filed under: Dane Cook

• Megan Fox straps her camel toe into some stretch pants for a shopping excursion. (Faded Youth)

• And speaking of Megan Fox, her former(?) fiance Brian Austin Green denies the breakup rumors, says the couple are "solid". Solid as a rock? So nothing's changed it? And what you're saying is that the feeling's still hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hot? (PopCrunch)

• The first look at Jamie Lynn Spears's little baby, Maddie Briann. Maddie's next OK! cover: in thirteen years, when she marries cousin Sean Preston in a romantic toothless ceremony in Louisiana. (Dlisted)

• David Lee Roth choked on some nuts. (TMZ)

• Dane Cook is a shitty neighbor, literally. (Celebitchy)

• Robert Rodriguez traded his wife in for Rose McGowan, and is now trading Rose McGowan for Kat Dennings. Next up: he trades Kat Dennings for Abigail Breslin. (Defamer)

• Jennifer Lopez in a bikini. Post-twins, her abs are still flatter than yours, and her ass is still bigger than the sun. (Flisted)

• Lilo and SamRo ride the pink caterpillar at Disneyland. Ohhhh yeaaaaah. (Holy Taco)

• See Jaime Pressly in a bikini and you'll be nothin' but a horn dog. Eh? Yes? No? Bah. (IDLYITW)

• New Paris Hilton TV show in the works. And no, sadly, it's not a Fear Factor type show involving a rocket sending her to the surface of the moon to see how long she can hold her breath. (Hollywire)

We thought that Kate Hudson led a pretty busy life, what with raising her flowingly locked child and avoiding guilt over the whole Owen Wilson suicide thing. But maybe Ryder's been spending time with Dad, learning how to roll doobs or something, because Kate's had plenty of hookup time lately. Just Friday we reported on her Orlando Bloom face sucking, and now it appears she's also been spelunking Heath Ledger's oral cavity. Plus, somewhere along the line she risked life and limb and communicable douche disease by hooking up with Dane Cook. She's one brave girl. Page Six reports:

FORGET Dax Shephard; Kate Hudson has moved on to an actual movie star. Hudson, having dumped funnyman Shephard, was linked to Dane Cook, but Thursday night she only had eyes for Heath Ledger. Spies at Beatrice Inn said they spent their evening at the trendy watering hole "kissing and making out." A rep for Hudson said, "This is absolutely untrue. They ran into each other and chatted briefly, but that was the extent of it." But our spy insists on the liplock.

Maybe Heath had seen Ryder's pretty, pretty hair and was just trying to convince his mommy to donate it to a needy balding actor.

We're just going to be upfront about this: We will never, ever see Good Luck Chuck. We know that the filmmakers are trying really hard to get us to overlook the fact that their movie stars the biggest douchehole to ever infect a movie set with his ass stink (Dane Cook, obviously), but no amount of random naked girls and Jessica Alba in her underwear is worth the torture of Dane's "I'm so clever and edgy" screw-the-man-brah smirk for an hour and a half. We don't even think Jessica Alba totally naked would be worth that. Perhaps some ingenious executive will come up with a way to offer two versions of the DVD: one with Dane Cook for all the stripe-shirted jagbags who inexplicably find him amusing, and one for normal, sane people where Dane's head and voice and surely smarmy dialog are replaced with those of a gorilla. Or better yet, maybe they could replace Dane with a totally naked Jessica Alba, resulting in scenes involving a totally naked Jessica Alba having sex with an underwear-clad Jessica Alba. That's what technology is for, right? Anyway, for now we'll work with what we've got, which today is a clip (via Drunken Stepfather) involving Dane, who mercifully kept his shirt on, having sex with an unknown woman. An unknown woman who seems to have borrowed Kate Moss's Jolly Rancher size nipples.

more »

In our continuing coverage of douchebags who somehow score hot chicks, we bring you Dane Cook and Jessica Simpson. The San Francisco Chronicle reports:

Jessica Simpson has fueled speculation she's back in the arms of comedian Dane Cook after joining him at Prince's V.I.P. concert at Los Angeles' Roosevelt Hotel on Saturday.

The couple reportedly dated while shooting the movie "Employee Of The Month" together -- and guests at Prince's latest show were left in no doubt the pair are still close.

According to witnesses, Simpson and Cook sat next to each other on a sofa, often talking into each other's ear over the music.

A source tells Life & Style magazine, "They were laughing, joking and hanging out. They practically spent all night together, dancing and touching each other."

The Zach Braff/Drew Barrymore thing was bad enough. We spent out 4th of July burning copies of Scrubs in protest, and when Best Buy ran out of Braff-related DVDs we had to move on to storming into hospitals and setting fire to actual scrubs, sometimes with doctors and nurses still in them. But apparently the universe did not heed our arsonous cries, because if there is one person on the planet we despise more than Zach Braff--one jagbaggy dillweed who deserves to get laid less than ZB--it's Dane Cook, he of the carefully coiffed bedhead and twenty-minute SNL monologue. He embodies every single thing that is wrong in this world, from pre-faded thrift-store-chic t-shirts to the ability to achieve fame through MySpace. Not that we're saying that Jessica Simpson really deserves anything better, but Dane Cook definitely doesn't deserve to touch the boobies of anyone hotter than Amanda Lepore.

Jessica Alba says she lost a tooth while filming a sex scene with Dane Cook. We're guessing that the thing sacrificed itself just to escape Dane's whiny, frat-boy-tinged brand of "humor". Really, Jess is lucky something more serious didn't happen, like her arms detaching themselves from her torso or her internal organs crawling up through her throat and making a run for it. more »

Jessica Simpson's new costar is Dane Cook, and his girlfriend is not a dummy. She keeps visiting the movie set, putting in long hours visiting her honey and shielding him from the sweet siren song of Jessica's gigantic breasts. Because she knows that Jessica Simpson and extra-hammy "comedians" go together like tongues and rectums. more »