible, despicable, hateful, downright mean things can Charlie Sheen say about his lovely, wonderful, nurturing, maternal ex-wife?" Brought to you by Denise Richards . . . no, wait, we meant brought to you by Denise Richards's lawyers . . . no, that doesn't sound good either. How about, brought to you by a very concerned fellow mother who just wants what's best for those two angelic little girls (meaning, their mother)? Yeah, that sounds about right, don't you think, Denise? Continuing yesterday's saga of the sad, jobless pig, Page Six discloses further Sheeny emails.
"You are an evil piece of shit. I can't wait to tell the world what a piece of shit you are. You don't get a fucking dime till this is resolved," says a third e-mail.

Richards says in her court filing that she was particularly hurt by the one about her mother, who is undergoing chemotherapy treatments for cancer.

Pictures of Sheen's "erect penis" that Richards says he used for his profile on sex sites are also included, which Richards claims he e-mailed to "approximately 30 women."

"I'd love to give it to you any time," Sheen wrote to one woman under the screen name "mrjonze55."

Richards says Sheen even visited gay pornography sites - "which I found even more disturbing because I felt that the boys looked underage," the documents state.

Richards accuses Sheen of punching the headboard of their bed once in a rage, and telling her that by no longer breast-feeding, she was causing their daughter, Sam, to "become retarded."

"He took a large wedding photo off the wall. He had it placed in our garage. He sawed the picture in half and took spray paint and sprayed 'the dumbest day of my life,' " Richards claims in the documents.

A month prior to the lewd e-mails, Sheen tried to apologize. "I have been responsible for some of the worst dialogue and venom-spewing behavior in the past few weeks that I can possibly recall, ever," he wrote. "The anger and frustration that our situation has generated is beginning to manifest itself in physical forms and cellular regression."

But less than two weeks later, he was sending Richards e-mails such as, "You are a horrible mom. Save your phony flowers for any one of your 30 dogs."

Sheen said through his spokesman, "I will not dignify the majority of these allegations with any measure of response. On its best day it remains laughable and inane."
That all sounds pretty bad, but The New York Daily News seems to be taking our side on the "Is Denise Richards a manipulative shrew?" issue:
But a pal of Sheen's accused her side of leaking the information. "And she wanted to have another baby with him only a few months ago, which makes her a hypocrite," says the friend.

The anonymous sender said in a handwritten note on the packet: "I worked on his show for 1½ years; he is nuts."

The name the sender gave to the messenger company, however, was "Denise Richards."
It must have been really hard for Denise to personally deliver such damning evidence to the major media outlets. Not because she was conflicted about making defamatory comments about the father of her children in public. No, it must have been difficult for her to resist the urge to request a paparazzi escort to the Daily News offices. more »
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October 03, 2007

Denise Richards Is a Sad, Jobless Pig

denise richards and charlie sheen.jpg There is a force in this universe so strong and shrewish that she can make us overlook all of her enemy's horrible traits--the serial hooker schtupping, the gambling, the boozing, his entire television career--and think, oh, he can't be that bad compared to her. And that force is named Denise Richards. We imagine that the majority of words that escape her mouth do so at a deafening pitch and that her maids and nannies and such spend their days trying to stay invisible, cowering in corners. There's just something so poisonous about her. Which is why the following email supposedly sent from Charlie Sheen to Denise Richards delights us:
You are a pig. A sad, jobless pig who is sad and talentless and, um, oh yeah, sad and jobless and evil and a bad mom, so go fuck yourself, sad, jobless pig.
FOX News details even more of the sordid details in the couple's custody battle, and their fair and unbalanced opinion definitely favors Denise. And this bit makes it a little hard for us to disagree with them:
In other e-mails, Sheen ridicules Richards’ mother, who is undergoing treatment for breast cancer. "Go cry to your bald mom, you fucking loser," Sheen writes.
Yeah, those sound like the words of an asshole. Which is why we have our suspicions that the missives actually came from Denise herself. If the address on those emails was charlielovescock@yahoo.com or suckmytwatsheen@gmail.com, we're pretty sure Denise might have had something to do with it.

In a related side note, we'd like to see this custody-battle pig-calling trend extend to Britney and Kevin. Hopefully in the form of a new hit single by K-Fed that consists of two and half minutes of oinking sounds and a breathy cry of "You're a bitch, Britney." more »
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September 27, 2007

Pammy and Denise: Breast Friends

pam and denise in headbands.jpg We usually don't put much credence in rumors about who has been offered an overstuffed trash bag full of hundred-dollar bills to put their coochie in front of a Playboy camera. The mag could make an offer to Camilla Parker-Bowles if they wanted to; it doesn't mean she's gonna ditch everything but the feathered hat and pose. But when the subjects in question are Pam Anderson and Denise Richards, the acceptance is pretty much a given. Though we haven't seen evidence of it on The Girls Next Door, we're pretty sure Pam and Denise have a standing Thursday afternoon naked tea and Twister luncheon appointment at the Mansion every week. Pam and Denise naked in Hef's house is probably about as out of place as a dog shitting on the carpet at the Osbournes' house. IMDB reports:
Pals Pamela Anderson and Denise Richards are considering a $1 million offer to pose nude together in an upcoming issue of Playboy magazine. Both blondes have disrobed for the men's magazine in the past, and now Playboy boss Hugh Hefner wants the actresses to team up for a spread in the January 2008 issue of the publication. A source tells the Globe, "Neither Pam nor Denise has committed yet, but they're seriously considering it." Anderson has appeared nude in Playboy a record 12 times, while Richards stripped for the December 2004 issue. The pair became firm friends when they shot mob comedy Blonde & Blonder in Canada last year.
On second thought, maybe Denise wouldn't be game for a new Playboy spread. She would probably claim, "I am a mother, not a bimbo. Nudity is undignified and immature," while filling out a Barely Legal subscription card in the name Charlie Sheen and drawing a penis coming out of his mouth in all the old family photos. more »
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August 08, 2007

CNW Junk Drawer: All Upskirts and Boobs Edition

rose_mcgowan_oof.jpg• Robert Rodriguez is awfully proud of dating Rose McGowan's nipples. (Hollywood Tuna)

• Still puttin' the "ghey" in "McConaughey", Matty M is laying some serious pipe in those Old Navy cargo shorts. (Allie Is Wired)

• Charlize Theron ain't gonna let a little thing like her beans get in the way of donning a bikini. (The Blemish)

• Gwen Stefani is afraid that her son is going to bite her tits clean off. (FemaleFirst)

• Britney sideswiped some dude's car, and then popped a squat to survey the damage. But the real damage is her to'-up upskirt view. Ooooh, high five, girlfriends! So bitchy! (Drunken Stepfather)

• If that ain't enough for you, here's some Britney pantaloons. (Cityrag)

• The beautiful Lauryn Hill is bringing Skidz back, at long last! (Socialite's Life)

• Denise Richards and Chuckles Sheen: still in hate. Story now with 100% more semen. (Celebitchy)

• Mischa Barton (remember her?) dyes hair; eats food. (Celeb Warship)

• Eva Herzigova shows what's Herzigunda her dress. (Taxi Driver)

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July 11, 2007

CNW Junk Drawer: Here Comes Trouble

emma_watson_panties.JPG• Jumping on the Harry Potter fever bandwagon! Emma Watson holds up a pair of panties that state exactly what comes out of the wearer's anus. Helpful! (the Blemish)

• Nicole Richie's drunk driving trial has been postponed. D.A's office spokeswoman Jane Robison says, "The trial will not happen on Wednesday. Richie's attorney filed a motion... stating that their key witness, a drug expert, was unavailable for trial." The key witness is actually her fetus and will not be available for trial for six more months, when it will emerge from Nicole's tiny womb and state, "Ohhh yeah, THAT night. I was shit-wasted! Duuuude!" (IMDb/WENN)

• Courtney Love gets a new man, and her fourteenth new face. (ONTD)

• Beyonce Knowles, aka RoboHo, slipped some RoboHootage. (Cityrag)

• Sophia Bush in short shorts. That's right, friends. BUSH IN SHORT SHORTS. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. (Egotastic!)

• Denise Richards, arguably one of the world's most desirable women, has been forced to try a dating service. Meanwhile, her ex-husband, he of the drug-taking and hooker-fucking and "I hope you fucking die, bitch"-ing, is blissfully engaged! (Socialite's Life)

• Toni Collette's nonstop portrayal of pregnant ladies has permeated her real life. (Glitterati Gossip)

• Britney is headed for another breakdown. She strips down to her bra, dances to her own music, flirts with married man, drinks like a fish, and, craziest of all, actually wears shoes into a public restroom! (I Don't Like You In That Way)

• Tennis pro Venus Williams serves up some nip. Oh ho, that's rich! (Taxi Driver)

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July 10, 2007

Denise Richards Sick of Working, Searches for Next Husband

denise richards pretty bird.jpg Since she came to our attention (you know, by getting topless and making out with a chick in a pool), Denise Richards has tried a few of the sure roads to love: Find irrepressible playboy bad boy with drug and hooker habits, try to make him into a straight-laced family man who plays Scrabble and reads Jane Austen; make friends with a neighbor who has a hot (by someone's standards) husband, make her believe he is a piece of shit and she could do better, start humping the hell out of him. But, alas, neither of these worked out too well, so Denise has had to resort to the last hope of internet nerds the world over. According to Star (via Celebitchy):
Denise Richards is looking for a husband the old-fashioned way - by using a matchmaker! But the price of finding true love isn’t cheap. Insiders tell Star that Denise, 36, could be paying up to $50,000 to find Mr. Right through an exclusive matchmaking agency.

“It’s a very high-end service, and it’s extremely private,” says the source. “They ask for as much as $50,000 for a two-year contract. They have thousands of clients and specialize in very wealthy executives. These men don’t have time to hunt for a mate. Also, the type of women they are looking for - beautiful and successful - doesn’t [sic] hang out at bars. They have to be found.”
The way Denise's luck has been going, she'll probably get matched up with Elizabeth Hurley impregnater and deserter Steve Bing (who, by the way, wrote the screenplay for Kangaroo Jack).
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May 16, 2007

CNW Junk Drawer: Wonderjocks

denise-richie-kissing.jpg• If a Denise Richards and Richie Sambora break up in the woods and no one is there to care, do they make a sound? (TMZ)

• Avril Lavigne, topless. He was a sk8tr b0i, I said see my taters, boy. (Yeeeah!)

• Mary Kate Olsen slips rib. (Hollywood Tuna)

• Justin Timberlake flew Jessica Biel and her first-class ass to England for tea and beans on toast. No, for canoodling. Canoodling. (Drunken Stepfather)

• Ewan MacGregor wears junk-enhancing briefs. Are they 18 hour? Do they lift and separate? (I Don't Like You In That Way)

• Teri Hatcher has leopard-spotted pubic hair! Or underwear, whatever. (Taxi Driver)

• Is Vanessa Minnillo humping Nick Lachey's butt in the pool? Because it really looks like Vanessa Minnillo is humping Nick Lachey's butt in the pool. (Derek Hail)

• Britney Spears hates her mom and did not call her or visit her on Mother's Day, when said mom was in the hospital with pneumonia. Then she tear-gassed an orphanage and crapped on a veteran's memorial. (Glosslip)

• David Faustino got busted for weed possession for the most convenient headline ever. (Celebitchy)
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February 05, 2007

Denise Richards Powders Her Nose

drcoke4thumb.jpgAt left and at IDLYITW, you will see another shot from Denise Richards's day at the beach with her sun-kissed, saggy paramour Richie Sambora. Sure, she could be putting on sunscreen. Certainly, Chapstick is an option, yes. Does it take two hands to apply sunscreen or Chapstick to your nose, and does said sunscreen/Chapstick then leave a dusty white residue on said feature? Debatable. more »
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February 02, 2007

Denise Richards Airs out Her Wild Thing

denise richards bikini.jpg You see that picture right there of Denise Richards in a bikini? She's looking pretty sweet, right? Everything looks toned and in place, no flab to be seen anywhere. But, alas, appearances can be deceiving, as once Denise spreads her legs for a closer peek, her inner choas is revealed. more »
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November 10, 2006

Pamela Anderson Miscarries; Causes Denise Richards to Miscarry Laptop

Pamela Anderson has confirmed that she has had a miscarriage. We've been sitting here for nearly an hour trying to think of a way to make a ha-ha without sounding like unsympathetic a-holes, to no avail. Luckily the funny wrote itself: Turns out Pam's tragedy was the impetus for Denise Richards beaning a wheelchair-bound septuagenarian with her Vaio. Yay! more »
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November 09, 2006

Denise Richards Hates Grandmas

All those set-up photo ops of Denise Richards grocery shopping with her kids and playing at the park and looking all, "I'm just a small-town girl, I didn't understand that cocaine use and hooker humping were bad qualities in a husband, I thought they were funny Hollywood words for baking cookies and giving massages" are going to go to waste. No one will believe her innocent-soccer-mom schtick once they learn she's just another cocksucker-calling, computer-throwing, granny-injuring Hollywood hothead. Just like all the rest of them. more »
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July 19, 2006

Denise Richards: Not a Prude for Jane

Denise Richards has taken some time out from her busy best-friend-husband-stealing and Sheen-avoiding schedule to pose naked for next month's issue of Jane magazine. To prepare for the bare-all shoot, Denise says that she did not embark on any sort of special exercise regimen, nor did she diet. In fact, according to the star, "I ate my face off." While it's true that when an exceedingly attractive star poses in the raw, the area one's attention is most likely to be focused upon is her body, no one wants to see said star with a perfect, oiled-up physique topped off by the raw, featureless, ragged and bloody flesh revealed after she consumed her own mug. more »
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June 12, 2006

If Only She'd Dressed Like This a Year Ago, Maybe She'd Still Be Married

If you're Denise Richards and you desperately--desperately--want the media to leave you alone and let you live your more-dramatic-than-a-day-in-Port-Charles life, what do you do? Pack up the kids and hide out at a luxury spa in Saskatchewan? Or get engaged to your also-still-legally-married boyfriend and then dress up like a transvestite hooker and prance around a Las Vegas stage with other similarly-clad "women"? We're gonna have to go with the latter. more »
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May 23, 2006

Revenge by Stereo

Contrary to popular reports stating otherwise, the romance between Wild Thing Denise Richards and aging craprocker Richie Sambora is still on--they are presently kissing and getting sunburned together in Italy. And Heather Locklear is reportedly so steamed that she pulled a mean-spirited Lloyd Dobbler on Denise. more »
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May 19, 2006

What's the Point of Bedding Famous Ladies If You Can't Brag About It?

When Wilmer Valderrama went on Howard Stern and rated all the famous trim he'd had the pleasure of Fezzing over the years, everybody rolled their eyes. Just another sad little tiny-crotched rooster fluffing up his feathers and waggling his sad little comb. After all, playing a lisping foreign dude on a dead-horse FOX show, doing a guest spot on Grounded for Life, and providing voice talent for Clifford's Really Big Movie is hardly the stuff of legend. But when that handsome John Stamos followed suit, we had to give the ol' thumbs up and appreciate the new trend of celebrity boff bragging for what it is: the closest any of us will ever come to sleeping with the likes of Rebecca Romijn. more »
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May 04, 2006

CNW Junk Drawer: Dunstcrack!

• Teri Hatcher deems her toes and nipples "suck-worthy". Just like her acting!

• Evangeline Lilly blames Hollywood for forcing her to get really, really buff.

• IF you want Rod Stewart's daughter's naked bo-dy, AND you think she's sex-y, COME on sugar, click right here.

• Ashlee Simpson begins her slow, painful metamorphosis into her sister. First, the nose. Then comes the Jackass copulating.

• Anna Nicole Smith climbed on top of an 89-year-old man, placed his shriveled, liver spotted member into her person, and is probably getting a billion dollars for the trouble. Now, possibly some dude has mounted Anna Nicole's shriveled, Trimspa-ravaged body, placed his member inside her person, impregnated her, and wants the ca$h. Ah, the circle of life.

• Dunstcrack! Dunstcrack! Dunstcrack! Dunstcrack!!!

• Eva Longoria talks about getting naked or doing it or something