filed under: Christina Aguilera
June 27, 2008
Xtina's Xtremely Xpansive Xtremities

OK, so obviously we know that
Christina Aguilera has gigantic non-genuine gazongas. But have they grown recently? Those things are monumental. Perhaps in her baby-rearing down time Xtina is actually a super talented scientist who has devoted herself to discovering space-age polymers (we're not quite sure what those are; we think we heard about them on
The Jetsons) that can grow and shrink at their master's will. Sweater feeling a little loose in the boobal area? All Christina has to do is give her nipples a couple of tweaks and her breast flesh (or flesh-like plasticine material, as it were) will expand to fill in the excess material. By the time little Max turns five, Xtina should be able to discover the key to turning off her magical breast expansion and contraction so she doesn't accidentally smother Jordan Bratman during foreplay.
more »
June 10, 2008
CNW Junk Drawer: CBT

•
Brittany Snow not naked, but well-versed in cock and ball torture in
On the Doll! (
Fatback)
• In case you were wondering if
Pam Anderson's nipples were still inching their way towards her armpits, the answer is a resounding yes! (
Taxi Driver)
• Abigail Clancy: dumpy name, glamorous naked boobs in a bikini. (
Drunken Stepfather)
• Despite her assertions to the contrary,
Jessica Alba is most definitely shopping around pics of her baby. (
Cityrag)
• Awwww.
Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson, happy and hugging. Not as exciting as groaning and fingerblasting, but we make do with what we're given. (
Yeeeah!)
•
Sienna Miller enjoys sleeping with . . . . . . . . . . . Heath Ledger's pajamas. (
CelebWarship)
•
Heather Locklear throws some gang signs. Yo yo yo, northeast siiiiiide, Bev Hills, dis ya girl Heathuh! Brentwoooooood! Respect! (
The Blemish)
• Paul Newman has lung cancer. Noooooooooooooooooooooooo. (
Hollywire)
•
Elizabeth Hurley continues to dress her son like he's Little Lord Fauntleroy. (
Allie Is Wired)
• Does
Christina Aguilera have her eye on another, nonsimian man? (
Hollyscoop)
• Firecrotch-spouter
Brandon Davis has gone from Fat Elvis to slightly less fat Elvis. (
Faded Youth)
June 05, 2008
Xtina Fights for Her Right to Party

We never thought we had any particular interest in
Christina Aguilera. She's got big jugs, she has actual talent, someone seriously needs to dig a hole in her backyard and throw in every scrap of makeup she owns for the good of mankind, she's married to a monkey. Our thoughts on Xtina pretty much end there. But this past week has proven that we secretly harbor a deep love for her (and her deepest, cleaviest crevice). Four days in a row of Christina stories! It's Xtina xtreem! Strap on your 'boarding boots and slam a Dew, cause Christina says it's a-OK to party, dudes.
People reports:
Make no mistake, Christina Aguilera loves her baby. But she likes the nightlife, too.
"Once in a while, if I want to go out and have a mommy-daddy night with my husband, I am more than allowed to do that," the singer – who gave birth to son Max Liron in January – told Access Hollywood.
This past weekend, for example, she hit Las Vegas's Pure nightclub at Caesars Palace to help celebrate the launch of an Xtina-inspired jewelry line, the Stephen Webster Silver Collection.
"I spend all day with my son," Aguilera, 27, told the TV show – adding that any criticism of her late-night outings with husband Jordan Bratman is downright "mean spirited."
"Everybody has an opinion and everybody sometimes wants to cause drama," she said. "But it's something that comes with what you do and I learned that very early on."
God, what's the big deal? So the lady had a few drinks and groped on a girl a little bit. It's not like she took Max to the party and filled his bottle with Beam & Coke. He was probably safely asleep in his crib dreaming of Mommy's boobies. Which, come to think of it, was probably what we were doing at about the same time. That was a good night.
more »
June 04, 2008
Babies Make Christina Aguilera Feel Sexy

Some women need high heels, sexy lingerie, or red lipstick to feel sexy; not
Christina Aguilera. She's at her sexiest when she's passing a pissing, shitting, squealing infant through her vagina. In fact, motherhood so makes her ladyparts throb that she's planning on doing it again. Reports
The Sun:
FANS of CHRISTINA AGUILERA’S gargantuan post-pregnancy boobs need not fear shrinkage – she’s planning on having plenty more kids to keep them pumped up.
The Dirrty beauty’s breasts have maintained their eye-popping shape and size since the January birth of her son, MAX, with husband JORDAN BRATMAN.
And nature won’t be granted much time to reduce them if the singer – who credits motherhood with making her feel “very sexy” – goes through with plans to add to her brood.
When asked if she wants more babies, Christina replied: “Yes, absolutely. Absolutely!
“Motherhood comes very naturally to me. I think a whole new confidence comes with being a mother. I feel very confident and very sexy as a mother.”
So other than having a bald baby knawing on her fake funbag, what makes Christina feel sexy? Cleaning toilets, evacuating her dog's anal glands, and this guy:

What can we say? It's pretty hard to dispute good taste.
more »
June 03, 2008
Christina Aguilera Enjoys Life

Yesterday we posted a little profile of Hollywood's greatest entertainer,
Funbags the Clown. It seems that our coverage of her clowning skills worked wonders for her career, as she was invited to perform for kids at a little party at a nice place called
Tenjune. Says
Yeeeah!:
Christina Aguilera and her [female] companion put on a sexy show by dancing close to each other. 26-year-old Christina even grabbed her friend’s head and rubbed her face into her breast as their racy dancing continued.
It's great to see a modern twist on the clown classics. In lieu of juggling bowling pins, Funbags allowed the female partygoer to juggle her jugs. But man, you don't want to know how she updated the ole "squirting buttonhole flower" trick.

more »
June 02, 2008
Christina Aguilera Has Large Shoes and a Comically Tiny Car

And here we have Hollywood's hottest chuckle-maker,
Funbags the Clown, at an event this past weekend. Although Funbags is extremely popular, she is available for your child's birthday party, any and all ribbon-cutting ceremonies, carnivals and street fairs, and bat mitzvahs. Watch in wonder as she removes the balloons from her chest cavity and fashions them into giraffes and wiener dogs for the kiddies.

more »
March 27, 2008
Christina Aguilera and Hubby Reenact Showgirls Pool Scene; Disgust the Elderly

The coolest thing about being a totally in-your-face rock star is freakin' out the square, am I right or am I right, people?
Christina Aguilera sure as hell knows what we're talking about--apparently, she's got all the fogies in her neighborhood shaking their colostomy bags with ire because she and monkey-man husband
Jordan Bratman insist on enjoying extremely loud naked lust sessions in their backyard pool. An irritated neighbor complained to
Star:
“They don’t just splash around — they laugh, scream, swear and make sexy noises. We’re happy that they’re happy, but we wish they’d keep it down a bit. There are a lot of old people who live around here, and they don’t like noise after the dinner hour.”
Although it's no
Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt Scream with Sensual Ecstasy in the Wilds of Africa, it's a nice display of connubial passion, to be sure. Though it's a bummer that their game of Marco Hole-o is causing the elderly to have trouble digesting their liver and onions during
Empty Nest reruns. It's like
Cocoon, in reverse.
more »
March 04, 2008
Nicole Richie's Spawn Already More Popular Than Christina Aguilera's

Since the halcyon days of Suri and Shiloh, when we were waiting to catch a glimpse of our future overlord and the world's most genetically perfect human specimen, respectively, we haven't taken much of an interest in the first unveilings of celebrity spawn. They all kind of look alike, right? So what's the point? It's not like one of the little squirts is going to show up on the pages of
People with a prehensile tail or covered in 14 karat gold leaf (although now that we've given her the idea, we wouldn't put it past J.Lo to try that last one). But apparently we're not typical, baby-obsessed Americans. The masses don't love all famous offspring equally though. Sayth MSNBC:
Nicole Richie didn’t just beat rival Christina Aguilera to the delivery room by having daughter Harlow on Jan. 11, one day before Aguilera gave birth to son Max, but it appears Richie will beat Aguilera on the newsstand as well.
Both new moms each had their own cover of People magazine, and according to some early estimates, the issue featuring Richie is on target to sell more than 1.8 million copies, according to an industry source, whereas Aguilera's has sold far less. (People magazine could not confirm sales numbers; a spokesperson said its too soon to know how many copies were sold.)
Why does there seem to be more interest in Harlow Winter Kate Madden? One magazine insider said part of it could come down to the moms’ fan bases. “Christina historically doesn’t do that well on covers,” said the source, who cites poor sales of her wedding photo issue in OK!, and less-than-stellar sales of her nude photo shoot in the January 2008 Marie Claire.
That might be true, but Nicole Richie doesn’t seem like an obvious home run on the cover, either. “There’s also a greater element of curiosity with Nicole,” the source conceded. “She’s gone public about being a heroin addict. Her boyfriend is covered in tattoos. By default, she’s got the more interesting baby. People want to see how she settles down. They want to see what kind of baby someone with her background has.”
So readers thought Harlow Winter Kate Madden would pop out of mommy's womb with a sweet Taz tat on her forearm with a needle hanging out of it? God, Americans really are dumb fucks, aren't they?
February 27, 2008
Wonky Tonk Titties

Tabloids are up in arms about
Suri Cruise being allowed to imbibe nothing aside from a curious concoction they call "barley water". Frankly, we think people should be more concerned about the dietary habits of
Christina Aguilera's spawn, tiny
Max Liron Bratman.
Not only were his first days on Earth marred by having a crowd of cooing strangers gawking at his ding dong being trimmed while genital balloons bobbled overhead, his first outer utero meal was a giant mouthful of polysiloxane road-mapped in ropey blue veins. Mmm mmm mmm! Toasty!
Pics via
Yeeeah! more »
February 14, 2008
CNW Junk Drawer: Stealin' Babies and Batteries

•
Britney Spears and Adnan Ghalib, married? Married? Yeah, married.
Married? Yeah,
married! Sheesh! (
I Don't Like You In That Way)
•
Miley Cyrus publicly apologizes for not wearing her seat belt. No seat belt is a slippery slope that leads headlong into Crotchflashtown and San Rehabton. (
IMDb)
•
Emma "Hermione" Watson gets slimed by Kirsten Dunst's leftovers. (
The Sun)
•
Bai Ling arrested for hamburglaring some gossip rags and a pack of batteries from an airport gift shop. Maybe she wanted to power up her G-spotter to use while gazing at herself in the fashion "What Were They Thinking?" section. (
Celebitchy)
• Oh, shut your tamalehole,
J. Lo. Nobody wants to steal your dumb old crusty old babies. (
The Blemish)
• The Madamism of Hollywood. Waylon Flowers would be delighted. (
Cityrag)
• Say what you will about
Kim Kardashian, that sitter of hers is A number one. (
HolyTaco)
•
Amy Winehouse upgrades to Blake v. 2.0: all the creepiness none of the jail. Now with Magic-Gro Hair! (
The Superficial)
•
Aguilera debuts her infink. (
Daily Stab)
•
Kristen Bell gets rung! (
Don't Link This)
February 06, 2008
Christina Funbaguilera
Aguilera! She of the Pennywise makeup and permasneer! Every single thing she does oozes with blow-up doll sex appeal. She even makes ceremonial removal of the foreskin off her baby's wiener totally hot. The other day, she told Ryan Seacrest:
"I'm not Jewish, my husband is. I really had no idea about the bris. It was a very sweet experience. We had a lot of close friends come over and experience the bris with us. But we're such a non-conventional couple - we put penis balloons up everywhere!"
An auspicious start to one's life, to be sure. For little Max's bar mitzvah, he'll be getting two call girls and a double-donged dildo from his grandparents. Mazel tov, kiddo.
And since discussing infant ding-dongs isn't very sexy, here's Christina Aguilera at a CD signing at Breast Buy. Whoops, sorry. We obviously meant Breast Buy. Ahem!
Breast Buy. Oh, stop laughing. You know what we really meant, which is Breast Buy. OK, we can't milk that joke any longer. Zing-a-zing-zang!

January 14, 2008
Aguilera and Richie: Dueling Doulas

Hollywood was awash with shed mucus plugs this weekend--Rodeo Drive crushed under a rolling tsunami of afterbirth and Grauman's Chinese buried under placenta 7 feet deep. Both
Nicole Richie and
Christina Aguilera shat brats from their crotches this weekend.
Yeeeah! has the scoop, via
People:
Nicole Richie and her rocker boyfriend Joel Madden are the parents of a daughter. Harlow Winter Kate Madden was born Friday at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center and weighed 6 lbs. 7 oz.
Christina Aguilera and Jordan Bratman welcomed a baby boy on Saturday at 10:05 p.m. Max Liron Bratman [weighed] 6 lbs., 2 oz. and 20.5 inches [and] arrived late on Saturday night in L.A.
We'll call this one a draw. Nicole's spawn crossed the finish line first, but Christina's baby wins the battle of the bulge. And in showbiz, that's the most important thing. Little Harlot Madden's isn't even a week old and she's already doing squats with the medicine ball to fit into her slinky christening gown.
November 28, 2007
Christina Preguilera Does the Demi
Christina Aguilera is going to be on the cover of
Marie Claire's January 2008 issue. And she appears to be ringing in the new year with a sliver of tittay and some side butt gently bookmarking the burgeoning fetus in her guts. Awww. Baby's first photo shoot. Xtina tells the mag:
“We’re so labeled. If you’re too sexual, you’re slutty. If you’re not sexual enough, you’re a prude. I like to put it out there as a topic of conversation. Why does it bother you? What’s your problem with it? Am I really hurting you? Let’s get to the root of it. I have more than one side of me that likes to get out on a stage and sing. Sometimes I want to be aggressive, sometimes I want to feel empowered in my sexuality and my vulnerability. I want to put all that out there.”
You certainly did exactly that, Christina. It's interesting that all it took was sperm meeting egg for her to unleash a veritable tsunami of flesh--including
full vulva disclosure. "Dirrty" gave us leather chaps and pelvic thrusts, while "Prregnant" is giving us no chaps and, uh, just pelvis. Yay!

more »
November 21, 2007
A View Only Christina Aguilera's OB/GYN Has Enjoyed
Christina Aguilera, as a rule, is pretty good about straddling the line between charmingly tawdry and full-on ass-out indecency. Spackled Real Doll makeup and cleavage you could lose your keys in is always a go, but she's always stopped just short of reproductive organs. Dig, if you will, the picture to the left. Classic Aguilera: even heavily pregnant, she's still willing to give us a trowel full of clown paint and a sexy short dress. And look--she's wearing panties. OR IS SHE? Press the button that says "more" and all will be revealed. Literally.
more »
November 14, 2007
Christina Aguilera to End World Hunger with Her Cans

When we first gazed upon this photo of
Christina Aguilera's gigantic milk-and-silicone hybrid bazooms, our reaction was pretty much what you'd see in any 1950s cartoon: eyes bulging, tongue rolling out like an Oscar red carpet, heart beating outside of our shirt. Then about ten minutes later we rolled our tongue back into our mouth, stuffed our heart back into our chest cavity, and opened our desktop stash of arousal-killing images: close-ups of Britney Spears's weave, Carrot Top shirtless,
Jocelyn Wildenstein. When we returned to Xtina, we came to the conclusion that she must be expecting triplets. Unfortunately her innards weren't ready for three fetuses, so her uterus expanded, depositing one Jordy Jr. in each lung. In appreciation we wrote this song:
You are boobiful no matter what they say
Bras can't hold you down
You are boobiful in every single way
Yes, bras can't hold you down
Find more of Christina's cascading cajooblies at
Celebridiot.
November 05, 2007
Famous Ladies Had Penises in Their Vaginas; Babies Ensued

Anyone who is not a female above age thirty can just stop reading this right now, because we're about to delve into the world of babies. It's going to be babies, babies, babies around the CNW parts until every last one of you wants to scrape out your lady innards with a rusty hanger. We just can't stop talking about, thinking about, and looking at babies. Just call us Angelina Jolie. First up,
Christina Aguilera states the oh-so-obvious, per
IMDB:
Christina Aguilera has finally confirmed reports she is expecting a baby with husband Jordan Bratman. The singer has previously refused to comment on the status of her bulging belly, despite her father Fausto Aguilera and her pal Paris Hilton letting slip about the 26-year-old's happy news earlier this year. The couple has also been spotted shopping at baby boutiques in Los Angeles on numerous occasions in recent weeks. But Aguilera, 26, has now spoken out for the first time about her excitement at impending motherhood, revealing to U.S. magazine Glamour that she is expecting in the New Year. When asked about her New Year's resolutions for 2008, Aguilera says, "That'll be about the time I enter into mommyhood, so... I'm hoping to have started a beautiful family with my husband!" And music executive Bratman is delighted at the prospect of becoming a father. She adds, "Oh, he's thrilled! He's just great." The baby will be a first for both Aguilera and Bratman, who married in November 2005.
Yeah, thanks for finally fessing up, Xtina, but what we really need to know is how you conquered the hardships involved in being inseminated by a monkey. Were there scientists involved? Will this open a whole new world of cross-breeding possibilities? Will Paris Hilton soon get knocked up by her pet goat?
Also admitting to the fetus in the tummy is
Cate Balnchett, also via
IMDB:
Notes On A Scandal actress Cate Blanchett has put a stop to reports speculating about her expanding waistline - she's announced she is expecting her third child. The Aviator Oscar winner, 38, first sparked pregnancy rumors in October, when she stepped out to promote her latest film Elizabeth: The Golden Age in Rome, Italy, sporting a sexy new fuller figure. The star made the confession during a red-carpet appearance in Australia on Saturday, when she revealed she is four months pregnant - although she does not yet know the sex of the baby. She says, "It's early days yet. It's due in April." Blanchett already has two children with her husband, playwright Andrew Upton: six-year-old Dashiell and three-year-old Roman.
You already know of our love for Cate, so we cannot say anything negative about her. Instead we'll just say this: J.Lo, you just got faced by an elf. What you gonna do about it, preggo?
And in the celebrity births category,
Milla Jovovich finally popped one out, and as far as we know it didn't weigh forty-seven pounds. According to
Celebrity Baby Blog:
Actress Milla Jovovich, 31, and her fiancé, director Paul W.S. Anderson, 42, have welcomed their first child. Daughter Ever Gabo was born on Saturday morning at Cedars-Sinai in Los Angeles, a day before Milla's due date of Sunday, weighing in at 7 lbs, 8 oz. According to a source, "Everything went really smooth."
Ah, we get it. As in "This kid isn't Ever going to forgive her parents for giving her a stupid name." Good one.
October 24, 2007
Christina Aguilera Is Insulted by Your Low-Class Baby Gifts

If you were thinking about picking up a Gloworm or Baby Alive Wets & Wiggles doll for
Christina Aguilera's baby next time you were at Wal-Mart stocking up on Lunchables and Lean Pockets, don't bother. She'll just throw that shit in the trash along with that cheap Bob the Builder See 'n Say the in-laws got her.
Star magazine sez (via
Celebitchy):
Six-months-pregnant Christina Aguilera’s ultra-expensive tastes may be getting out of control! According to a friend of the singer the only way Christina, 26, will participate in a baby shower is if it’s “first class all the way. She wants it to be at a ritzy place like the Beverly Hills Hotel, rather than at a friend’s house, like what was suggested. And she wants a celebrity party planner like Mindy Weiss to organize it rather than her friends. She’s definitely hurt some feelings, the way she handled the situation.”
Not even the star’s patient hubby, Jordan Bratman, 30, seems capable of meeting her lofty expectations, adds the friend. “Jordan came home with some toys for the baby that his family had bought at Babies R Us, but she didn’t like them - so she threw them out! She only wants gifts from the exclusive places she’s registered at, like Bellini, Petit Tresor and Bel Bambini in Beverly Hills!”
So does that mean she's going to discard Paris Hilton's gifts of baby-sized push-up bras and MAC Baby mascara and lip gloss?
September 18, 2007
CNW Junk Drawer: A Total Raging Disgusting Rich Lazy Party Slut

•
Britto's manager drops her mere hours after her lawyer does. She's getting dropped more often than Sean Preston. Ba-dum-bump. (
Yeeeah!)
•
Jessica Simpson brings back the Daisy Dukes. Or maybe the Dazzy Duks. Whatever. (
Drunken Stepfather)
• This is what
Kid Rock bitchslapped
Tommy Lee over. (
Hollywood Tuna)
•
Mary-Louise Parker pulls a
Madonna. And we don't mean dry-humping Vanilla Ice. (
The Blemish)
• Dave Grohl says that
Paris is a "total, raging, disgusting, rich, lazy party slut." In similar news, Dave Grohl claims that "bacon tastes real good" and "water is wet". (
Celebitchy)
•
Christina Aguilera's baby will never go hungry. (
Derek Hail)
• Sting probably had sex with these hookers. But the question remains: did he have sex with them for ten hours straight? (
IDLYITW)
•
Keira Knightley is a big fat sloppy gross lardy gigantic moo cow. (
Celeb Warship)
August 23, 2007
CNW Junk Drawer: Duff Muff?

•
Bridget Moynahan gave birth to a giant football yesterday. (
Celebitchy)
•
Anna Faris makes with the cheek-smugglers. (
Drunken Stepfather)
•
Jessica Biel is happy to share her chest chasm with you in FHM. (
Egotastic!)
• Attractive drip
Adrian Grenier throws genital caution to the wind and hangs out with
Paris Hilton. (
The Blemish)
•
Christina Aguilera's baby will not go hungry. (
Hollywood Tuna)
• Sweden makes the call:
Bill Murray is one beer over par! (
IDLYITW)
•
Mariah Carey obscures breasts with lace grandma curtain; cirrus clouds. (
Cityrag)
•
Lindy Loho thinks that rehab is serious business. You can tell by her no-nonsense hair bun and utilitarian mom-chic hoodie. (
Yeeeah!)
• The main peril of being a housecat is accidentally drinking antifreeze. Unless you're
Pete Doherty's cat, then the biggest problem is a couple of bumps of coke sprinkled atop your Meow Mix. (
A Socialite's Life)
•
Hilary Duff: womanly folds or crotch seam? (
Taxi Driver)
•
Hayden Panettiere: now old enough for lactose bukkake! (
Celeb Warship)
•
Jennifer Love Hewitt cries when she watches herself act. That's so funny, because we also wail uncontrollably when we have to watch her act. (
Daily Stab)
•
Kurt Russell sports flaccid ding dongage and a solid B-cup. (
Allie Is Wired)
August 02, 2007
Baby Boy Madden, Meet Baby Girl Bratman

Thanks to
In Touch Weekly, you can finally start shopping for baby presents for
Nicole Richie and
Christina Aguilera. According to the mag, Nicole is gestating a boy while Christina is baking up a girlchild. Personally, we think the genders would do better switched, since Nicole's child will be wispy and waifish and Xtina's has a 50/50 chance of coming out looking like
this.
Dlisted says:
Xtina is back in Los Angeles after her doctor ordered her on bed rest after contracting the flu. She cancelled the rest of her tour and came home. Xtina has yet to confirm she's popping one out.
A source claims Nicole wanted a girl, but she's "happy" she's having a boy. This source said, “She’s having fun planning for the baby — shopping, picking out names and designing a nursery."
Well, yeah, that part of having a baby is fun. Wait until the creature actually births and she finds out that you can't just drop it at doggy day care for a nail trim and fur condition. And that babies don't really like being toted around in Vuitton purses. And that babies eat food, which will have to be kept in the home. Oooh, that's right! We weren't about to let this one go without a Nicole-Richie-is-skinny-joke! In your face, world!
more »
July 05, 2007
Nicole Richie and Christina Aguilera Cook up Matching Fetuses

We know you love nothing more than up-to-the-minute reports on the occupancy of celebrity uteruses (uteri?), mostly because you really love looking at pregnant ladies' milk-swollen cans. Unfortunately the news of
Nicole Richie's and
Christina Aguilera's knocked-up conditions will do little for your celebrity-breast-ogling habit, as Christina's taut plastic pontoons are likely incapable of housing any sort of natural baby-feeding substance, and even if Nicole were to tote around a year's supply of jug juice she still probably wouldn't fill out your twelve-year-old niece's training bra.
more »
June 26, 2007
CNW Junk Drawer: Outrageous and Delusional

• If
Christina Aguilera isn't pregnant in her uterus, then she's definitely carrying a set of twins in her cans. Whooo-eeee! (
Drunken Stepfather)
• I know why the caged
Tom Sizemore sings. Because meth makes you chipper. (
FemaleFirst)
• What will
Paris do, post-jail? Here are some fine ideas on life after incarceration. (
Yeeeah!)
• While
Paris was in jail, her Delorean or whatever was repossessed. It would be funner if it was just plain possessed, like Christine, but we work with what we're given. (
Hollywood Backwash)
• A new musical is in the works, based on "outrageous and delusional" Claymates. If there's anything that makes our comment switchboard light up, it's
Clay Aiken! (
ONTD)
• Once upon a time,
Eva Mendes wanted to be a nun. Then she looked in the mirror and was like, "hahahahahahaha, yeah RITE." (
Derek Hail)
• Germany has banned
Tom Cruise from filming scenes for a new movie in their country, simply because they think Scientology is lame. Who says Germans don't have a sense of humor? (
Celebrity Hack)
•
Hef: the Movie. (
Hollywood Grind)
• V.I.L.E. henchmen
Timberlake and
Biel have been spotted passing the loot on to Robocrook in . . . Copenhagen! (
I Don't Like You In That Way)
• Justin, by the way, is arty. Wait, not arty. Farty. (
FemaleFirst)
• Michael Lohan claims that Mama
Dina blew rails while pregnant with "our oldest child,
Lindsay." That would explain a thing or two, except for the fact that Lindsay has an older brother. Who's the cokehead now, Michael? Huh? Huh? (
Celebitchy)
June 11, 2007
Genie in Bottle, Fetus in Belly?

Various sources are claiming that
Christina Aguilera is pregnant.
TMZ reports:
Casually dressed and sporting dark sunglasses, Xtina and hubby Jordan Bratman had their driver drop them off at NY's Maternal Fetal Medicine Association -- a practice known for their expertise in high-risk pregnancies and state-of-the-art ultrasounds. Guess we know what this girl wants!
After leaving the doctor's office, the happy couple stopped for a bite at Capitale on the Lower East Side. You'd be hungry too if you were (possibly) eating for two!
Also, Christina was seen touching her stomach, as sure a sign of pregnancy as swooning, the vapors, and a pocketwatch dangled over the belly, rotating counterclockwise. Unless we get notarized reports of proof of pregnancy, we're calling b.s. on this story. Why? DUH. Christina is an Oompa Loompa and her husband is a proboscis monkey. You can't crossbreed those species; it's biologically impossible.
more »