filed under: Clay Aiken

Hell hath no fury like a Claymate scorned, so we excitedly don full body armor for this next scintillating tale. It seems that completely straight singer/American Idol runner-up Clay Aiken is going to be a father! How delightfully heteronormative! Says TMZ:

Here's what we know. Multiple sources tell us the mother is Jaymes Foster, a record producer and Clay's best friend. He lives at her home when he's in L.A.

We're told 50-year-old Foster, who produced several Aiken CDs, is due in August. She's the sister of record mogul David Foster. She divorced a few years back and has no kids. Aiken is 29.

We're told Foster was artificially inseminated. But Clay is a lot more than sperm -- we're told he will have an active role in raising the child.

No immediate word from Aiken's rep.

Hopefully the child will have play dates with Suri Cruise and Prince Michael and Blanket Jackson. Why? Oh, no reason.

• Brittany Murphy's husband is Artie Lange??? (Bricks and Stones)

• Lindsay says that rehab was a "sobering experience". You don't say. (IDLYITW)

• Tara Reid in FHM looking . . . good? Oh, look, a flying pig. (Hollywood Tuna)

• Charlize Theron is Esquire's Sexiest woman. Which is a nicer honor than being Esquire's Stinkiest Belly Button. Yeah, we're still bitter, Esquire. Screw you jerks. (Egotastic!)

• Halle's berries are ripe for the fuckin'. Pluckin'! Pluckin'. (Derek Hail)

• Kiefer Sutherland is going to jail. God, he is always trying to ape Paris's steez, man. Always. (The Blemish)

• Man of God proves that Clay Aiken is not gay! By twiddling wieners with him. Or writing a funny letter. Which one is truth and which one is a joke? Find out on the next scintillating installment of . . . Gayken! (Celebitchy)

• Everybody on earth knows that J. Lo's packin' mad embryo. (CelebWarship)

Since enabling comments on CelebNewsWire, we have learned one thing: People won't shut up when you mention Clay Aiken. Everyone has an opinion. So today we will put forth this challenge: Tell us what you think of Clay getting beat up by a girl. Do you think he's a little pansy who would probably shield himself with the body of a seven-year-old girl to avoid an altercation? Or do you think that the girl in question was an eight-foot, four-hundred-pound ogre with iron skillets for hands and bricks for teeth? We're leaning toward the first one, although we're also considering the possibility that the seven-year-old girl wasn't the shield but the attacker. more »

Oh, now, this is just terrible. A terrible, terrible American tragedy.

• If Christina Aguilera isn't pregnant in her uterus, then she's definitely carrying a set of twins in her cans. Whooo-eeee! (Drunken Stepfather)

• I know why the caged Tom Sizemore sings. Because meth makes you chipper. (FemaleFirst)

• What will Paris do, post-jail? Here are some fine ideas on life after incarceration. (Yeeeah!)

• While Paris was in jail, her Delorean or whatever was repossessed. It would be funner if it was just plain possessed, like Christine, but we work with what we're given. (Hollywood Backwash)

• A new musical is in the works, based on "outrageous and delusional" Claymates. If there's anything that makes our comment switchboard light up, it's Clay Aiken! (ONTD)

• Once upon a time, Eva Mendes wanted to be a nun. Then she looked in the mirror and was like, "hahahahahahaha, yeah RITE." (Derek Hail)

• Germany has banned Tom Cruise from filming scenes for a new movie in their country, simply because they think Scientology is lame. Who says Germans don't have a sense of humor? (Celebrity Hack)

• Hef: the Movie. (Hollywood Grind)

• V.I.L.E. henchmen Timberlake and Biel have been spotted passing the loot on to Robocrook in . . . Copenhagen! (I Don't Like You In That Way)

• Justin, by the way, is arty. Wait, not arty. Farty. (FemaleFirst)

• Michael Lohan claims that Mama Dina blew rails while pregnant with "our oldest child, Lindsay." That would explain a thing or two, except for the fact that Lindsay has an older brother. Who's the cokehead now, Michael? Huh? Huh? (Celebitchy)

We used to think that fame + money meant that anything annoyingly human about your body could be taken care of. Crow's feet are smoothed out, cellulite is sucked out, unflatteringly dark anuses are bleached. Certainly stinky feet should be easily fixed with the removal of pedal sweat glands or at least some Manolo Blahnik-designed Odor Eaters. But Britney once taught us that this is not the case with your, how shall we say, more country celebs, and Clay Aiken is now giving us a remedial class in "money doesn't make you classy." Celebitchy reports:

On a recently flight from LA to Clay Aiken’s hometown of Raleigh, North Carolina, the American Idol runner up didn’t get drunk and rowdy, but he did act weird and smelly.

Aiken was said to have taken off his socks and shoes and to have put them on his assistant’s lap. His feet stunk up the whole first class cabin.

"Clay, who was accompanied by a terrified-looking female assistant, draped his feet over her lap and removed his shoes and socks - allowing a foul smell to invade the small cabin! Even stranger, after fidgeting through most of the flight, he ended up sitting on the floor in front of his expensive seat! Exclaimed one passenger, 'He’s an odd one!'”

The way we see it, Clay's fellow first-class passengers got off easy. If Clay had really wanted to get comfortable, he could have went beyond the socks and shoes and removed his entire ensemble, and if his feet are so odoriferously offensive, we're guessing that kid has some major ball stench.

To make up for the fact that our usual lead "sexy lady" story isn't very sexy today, we're bringing you this searingly hot webcam shot of the naked boobs of a famous soft-featured pop tart:



Pffft, those are totally implants. more »

- Tom Cruise is an old-fashioned kinda guy, and recently sat down with the parents of his paid platonic consort to hash out contract wedding details.
- Robert Redford: From lumpy to hunky in five short years! Twelve fab secrets for a comely mug inside!
- Madonna stuffs her bra!
- Clay Aiken is terrifying in a way that's, frankly, kind of mesmerizing.
- That's it, we're giving up on the TomKat jokes. There's no way we can beat Goldenfiddle at that game. We ain't even gonna try.