CelebNewsWire - The skinny. The scoop. The Hollywood poop. Wherever there is a nipple slip, we'll be there. If there's a party, you'll find us doing shots with Lindsay Lohan and upskirt flashing alongside Britney Spears. Wherever Paris Hilton is breaking the law, you'll see us. If there's a celebrity sex tape, we will find it. Nude stars, drunk stars, scandals, hookups, breakups? Let CelebNewsWire be your guide. Hold our hands. Come inside.
The Hollywood poop.
filed under: celebs posing for Playboy
June 12, 2009
CNW Junk Drawer: Heidi Montag Twatt
You WILL see Heidi Montag nude in Playboy. Just what you always wanted! (Yeeeah!) Hands off the Brad Pitt. Do not touch the Brad Pitt. That means you, Ann Curry. (Anything Hollywood)
When Megan Fox gets a manicure, she actually gets a pedicure. Get it? No? Click on the link then, Einstein. (The Blemish)
Real Madrid soccer dude Cristiano Ronaldo allegedly let Paris Hilton handle his balls. (The Hollywood Gossip)
Aw, Britney found a nice boy. (Drunken Stepfather)
Cher's kid, Chastity Bono, is transitioning into a dude. You go Chaz. P.S. Insert obligatory "gonna have a Bono" joke here. (Bitten and Bound)
Part Gollum, part Grinch, and allllllll sexy: Phil Spector without his wig(s). (CelebWarship)
Usher and his wife are splitzo. (Pop on the Pop)
Sandra Bullock likes her tits. Heeeeeey, so do we! BFFS!!!! (Daily Stab)
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May 18, 2009
"You know, Lindsay Lohan. That drunk redhead with the huge cans."
Hugh Hefner is somewhere in the vicinity of 8000 years old, so we don't really blame him for not knowing who Lindsay Lohan is. She doesn't hold a candle to that hot minx Clara Bow. Now there was a stah, dahling. And we can't exactly see Hef and The Girls Next Door sitting around in their jammies with a couple bowls of popcorn watching Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen. Plus, old guys can't remember stuff too good. If it weren't for his 19-year-old twin girlfriends saying, "Here honey, take your Viagra. It'll help your penis grow. You do remember what your penis is, don't you? It's above your knees but below your belly button? You pee out of it?" Anyway, Hef doesn't know LiLo. According to RadarOnline: When asked if Lindsay Lohan could make the cut for Playboy, her name had to be repeated several times before Hefner even realized who she was!But then again, maybe this has nothing to do with Hef's advancing age. Maybe this just illustrates Lindsay's advancing irrelevance. Before long, her name will reside alongside the likes of Lori Petty and Martika in TMZ's annoyingly cutesy 'Memba Them?
Fear not, Lindsay. Once it dawned on him, Hefner seemed open to the idea.
April 29, 2009
CNW Junk Drawer: Two of Hearts
Mel Gibson takes his new Russian mistress out on the town. She's not the same Russian lady named Oksana that was earlier claimed, but this one is still hot, in an odd, Stacey Q kind of way. (Yeeeah!) Want to hear Julia Roberts say "tits", "ass" and "fuck" about a million times? (Fatback)
Lauren Conrad is leaving The Hills. Well, see ya. (CelebWarship)
Heidi Montag in Playboy? Down, boys. No, literally. Down. Your penises. (Daily Stab)
Britney gets a permanent restraining order on Sam Lufti, which is kind of like erecting an electric fence around her. (Anything Hollywood)
Huge A-list star Pamela Anderson attends the opening of a strip club, much like your cousin Tammy after a meth binge. (Drunken Stepfather)
April 17, 2009
CNW Junk Drawer: Extra Special "All Sexy Ladies" Edition
Jessica Alba ass, all wrapped up with a bow. (IDLYITW) Lady Gaga has tape on her nipples, so they won't poke-her-face. ZING! (Jezebel)
Cheerleader coach Carlie Becker, who was shitcanned for posing for Playboy. Rah rah, sis boob bah. (Bitten and Bound)
Jordana Brewster in Maxim. You'll masturbate fast and/or furiously. (Gone Hollywood)
Evan Rachel Wood plus lingerie plus sexy plus gun minus Manson equals GQ spread. (ICYDK)
Alessandra Ambrosio poses for Homem Vogue and she's pretty much naked. A G-string, after all, is just a few woven threads away from bunghole. (The Daily Fix)
March 12, 2009
CNW Junk Drawer: My Paris Lies Over the Ocean
Paris Hilton, in a bikini, hits the beach with her new beau, wearing Jamz. (Drunken Stepfather) Jenny McCarthy and Botox, sitting in a tree. (IMDb)
On again/off again couple Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer are off again. Until the engagement rumors start, oh, in 5 hours or so. (The Blemish)
Katy Perry sexy in Esquire magazine. She's got big chugs and we like it. (Yeeeah!)
Chris Brown will not be receiving a Nickelodeon Kids' Choice Award, despite him being a terrific role model for children, what with the girlfriend beating and all. (Anything Hollywood)
It's rumored that 3 of the Kardashian sisters will get nude in Playboy. Best have a tri-fold cover to house all dat azz. (Faded Youth)
Anne Heche gave birth to her second son yesterday. His name is Atlas. Who gave Celestia a copy of 1001 Names for Your Newborn? (Celebitchy)
According to the folks at Dancing with the Stars, Denise Richards is a harridan on par with Faye Dunaway mixed with Joan Crawford mixed with Helen Lawson. (Pop on the Pop)
Aw. Poor James Franco. Little guy's all tuckered out. Shhh. (CelebWarship)
December 16, 2008
CNW Junk Drawer: Jennifer Aniston's Breast Friends
Jennifer Aniston accused of stuffing her bra. Stuffing it with rubber THO. (Yeeeah!) Naomi Watts and Liev Schreiber have a new baby boy. Mazel and tov to that. (Daily Stab)
Lily Allen sings "Womanizer". Nice, but we'd really like to hear her "Real Talk". (IDLYITW)
Rihanna's cleavage looks fake. Or pregnant. Or fake pregnant. (Drunken Stepfather)
From the "life sucks and is totally unfair, screw you Jesus" files: Peter Falk has Alzheimer's. (The Blemish)
Hugh Hefner's new girlfriend: young, Ukrainian, brunette. showing us her buttocks. (Anything Hollywood)
Kate Winslet is prettier than you. (F-listed)
Shenae Grimes, just two sniffs short of KateMossVille. (Evil Beet)
Katie Price likens Dita Von Teese's Playboy cover to BM. (Holy Moly)
November 26, 2008
CNW Junk Drawer: Twilight One Up for Me
Twilight mania's at an all time high! And so is star Kristen Stewart. (ONTD) Chelsea Handler may be posing nude for Playboy, because she's so popular and everyone likes her show, right? (Yeeeah!)
Pete Wentz tries to explain his and Ashlee's choice of the name Bronx Mowgli. "We're retarded" is a good start. (Pop on the Pop)
Mariah Carey refused to drink a glass of champagne. In the celebrity bump watch world, that's pretty much on the same level as the baby crowning. (Anything Hollywood)
Dita von Teese naked in German Playboy. That isn't much of a teese. (Celebitchy)
Average joes weigh in: who'd you most like to see in a lesbian scene? The answers may astound you. (Mr. Skin)
Megan Fox claims that she looks like Ted Nugent in a wig. Wang dang! Sweet poontang. (Digital Spy)
Even more photos of Britney Spears looking hot hot hooootttttttttt in Rolling Stone. Hooooootttttt. Hot. (Allie Is Wired)
Cleavage-bearing Rihanna in her usual robo-Gene Simmons wear. (Drunken Stepfather)
Karolina Kurkova's missing belly button: another mystery solved. Thanks, Encyclopedia Brown! (CelebWarship)
October 22, 2008
CNW Junk Drawer: Charlize, Pleez
I see London, I see Iraq. I see Charlize Theron's ass crack. (The Nip Slip) Mary-Kate Olsen gets in an accident with an El Pollo Loco truck. Oh, sweet irony. (Drunken Stepfather)
Guy Ritchie wastes no time--he's allegedly hooking up with actress Kelly Reilly, who has red hair and almost certainly does not resemble gristle. (Celebitchy)
Britney Spears debuts some dance moves, gives us a teasing slice of midriff. Oh, you little minx. (Cityrag)
WAG Amanda Carraway will get seedy for Playboy. Get it? Seed? Ha ha ha? Yes? (Hollywire)
Kim Kardashian gives boyfriend Reggie Bush some TLC in the hospital. TLC meaning Titanic Leviathan Can. (Bitten and Bound)
Former Atomic Kitten and present UK reality harlot Kerry Katona is very sober and articulate in a new interview. (The Blemish)
This one time, Alyson Hannigan stuck a flute up her pussy. And the flute got her pregnant! Mazel tov. (Pop on the Pop)
Nick Hogan's out of jail! Christ, we're SO EXCITED! Nick Hogan RULES! HE RULES!!!! (Derek Hail)
September 05, 2008
Lindsay Lohan Hates Money, Won't Pose Nude for Playboy
So you wanna see Lindsay Lohan's lung balloons again, do ya? Well, sorry buddy, but you're plum outta luck. Apparently lesbianism has made LiLo less of an exhibitionist. What a gyp. According to Page Six: IT'S once nude, twice shy for Lindsay Lohan. The Sapphic-leaning star has turned down a $700,000 offer to do an eight-page topless spread in Playboy's 55th-anniversary issue this January. "If there's nudity, then the answer's no . . . She's not going down the [New York] magazine road again," Lohan's rep told Playboy's creative consultant, Hal Lifson, referring to Lindsay's naked Marilyn Monroe tribute last winter. Lifson said he hoped to have Lohan do a tribute to '60s sex kitten Ann-Margret and her film "Kitten With a Whip," which is one of Lohan's faves.So let's get this straight: Lindsay, who once was worth a "poor" and "disgusting" seven million dollars and has went through multiple pricey rehab stints since then without raking in much more cash through a little thing called "work", was willing to show off pretty much everything but her pee hole for free in New York magazine but won't repeat the effort for Playboy for $700,000? Is she so ashamed of her former red-headed, freckled self that she's unwilling to recapture the look in tribute to Ann-Margret? Or is she just relying on little sis Ali paying the bills from now on? Cause that doesn't seem like a very solid plan. more »
June 16, 2008
Denise Richards + Nudity = Career Resurgence?
It's well documented that we here at CelebNewsWire are not the biggest Denise Richards fans. But we are also professionals who are willing to set aside our personal feelings when faced with hard news. Oh, wait, we meant "faced with hard penises." Because Denise Richards showing off her sacks for Playboy has a lot more to do with hard penises than hard news. The San Francisco Chronicle reports: Denise Richards is considering another romp for Playboy magazine.Holy shit, she's planning on showing her niche? That's awesome. We thought we'd only get tits.
The sexy star bared all for the men's magazine in 2004 and now her marriage to Charlie Sheen is over, the actress is thinking about making a return.
She tells AOL.com, "It's still a possibility. It's so iconic and fun."
And Richards admits she quite liked the attention she got after posing naked for the publication four years ago.
She adds, "I think that my niche is as a sex symbol. I'm never going to be the girl next door, so why not play up my niche?"
And to verify that Denise likes you looking at her hooters, here she is admiring herself on MrSkin.com:
more »
May 12, 2008
Tweenmate of the Month
Purveyor of awesome pop hits (seriously) Miley Cyrus continues to barrel headlong down that Slip n' Slide into young Hollywood debauchery. Recently she stated that she doesn't see the big deal about the behavior of her peers, saying,
"Everyone has their time. And I think most 21- to 25-year-olds go through this kind of thing. Basically, they're being normal 21-year-olds, especially Lindsay (Lohan). I mean, most of that's pretty normal. If you went to most high schools, I could point out Britneys (Spears) and Lindsays."Most 21- to 25-year-olds do go to rehab after crashing their luxury SUV into a tree while under the influence of cocaine and/or get involuntarily institutionalized after refusing to give up their children to their shants-and-cornrow-sporting ex-husband, yes. True, Miley.
In other Hannah Montana news, Hugh Hefner said that when Miley turns eighteen, he would be happy to feature her in Playboy. The old reprobate! Sez Hef:
"She would be welcomed in the magazine. She's a very pretty lady."Then Hef leaned forward and said, "Very pretty! Prettier'n Betty Grable, even! Boy howdy, I tell you what. I would pin that Cyrus dame's pinup to the dash of my Packard any old time, I would I would. Then I could look at her whenever I was driving down to the mixer to get some leg. Here, have a Werther's Original." Because he's old, see.
February 28, 2008
CNW Junk Drawer: The Dealie with Keeley
Keeley Hazell makes Breast Actress, Mr. Skin makes The Sun. (The Sun) Angelina's having a girl, and she's having her in France! Freedom birth! (I Don't Like You In That Way)
Non, non! She is having deux bebes! Having zem in L'Etats-Unis! Oui oui oui! (FemaleFirst)
Lohan dons crotch-strangling short shorts in February, because she is dedicated to her craft. The craft of being a saucy harlot. (Hollywood Tuna)
Nicole Richie shows off her new baby. Quick, see the tiny cuteness before Rachel Zoe gives her gifts of Hoodia and hair extensions. (Celebitchy)
Wisely realizing that her infamous recent nudie shots were the most popular thing she's ever done, Lindsay contemplates a future as a naked Marilyn Monroe impersonator. (Daily Stab)
Kate Hudson coaxes butterscotch stallion Owen Wilson away from suicidal depression with a sugar cube, some carrots, and her vagina. (The Blemish)
Lily Allen upskirts with cheeky results. (Taxi Driver)
Now we know why Juliette Lewis has been wearing headbands all the time--they magically hold her nipples in. See what goes down when she goes without. (Drunken Stepfather)
Awwww. Peter Andre soooo sweeeepy! Poor little guy's all tuckered out. (Seriously? OMG! WTF?)
See where Megan Fox's tattooed ode to David Silver is located on her body. (Popoholic)
Rachel Bilson owns underwear, and wants you to know all about it. (The Rad Report)
December 20, 2007
Alba and Hewitt Make for a Barren Nude Year
Pretty lady/PA semen receptacle Jessica Alba is not letting a little thing like pregnancy get in the way of her main occupation. Which is not acting, it's whining about how she hates being sexy and will never show you so much as an unadorned elbow so STFU. According to SF Gate:
[Alba has] reportedly turned down three offers to show off her baby bump in revealing magazine photoshoots.Yeah, we know. Alba won't be happy until we call her a stupid ugly warty misshapen goblin that smells real bad. And when we do, she'll do a little pirouette and look in the mirror and say, "They hate me! I'm gross! Yaaaaayyyyy!"
The 26-year-old has already ruled out the chance to follow the likes of Demi Moore and Christina Aguilera and bare all for glossy covers.
A friend says, "She had three offers on the first day, but she doesn't intend to take any of them."
And no nudes is also good nudes for Jennifer Love Hewitt, whose Hugetits will not be bandied about in Playboy anytime soon, despite their generous offer. Says SF Gate:
The actress' publicist tells the upcoming issue of In Touch Weekly magazine the "Ghost Whisperer" star was "flattered" by the offer, but turned it down. A friend of the 28-year-old says, "She's pretty conservative, but is very proud of her body."Well, of course JLH wouldn't stoop to such low pap as flaunting her flesh in the pages of Playboy magazine. Like Alba, she is too busy being a serious actress. Plus those residuals from Garfield: A Tail of Two Kitties and The Tuxedo are keeping her in forehead polish and cross-your-heart bras just fine. more »
December 18, 2007
Curry Too Spicy for Brady
Ah, the curse of the couples reality show. Only Trista and Ryan remain standing amongst the Mystically-tanned ashes of Nick and Jessica, Bret and Jes, Flav and Brigitte, New York and a bunch of dudes, etc. And now, it seems that America's First Top Model, Adrianne Curry, and the middle Brady may be adding themselves to the refuse. Reports ABC Action News:
Former Brady Bunch star Christopher Knight threatened to leave his model wife Adrianne Curry when she posed for sexy lesbian photos (NSFW link!) - as a birthday gift.We informally polled the men here at CelebNewsWire HQ, and it seems that Peter Brady has a case, because "my loved one presenting me with a gift of hot lesbo pics" nearly topped the list of "creepiest and worst relationship fears worthy of a separation". Right under "my loved one bringing Heidi Klum home for some no-strings-attached bicurious threesome action" and "my loved one bringing Heidi Klum and Monica Bellucci home for some no-strings-attached bicurious foursome action" more »
The incident, which was caught on camera for upcoming reality show My Fair Brady... Maybe Baby, left the upset actor suggesting the couple separate.
The girl-on-girl photos, which Curry has since repeated with a pal for Playboy magazine, were supposed to end a feud over baby plans - but they started a new one.
In the tense episode, which will air in January, Knight says of the photo gift, "It is the physicalisation of my worst fears. It creeps me out. I want a separation."
October 30, 2007
Kim Kardashian Shows Her Kar-vadge-ian in Playboy
There are many things in this world that frighten us. We end most days cowering in a corner rocking back and forth and chewing on our hair. Spiders, snakes, peppermint tea, Katie Couric, they all leave us jumpy and terrified. But nothing is more frightening than the powers of Playboy (except maybe the IRS). We're pretty sure Hef's minions include at least twelve eunuchs who troll the internet 24 hours a day searching for misused Playboy content and waiting to hit the speed-dial button for their scary lawyers. So as much as we would like to show you the actual pictures from Kim Kardashian's spread for the mag, we cannot overcome our fear to do so. But luckily our friends at I Don't Like You in that Way are fearless badasses who cower to no man (or Playboy-employed eunuch, as it may be). So pay them a visit and gaze upon the private bits of Kim K. There's even bush. Or what passes as bush in 2007. Which is to say two pubic hairs.UPDATE: Sorry, suckers, you missed them. We told you those eunuchs were coming, but you just didn't listen. Now you'll just have to hide that Playboy between copies of Popular Mechanics and The New Yorker and hope the cute girl working the counter at Barnes & Noble doesn't notice you're buying nudie pics of a fame whore.
October 25, 2007
Kim Kardashian: Pearl-Covered Superstar
You our readers are not very difficult to understand. You like things like boobs and beavs and butts and celebrity sex tapes and nip slips and cleavage and upskirts. You seem to dislike things like talent and true newsworthiness and hard work and anyone who doesn't have a famous and/or ridiculously rich daddy. How else to explain your love of Kim Kardashian? Sure, there are a handful of you out there who still want more posts about AARON CARTER SHIRTLESS, but your numbers seem to be dwindling, and we think that Aaron Carter may be holed up in a mountain lodge in Wyoming with a year's supply of weed and Ho Hos and Hot Pockets, as we haven't seen him in a while. So Kimmy K. it is. Sure this clip of Kim posing for Playboy comes from her E! reality show (with her unfortunately spelled sisters Khloe and Kourtney), so there's no actual nudity, but it does have nipples hidden by layers and layers of pearls. And that spells class. Just like black lacquer, silk sheets, and mirrored ceilings.
September 27, 2007
Pammy and Denise: Breast Friends
We usually don't put much credence in rumors about who has been offered an overstuffed trash bag full of hundred-dollar bills to put their coochie in front of a Playboy camera. The mag could make an offer to Camilla Parker-Bowles if they wanted to; it doesn't mean she's gonna ditch everything but the feathered hat and pose. But when the subjects in question are Pam Anderson and Denise Richards, the acceptance is pretty much a given. Though we haven't seen evidence of it on The Girls Next Door, we're pretty sure Pam and Denise have a standing Thursday afternoon naked tea and Twister luncheon appointment at the Mansion every week. Pam and Denise naked in Hef's house is probably about as out of place as a dog shitting on the carpet at the Osbournes' house. IMDB reports: Pals Pamela Anderson and Denise Richards are considering a $1 million offer to pose nude together in an upcoming issue of Playboy magazine. Both blondes have disrobed for the men's magazine in the past, and now Playboy boss Hugh Hefner wants the actresses to team up for a spread in the January 2008 issue of the publication. A source tells the Globe, "Neither Pam nor Denise has committed yet, but they're seriously considering it." Anderson has appeared nude in Playboy a record 12 times, while Richards stripped for the December 2004 issue. The pair became firm friends when they shot mob comedy Blonde & Blonder in Canada last year.On second thought, maybe Denise wouldn't be game for a new Playboy spread. She would probably claim, "I am a mother, not a bimbo. Nudity is undignified and immature," while filling out a Barely Legal subscription card in the name Charlie Sheen and drawing a penis coming out of his mouth in all the old family photos. more »
September 21, 2007
Kardashian Shows Ass Again--For Playboy
Kim Kardashian has somehow managed to take her gigantic ass, wedge it into the door of our subconscious, and infest our brain forevermore. Sometimes by jerk awake in the middle of the night screaming, "Kim's ass! We can't stop thinking about Kim's ass" after dreams that we've stood atop her body and bounced and bounced, using her ass as a giant pogo ball. And now we'll have a chance to see her rumpus rotundus in all its glory--completely Ray-J free! TMZ reports: Everybody knows Kim Kardashian is going to be in Playboy, but now it looks like she's going to be the mag's December cover girl and -- now for the really good news -- her pics will bare more than originally planned.And why, you may ask, is it one of the longest spreads Hef has done in years? Duh. It took twelve pages just to get her whole butt in the photograph.
UsMagazine.com reports that The Tush will in fact "show one boob, and her bare butt" in her 12-page pictorial, which is "one of the longest spreads Hef has done in a long time," says a source, who adds that the final snaps were chosen yesterday.
September 06, 2007
Playboy Not Interested in Debbie's Harry
That picture to the left is a young Debbie Harry as a Playboy Club Bunny. She's pretty hot, right? It looks like she's got some ample and squishy boobage under that satin. So can you believe that Hef and his minions said, "Sure, you're sexy enough to serve us a couple of brandy alexanders, but we surely wouldn't want to see her naked. How gross." TMZ reports: In an exclusive interview with Steppin Out's Chaunce Hayden, Debbie Harry revealed that although Playboy thought she was fit to be a bunny, she wasn't thick enough to be a Playmate.We're sure if 20-year-old Debbie walked into the Playboy offices today they'd tell her to lose 15 pounds and give her the number of a good bazooka booster. Ah, progress. more »
Back in the day, having a beautiful body meant having a little cushion for the pushin'. By today's standards, the young Debbie could've absolutely been a Playmate. Clearly, father time has paid a visit to the rocker. So chances are that Playboy isn't going to come a knockin'. Debbie has only one thing to say to Playboy, "You missed the boat."
July 25, 2007
CNW Junk Drawer: "Did Not Do Drugs They're Not Mine"
Lindsay tells Billy Bush, "Yes. I am innocent... did not do drugs they're not mine." Well, technically the drugs they found weren't "done" yet because they were in her pocket. So . . . yeah! Innocent! (TMZ) Lily Allen does not suffer Courtney Loves gladly. (Celeb Warship)
Eva Mendes sends Jane mag off to the glue factory with a hearty strippin'. (Cityrag)
Penelope Cruz in shocking eyelash controversy! (Celebitchy)
Kim Kardashian to bring her bustle-like humpback heinie to Playboy? (Derek Hail)
When Hilary Duff was a baby, her mom spiked her like a football. Over and over. (Hollywood Grind)
Jennifer Garner rocks a lacy 1998 momthong. (Taxi Driver)
What's longer: Rihanna's legs or her forehead? The world may never know. (Drunken Stepfather)
May 04, 2007
Pamela Anderson, Every Man, Woman, and Mammal on Earth Want to See Scarlett Johansson's Boobies
Pam Anderson wants to see Scarlett Johansson's big, bouncy bazooms. That's quite a bold statement, Pam. Are you sure you want to go out on a limb like that? Next thing you know you'll be making controversial statements like, "Puppies are cute," or "Cupcakes are yummy," or "I have rather large breasts." People start wars over those kind of hot-button issues. more »
January 04, 2007
CNW Junk Drawer: Federlohan
Halle Berry might be preggo. For no other reason than to stick it to Julia Roberts. Justin Timberlake is just not that into Cameron Diaz. Sound the death gong.
Adrianne Curry dons her new plastic breasts on the red carpet.
Owen Wilson will break up a lady's marriage, then refuse to commit to her. Don't you know he's loco?
Oh, Kid Rock. You may be an "American Badass" but you cannot beat up Tommy Lee OR a family of four.
And to think we were one chlamydia-riddled hookup away from Federlohan!
Console yourselves with more pictures of more Lohan in yet another bikini.
You might keep calling Rosie fat and lezboish, Donald Trump, but you know what? Your wife is naked. That's right. We said it. Naked. How you gonna get out of this one, Trump? Huh? Huh?
Though Donald might allow soiled Miss USA Tara Connor to pose for Playboy. Somewhere, right now, Vanessa Williams is saying, "aw HELL no."
Pam Anderson really classed it up for her Howard Stern appearance.
Leo DiCraprio has jumped on the bandwagon and adopted an African child. Well, like, she won't be coming back to America to live in his palatial homes or eat food prepared by his personal chef or be educated in the finest schools. She'll stay in her homeland and every once in a while Leo will send her a check or call her on the phone. So basically she's not getting a dad, she's getting a deadbeat dad. Nice.
November 01, 2006
CNW Junk Drawer: "Like Women Everywhere"
Is Australian actress Abbie Cornish the real reason behind the Reese/Ryan breakup? That would mark the second time Ryan's fallen for a blonde with an incredibly silly last name. At least he's consistent.
Sumner Redstone says that he dropped Tom Cruise's contract because his wife, Paula, "like women everywhere, had come to hate him." Ouch, and hahahahaha.
Cindy Margolis is in Playboy. And her bod makes us hum Bob Seger's "Like a Rock".
The drummer for McFly (who?) has been bragging to anyone who'll listen that he has felt the gently licking flames of Lohan's firecrotch. Yeeeeah, that's like bragging that you ate food once, or that you sometimes blink.
Step aside, Brangelina! Take a hike, Bennifer! Let's all give a warm welcome to . . . Tophvanka Grump!
If there's anything U.S. Marines hate, it's being in the presence of a large-breasted, blonde, ultra-famous porn star.
Katie Holmes recently ran into Brooke Shields and stopped to chat. Afterwards, herhandler best friend ever threw a burlap sack over her head, threw her in the back of a Brinks security van, drove her to a secluded location 4 miles beneath the earth's crust, and subjected her to 72 straight hours of deprogramming and delousing.
Heidi Klum: finally, a celebrity who ain't afraid to get a little scary for the sake of Halloween. Nicely done.
Patrick Dempsey's ex-wife, whom he married when he was 21 and she was the 48-year-old stepmother of his best friend, is alleging that he beat her during the filming of Can't Buy Me Love. Hey, these actors are tempestuous, artistic types and often have trouble bringing their work home with them at the end of the day. Can you really blame Dempsey for feeling violent when he spent day in and day out in character as a brutal, sexist killer with a hair-trigger temper. Wait, what? Can't Buy Me Love was about a mild-mannered nerd on a riding lawnmower? Oh.
Sumner Redstone says that he dropped Tom Cruise's contract because his wife, Paula, "like women everywhere, had come to hate him." Ouch, and hahahahaha.
Cindy Margolis is in Playboy. And her bod makes us hum Bob Seger's "Like a Rock".
The drummer for McFly (who?) has been bragging to anyone who'll listen that he has felt the gently licking flames of Lohan's firecrotch. Yeeeeah, that's like bragging that you ate food once, or that you sometimes blink.
Step aside, Brangelina! Take a hike, Bennifer! Let's all give a warm welcome to . . . Tophvanka Grump!
If there's anything U.S. Marines hate, it's being in the presence of a large-breasted, blonde, ultra-famous porn star.
Katie Holmes recently ran into Brooke Shields and stopped to chat. Afterwards, her
Heidi Klum: finally, a celebrity who ain't afraid to get a little scary for the sake of Halloween. Nicely done.
Patrick Dempsey's ex-wife, whom he married when he was 21 and she was the 48-year-old stepmother of his best friend, is alleging that he beat her during the filming of Can't Buy Me Love. Hey, these actors are tempestuous, artistic types and often have trouble bringing their work home with them at the end of the day. Can you really blame Dempsey for feeling violent when he spent day in and day out in character as a brutal, sexist killer with a hair-trigger temper. Wait, what? Can't Buy Me Love was about a mild-mannered nerd on a riding lawnmower? Oh.
October 06, 2006
McNab Yourself Some Mercedes Playboy Pics
The other week, we warned you that Buffy star Mercedes McNab was going to pose for Playboy. The pictures are now out, and so are Mercedes's breasts. And if you are hurting for twenty cents, today is your lucky day, because her nipples are the size of dimes. more »
September 27, 2006
CNW Junk Drawer: Muff-y the Mampire Displayer
Buffy costar Mercedes McNab to pose for Playboy; socially-challenged fanboys to spring boners eternal.
Sweet little cherub Mandy Moore is bringin' schlumpy back, and pulling it off.
And lo, brash angel of God Kathy Griffin alit and sayeth unto Tori Spelling: "unto you a childe is borne!"
Paris Hilton has been officially charged with drunk driving. Now, if only she were to be officially charged by the fashion police. Ooh! That's right! We went there! Uh-huh! Two snaps up, girlfriend!
Aerosmith's Steven Tyler is one hep cat.
Ashlee Simpson premiered as Roxie Hart in the London Cambridge Theatre's production of Chicago Monday night. And alas, there was no one with an oversized novelty hook, nor any clowns with comical janitor's brooms in sight.
Lindsay Lohan's father brags about porking his daughter's Herbie stunt double. No punch line needed.
A helpful compendium of celebrity nippage to clip, save, collect, and trade with friends.
Tom and K-Hole are looking for a project they can star in together. Might we suggest adapting Ronnie Spector's biography, Be My Baby? Though Tom as a megalomaniacal, shrimpy Svengali with a predilection for shades holding his young and innocent wife captive in their own home might be a bit of a stretch. Har de har har.
Sweet little cherub Mandy Moore is bringin' schlumpy back, and pulling it off.
And lo, brash angel of God Kathy Griffin alit and sayeth unto Tori Spelling: "unto you a childe is borne!"
Paris Hilton has been officially charged with drunk driving. Now, if only she were to be officially charged by the fashion police. Ooh! That's right! We went there! Uh-huh! Two snaps up, girlfriend!
Aerosmith's Steven Tyler is one hep cat.
Ashlee Simpson premiered as Roxie Hart in the London Cambridge Theatre's production of Chicago Monday night. And alas, there was no one with an oversized novelty hook, nor any clowns with comical janitor's brooms in sight.
Lindsay Lohan's father brags about porking his daughter's Herbie stunt double. No punch line needed.
A helpful compendium of celebrity nippage to clip, save, collect, and trade with friends.
Tom and K-Hole are looking for a project they can star in together. Might we suggest adapting Ronnie Spector's biography, Be My Baby? Though Tom as a megalomaniacal, shrimpy Svengali with a predilection for shades holding his young and innocent wife captive in their own home might be a bit of a stretch. Har de har har.
July 12, 2006
CNW Junk Drawer: Clueless; Clothesless
Jessica Simpson, in a bikini, on vacation. She's taking great care to conceal her crotch behind various objects, which can only mean one thing: BABY BUMP! Just kidding, she probably forgot to shave.
Ever wonder what goes on behind the closed doors at a high-powered meeting in which executives get together with the Olsen twins to discuss their next line of clothing/cosmetics/cereal/handbags? Tareytons, is what. Cartons and cartons and cartons of Tareytons.
Take a stick of raw linguine, dye it paper-bag brown, glue a Crystal Barbie wig to the top of it and two half coconut shells halfway down, and what do you get? Victoria Beckham.
Jennifer Ellison wears panties that show her clam. Her pussyclam.
Big fluffy hair was cool in the '80s; Tommy Lee sported the look well into the '90s. And now that it's 2006, Tommy Lee has finally moved on to last decade, showing off some highly sweet tribal tattoos paired with Manic Panic hair. Luckily, huge dongs never go out of style.
The Curious Birth of Suri No Middle Name Cruise: the legend continues.
Jackie Chan, all hopped up on Seagram's Golden Wine Coolers, causes a rumpus at a concert. We'd expect that kind of behavior from a McConaughey or a Sutherland, but that nice Chan boy?
Alyssa Milano wants to create a line of women's sports fan gear. Which, if her shirt is any indication, will involve lots of pastel smocking and rainbow beads. Go team!
Stacey Dash, naked in Playboy. Not a Monet.
Ever wonder what goes on behind the closed doors at a high-powered meeting in which executives get together with the Olsen twins to discuss their next line of clothing/cosmetics/cereal/handbags? Tareytons, is what. Cartons and cartons and cartons of Tareytons.
Take a stick of raw linguine, dye it paper-bag brown, glue a Crystal Barbie wig to the top of it and two half coconut shells halfway down, and what do you get? Victoria Beckham.
Jennifer Ellison wears panties that show her clam. Her pussyclam.
Big fluffy hair was cool in the '80s; Tommy Lee sported the look well into the '90s. And now that it's 2006, Tommy Lee has finally moved on to last decade, showing off some highly sweet tribal tattoos paired with Manic Panic hair. Luckily, huge dongs never go out of style.
The Curious Birth of Suri No Middle Name Cruise: the legend continues.
Jackie Chan, all hopped up on Seagram's Golden Wine Coolers, causes a rumpus at a concert. We'd expect that kind of behavior from a McConaughey or a Sutherland, but that nice Chan boy?
Alyssa Milano wants to create a line of women's sports fan gear. Which, if her shirt is any indication, will involve lots of pastel smocking and rainbow beads. Go team!
Stacey Dash, naked in Playboy. Not a Monet.
June 28, 2006
Playboy Hunts Some Ass(hlee)
If you were in charge of a well-known magazine and had about $4 million that wasn't earmarked for coke and hookers, what would you spend it on? The first pictures of the sexiest baby alive, or naked pictures of a Simpson sister? What if we told you that sister was Ashlee? Yeah, you'd still go for the nudes. To our readers that question's a no brainer on par with what to have for dinner: filet mignon or the pile of dog shit your neighbor left on your lawn. more »
June 14, 2006
CNW Junk Drawer: "All Nose and Hose"
Vida Guerra displays her ripe rump for mateworthy males in Playboy.
Daryl Hannah "arrested for farm protest"? What the . . . ? What kind of sick person protests farming?
Ashlee Simpson's in the new issue of Marie Claire talking about how women should embrace themselves no matter what size or shape and love their flaws. Accompanied by a nice pictorial spread of her showing off her new rhinoplasty, collagen-infused lips, and cantaloupe diet waistline.
The other day, Britney, Kevin and Federspears the Younger were photographed together for the first time since March. Oh, they're definitely a loving couple fully committed to one another. We're convinced now.
Paris and Lindsay fight over Stamos Nachos. They just can't get enough of his warm, cheesy goodness.
Heather Mills McCartney, soon to be defrocked and downgraded to "Just Plain Heather Mills but a $200 million richer Heather Mills so f u very much", makes viewers sing, "Hey Boob/Don't be a prude/Take some naked pics/And make wangs bigger".
Some kids like football, some kids like video games, some kids like Legos. Pam Anderson's sons' favorite toy is her stripper pole.
Brittany Murphy may be tinier than a baby flea, but her rack can compete with the best of them.
You know what isn't tiny? Screech from Saved by the Bell's weenis.
Jennifer Aniston's got pokies. And she knows how to use 'em.
Daryl Hannah "arrested for farm protest"? What the . . . ? What kind of sick person protests farming?
Ashlee Simpson's in the new issue of Marie Claire talking about how women should embrace themselves no matter what size or shape and love their flaws. Accompanied by a nice pictorial spread of her showing off her new rhinoplasty, collagen-infused lips, and cantaloupe diet waistline.
The other day, Britney, Kevin and Federspears the Younger were photographed together for the first time since March. Oh, they're definitely a loving couple fully committed to one another. We're convinced now.
Paris and Lindsay fight over Stamos Nachos. They just can't get enough of his warm, cheesy goodness.
Heather Mills McCartney, soon to be defrocked and downgraded to "Just Plain Heather Mills but a $200 million richer Heather Mills so f u very much", makes viewers sing, "Hey Boob/Don't be a prude/Take some naked pics/And make wangs bigger".
Some kids like football, some kids like video games, some kids like Legos. Pam Anderson's sons' favorite toy is her stripper pole.
Brittany Murphy may be tinier than a baby flea, but her rack can compete with the best of them.
You know what isn't tiny? Screech from Saved by the Bell's weenis.
Jennifer Aniston's got pokies. And she knows how to use 'em.
April 26, 2006
CNW Junk Drawer: Giant Jugs and Jail Time
The highly downloadable Cindy Margolis will be posing for Playboy. She's the spokeswoman for the National Infertility Association. God, that makes us feel horny.
Paris Hilton: attacked by evil flying car!
American Idol contestant Katharine McPhee almost McPhlashed some McPhurburger on national TV last night. And she would have gotten away with it, too, if it weren't for you pesky panties!
Jordan shows us what she's famous for. And we ain't talkin' acting chops, writing style, or mellifluous singing voice. NSFW, natch.
More Gong for your dong! Asian skinsation Gong Li gives us a reason to see the upcoming Miami Vice movie.
When presented with the choice of doing time in the pen or being nurturing and contributing kindly to society via a little community service, Michelle Rodriguez said "fuck that" and picked jail. Because she's an asswipe. An asswipe who loooooves incarcerated poontang.
Ashlee Simpson says that she's taller than sister Jessica and her legs are longer, although her jugs aren't as udderly colossal. It's a draw.
Kevin Costner settles with the woman who accuses him of stroking his weiner in front of her. He is not Untouchable after all.
Paris Hilton: attacked by evil flying car!
American Idol contestant Katharine McPhee almost McPhlashed some McPhurburger on national TV last night. And she would have gotten away with it, too, if it weren't for you pesky panties!
Jordan shows us what she's famous for. And we ain't talkin' acting chops, writing style, or mellifluous singing voice. NSFW, natch.
More Gong for your dong! Asian skinsation Gong Li gives us a reason to see the upcoming Miami Vice movie.
When presented with the choice of doing time in the pen or being nurturing and contributing kindly to society via a little community service, Michelle Rodriguez said "fuck that" and picked jail. Because she's an asswipe. An asswipe who loooooves incarcerated poontang.
Ashlee Simpson says that she's taller than sister Jessica and her legs are longer, although her jugs aren't as udderly colossal. It's a draw.
Kevin Costner settles with the woman who accuses him of stroking his weiner in front of her. He is not Untouchable after all.
April 05, 2006
Jessica Alba No Longer Hates Playboy, Still Not Naked
Hugh Hefner truly is the most powerful man on the planet. One minute Jessica Alba is threatening to sue him for getting men's penises hopes up that she's naked on the pages of Playboy, and then he sends her a letter saying, "I'm sorry, gorgeous, can't we make up?" and all is forgiven. He must have a foot-long dick made out of chocolate and dipped in gold and studded with diamonds. Ew. We just talked about Hugh Hefner's dong. We feel dirty. more »
April 03, 2006
Baby, If You've Ever Wondered, Wondered Whatever Became of Loni's Boobs
Loni Anderson says that if she were to receive a lifetiem supply of fancy shoes and undergarments, she would happily pose nude for Playboy. Somewhere in Cincinnati, Herb Tarlek just sprung a boner. more »
March 31, 2006
Carmen and Paget: Keeping Us Up All Night
We don't usually get to see late-night talk shows because our mom enforces a strict nine o'clock bedtime, but lucky for us some of our more mature gossip blog brethren have stayed up for the past couple of nights listening to Jay Leno pander to fat Midwestern women and Conan O'Brien joke about how dorky and unpopular he is while thousands of viewers hang on his every word. If they hadn't, we wouldn't know about Paget Brewster considering a Playboy spread or have seen Carmen Electra demonstrating spread-eagle circus moves on a couch. (OK, that last one was bound to happen somewhere eventually.) more »
March 01, 2006
Jessica Alba Is Not Nude in Playboy. Not Now, Not Ever.
If you are in charge of a magazine that puts hazy, back-lit photos of half-plastic women in crotchless white lace lingerie between its covers, don't try to fool us horny, Jessica Alba lovin' Americans by putting a picture of her in a bikini on your cover and then not delivering the hooters inside. 'Cause she'll sue you. And we'll be left jerking off to some girl we found on MySpace named Jessica Balba. Nobody wants that. more »
January 26, 2006
Hewitt to Bust out Party of Two in Playboy?
Jennifer Love Hewitt is planning her next career move to be taken seriously as an actress: posing nude for Playboy. Makes sense: her turn as a distraught lover in an Enrique Igelesias video and John Mayer's assertion that her body was, in fact, a wonderland didn't exactly catapult her into the artistic stratosphere. more »
January 18, 2006
Paris's Poon Passes on Playboy
When you think of Paris Hilton you project an image of a demure young lady in pearls and a twin set, with immaculate posture and her ankles daintily crossed. She is a woman of unbreakable moral values whose family has too much money for her to compromise her virtue for a couple of bucks. Wait, that's not how you think of her? We guess she's alone on this one then. more »
January 03, 2006
Un-break My Heart, and Undress My Parts
Toni Braxton is reportedly in negotiations to pose for Playboy. Which is awesome news for people who exist on a separate plane of reality that takes place in 1996. Heeeeeyyyyyy macarena! more »
September 28, 2005
Hootermania with Tara Reid
Its the day weve all been waiting for, folks; Tara Reid has finally talked about her boobs. Because were sure that youve been holding that razor blade to your wrist for months and months just waiting for Tara to say that shes a broken woman thanks to her wayward-boob fiasco. If Tara is sad your life no longer has meaning and might as well be ended. Oh, and she talked about Playboy too. more »
June 21, 2005
Sharon Stone: May Pose for Playboy; Definitely a Bad Mother
Perhaps she couldn't find a sitter. Perhaps the boy is easily soothed to sleep relaxing inside a car. Perhaps he was being punished for using wire hangers. Listen, we can go back and forth arguing the reasons Sharon Stone left her adopted 4-year-old son Roan inside a car for two hours while she enjoyed a dinner date, but the fact of the matter remains: she's probably gonna be in Playboy soon, and it's easy to set our differences aside and agree that this is pretty neato. more »
June 16, 2005
Yo, Lindsay. Wanna Buy Some Naked Pictures of Your Mama?
Wanna see Lindsay Lohan in Playboy? Well, too bad. As long as those hot Herbie the Love Bug scripts keep pouring in, you can expect Miss Blowhan to remain properly clothed. However, you may be able to see the next best thing in the buff. No, not Paris Hilton. No, no, not Nicole Richie either. Not Hilary Duff. No, not Wilmer Valderr--oh for the love of Christ, we're talking about her mom. more »
June 02, 2005
Halle Coulda Been a Playboy Contender
So. It seems that Halle Berry was approached by the Playboy folks a decade ago and agreed to peel for the publication, but only after the "right film" came along. Huh. Guess The Flintstones and B.A.P.S. weren't exactly inspirational in the nudity department? more »
May 23, 2005
Hatcher Okays Playboy . . . For a Price
For those of you who love nudity from women molded out of plastic, Playboy may soon have a treat for you. No, Farrah Fawcett isn't returning to the pages of the mag; Teri Hatcher says she would totally show off her Desperate Housewives--for $10 million. more »
March 29, 2005
Bai Ling to Bare Her Fortune Cookies in Playboy
Bai Ling doesn't like clothes. She wears very few of them--stepping out of the house donning what amounts to a few strategically-placed Kleenexes and some dental floss. But we're happy to report that she won't even be wearing that in the June issue of Playboy. more »
January 25, 2005
Shake Your Love Jugs
Dudes who "came" of age in the '80s: your ship has come in. Debbie Gibson is posing for Playboy. more »
December 29, 2004
Celeb Nudity (De)Briefing 12/29
Teri Polo'll make you wanna Focker, bein' naked gets the thumbs-up from DiCaprio, Jenny McCarthy shows her junk in Playboy . . . and to husband again, finally. Read on. more »
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