filed under: Criss Angel

Despite her previous protestations to the contrary, Holly Madison confirmed her relationship with magician/secret eldest Jonas brother Criss Angel, when she appeared as his date for the opening of his new Vegas show on Saturday. The former Girl Next Door and the current king of the ankh jewelry section of the dragon and wizard store at the mall kissed in front of cameras, thus bringing their love into the open. It's hard to believe anyone outside of Rock of Love also-rans would date Mr. Angel, but then we realized that after years of coaxing boners out of an octogenarian, any dude who doesn't require a triple dose of Cialis and a dick splint to get an erection is a welcome sight.

Like a prodigal daughter, Lindsay Lohan has returned to the warm, nurturing bosom of Partying, her most cherished and only reliable parent, jetting to Las Vegas this weekend to spend the wee hours dancing down at Pure. You, like the rest of us, are cynical buttholes and probably just immediately rolled your eyes and made the "drinky-drinky" motion with your hand but guess what? Ho is wearing an alcohol monitoring ankle bracelet (just like Michelle Rodriguez and Tracy Morgan!) and was seen drinking nothing but Red Bull all night. We don't need to point out that alcohol monitoring ankle bracelets don't detect anything other than alcohol, though, and instead of her usual band of merry hipster doofuses and A-listers with whom she parties, Lohan was seen in the company of various sundry Pussycat Dolls and she left the club with Criss Angel. Far be it from us to suggest that one would have to be all zorked out on eightballs to party with J-list female impersonators and bang a magician, but hey. Maybe Angel promised he could make her ankle bracelet . . . dissssappppear!



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It's just like Ray Parker Jr. sang lo, so many years ago: I'm in love with the other woman. My life was fine till she blew my mind. Actually, those lyrics have very little to do with the following story, but we had to give props to RPJ for dropping consistently smooth and sexy platters in the 1980s. At any rate, Cameron Diaz has been dating X-treem magician Criss Angel for a few months, but they've hit a snag. It turns out he has a magical secret wife. Whoops. According to the New York Post:

The “secret” Long Island wife of kooky magician Criss Angel yesterday accused him of having an affair with Cameron Diaz, claiming their marriage broke down as soon as the TV illusionist got famous and bedded the Hollywood star.

Celebrity lawyer Dominic Barbara - who represents Angel’s wife, Joanne Sarantakos - says he will now subpoena Diaz and have her testify about their romance, in state Supreme Court in Mineola, to support the spurned spouse’s divorce suit on the grounds of mental cruelty and abandonment.

Angel - who changed his name from Sarantakos and moved to Las Vegas after he hit the big time with his TV show “Mindfreak” - kept his wife of five years “as a secret” to increase his sex appeal to female fans, Barbara said.

The couple had a 15-year relationship, he said.

It's pretty cool that big film studios have whole movies riding on people like Lindsay Lohan, who are guzzling some sort of bourbon-Adderall-crack concoction and smashing cars, and they can't seem to reign her in, yet Criss Angel's "handlers" are harkening back to the days of Rock Hudson and Rudolph Valentino, hiding Angel's wife so little girls can fantasize over his Bop centerfold. The alternative magic scene must be more lucrative than we thought. more »

• Angelina and Brad are thinking about adding a Czech orphan to their multi-hued brood. NO. F U. MORE SHILOH. (Derek Hail)

• Brooke Hogan performs in frayed denim chaps. We haven't seen such creative scissors-meet-fabric self-styling since Billy's Squier's "Rock Me Tonite" video! (Drunken Stepfather)

• Nicole Richie pregnant. Yeah, rite. (Female First)

• Jennifer Aniston gets back at Brad for shacking up with Hollywood's most beautiful woman with the only possible revenge: dating a model. (Hollyscoop)

• Criss Angel dedicates a magic trick to new girlfriend Cameron Diaz. Uhhh, we think that sort of romance only works with musicians dedicating songs. Then again, who knows, maybe there are dentists out there saying, "This root canal goes out to my boo, Debbie. I love you, babygirl." (Celebitchy)

• Christina Aguilera and her husband. They sure do like costumes. (Hollywood Tuna)

• Elle MacPherson: She's still got it! And by "it" we mean "nipples". (Taxi Driver)

• Dawn Wiener's sweater puppies in Hostel 2. (Don't Link This)

• The Hoff got hassled by ex-wife and cops. (Yeeeah!)

• Katie Holmes threatens to bake up a fresh batch of Cruise juice into more spawn. (Glosslip)

• The Butterscotch Stallion to freely roam the plains again, whinnying and rearing and tossing his golden mane. (Lainey Gossip)

That "no sex for a year" ban seems to be working out pretty well for old Paris Hilton. In the three months since she pledged celibacy, she's handled more balls than the entire sixth grade gym class at Sheboygan Junior High.

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