CelebNewsWire - The skinny. The scoop. The Hollywood poop. Wherever there is a nipple slip, we'll be there. If there's a party, you'll find us doing shots with Lindsay Lohan and upskirt flashing alongside Britney Spears. Wherever Paris Hilton is breaking the law, you'll see us. If there's a celebrity sex tape, we will find it. Nude stars, drunk stars, scandals, hookups, breakups? Let CelebNewsWire be your guide. Hold our hands. Come inside.

filed under: Dannielynn Hope Marshall Stern

June 23, 2008

"And This Is the Bustier Mommy Wore When She Spread Her Legs on the White Fur Rug"

At a recent auction of the late Anna Nicole Smith's things, her former boyfriend and inseminator Larry Birkhead shelled out $3000 for her lingerie--a pink bustier and white negligee ANS wore for a Playboy shoot. No, he's not into transvestism (though the highlights make us wonder)--he was buying them for their baby girl, Dannielynn. Of course! Larry explained:

"I have a lot of history I have to put together that she doesn't really know about. Playboy was such a big part of Anna's career. You know, it's not something I can show today, but something down the road. It's not going to be in any bedtime stories anytime soon."

Oh, but when it does, what a glorious fairy tale it will make! "Once upon a time there lived a little girl named Vickie Lynn. Vickie wanted to get away from the evil troll with a crustache so she planted magic beans in her chest and danced around an enchanted pole at a castle called Jaguars. Then she met a wizened king named J. Howard Marshall who took Vickie Lynn and gave her diamonds and rubies and beautiful gowns. But then he died and she met a bad monster named Howard who wanted to take all her rubies and diamonds and gowns. After traveling to the land of Trimspa, Vickie's son, Prince Danny, died fighting a dragon named Methadone. And then Vickie went to sleep for a very, very long time. Oh, and here are her panties." more »

comments (0) |

send to a friend

February 06, 2008

CNW Junk Drawer: The P Word

• Paris Hilton enjoys fishing. And fish enjoy the familiar, down-home smell of Paris Hilton's bacterial vaginosis. OK, that was pretty gross. Sorry, Paris. (FemaleFirst)

• And speaking of Paris's vagina, she will be rubbing hers up against the lesbian thespians of The L Word. (The Superficial)

• The results are in: Heath Ledger's death was caused by "accidental overdose" of SIX different types of prescription drugs. (TMZ)

• Godspeed to you, Patrick Swayze! May your gut convalesce so that you may arabesque again. (IMDb)

• Cammy Diaz gots some pegs, boy, I tells ya. (Cityrag)

• Larry Birkhead take$ Dannilynn to vi$it her mother'$ grave$ite. (Celebitchy)

• Bike shorts and what appears to be a Lamborghini Countache: no, it's not 1987; it's the new Bebe ads featuring Eva Longoria! (PopCrunch)

• Bar Rafaeli: professional wearer of lingerie, schtupper of DiCaprio, sporter of labia-splitting bikini camel toe. (Derek Hail)

• J. Lo is definitely having twins. And we are definitely having another cruller. Yum, jelly. (Evil Beet)

• Kim Kardashian sued by ex-boyfriend's mom. Oh, what a tangled web. (The Blemish)

• Rihanna launches her own umbrella line. What if her hit song had been called "Colostomy Bag"? Guess you can't really stand under one of those, though. Or can you? (Daily Stab)

comments (1) |

send to a friend

September 04, 2007

Larry Birkhead and Howard K. Stern More than BFFs: Secret Gay Lovers

Late last week we were made giddy by the prospect of Larry Birkhead and Howard K. Stern (that asshole) being in cahoots. We thought that by this point in the whole Anna Nicole saga there couldn't be any more surprises, that we could see every impossible twist coming. But holy shit were we wrong. We should have been able to say, "Of course Larry and Howie were stuffing Anna's maw full of pills then stuffing their own maws full of each other's penises." We should have seen it coming. Well, next time we'll be ready. When the zombiefied body of Anna Nicole comes back to reclaim Dannielynn and all her money, we'll be expecting that one.

Totally gaytastic drawing of Larry and Howard via Pretty on the Outside. more »

comments (1) |

send to a friend

August 31, 2007

Larry Birkhead and Howard K. Stern: Secret BFFs

There is almost nothing we love more than a juicy Hollywood conspiracy. RFK actually killed Marilyn Monroe? Sweet. Catherine Zeta-Jones is really 82 years old and being kept alive by hourly pigeon-shit injections? We'd believe it. But the best one of all may be the possibility that Larry Birkhead and Howard K. Stern have been in cahoots the entire time! Cahoots! Outrageous! The New York Daily News reports:

An angry Larry Birkhead has vowed to sue author Rita Cosby, days before an explosive tell-all is set to hit bookstores. In "Blonde Ambition," Cosby charts the convoluted custody battle between Birkhead and lawyer Howard K. Stern, who both claimed paternity of Anna Nicole Smith's baby girl, Dannielynn. And while Cosby has not released details of the book before its Sept. 4 publication, it is believed she will allege Birkhead and Stern were secretly in collusion over the child. Dannielynn, who turns 1 on Sept. 7, could inherit hundreds of millions from the estate of Smith's late husband, J. Howard Marshall. "None of it is true," Birkhead told The News' Jo Piazza yesterday. "I'm gonna sue Rita Cosby for it." In March, Birkhead acrimoniously split with his attorney Debra Opri. She later sued for allegedly unpaid fees, though Birkhead insists it is she who owes him money. Birkhead said he believes Opri was the source of documents Cosby obtained, "so I am going to be suing both Debra and Rita Cosby. The bottom line is Rita Cosby needed something to do. She got fired [from MSNBC in 2006], and nobody wanted her." Meanwhile, OK! magazine severed ties with Birkhead over the Cosby allegations. The weekly was to have featured coverage of Dannielynn's first birthday as the final part of a $1.7 million access deal. Editor Sarah Ivens said: "It breaks my heart that OK! has to pull out of [the] shoot ... but first and foremost, we care dearly about the well-being of the young one, and my moral obligation lies with her.... My biggest fear is that Larry and Howard may have tricked us all."

This makes us so giddy that we can't even think of a joke. And since Larry Birkhead and (especially) Howard K. Stern (that asshole) are jokes themselves, we think the story stands. We just have one question: If they were in it together all along, trying to create as much publicity buzz as possible to get Extra and OK! and whatnot to hand over piles of cash, why couldn't they have taken it even farther? Would it have killed them to gift us with a Jell-O wrestling match?

comments (1) |

send to a friend

June 21, 2007

CNW Junk Drawer: Cuts Like a Knife

• Paula Abdul has a new contorted face! Look into her stretched eyes! Oh oh! She's been tellin' lies! (Yeeeah!)

• Larry Birkhead thinks Dannielynn has her mom's pouty lips, long legs and chubby toes. Jury's out on who she takes after in the implant and veneer department, though. (I'm Not Obsessed)

• Britney stormed out of a photo shoot in a huff, never to return. Turns out they only had honey BBQ pretzel bites, not the buffalo ranch. (Daily Stab)

• German magician attempts to make Pam Anderson's breast ooze its way out of her bathing suit. (Hollywood Tuna)

• You know David Hasselhoff's ex-wife must be insanely f'ed up, because he got sole custody of the kids. Yaaaay, it's cheeseburger night! (Star Herpes)

• An odd fashion choice, even for Ashley Olsen. Perhaps she has joined a harem and is planning on seducing the sheik with her mysterious, semi-sheer, snakelike undulations. (Drunken Stepfather)

• How Jessica Simpson lost the ~~baby~~ Mayer weight. (IMDb.com)

• Here are some surprisingly hot pictures of Lindsay Lohan taken by Bryan Adams. Because when you want to sex up your image, where else to turn than a pockmarked Canadian adult contemporary artist? It makes perfect sense. (Egotastic!)

comments (0) |

send to a friend

April 18, 2007

CNW Junk Drawer: Sexy in Kindergarten

• Cameron Diaz has tiny nipples atop her tiny breasts underneath a tiny shirt. No tiny bra in sight. (Drunken Stepfather

• Jennifer Garner may have allowed Ben Affleck to ejaculate into her vaginal canal during ovulation again. (FemaleFirst)

• Angelina got more ass between juice breaks in kindergarten than you're getting now. (Bricks and Stones)

• Victoria Beckham is aging like a fine wine--kinda sourly. (Hollywood Tuna)

• The Lohan says that she is the protector of the family. She protects them by horfing rails. (A Socialite's Life)

• The people of India are angry at Richard Gere after he kissed Bollywood star Shilpa Shetty in public. Hey, they were lucky he didn't greet her by pantsing her and cramming a shaved hamster up her can. (IMDb)

• Jessica Alba, caught making out with a real dog. (MollyGood)

• Sabrina the Teenage Ass Crack. (Taxi Driver)

• Heather Mills fall down go boom! (Yeeeah!)

• John Travolta equates his level of fame to that of Marilyn Monroe and Elvis. Um, try Marilu Henner or John Ratzenberger. (The Blemish)

• Paris is scared that jail time will ruin her career. Her career consists of showing up to parties thrown by beverage companies, so we're pretty sure she'll be fine. (IDontLikeYouInThatWay)

• Larry Birkhead cuddles his $weet little $ugarpie. (TMZ)

send to a friend

April 10, 2007

Still No Daddy for Dannielynn; Candy Spelling Weighs In

We have bitten our fingernails to bloody nubs, pulled out every last strand of hair, and ground our teeth down to meth-addict stumps in anticipation, but, alas, the Bahamas do not play by our rules of time and work and order. Sure, we were supposed to find out if Larry Birkhead's sperm penetrated one of Anna Nicole Smith's eggs a few hours ago, but the judge had to go smoke a doob or sacrifice a goat or whatever it is that people do in the Bahamas, so we don't know shit. If everyone involved can leave their grass huts and stop sipping Bacardi long enough to show up in court we'll know the answer sometime after 2:30 Eastern. So until then, bask in Candy Spelling's wise words of advice to Larry Birkhead:

1) The hair, Larry: Most of the time, your hair looks great, and I'm sure you spend a lot of time getting it right. Just be warned that you might look good every day for a month. But the one day you leave in a hurry and don't pay enough attention, or you get a little wild with an untested new style -- photos will be taken that will haunt you forever.

The rest of Candy's sage words can be found at TMZ, and, no, there is nothing in there about how much time you will save by having an entire room filled with wrapping paper, silk ribbons, and pastel-colored crepe paper.

UPDATE: And it's the shocker of the century as Larry Birkhead is revealed as Dannielynn's father. The whole Anna Nicole saga with the drugs and the death and the mystery and the money has been so convoluted and so full of twists that we half expected a talking kangaroo named Jimbo to emerge at the last minute as the true father. We're kind of disappointed, actually.

send to a friend

April 09, 2007

Dannielynn's Da-Da Revealed . . . Real Soon Now, We Promise

We don't have it in our hearts and minds and spirits to look deep inside ourselves and come up with fresh Anna Nicole Smith material, so this is just a little post-it note to let you know that tomorrow, at long, long last, the mouth swabs will be tallied Montel-style and baby Dannielynn's sirer will be revealed. Howard K. Stern (asshole) tells TMZ that if Larry Birkhead is found to be the father, Howard will not fight for custody of the beleaguered tot. Great. Thanks for that, big guy. If he did, it would be like the time that lady at the bus stop was eating a falafel but it fell on the ground so we picked it up and started eating it. And then the lady got really mad and said that it was her falafel and we said, no, no, we bought the falafel. A fight ensued and we launched into a bitter battle over the falafel. Forensics experts were brought in, and it went all the way to the Supreme Court. In the end, we were awarded custody of the falafel but by then it was riddled with mold. Actually, that story had very little to do with the custody hearing for Dannielynn, aside from the fact that both she and the falafel are deep-fried balls of crunchy chickpea goodness. Yum! more »

send to a friend

February 28, 2007

CNW Junk Drawer: A Banjo, Some Clothing, a Gold Record

• Just a reminder: Jennifer Love Hewitt still has enormous bewbs.

• Those pictures of AI's Antonella Barba smoking some dude's dork are fakes. But weep not, for it will still be entertaining to see the shame in her eyes as she belts out some Diane Warren song tonight.

• When we see a headline about Paris Hilton getting impounded, we generally take that to mean "in the butt", not her car.

• Naomi Watts is 100% with child. You know Nicole Kidman is seething with jealousy.

• Cameron Diaz's butt cleave threatens to devour her bikini bottoms in one chomp.

• Wolfgang Puck serves up a hearty lamb-and-hepatitis stew to half of Hollywood.

• Dannielynn Has Two Daddies.

• Britney's problem might be post-partum depression. Solution: make Jayden James pay.

• "It was a dark and stormy night. One of my streetwalking employees just sat on Bruce Willis's face." Breathtaking prose from a former Hollywood madam!

• Kate Moss continues to show excellent judgment by allowing Pete Doherty to move into her home. He brought with him a banjo, clothing, a gold record, and a big pile of crack.

• Lohan's got the DTs. Or she's just scared, whatever.

• You'll have to wait just a little bit longer to ~~illegally download~~ use your working and legitimate credit card to purchase a copy of the Kim Kardashian sex tape.

• Anna Nicole might have died from being loopy! Oh, wait, no. Lupus. Lupus.

send to a friend

February 13, 2007

I Had Unprotected Sex with Anna Nicole and All I Got Was This Lousy Paternity Suit

Another gentleman has run, gasping, to the current events forefront, brandishing a sweaty claim ticket for poor wee Dannielynn Hope Marshall Stern--Anna Nicole's onetime bodyguard/TV chef, a burly chap named Alexander Denk. Behind the cut, an update on the baby's possible sirers, though at this point, we think they should all just move into a quirky New York City loft and raise the child together. They can have a cool art-car in the middle of the apartment and Dannielynn can date Giovanni Ribisi. more »

send to a friend