filed under: Christie Brinkley

Normally we'd ignore stories about people like Christie Brinkley because, well, we're a topical modern gossip blog and not a 1986 advertisement for ColoRibbons eye shadow. However, we're making a special concession in this case because it involves messy divorce and porn addiction, and because Christie is still a happenin' little number. You'll recall that Christie is divorcing her husband, businessman Peter Cook, after learning that he was joining groins with his teenage employee in his office. Well, their divorce trial opened yesterday and many a bombshell was dropped. Apparently, Cook paid his barely legal mistress $300K to keep quiet about the affair, he frequented swingers' websites, posting naked pictures of his weenis, and he admitted to spending $3,000 per month on internet porn, seemingly unaware that it is available for free. Take it away, Yahoo! News:

Sensational testimony about Christie Brinkley's estranged husband opened their divorce trial Wednesday, giving the public a salacious peek into the former Sports Illustrated swimsuit model's fourth marriage.

The husband, architect Peter Cook, testified that he and Brinkley used pornography "to get the mood going." Alexa Ray Joel, Brinkley's daughter with "Piano Man" Billy Joel, said Cook once shoved her head into a bucket of water.

Brinkley and Cook presented a portrait of contentment on the Hamptons social circuit. But behind the scenes, they relied on porn as a precursor to intimacy during the last half of their marriage, Cook said. He acknowledged spending about $3,000 a month on pornographic Web sites in 2005. He said he has not accessed the sites since his breakup and maintained he never looked at them in the presence of his children.

Alexa Ray Joel, 22, testified that Cook treated her well before he married her mother. But she said he was constantly on her case afterward, chastising her "if I chewed too loud" and criticizing her piano playing.

"He was just very critical of me in general," said Joel, a singer, songwriter and pianist. When her lengthy shower caused a leak in the kitchen below in 2003, Cook stormed into the bathroom and demanded she mop up immediately, Joel testified. When she got downstairs wearing only a towel, he pushed her head into a bucket and yelled, "You clean this up!" she said.

He's like a cross between Charlie Sheen and Joan Crawford. more »

• Christie Brinkley's husband says sorry. "Sorry! Sorry for having sexy sex with a teenager. Seriously, sorry about that. My b."

• David Hasselhoff as Captain Hook in a London production of Peter Pan? Those are some pretty gay big shoes to fill. Only one man can replace The Hoff, and that's The Fonz. Ayyyyy.

• Paparazzi, please stop taking photographs of Natalie Portman. Or she will make her hair look like Annette Bening's circa 1989 and then waggle a hand at you in a vaguely threatening manner.

• Britney's little sister, Sean P Federline, and a turd on a stick. You heard us.

• I've had it with these motherfucking Mo'Niques on this motherfucking plane!

• Seacrest out? No. Lance Bass out? HELL YES! You go, girlfriend!

• Agent Scully is preggo . . . by an alien! No, by a businessman. Whatever.

• Carmen Electra, former wife of Dennis Rodman and newly split from Dave Navarro, was seen on a date with Jamie Foxx. Well, you know the old saying: once you go black, you go back once and then a few years later you look in the mirror and say "I'm married to a guy who still wears eyeliner and feather boas in 2006" and THEN you vow to never go back. Or something.

• Did Fergie get dumped? Get dumped get dumped get dumped? Check it out.

When we heard yesterday about Christie Brinkley's husband cheating on her with a nineteen-year-old and the horrible, public way in which she found out, we thought it had all the good makings of a low-level celebrity scandal. But we thought the story was a little thin. There were no salacious quotes, not even from a Hamptons restaurant busboy, there were no objects thrown, presumably no public screaming matches. This is not the type of behavior we expect from former models (see Campbell, Naomi). But today's edition of Christie Brinkley's Asshat Husband (Name Not Important) Schtups a Nineteen-year-old has a bright shiny sticker on the front cover that reads: Now with 30% more references to sex and 100% more lawyers!! more »