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The Hollywood poop.
filed under: celebrity pregnancies
July 02, 2008
World Still Waiting for Twingelinas
It's another sadly twinless day for Brangelina freaks. Angelina Jolie has indeed been admitted to a hospital in the south of France, but her dual fetii have not yet stormed the bastille of her womb. This morning, her obstetrician, Michael Sussman, held a press conference (!!!) to assure the world that Angelina was doing great and still awaiting the birth of her babies sometime in the next two weeks. People reports:
Angelina Jolie's obstetrician, Dr. Michel Sussmann, assured the press at a news conference in the South of France Wednesday that all is well with the expectant mom, and that she and Brad Pitt want the world to know that everything's going as expected regarding the impending delivery. "Everything is normal," the obstetrician said in French, as he also said in English, "She is very well, and she's okay.""Indeed," said the doctor, licking his lips and rubbing his hands together, "She is nice. Very nice. Very, very, very nice. I will stay with her. In a locked tower I have constructed where we will live together as man and wife for all eternity, ruling from our tower of lust! Our loins shall be locked in passion forever! She is mine! Mine!" before pulling a sweaty, folded photograph of the actress from his back pocket and stroking it, crooning, "Soon, my pet. Soon." more »
"It is simply a visit of surveillance, no birth," Sussmann said of his patient, who entered the hospital over the weekend. "Brad and Angie want everyone to know that everything is going well."
Saying that Jolie's "very, very nice," the doctor added, "She will stay in the hospital until the birth. I will stay with her."
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July 01, 2008
Brangelina Birthin' Babies?
Today might be the day that two new Jolie-Pitts entered the world. Or maybe it isn't. Whether or not the rumors are true, it's all just a bunch of French people talking, and we still don't trust the French, because they hate freedom and democracy and apple pie and Burger King and beer guts. So we'll wait until we get an official announcement from good old Amuricuns like People magazine. But until then, The Huffington Post scoops the poop: A French magazine reported on its website Wednesday morning that Angelina Jolie has given birth to her twins. She and Brad Pitt have been holed up in the South of France since May, having recently moved into Chateau Miraval with their four kids.We're inclined to believe that this is total bullshit. Because the world waiting for the birth of the sexiest twin girls in history is kind of like a sixteen-year-old boy being in the presence of a naked girl for the first time. He's so damn excited that he's finally going to get his bone wet in something other than his mom's jar of cold cream (and, no, that's not a euphemism) that he gets to the main event about forty minutes too soon. So stuff it back in your collective pants, you Brangelina lovers, and think about baseball or Bugs Bunny or something. Unless of course you're turned on by baseball and/or Bugs Bunny (he was pretty damn sexy when he put on a dress, we'll admit), in which case you'll have to resort to the whole grandma on the toilet strategy of deflating your dong. And if you're turned on by that, you've got Amy Winehouse-level problems.
According to Closer:
En exclusivite mondiale, Closer est en mesure de vous annoncer qu'Angelina Jolie aurait accouché ce matin dans un hôpital français ! La star serait rentrée hier soir en salle de travail. Toute reproduction interdite sans la mention du site closermag.fr
Translation: Angelina went into labor Tuesday night and gave birth this (Wednesday) morning in a French hospital.
Angelina has "reportedly" given birth before, with "Entertainment Tonight" claiming she did a month ago and refusing to back down. But, Brad Pitt has traveled a lot since, doubtful if he had two preemie twins at home, and In Touch has pictures of a still-pregnant Jolie last week.
UPDATE: According to Us Weekly Angie's still incubating the tots but has indeed entered a French hospital. Two wee ones will be living out countless men's sicko fantasies any moment now. more »
June 19, 2008
Break Out the Moonshine and Celebrate the Birth of Another Baby Spears
Another Spears littl'un has arrived y'all! Well, maybe. All the buzz this morning was that Jamie Lynn was set to give birth through her tummy hole today, but we're pretty sure people are just making this shit up now. Especially since the supposed confirmation came from The National Enquirer. Sure, they may have been right about Patrick Swayze, but if all of the sudden we live in a world where The Enquirer can be trusted for actual facts, we may as well find out for ourselves what Wino finds so intriguing about crack, because the world will never be the same. And as for the name, nobody knows an f'ing thing, really. First we heard that JL and her offroadin' paramour were going to combine their names to come up with something super cool and classy and unique. Like Cailynn. But since that isn't quite country enough, JL may also be considering Emma Jean (according to her "friend", whom we're betting goes by the name Lynne). But People claims the future OK! cover model is being called Maddie Briann. Seriously, we don't really care right now. These names are all boring, and we don't yet believe any of them (remember Preston Michael Spears and Sutton Pierce Federline?). And since we think that these names all materialized in the brainpans of disgruntled gossip writers, we'll jump on that train too. We just happened to have spent our vacation in Kentwood last week, and as we were searching the aisles at Wal-Mart for Little Hugs, we ran into Jamie Lynn and she threw out some possibilities for us. At the top of the list were Jessie Us (for our Lord and Savior) and Pumkin Pie ('cause it's tasty). She also lamented that she wasn't having a boy because she was really hoping to name him Wally Mark in honor of her favorite place.
June 12, 2008
Fetuses Make Brangelina Horny
Most married couples' sex lives suffer--or, at the very least, slide a bit--after they become parents. Exhaustion, irritability, and a constant stream of Wiggles music in the background aren't really conducive to making whoopee. This is true for nearly everyone, except, of course, Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt. Yes, even amongst a pile of diapers laden with kiddie-stools and Pax and Maddox punching each other, these two still have a healthy urge to join groins passionately. In an interview for the new issue of Entertainment Weekly, Angelina extols the virtues of pregnancy sex:
"It's great for the sex life. It just makes you a lot more creative. So you have fun, and as a woman you're just so round and full."For real. Nothing gets the old creative juices (and sexy juices!) flowing quite like wondering if that stuff is semen or mucus plug, or figuring out ways to steer your wiener around giant, pendulous hemorrhoids. Pregnancy is the new DP! more »
June 10, 2008
Spelling Spilling from Womb; Campbell Threatens Same
'Tis the season for fetii to emerge from their wombs of fame. This past weekend, Jessica Alba grunted and pushed forth little Honor Warren, and yesterday, Tori Spelling made like a hen and laid tiny Stella McDermott. OK! sez:
The former 90210 star gave birth to a daughter on Monday, June 9. Stella Doreen McDermott arrived at 3:13 p.m. PST and weighed 6 lbs 8 oz.And in semi-related but way more hilarious and terrifying news, Naomi Campbell says that she's ready to join the infant brigade after recently having a cyst of evil surgically removed from her dastardly ovary. According to Contact Music, Naomi said:
Tori's rep tells OK!, "She's here! She's a healthy baby girl. Tori and baby are resting comfortably."
“Now I can have a child I would like one. I’m even willing to have one without a father. I know that I am ready. I know that with a baby I would change, I’d calm down."Either that or the child will mysteriously have a baby monitor-shaped imprint in his smooshy skull after a bout of prolonged squalling. more »
June 04, 2008
CNW Junk Drawer: Rhys Is in Pieces
• Sienna Miller finally cuts loose her improbably-named, leonine lover Rhys Ifans. (CeleBuzz)• Angry whelp Miley Cyrus wrecks equipment on the set of her new video. "Grrrr! I'm so mad! Like a bear! Grrr! Like a fluffy bear! With a bow around its neck! Grrr . . . awwww." (Drunken Stepfather)
• Kim Kardashian and Vanessa Minnillo dressed as cheerleaders, Carmen Electra in jazzercise gear. You're welcome, pre-verts. (The Hollywood Gossip)
• The fetus is out there. And by "there" we mean in Gillian Anderson's womb. (F-Listed)
• Oh yeah, Charlie Sheen married Brooke Whatsherguts last weekend. We didn't report on it because it didn't involve insulting Denise Richards. (Allie Is Wired)
• Lily Allen's hair is pink, her face is green, and her liver is pickled yellow. Fun drunk shots! Luv u Lily. (Derek Hail)
• Astley Tisdale: prepare for mass RickRollage. (The Blemish)
• Vanity Fair is in deep shit for implying that Gina Gershon let Bill Clinton's presidential peen into her Oval Office. Crystal Connors, NO! (Defamer)
• Eva Longoria is sporting what appears to be an inflated pregnancy rack, highlighted by the most burnt sienna of tan-spackle. (D-listed)
May 30, 2008
A Double Shot of Brangelina Baby Love?
As if it's not upsetting enough that Shiloh Jolie-Pitt's exalted spot as the hottest thing in Huggies has been usurped by TWO new Brangelina fetii. Now it's possible that Angelina and Brad's twins might have actually been born on Sunday, thereby effectively leaving Shiloh's birthday, which was Tuesday, in the shadows. Maybe. Highly dubious reporting from OK!:
There may be nothing more than wishful thinking to reports coming out of France this morning that Angelina Jolie, who was due to give birth to twins some time in the next three to four weeks, has indeed already delivered her fifth and sixth children.Normally when we hear horseshit about the "miracle of life" and the "beauty of childbirth" we roll our eyes, but Angelina Jolie giving birth would probably actually be pretty sexy. Creamy thighs splayed, womanly juices aspill, deep, throaty moans being emitted, Brad Pitt flexing bedside. It would basically be like 9 1/2 Weeks only with epidurals.
According to rumors, the Oscar-winner gave birth on Sunday in a Catholic clinic in the Aix-En-Provence region of France. No further details are forthcoming at this moment.
UPDATE: ETOnline says it's true, and we're not ones to argue with Mary Hart, though they are reporting that the twins are named Isla Marcheline and Amelie Jane, which sounds way too normal for the Branges.
ANOTHER UPDATE: People says no way, not true. We trust People because they have nice stories about heroic dogs. more »
Junior Claymates: Assemble!
Hell hath no fury like a Claymate scorned, so we excitedly don full body armor for this next scintillating tale. It seems that completely straight singer/American Idol runner-up Clay Aiken is going to be a father! How delightfully heteronormative! Says TMZ:
Here's what we know. Multiple sources tell us the mother is Jaymes Foster, a record producer and Clay's best friend. He lives at her home when he's in L.A.Hopefully the child will have play dates with Suri Cruise and Prince Michael and Blanket Jackson. Why? Oh, no reason.
We're told 50-year-old Foster, who produced several Aiken CDs, is due in August. She's the sister of record mogul David Foster. She divorced a few years back and has no kids. Aiken is 29.
We're told Foster was artificially inseminated. But Clay is a lot more than sperm -- we're told he will have an active role in raising the child.
No immediate word from Aiken's rep.
May 29, 2008
Confirmed: Pete Wentz Into Ashlee's Vagina Sans Condom
It's official. These two dildos reproduced. Awesome. Fall Out Turd Pete Wentz wrote on his website:
"While many have speculated about this, we wanted to wait until after the first trimester to officially confirm that we are expecting our first child. This is truly the most joyous time in our lives and we are excited to share the happy news and start our family.So far, this fetus's father's greatest accomplishment to date (besides being in Racetraitor, of course) is having his ding dong pics leaked to the internet. And its mother is known for having a nose job, lip synching on SNL, and verbally abusing McDonald's employees. So basically we're looking at a future president of the USA or cancer-curer here.
- Pete and Ashlee Wentz"
May 21, 2008
Castor Oil and Never Mind the Pollux Jolie-Pitt
Here's Angelina Jolie at Cannes, and if she has three more months to go with her pregnancy, than she is going to end up giving birth to twin rhinos. And speaking of the unborn double golden children, Angelina apparenltly has some rather interesting names picked out for them. According to Yeeeah!:
Gemini Angelina reportedly wants to name the babies Castor and Pollox after the twins of her birth sign, but Brad has dismissed the suggestion as he doesn’t want a daughter with a name “like a British cuss word”.Well, how about a son with a name like a British cuss word? Wanker Jolie-Pitt is really pretty. So is Bugger Jolie-Pitt. How about Cuntish Yobbo Jolie-Pitt? Oh, the possibilities are endless.
May 19, 2008
Angelina Jolies Slays Pets and Shirts
You might think that writing CelebNewsWire is all rainbows and sunshine, hobnobbing with luminaries like Ted Knight and Pia Zadora, pink champagne toasts and freebie gift bags and invites to nightclubs in Dubuque. And you'd be right, of course, but there's also a sinister side to the glamour. And that's the moral dilemma that comes up when we're faced with posting pictures of an internationally beloved star famed for her philanthropy in a state of undress, pregnant yammos visible and obviously taken by some creepo paparazzo with a serious zoom lens.When such a situation comes up, we usually hem and haw and weigh the pros and cons and then say screw it and post the pics because we have a weak moral fiber and because we don't want Lily Allen's cooch to be the only Sexy Lady Story of the day. After the cut, Angelina Jolie boobies! more »
May 16, 2008
Famous People Do Nothing, Get Paid
Your wedding and baby photos: You pay $3.79 at the Walgreens photo kiosk for a stack of glossy 8x10s. Famous people's wedding and baby photos: Magazines pay them millions of dollars to run the images for the whole world to see. That hard-won managerial position at Hot Topic seemed like a pretty sweet gig last week, didn't it? But to think, if only you were Pete Wentz, People magazine would pay you $1 million to show off your MySpace hair on their pages. That's a sweet gig. TMZ reports: At least someone cares enough to pay cold hard cash for pregnant bride Ashlee Simpson's wedding pics!That's a lot of money to see some guy in a ripped up hoodie and skinny jeans mumble "Yeah sure" in response to "Do you take this woman . . . "
Sources tell us People mag is shelling out "well over" one milllll-ion dollars (yes, as in seven figures) for pictures of Ash and guylinered Pete Wentz. That's probably more than she's made -- total -- from her "singing."
For their part, the mag says, "We're thrilled that celebrities continue to choose PEOPLE as the place to share their most intimate photos. We do not comment on specifics of any deals."
Also raking in the big bucks for doing a whole bunch of nothing: Matthew McConaughey. TMZ again:
Matthew McConaughey and baby mama Camila Alves are busy doing what all expectant parents do -- fielding million dollar offers for pictures of their kid!The propmaster for the photo shoot may have her work cut out for her, as we're sure little Bud McC will have a toothbrush in one hand and a tallboy in the other. It will be so precious to see how much the little one takes after Daddy.
TMZ has learned that McConaughey has hired "brand agent" Todd Shemarya -- who's already brokered deals for Brangelina and Xtina -- to help pull in some serious dough for photos of his child. So far, Mattyboy's gotten offers from three different publications -- EACH OVER A MILLION BUCKS! And the price is still climbing.
No word if the baby is a boy or girl -- but either way it's gonna be a cash cow. What happened to the bongo drumming, "just keep living" McConaughey we all knew and loved? Guess he's got to find some way to keep paying for all those shirts -- ya know, the ones he never wears.
May 15, 2008
Jack Black Ruins Angelina Jolie's Wombly Secret
Don't you love it when celebrities confirm things we've known for like three years? But in the case of Angelina Jolie being tricked into admitting she's saddling two specimens of human perfection in her lady chamber, at least she wasn't all, "I'm not pregnant, I swear. I just really love huge billowy dresses all of the sudden," and then finally own up like a month before she popped like a certain zombie-espoused famous lady we know. So way to be more honest than someone there, Ang. Or rather, way to let someone else spill the big news for you, as Jack Black does in the following Today interview. It's long, and it does contain Jack Black doing kung fu kicks and using his "I'm Jack Black and I'm mettttalllll" voice, so to save you the agony, here's the gist of it: Jack Black is a secret-ruining, scraggly, scruffy dillweed. Oh, and so is Dustin Hoffman, possibly minus the scraggly, scruffy part, as he blabbed Angie's due date, which is August 19th. So what does Angie think of her tattletale Kung Fu Panda (ugh) castmates (when the cameras aren't rolling, of course)? Just take a gander at that photo up there; we're pretty sure that Angie boxed Jack about the ears but good as soon as the photog was through. Either that or she really wants Madonna's ropy guns and is trying to achieve that sinewy look through extreme fist exercises. more »
May 13, 2008
Pregnant with a Smoke Baby
Now, normally when blogs and other media outlets post pictures of celebrities with a fourth of an inch of slightly puffy lower abdomen that may or may not be a waistband with the headline "BUMP ALERT!!!!!!", we take a certain glee in calling them out on their folly. But these pictures of Britney Spears, spangled Ed Hardy wifebeater straining over a terrifyingly gravid gut . . . we have no excuses. According to The Daily Mail:
She was snapped cradling her swollen-looking stomach on a shopping trip [in L.A. over the weekend]. Dressed casually in tracksuit bottoms and a T-shirt, the mother-of-two was seen placing a protective hand over her bulging tummy.Seeing how the only action Britney's been getting lately is K-Fed phone sex marathons, we doubt she's really pregnant. Unless you can get pregnant from the phone. Which, knowing these two, is actually entirely possible. God knows that those two times Federline told Britney she couldn't make a baby by sitting on a tractor in her swimsuit or doing it in the butt, he was sadly mistaken. The almost inhumanly powerful fertility between a rural Louisiana girl and her and her bong-loving wigger swain cannot be confined to just vaginal conception.
May 07, 2008
CNW Junk Drawer: Megan Fox Gets Plump
• Megan Fox takes "next Angelina Jolie" title literally, gets lipplants. (ONTD)• Elisha Cuthbert stalks the sandy landscape in a bikini; cuddles muscular male; gets handsy with own buttocks. (Drunken Stepfather)
• Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon's wedding photos will be in People. And they talk about being "soul mates". Even though they've known each other for six weeks. (Celebitchy)
• What mysterious pull do these Maddens have? Lindsay Lohan was busted trying to pick up Joel (that's Nicole Richie's Madden, not Paris Hilton's Madden) at a club the other night. There's not enough Maddens to go around. (Yeeeah!)
• Angelina Jolie is reportedly going to have twin girls. They'll have their mother's looks and their father's . . . looks. They can't go wrong! (I Don't Like You In That Way)
• Amy Winehouse is slowly devolving from soulful songstress to drunken party girl to crackhead to missing link to ape. Photographic evidence exists. (Holy Taco)
• Uma Thurman's name begins with a "u". So does the word "upskirt". Aaaand that's the closest we cam come to a joke here. (I Don't Like You In That Way)
• In other Lohan news, she's still stealing clothing from her friends. Because when girls' daddies don't love them, the fill up their hearts with pilfered fur. (The Blemish)
• Blake Lively may play a high schooler on Gossip Girl, but that rack is alllll freshman year at a state U, baby. (Fatback)
• Jessica Simpson must, she must, she must increase her bust. (Cityrag)
• Post-birth, Halle has some Berry nice cleavage. We knew our childhood obsession with Strawberry Shortcake speak would come in handy some day! (Flisted)
May 02, 2008
Jessica Alba Provides Milky Nourishment for Your Eyes
Normally, we'd take any racy, suggestive, or nude pictures we cared to share and place them under a cut for the sake of discretion and our ongoing campaign to keep you all from getting fired. However, we're not going to bother when it comes to these shots of Jessica Alba wearing a semi-sheer dress over her cup-runneth-over pregnancy rack. Why not? Because. If your boss comes over to your desk and grouses about you looking at nipples during work time, you can just say that you are admiring the natural miracle of life blossoming before your very eyes. "There is nothing more beautiful than an expectant mother glowing while preparing to nourish her infant with nature's perfect food, created directly from her own body, do you not agree?" you'll ask your boss. And he or she will obviously have to agree and then give you a promotion and a raise so he/she doesn't seem like an insensitive philistine. In summary, looking at pictures of nipples at work will win you a corner office and mad influence. Soon to be a cassette series availabe via Fingerhut.
more »
May 01, 2008
B to the Izz-A B to the Izz-Y
We know that people have babies. The reason life continues is because penises are inserted into vaginas and then big masses of tissue and organs and skin and hair and fingernails called babies come out of said vaginas. This is how the world works. But can celebrities please take a break from the baby making for like three months? We're dying for a new trend, like elephant adoptions. Sure, they're expensive to feed and difficult to house (see Stampy Simpson), but celebrities are rich and need not worry about trivialities. So please let Beyonce be the last knocked-up famous lady to cross our path until fall. According to Hollyscoop: Looks like the celebrity baby boom that started last year is far from over. Move over Angelina and Ashlee because Beyonce Knowles is going to be adding her name onto the celebrity mommy list.We love when celebrities have so-called "strong Christian beliefs" that allow them to have tons of premarital sex, but as soon as a baby's a-coming it's matrimony time. Bastard or no, they're still going to Hell, right? They might as well start committing some other sins. We suggest Beyonce start with dishonoring her mother by finally standing up and yelling: "House of Dereon clothes are ass ugly! I'm wearing Prada from now on!" more »
Hollyscoop has learned exclusively through multiple sources that Beyonce is expecting. A source close to the couple revealed, "Beyonce is 100% pregnant, which is why the couple rushed their wedding." The source also told Hollyscoop that all the friends and family that attended the ultra private wedding were all aware that Beyonce was already expecting.
Our source added that Beyonce is in her early stages, but don’t expect this star to come out with a confirmation statement anytime soon. The couple is pretty private about their personal lives--they still haven't even confirmed their wedding. But the source confirmed that she is expecting and they rushed the wedding due to Beyonce's strong Christian beliefs.
April 29, 2008
Baby Mama Is a Baby Mama. Diabolical!
The pregnancy epidemic is spreading like wildfires across the western U.S.! No one is safe from the mutant strain of semen that is penetrating the ova of the rich and famous! Your Earth diaphragms are useless against their powers! Bwahahahahahaha! Anyway. SNL comedienne Amy Poehler has announced that she is knocked up by her husband, Arrested Development dude Will Arnett. Reports Us:
Baby Mama star Amy Poehler is not only pregnant on the big screen — she's expecting in real life, too.Funniest baby ever. That kid is going to grow up and be so hilarious that he will win the heart of Shiloh Jolie-Pitt. And then they, in turn, will make babies of their own. Babies so beautiful and humorous that they will steal the attention of every vaguely attractive human being on the planet. And the rest of us will die alone, unfunny and ugly, surrounded by our own filth and negative self-worth. Thanks a heap, stupid Poehler fetus. more »
Her rep confirms to Usmagazine.com that the actress, 36, and her husband, actor Will Arnett, are expecting their first child this fall.
"I'm great with kids," Poehler recently told New York's Daily News. "I think I'm still a big giant kid. I understand them and usually we're the same size. I think I understand the way they look up at the world. I get it."
April 18, 2008
Jessica Simpson Pulls a Circa 2005 Lohan
Remember two weeks ago? When Jessica Simpson was hospitalized for having a busted pisser? According to Star, Jess's wee-wee woes were the result of three weeks of hardcore binge drinking. Woo! Quotes our beloved Yeeeah!:
After hooking up with Tony [Romo] in November, insiders say her partying and drinking are out of control. Jessica’s health problems were “brought on by drinking an obscene amount of alcohol…. She was treated for a kidney infection, a bladder infection and a urinary tract infection.”Wait, wait, wait, Hold up. Hold the damn phone. Alcohol prevents infection. That's why rubbing alcohol is included in first aid kits. And why we always chase the clap away with a fifth of MD 20/20. Furthermore, please note the timeline mapped out in the above quotes. She binge drank for three weeks. And her period was three weeks late. She was just practicing a little preventative birth control, people! Nothing takes care of a pesky unwanted pregnancy like bottle after bottle of Wild Turkey. Or, for added protection, douching with Dr. Pepper mixed with Pop Rocks. It's called Spears Family Planning, folks. Look it up. more »
Adding to her distress, Jessica asked doctors to give her a pregnancy test. “She was a nervous wreck,” says the insider. “She was three weeks late and convinced she was pregnant.”
Thanks Solange, But What Advice Does Juno Have for Jamie Lynn?
Jamie Lynn Spears has a dearth of responsible role models. Her millionaire sister lost custody of her kids to a jobless wigger, and her mom is the classic stage mother, which probably directly contributed to the former. So we suggest that Jamie Lynn take the advice of Solange Knowles. Seriously. There is probably not one other person on the planet who knows exactly what it's like to be the overlooked kid sister of a singing superstar and get knocked up in your teens. So listen up, little chickadee, cause Solange is laying it on ya, via Us Weekly: Solange Knowles knows the challenge of being a famous teen mother.Good parenting, not letting grammy tell the kid what to do, focusing on the child, yada yada yada. But Us Weekly is refusing to report Solange's most sage piece of advice to young'un Spears: "Whatever you do, don't bleach your baby. They'll never let you live it down."
Knowles, now 21, welcomed son Daniel in 2004 at the age of 18 (she split with husband, former college football player Daniel Smith, after the baby was born).
"I'm sure a lot of people perceived that I was gonna be a young, irresponsible mom," Knowles told Usmagazine.com during a recent visit.
But Knowles pointed out, "I think that there are some moms who are 35 who are just as irresponsible."
What advice does she have for the 17-year-old mom-to-be Jamie Lynn Spears?
"You just have to make the best decisions for you," Knowles said. "You have to decide what's best for you.
"Who are we to say what's right and wrong for a person?"
To focus on raising her son, Knowles said she "moved to the country for a year" without any nannies or babysitters.
"My parents lived on a whole opposite part of the world," she said. "My son has been my focus ever since the day he was born."
"He's been the light of my life," she added, "the inspiration behind everything."
April 15, 2008
Ashlee Preglee?
The other day, Fall Out Turd Pete Wentz and surgically altered sister Ashlee Simpson announced their engagement, but offered a "no comment" on pregnancy rumors. Yesterday, Pete told MTV News:
“There is a witch hunt for people to be pregnant whenever they get engaged in Hollywood. This is all news to me. I can’t wait for the story about how I’m really in a gay relationship and this is all just a cover. … I mean really, this is crazy. … I mean we’re engaged, that’s true, and happy about it.”Way to deny without denying, Pete. Some sources are reporting that Ashlee is definitely pregulated, some are reporting that she is absolutely not, but we think Yeeeah! has busted the case wide open:
“Coincidentally,” Ashlee’s new album drops in a week, on the same day her shirt line for Wet Seal debuts. The very same album that threatened to be overshadowed by Mariah Carey’s until daddy leaked E=MC2 onto the internet. Coincidentally.Aha! Excellent marketing strategy, Simpson family. We know that when we go to the record store or peruse iTunes.com, the first thing we look for is not songs we'd be interested in or the hot hits of today, but whether or not the artist is under the age of 24 and has allowed an unsheathed penis to ejaculate semen into her vagina. That is the mark of musical ventures worth our cash. True, our CD collection consists of nothing but albums by Charlotte Church, Lily Allen, and Clay Aiken, but hey, at least we're consistent.
Nicole Kidman Pregnant with World's First Four-Ounce Baby
This is a photograph of Nicole Kidman. She is supposedly somewhere in the vicinity of six months pregnant. Yet gazing upon her still quite puny gut would made one think, "She must have splurged and eaten half a chalupa and a couple of Mallomars." The image does not scream, "There is a living being growing inside my uterus." But maybe we're just thinking of this whole "Nicole Kidman is pregnant" thing in the wrong light. Perhaps it is not her lady chamber that is pregnant, but her mind. Pregnant with ideas. Ideas on how to be in a movie that actually makes money. Or ideas about which shade of beige to paint (sorry, hire people to paint) the guest bathroom. Or maybe all those years spent in such close proximity to Scientology have given her extraordinary abilities. Perhaps she is actually pregnant with a kitten. Those things are pretty damn small. And maybe it's a kitten granted with the gift of L. Ron Hubbard's soul; a kitten that will possess the ability to speak and command large flocks of gullible followers who believe him when he says that they are all possessed by ancient alien beings and must pledge three quarters of their income to eradicate said beings from their bodies. His name will be Mittens, because he will have white paws.
Find more pics of Nicole Kidman looking not-at-all pregnant at Celebitchy.
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April 09, 2008
CNW Junk Drawer: Pregnant. Pregnant in Bikini. Not Pregnant in Bikini.
• Beyonce still not talking on the wedding rumors, but is she also gestating Hova Jr.? (Celebitchy)• Eva Herzigova is definitely pregnant. You can tell because of the giant baby inside her belly. And the naked breasts, gravid with lactocity. (Drunken Stepfather)
• Also pregnant and half naked? Tori Spelling in a bikini. (Derek Hail)
• Sophie Monk: not pregnant, also in a bikini. We've closed that circle of preg nudity. Time to move on now. (F-listed)
• Naked WWE Divas will have you putting a chokehold on . . . the steering wheel in heavy traffic! Hahaha, what did you think we were going to say? "Your penis"? Actually, that would have been good too. (Cityrag)
• Rob Lowe's former employees made whoopie in his bed! (The Blemish)
• Celebs without makeup! LOL! Har de har! Oh, look at Kate Bosworth! Everyone! It's Kate Bosworth without makeup! Let's all point and laugh, because she looks totally, uh, actually she still looks perfect. (Daily Stab)
• Johnny Depp and Vanessa Paradis to finally tie the knot. Hopefully she can get on his dental plan now. (PopCrunch)
• Move over, crabs in Paris Hilton's pubes! Hilary Duff has a scorpion in her pants! Beat that! (Evil Beet)
• Is Maria Sharapova lobbing it into Camilla Belle? Oh, the intrigue! (Fatback)
• Toni Braxton is in the hospital. Unbreak her busted heart sac. (Allie Is Wired)
• Naomi Campbell got banned. Banned like 2 Live Crew. Banned like slap bracelets in 1994. (I Don't Like You In That Way)
April 07, 2008
Jamie Lynn Spears Celebrates Birthday by Rolling Back Prices
Celebrity sibling Jamie Lynn Spears turned seventeen years old on Friday. And she celebrated the way most seventeen-year-old girls in rural America do: by grabbing her babydaddy and enjoying an Alpine Swiss burger at Ruby Tuesday's and then hauling her pregnant ass to Wal-Mart! This hard-hitting public interest report just in from People:
Jamie Lynn Spears celebrated her 17th birthday with fiancé Casey Aldridge having dinner at Ruby Tuesday and shopping at Wal-Mart, a source says."Because," Jamie Lynn explained, "I been taking parenting lessons from my big sister Britney. She says that when the youngins get to squallin', just put 'em in a bag and they go to sleep for a real long time."
"They both seemed really happy, both in really good moods," the source tells PEOPLE of the couple's outing near Aldridge's home in Liberty, Miss. "Jamie Lynn had a big smile on her face."
Spears, who is pregnant with Aldridge's child, took in a quiet dinner with Aldridge, 18, at the restaurant. "It was just the two of them," says the source. "They were like a little adult couple, very low-key."
They then went to Wal-Mart, where Spears looked at sleeping bags.
March 20, 2008</