filed under: Christian Slater

• Jennifer Love Hewitt is the new Kardashian. Bla-DOW! (The Blemish)

• Flash go the cameras, and out winks the Halle Berry cotton cheek-splitter. (Taxi Driver)

• Brendan Fraser got his head replanted for the winter. (Cityrag)

• Something something about the Hogans . . . something divorce, lawsuit something something-or-other? Oh, whatever. You'd never see the Iron Sheik in this embarrassing position. (Derek Hail)

• Vintage Cindy Crawford--before the Pepsi commercial, before the Gere, back when Aaron Neville face goober was but a freckle on the horizon. (Drunken Stepfather)

• Amy Winehouse has cancelled all her tour dates. Her doctor cites "the rigors involved in touring" and "emotional strain" as the reasons. Which sound like legitimate medical excuses, right up there with "the vapors" and "consumption" and "the grippe". (The Hollywood Gossip)

• "Greetings and salutations. My eyebrows are on top of my skull." (Dlisted)

• Eva Green is a gorgeous gothick angel sent from crazy Joan Collins style heaven and placed upon this earth to teach us all about beauty and love and eyeliner. (Lainey Gossip)

• Face it--you're never going to touch Jessica Alba. So instead, set your sights on her slightly more attainable stunt double! (Daily Stab)

• Heather Graham's swan song of succulent sexiness. Take a look, then tip out your King Cobra on the curb.

• Lara Flynn Boyle decorated her razory clavicles with flowers, tied some white ribbons around her prominent ulnae, rubbed some pink gloss on her colossal plastic lips, and got herself married. Mazel tov!

• Nicolette Sheridan donned sheer hose with no visible pants (aka "pulling an Olsen"). Pauly Shore took a long, hard look. And pop went the Weasel. Groan, sorry.

• Sienna Miller offers a hot new diet plan to impressionable teenage girls: just drink vodka! Oh, don't look at us like that. It's a much more heathful alternative than the Lohan "strawberry booger sugar diet" or the Nicole Richie "oxygen and carbon dioxide" diet.

• Or maybe Lohan's on the "energy drink and pretzel diet", how the fuck should we know?

• Your office holiday party hookup was indiscreet and regrettable, but at least no photographic evidence exists. Christian Slater and Sharon Stone's holiday jaunt isn't faring quite so well.

• The beautiful, talented, and intelligent Victoria Silvstedt really really hates shirts.

• We're glad Mollygood agrees with us: Adam Brody's Ian McCulloch hair is kinda hot.

• Miss USA Tara Connor was nearly stripped of her crown after pageant owner Donald Trump got wind of the fact that she was drinking underage, failed a drug test for cocaine, and was making out with Miss Teen USA in public. When asked why he allowed her to retain her title, Trump said, "Are you fucking kidding me?"

• Lohan castoff Harry Morton is now feasting on the pink taco attached to Kimberly Stewart.

• K-Hole es no preggo.

• Martha Stewart briefly dated Anthony Hopkins, but could not bring herself to cook him fava beans with a nice Chianti.

Everyone spread your pantiless crotch wide and give greetings and salutations for new love match Sharon Stone and Christian Slater! She's a joyless harridan who shafts AIDS babies and he's a widow's peaked wino who steals about the streets of New York City under the cover of night, playing grabass with unsuspecting matrons! It's a match made in . . . Hollywood. more »

We wait all year for Halloween in hopes of seeing celebrities look even more ridiculous than they do every other day of the year. And this year's highlight doesn't even involve an outrageous costume; it's all about Christian Slater falling into Paris Hilton's bush. more »

So. It seems that Halle Berry was approached by the Playboy folks a decade ago and agreed to peel for the publication, but only after the "right film" came along. Huh. Guess The Flintstones and B.A.P.S. weren't exactly inspirational in the nudity department? more »

(Is it wrong that we're kind of bummed out he didn't grab a tit? We're finding it next to impossible to come up with any Slater butt puns, and "Gleaming the Boob" has such a nice ring to it.) At any rate: Christian Slater picked the wrong seat to snatch when he decided to get all handsy-like on Tuesday morning. In a startling turn of events, the grabbee was less than amused to find herself on the receiving end of a random cheek squeeze even though her assailant was the star of Untamed Heart. However, weep not for Slater--he's got strippers on his side! more »

Memorial Day weekend! Whoo! Party! While you were busy getting wasted and playing grab-ass, Oliver Stone and Christian Slater were busy . . . getting wasted . . . and, uh, playing grab-ass. Also. more »

Lindsay Lohan has a daddy complex. We understand this--growing up with a father like Michael Lohan (a drug-addicted, drunk-driving, loose-cannon freakazoid) would give any girl issues. We thought her Bruce Willis liaison may have been a fluke, but now she's accepting the attentions of papa-of-two Christian Slater. So hang on to your weiners, DILFs of Tinseltown--we suspect she's luring these older dads by disguising her movie-set trailer as an L.L. Bean. Free bj with your next Dockers purchase! more »

Long-suffering Jack Nicholson impersonator Christian Slater barely escaped being attacked by a knife-wiedling kook in London on Friday. We realize Hard Rain totally sucked, but Jesus Christ, you don't have to stab the guy. more »

Heathers star Christian Slater wants to put his acting career on hold to record an album of Sinatra covers. Wait. Christian Slater has an acting career? more »