CelebNewsWire - The skinny. The scoop. The Hollywood poop. Wherever there is a nipple slip, we'll be there. If there's a party, you'll find us doing shots with Lindsay Lohan and upskirt flashing alongside Britney Spears. Wherever Paris Hilton is breaking the law, you'll see us. If there's a celebrity sex tape, we will find it. Nude stars, drunk stars, scandals, hookups, breakups? Let CelebNewsWire be your guide. Hold our hands. Come inside.
The Hollywood poop.
filed under: celebs posing for Playboy
November 26, 2008
CNW Junk Drawer: Twilight One Up for Me
• Twilight mania's at an all time high! And so is star Kristen Stewart. (ONTD)• Chelsea Handler may be posing nude for Playboy, because she's so popular and everyone likes her show, right? (Yeeeah!)
• Pete Wentz tries to explain his and Ashlee's choice of the name Bronx Mowgli. "We're retarded" is a good start. (Pop on the Pop)
• Mariah Carey refused to drink a glass of champagne. In the celebrity bump watch world, that's pretty much on the same level as the baby crowning. (Anything Hollywood)
• Dita von Teese naked in German Playboy. That isn't much of a teese. (Celebitchy)
• Average joes weigh in: who'd you most like to see in a lesbian scene? The answers may astound you. (Mr. Skin)
• Megan Fox claims that she looks like Ted Nugent in a wig. Wang dang! Sweet poontang. (Digital Spy)
• Even more photos of Britney Spears looking hot hot hooootttttttttt in Rolling Stone. Hooooootttttt. Hot. (Allie Is Wired)
• Cleavage-bearing Rihanna in her usual robo-Gene Simmons wear. (Drunken Stepfather)
• Karolina Kurkova's missing belly button: another mystery solved. Thanks, Encyclopedia Brown! (CelebWarship)
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October 22, 2008
CNW Junk Drawer: Charlize, Pleez
• I see London, I see Iraq. I see Charlize Theron's ass crack. (The Nip Slip)• Mary-Kate Olsen gets in an accident with an El Pollo Loco truck. Oh, sweet irony. (Drunken Stepfather)
• Guy Ritchie wastes no time--he's allegedly hooking up with actress Kelly Reilly, who has red hair and almost certainly does not resemble gristle. (Celebitchy)
• Britney Spears debuts some dance moves, gives us a teasing slice of midriff. Oh, you little minx. (Cityrag)
• WAG Amanda Carraway will get seedy for Playboy. Get it? Seed? Ha ha ha? Yes? (Hollywire)
• Kim Kardashian gives boyfriend Reggie Bush some TLC in the hospital. TLC meaning Titanic Leviathan Can. (Bitten and Bound)
• Former Atomic Kitten and present UK reality harlot Kerry Katona is very sober and articulate in a new interview. (The Blemish)
• This one time, Alyson Hannigan stuck a flute up her pussy. And the flute got her pregnant! Mazel tov. (Pop on the Pop)
• Nick Hogan's out of jail! Christ, we're SO EXCITED! Nick Hogan RULES! HE RULES!!!! (Derek Hail)
September 05, 2008
Lindsay Lohan Hates Money, Won't Pose Nude for Playboy
So you wanna see Lindsay Lohan's lung balloons again, do ya? Well, sorry buddy, but you're plum outta luck. Apparently lesbianism has made LiLo less of an exhibitionist. What a gyp. According to Page Six: IT'S once nude, twice shy for Lindsay Lohan. The Sapphic-leaning star has turned down a $700,000 offer to do an eight-page topless spread in Playboy's 55th-anniversary issue this January. "If there's nudity, then the answer's no . . . She's not going down the [New York] magazine road again," Lohan's rep told Playboy's creative consultant, Hal Lifson, referring to Lindsay's naked Marilyn Monroe tribute last winter. Lifson said he hoped to have Lohan do a tribute to '60s sex kitten Ann-Margret and her film "Kitten With a Whip," which is one of Lohan's faves.So let's get this straight: Lindsay, who once was worth a "poor" and "disgusting" seven million dollars and has went through multiple pricey rehab stints since then without raking in much more cash through a little thing called "work", was willing to show off pretty much everything but her pee hole for free in New York magazine but won't repeat the effort for Playboy for $700,000? Is she so ashamed of her former red-headed, freckled self that she's unwilling to recapture the look in tribute to Ann-Margret? Or is she just relying on little sis Ali paying the bills from now on? Cause that doesn't seem like a very solid plan. more »
June 16, 2008
Denise Richards + Nudity = Career Resurgence?
It's well documented that we here at CelebNewsWire are not the biggest Denise Richards fans. But we are also professionals who are willing to set aside our personal feelings when faced with hard news. Oh, wait, we meant "faced with hard penises." Because Denise Richards showing off her sacks for Playboy has a lot more to do with hard penises than hard news. The San Francisco Chronicle reports: Denise Richards is considering another romp for Playboy magazine.Holy shit, she's planning on showing her niche? That's awesome. We thought we'd only get tits.
The sexy star bared all for the men's magazine in 2004 and now her marriage to Charlie Sheen is over, the actress is thinking about making a return.
She tells AOL.com, "It's still a possibility. It's so iconic and fun."
And Richards admits she quite liked the attention she got after posing naked for the publication four years ago.
She adds, "I think that my niche is as a sex symbol. I'm never going to be the girl next door, so why not play up my niche?"
And to verify that Denise likes you looking at her hooters, here she is admiring herself on MrSkin.com:
more »
May 12, 2008
Tweenmate of the Month
Purveyor of awesome pop hits (seriously) Miley Cyrus continues to barrel headlong down that Slip n' Slide into young Hollywood debauchery. Recently she stated that she doesn't see the big deal about the behavior of her peers, saying,
"Everyone has their time. And I think most 21- to 25-year-olds go through this kind of thing. Basically, they're being normal 21-year-olds, especially Lindsay (Lohan). I mean, most of that's pretty normal. If you went to most high schools, I could point out Britneys (Spears) and Lindsays."Most 21- to 25-year-olds do go to rehab after crashing their luxury SUV into a tree while under the influence of cocaine and/or get involuntarily institutionalized after refusing to give up their children to their shants-and-cornrow-sporting ex-husband, yes. True, Miley.
In other Hannah Montana news, Hugh Hefner said that when Miley turns eighteen, he would be happy to feature her in Playboy. The old reprobate! Sez Hef:
"She would be welcomed in the magazine. She's a very pretty lady."Then Hef leaned forward and said, "Very pretty! Prettier'n Betty Grable, even! Boy howdy, I tell you what. I would pin that Cyrus dame's pinup to the dash of my Packard any old time, I would I would. Then I could look at her whenever I was driving down to the mixer to get some leg. Here, have a Werther's Original." Because he's old, see.
February 28, 2008
CNW Junk Drawer: The Dealie with Keeley
• Keeley Hazell makes Breast Actress, Mr. Skin makes The Sun. (The Sun)• Angelina's having a girl, and she's having her in France! Freedom birth! (I Don't Like You In That Way)
• Non, non! She is having deux bebes! Having zem in L'Etats-Unis! Oui oui oui! (FemaleFirst)
• Lohan dons crotch-strangling short shorts in February, because she is dedicated to her craft. The craft of being a saucy harlot. (Hollywood Tuna)
• Nicole Richie shows off her new baby. Quick, see the tiny cuteness before Rachel Zoe gives her gifts of Hoodia and hair extensions. (Celebitchy)
• Wisely realizing that her infamous recent nudie shots were the most popular thing she's ever done, Lindsay contemplates a future as a naked Marilyn Monroe impersonator. (Daily Stab)
• Kate Hudson coaxes butterscotch stallion Owen Wilson away from suicidal depression with a sugar cube, some carrots, and her vagina. (The Blemish)
• Lily Allen upskirts with cheeky results. (Taxi Driver)
• Now we know why Juliette Lewis has been wearing headbands all the time--they magically hold her nipples in. See what goes down when she goes without. (Drunken Stepfather)
• Awwww. Peter Andre soooo sweeeepy! Poor little guy's all tuckered out. (Seriously? OMG! WTF?)
• See where Megan Fox's tattooed ode to David Silver is located on her body. (Popoholic)
• Rachel Bilson owns underwear, and wants you to know all about it. (The Rad Report)
December 20, 2007
Alba and Hewitt Make for a Barren Nude Year
Pretty lady/PA semen receptacle Jessica Alba is not letting a little thing like pregnancy get in the way of her main occupation. Which is not acting, it's whining about how she hates being sexy and will never show you so much as an unadorned elbow so STFU. According to SF Gate:
[Alba has] reportedly turned down three offers to show off her baby bump in revealing magazine photoshoots.Yeah, we know. Alba won't be happy until we call her a stupid ugly warty misshapen goblin that smells real bad. And when we do, she'll do a little pirouette and look in the mirror and say, "They hate me! I'm gross! Yaaaaayyyyy!"
The 26-year-old has already ruled out the chance to follow the likes of Demi Moore and Christina Aguilera and bare all for glossy covers.
A friend says, "She had three offers on the first day, but she doesn't intend to take any of them."
And no nudes is also good nudes for Jennifer Love Hewitt, whose Hugetits will not be bandied about in Playboy anytime soon, despite their generous offer. Says SF Gate:
The actress' publicist tells the upcoming issue of In Touch Weekly magazine the "Ghost Whisperer" star was "flattered" by the offer, but turned it down. A friend of the 28-year-old says, "She's pretty conservative, but is very proud of her body."Well, of course JLH wouldn't stoop to such low pap as flaunting her flesh in the pages of Playboy magazine. Like Alba, she is too busy being a serious actress. Plus those residuals from Garfield: A Tail of Two Kitties and The Tuxedo are keeping her in forehead polish and cross-your-heart bras just fine. more »
December 18, 2007
Curry Too Spicy for Brady
Ah, the curse of the couples reality show. Only Trista and Ryan remain standing amongst the Mystically-tanned ashes of Nick and Jessica, Bret and Jes, Flav and Brigitte, New York and a bunch of dudes, etc. And now, it seems that America's First Top Model, Adrianne Curry, and the middle Brady may be adding themselves to the refuse. Reports ABC Action News:
Former Brady Bunch star Christopher Knight threatened to leave his model wife Adrianne Curry when she posed for sexy lesbian photos (NSFW link!) - as a birthday gift.We informally polled the men here at CelebNewsWire HQ, and it seems that Peter Brady has a case, because "my loved one presenting me with a gift of hot lesbo pics" nearly topped the list of "creepiest and worst relationship fears worthy of a separation". Right under "my loved one bringing Heidi Klum home for some no-strings-attached bicurious threesome action" and "my loved one bringing Heidi Klum and Monica Bellucci home for some no-strings-attached bicurious foursome action" more »
The incident, which was caught on camera for upcoming reality show My Fair Brady... Maybe Baby, left the upset actor suggesting the couple separate.
The girl-on-girl photos, which Curry has since repeated with a pal for Playboy magazine, were supposed to end a feud over baby plans - but they started a new one.
In the tense episode, which will air in January, Knight says of the photo gift, "It is the physicalisation of my worst fears. It creeps me out. I want a separation."
October 30, 2007
Kim Kardashian Shows Her Kar-vadge-ian in Playboy
There are many things in this world that frighten us. We end most days cowering in a corner rocking back and forth and chewing on our hair. Spiders, snakes, peppermint tea, Katie Couric, they all leave us jumpy and terrified. But nothing is more frightening than the powers of Playboy (except maybe the IRS). We're pretty sure Hef's minions include at least twelve eunuchs who troll the internet 24 hours a day searching for misused Playboy content and waiting to hit the speed-dial button for their scary lawyers. So as much as we would like to show you the actual pictures from Kim Kardashian's spread for the mag, we cannot overcome our fear to do so. But luckily our friends at I Don't Like You in that Way are fearless badasses who cower to no man (or Playboy-employed eunuch, as it may be). So pay them a visit and gaze upon the private bits of Kim K. There's even bush. Or what passes as bush in 2007. Which is to say two pubic hairs.UPDATE: Sorry, suckers, you missed them. We told you those eunuchs were coming, but you just didn't listen. Now you'll just have to hide that Playboy between copies of Popular Mechanics and The New Yorker and hope the cute girl working the counter at Barnes & Noble doesn't notice you're buying nudie pics of a fame whore.
October 25, 2007
Kim Kardashian: Pearl-Covered Superstar
You our readers are not very difficult to understand. You like things like boobs and beavs and butts and celebrity sex tapes and nip slips and cleavage and upskirts. You seem to dislike things like talent and true newsworthiness and hard work and anyone who doesn't have a famous and/or ridiculously rich daddy. How else to explain your love of Kim Kardashian? Sure, there are a handful of you out there who still want more posts about AARON CARTER SHIRTLESS, but your numbers seem to be dwindling, and we think that Aaron Carter may be holed up in a mountain lodge in Wyoming with a year's supply of weed and Ho Hos and Hot Pockets, as we haven't seen him in a while. So Kimmy K. it is. Sure this clip of Kim posing for Playboy comes from her E! reality show (with her unfortunately spelled sisters Khloe and Kourtney), so there's no actual nudity, but it does have nipples hidden by layers and layers of pearls. And that spells class. Just like black lacquer, silk sheets, and mirrored ceilings.
September 27, 2007
Pammy and Denise: Breast Friends
We usually don't put much credence in rumors about who has been offered an overstuffed trash bag full of hundred-dollar bills to put their coochie in front of a Playboy camera. The mag could make an offer to Camilla Parker-Bowles if they wanted to; it doesn't mean she's gonna ditch everything but the feathered hat and pose. But when the subjects in question are Pam Anderson and Denise Richards, the acceptance is pretty much a given. Though we haven't seen evidence of it on The Girls Next Door, we're pretty sure Pam and Denise have a standing Thursday afternoon naked tea and Twister luncheon appointment at the Mansion every week. Pam and Denise naked in Hef's house is probably about as out of place as a dog shitting on the carpet at the Osbournes' house. IMDB reports: Pals Pamela Anderson and Denise Richards are considering a $1 million offer to pose nude together in an upcoming issue of Playboy magazine. Both blondes have disrobed for the men's magazine in the past, and now Playboy boss Hugh Hefner wants the actresses to team up for a spread in the January 2008 issue of the publication. A source tells the Globe, "Neither Pam nor Denise has committed yet, but they're seriously considering it." Anderson has appeared nude in Playboy a record 12 times, while Richards stripped for the December 2004 issue. The pair became firm friends when they shot mob comedy Blonde & Blonder in Canada last year.On second thought, maybe Denise wouldn't be game for a new Playboy spread. She would probably claim, "I am a mother, not a bimbo. Nudity is undignified and immature," while filling out a Barely Legal subscription card in the name Charlie Sheen and drawing a penis coming out of his mouth in all the old family photos. more »
September 21, 2007
Kardashian Shows Ass Again--For Playboy
Kim Kardashian has somehow managed to take her gigantic ass, wedge it into the door of our subconscious, and infest our brain forevermore. Sometimes by jerk awake in the middle of the night screaming, "Kim's ass! We can't stop thinking about Kim's ass" after dreams that we've stood atop her body and bounced and bounced, using her ass as a giant pogo ball. And now we'll have a chance to see her rumpus rotundus in all its glory--completely Ray-J free! TMZ reports: Everybody knows Kim Kardashian is going to be in Playboy, but now it looks like she's going to be the mag's December cover girl and -- now for the really good news -- her pics will bare more than originally planned.And why, you may ask, is it one of the longest spreads Hef has done in years? Duh. It took twelve pages just to get her whole butt in the photograph.
UsMagazine.com reports that The Tush will in fact "show one boob, and her bare butt" in her 12-page pictorial, which is "one of the longest spreads Hef has done in a long time," says a source, who adds that the final snaps were chosen yesterday.
September 06, 2007
Playboy Not Interested in Debbie's Harry
That picture to the left is a young Debbie Harry as a Playboy Club Bunny. She's pretty hot, right? It looks like she's got some ample and squishy boobage under that satin. So can you believe that Hef and his minions said, "Sure, you're sexy enough to serve us a couple of brandy alexanders, but we surely wouldn't want to see her naked. How gross." TMZ reports: In an exclusive interview with Steppin Out's Chaunce Hayden, Debbie Harry revealed that although Playboy thought she was fit to be a bunny, she wasn't thick enough to be a Playmate.We're sure if 20-year-old Debbie walked into the Playboy offices today they'd tell her to lose 15 pounds and give her the number of a good bazooka booster. Ah, progress. more »
Back in the day, having a beautiful body meant having a little cushion for the pushin'. By today's standards, the young Debbie could've absolutely been a Playmate. Clearly, father time has paid a visit to the rocker. So chances are that Playboy isn't going to come a knockin'. Debbie has only one thing to say to Playboy, "You missed the boat."
July 25, 2007
CNW Junk Drawer: "Did Not Do Drugs They're Not Mine"
• Lindsay tells Billy Bush, "Yes. I am innocent... did not do drugs they're not mine." Well, technically the drugs they found weren't "done" yet because they were in her pocket. So . . . yeah! Innocent! (TMZ)• Lily Allen does not suffer Courtney Loves gladly. (Celeb Warship)
• Eva Mendes sends Jane mag off to the glue factory with a hearty strippin'. (Cityrag)
• Penelope Cruz in shocking eyelash controversy! (Celebitchy)
• Kim Kardashian to bring her bustle-like humpback heinie to Playboy? (Derek Hail)
• When Hilary Duff was a baby, her mom spiked her like a football. Over and over. (Hollywood Grind)
• Jennifer Garner rocks a lacy 1998 momthong. (Taxi Driver)
• What's longer: Rihanna's legs or her forehead? The world may never know. (Drunken Stepfather)
May 04, 2007
Pamela Anderson, Every Man, Woman, and Mammal on Earth Want to See Scarlett Johansson's Boobies
Pam Anderson wants to see Scarlett Johansson's big, bouncy bazooms. That's quite a bold statement, Pam. Are you sure you want to go out on a limb like that? Next thing you know you'll be making controversial statements like, "Puppies are cute," or "Cupcakes are yummy," or "I have rather large breasts." People start wars over those kind of hot-button issues. more »
January 04, 2007
CNW Junk Drawer: Federlohan
• Halle Berry might be preggo. For no other reason than to stick it to Julia Roberts.• Justin Timberlake is just not that into Cameron Diaz. Sound the death gong.
• Adrianne Curry dons her new plastic breasts on the red carpet.
• Owen Wilson will break up a lady's marriage, then refuse to commit to her. Don't you know he's loco?
• Oh, Kid Rock. You may be an "American Badass" but you cannot beat up Tommy Lee OR a family of four.
• And to think we were one chlamydia-riddled hookup away from Federlohan!
• Console yourselves with more pictures of more Lohan in yet another bikini.
• You might keep calling Rosie fat and lezboish, Donald Trump, but you know what? Your wife is naked. That's right. We said it. Naked. How you gonna get out of this one, Trump? Huh? Huh?
• Though Donald might allow soiled Miss USA Tara Connor to pose for Playboy. Somewhere, right now, Vanessa Williams is saying, "aw HELL no."
• Pam Anderson really classed it up for her Howard Stern appearance.
• Leo DiCraprio has jumped on the bandwagon and adopted an African child. Well, like, she won't be coming back to America to live in his palatial homes or eat food prepared by his personal chef or be educated in the finest schools. She'll stay in her homeland and every once in a while Leo will send her a check or call her on the phone. So basically she's not getting a dad, she's getting a deadbeat dad. Nice.
November 01, 2006
CNW Junk Drawer: "Like Women Everywhere"
• Is Australian actress Abbie Cornish the real reason behind the Reese/Ryan breakup? That would mark the second time Ryan's fallen for a blonde with an incredibly silly last name. At least he's consistent.
• Sumner Redstone says that he dropped Tom Cruise's contract because his wife, Paula, "like women everywhere, had come to hate him." Ouch, and hahahahaha.
• Cindy Margolis is in Playboy. And her bod makes us hum Bob Seger's "Like a Rock".
• The drummer for McFly (who?) has been bragging to anyone who'll listen that he has felt the gently licking flames of Lohan's firecrotch. Yeeeeah, that's like bragging that you ate food once, or that you sometimes blink.
• Step aside, Brangelina! Take a hike, Bennifer! Let's all give a warm welcome to . . . Tophvanka Grump!
• If there's anything U.S. Marines hate, it's being in the presence of a large-breasted, blonde, ultra-famous porn star.
• Katie Holmes recently ran into Brooke Shields and stopped to chat. Afterwards, herhandler best friend ever threw a burlap sack over her head, threw her in the back of a Brinks security van, drove her to a secluded location 4 miles beneath the earth's crust, and subjected her to 72 straight hours of deprogramming and delousing.
• Heidi Klum: finally, a celebrity who ain't afraid to get a little scary for the sake of Halloween. Nicely done.
• Patrick Dempsey's ex-wife, whom he married when he was 21 and she was the 48-year-old stepmother of his best friend, is alleging that he beat her during the filming of Can't Buy Me Love. Hey, these actors are tempestuous, artistic types and often have trouble bringing their work home with them at the end of the day. Can you really blame Dempsey for feeling violent when he spent day in and day out in character as a brutal, sexist killer with a hair-trigger temper. Wait, what? Can't Buy Me Love was about a mild-mannered nerd on a riding lawnmower? Oh.
• Sumner Redstone says that he dropped Tom Cruise's contract because his wife, Paula, "like women everywhere, had come to hate him." Ouch, and hahahahaha.
• Cindy Margolis is in Playboy. And her bod makes us hum Bob Seger's "Like a Rock".
• The drummer for McFly (who?) has been bragging to anyone who'll listen that he has felt the gently licking flames of Lohan's firecrotch. Yeeeeah, that's like bragging that you ate food once, or that you sometimes blink.
• Step aside, Brangelina! Take a hike, Bennifer! Let's all give a warm welcome to . . . Tophvanka Grump!
• If there's anything U.S. Marines hate, it's being in the presence of a large-breasted, blonde, ultra-famous porn star.
• Katie Holmes recently ran into Brooke Shields and stopped to chat. Afterwards, her
• Heidi Klum: finally, a celebrity who ain't afraid to get a little scary for the sake of Halloween. Nicely done.
• Patrick Dempsey's ex-wife, whom he married when he was 21 and she was the 48-year-old stepmother of his best friend, is alleging that he beat her during the filming of Can't Buy Me Love. Hey, these actors are tempestuous, artistic types and often have trouble bringing their work home with them at the end of the day. Can you really blame Dempsey for feeling violent when he spent day in and day out in character as a brutal, sexist killer with a hair-trigger temper. Wait, what? Can't Buy Me Love was about a mild-mannered nerd on a riding lawnmower? Oh.
October 06, 2006
McNab Yourself Some Mercedes Playboy Pics
The other week, we warned you that Buffy star Mercedes McNab was going to pose for Playboy. The pictures are now out, and so are Mercedes's breasts. And if you are hurting for twenty cents, today is your lucky day, because her nipples are the size of dimes. more »
September 27, 2006
CNW Junk Drawer: Muff-y the Mampire Displayer
• Buffy costar Mercedes McNab to pose for Playboy; socially-challenged fanboys to spring boners eternal.
• Sweet little cherub Mandy Moore is bringin' schlumpy back, and pulling it off.
• And lo, brash angel of God Kathy Griffin alit and sayeth unto Tori Spelling: "unto you a childe is borne!"
• Paris Hilton has been officially charged with drunk driving. Now, if only she were to be officially charged by the fashion police. Ooh! That's right! We went there! Uh-huh! Two snaps up, girlfriend!
• Aerosmith's Steven Tyler is one hep cat.
• Ashlee Simpson premiered as Roxie Hart in the London Cambridge Theatre's production of Chicago Monday night. And alas, there was no one with an oversized novelty hook, nor any clowns with comical janitor's brooms in sight.
• Lindsay Lohan's father brags about porking his daughter's Herbie stunt double. No punch line needed.
• A helpful compendium of celebrity nippage to clip, save, collect, and trade with friends.
• Tom and K-Hole are looking for a project they can star in together. Might we suggest adapting Ronnie Spector's biography, Be My Baby? Though Tom as a megalomaniacal, shrimpy Svengali with a predilection for shades holding his young and innocent wife captive in their own home might be a bit of a stretch. Har de har har.
• Sweet little cherub Mandy Moore is bringin' schlumpy back, and pulling it off.
• And lo, brash angel of God Kathy Griffin alit and sayeth unto Tori Spelling: "unto you a childe is borne!"
• Paris Hilton has been officially charged with drunk driving. Now, if only she were to be officially charged by the fashion police. Ooh! That's right! We went there! Uh-huh! Two snaps up, girlfriend!
• Aerosmith's Steven Tyler is one hep cat.
• Ashlee Simpson premiered as Roxie Hart in the London Cambridge Theatre's production of Chicago Monday night. And alas, there was no one with an oversized novelty hook, nor any clowns with comical janitor's brooms in sight.
• Lindsay Lohan's father brags about porking his daughter's Herbie stunt double. No punch line needed.
• A helpful compendium of celebrity nippage to clip, save, collect, and trade with friends.
• Tom and K-Hole are looking for a project they can star in together. Might we suggest adapting Ronnie Spector's biography, Be My Baby? Though Tom as a megalomaniacal, shrimpy Svengali with a predilection for shades holding his young and innocent wife captive in their own home might be a bit of a stretch. Har de har har.
July 12, 2006
CNW Junk Drawer: Clueless; Clothesless
• Jessica Simpson, in a bikini, on vacation. She's taking great care to conceal her crotch behind various objects, which can only mean one thing: BABY BUMP! Just kidding, she probably forgot to shave.
• Ever wonder what goes on behind the closed doors at a high-powered meeting in which executives get together with the Olsen twins to discuss their next line of clothing/cosmetics/cereal/handbags? Tareytons, is what. Cartons and cartons and cartons of Tareytons.
• Take a stick of raw linguine, dye it paper-bag brown, glue a Crystal Barbie wig to the top of it and two half coconut shells halfway down, and what do you get? Victoria Beckham.
• Jennifer Ellison wears panties that show her clam. Her pussyclam.
• Big fluffy hair was cool in the '80s; Tommy Lee sported the look well into the '90s. And now that it's 2006, Tommy Lee has finally moved on to last decade, showing off some highly sweet tribal tattoos paired with Manic Panic hair. Luckily, huge dongs never go out of style.
• The Curious Birth of Suri No Middle Name Cruise: the legend continues.
• Jackie Chan, all hopped up on Seagram's Golden Wine Coolers, causes a rumpus at a concert. We'd expect that kind of behavior from a McConaughey or a Sutherland, but that nice Chan boy?
• Alyssa Milano wants to create a line of women's sports fan gear. Which, if her shirt is any indication, will involve lots of pastel smocking and rainbow beads. Go team!
• Stacey Dash, naked in Playboy. Not a Monet.
• Ever wonder what goes on behind the closed doors at a high-powered meeting in which executives get together with the Olsen twins to discuss their next line of clothing/cosmetics/cereal/handbags? Tareytons, is what. Cartons and cartons and cartons of Tareytons.
• Take a stick of raw linguine, dye it paper-bag brown, glue a Crystal Barbie wig to the top of it and two half coconut shells halfway down, and what do you get? Victoria Beckham.
• Jennifer Ellison wears panties that show her clam. Her pussyclam.
• Big fluffy hair was cool in the '80s; Tommy Lee sported the look well into the '90s. And now that it's 2006, Tommy Lee has finally moved on to last decade, showing off some highly sweet tribal tattoos paired with Manic Panic hair. Luckily, huge dongs never go out of style.
• The Curious Birth of Suri No Middle Name Cruise: the legend continues.
• Jackie Chan, all hopped up on Seagram's Golden Wine Coolers, causes a rumpus at a concert. We'd expect that kind of behavior from a McConaughey or a Sutherland, but that nice Chan boy?
• Alyssa Milano wants to create a line of women's sports fan gear. Which, if her shirt is any indication, will involve lots of pastel smocking and rainbow beads. Go team!
• Stacey Dash, naked in Playboy. Not a Monet.
June 28, 2006
Playboy Hunts Some Ass(hlee)
If you were in charge of a well-known magazine and had about $4 million that wasn't earmarked for coke and hookers, what would you spend it on? The first pictures of the sexiest baby alive, or naked pictures of a Simpson sister? What if we told you that sister was Ashlee? Yeah, you'd still go for the nudes. To our readers that question's a no brainer on par with what to have for dinner: filet mignon or the pile of dog shit your neighbor left on your lawn. more »