CelebNewsWire - The skinny. The scoop. The Hollywood poop. Wherever there is a nipple slip, we'll be there. If there's a party, you'll find us doing shots with Lindsay Lohan and upskirt flashing alongside Britney Spears. Wherever Paris Hilton is breaking the law, you'll see us. If there's a celebrity sex tape, we will find it. Nude stars, drunk stars, scandals, hookups, breakups? Let CelebNewsWire be your guide. Hold our hands. Come inside.
So if a Gorgon is so hideous that looking at her turns one's face to stone, what's the opposite? Because Vivienne and Knox, the dual totems of the mingling of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie and their flawless DNA, are available for your perusal today. You may want to sport sunglasses or peer at People and Hello! from behind the safety of a crack between your fingers, lest your eyeballs melt clean off your face. People reports:
"It is chaos, but we are managing it and having a wonderful time," Jolie tells People of daily life at the Château Miraval in Provence, France, where the couple's four older children – Maddox, 6, Pax, 4, Zahara, 3, and Shiloh, 2 – have been enjoying a summer of outdoor play (hide-and-seek is a favorite) on the château's sprawling grounds.
Adds Pitt: "[It's] still a cuckoo's nest."
Fortunately, they already have some household helpers. "[Shiloh] and Z pick out [the twins'] clothes and help change and hold them," says Jolie. "It's sweet – they are little mommies."
The odd thing is that the Wondertwins don't appear to be sporting Jolie lips on the cover of People, but on Hello!, they are. And the fact that Brad couldn't be bothered to wash his hair or shave that hideous 1995 goatee for the first family portrait with his newborns. Those poor kids probably think their dad is in Sugar Ray.
The messiahs are coming! The messiahs are coming! Will their cheeks be as bitably marshmallowy as Shiloh's? Will the makeup artists be able to properly shine their halos? Will their angel wings fit into baby couture without unsightly bunching? Oh, the questions! Reports WWD:
Brangelina sure love People magazine — or at least the checks the weekly keeps writing the celebrity couple. The title has again scored the exclusive North American rights to photos of Brad Pitt’s and Angelina Jolie’s latest children — new twins Knox Léon and Vivienne Marcheline. On Tuesday night, JustJared.com reported People will publish the photos, and a source close to the deal confirmed the news Thursday night. Hello bought the international rights. People and Hello will unveil the photos on Monday, two days earlier than People’s usual newsstand drop day. The price for the photos was a reported $10 million to $15 million, which, assumably, People and Hello will split in some manner.
$15 million may seem like a lot of money, but think about it. Brad and Ang each reportedly earned $20 million for Mr. and Mrs. Smith, which probably took them roughly three months to film. These babies took nine months to cook up, and two of them popped out. That's like if at the end of filming two movies miraculously appeared in theaters. Really, if you look at it that way, the Jolie-Pitts are getting ripped off. $40 million + three months = Mr. and Mrs. Smith. But $15 million + nine months = Knox and Vivienne? That just doesn't add up. By CelebNewsWire's highly scientific calculations, those tykes should've pulled in about $160 million. The twins better start trying a little harder to keep up with the family's financial expectations. more »
When you're rich and beautiful, you can do anything. Everything except bake up a pair of genetically gifted twins via the old penis-into-vagina way. Although we might all believe that Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt live a life of magical lust, where all fruit of their loins springs forth speaking ancient tongues and healing lepers with a touch, it turns out that newborn twins Knox and Vivienne were made by some doctors in a lab after they pulled out Angie's eggs and Brad jizzed into a cup. US mag claims:
Forget Mother Nature – Us Weekly reports in its new issue, on newsstands now, that Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt turned to fertility treatments to quickly conceive twins Knox and Vivienne.
"They conceived through in vitro fertilization," a well-placed source within their camp tells Us. "They both desperately wanted more babies soon."
The chance of having fraternal twins at Angelina's age (33) naturally is under 1 percent; with in vitro, the chances are 25 percent. Says Dr. Arthur Wisot of L.A.'s Reproductive Medical Group (who did not treat the couple), "We live in an era of reproductive freedom, so anybody can do anything they want within legal limits."
The actress chose the procedure (which can cost around $12,000 a pop) so "she wouldn't have to deal with the stress of trying to get pregnant," the source tells Us. "She could just knock it out."
Being a doctor in a fertility lab would be a fun job. We hope Angelina and Brad's doctor had a nice sense of humor and actually used Gary Busey sperm and the eggs from Hatchetface from Cry-Baby. Let's see how much you love a couple of kids who don't look like adorable ragamuffin urchins from a third world, do-gooders! more »
When contemplating what stories to cover this morning, we thought, "Eh, who cares about girls in bikinis or which drug won out in Amy Winehouse's nightly intoxication lottery? We want to hear Matthew McConaughey talking about his newborn son's wiener!" So here you have Mr. JK Livin' with his son, Levi, and high-tech incubation machine, Camila Alves, on the cover of OK! magazine. Notice the look of joy on Camila's face, Matthew's stoic pride, and little Levi's eager-to-please enthusiasm for life. Oh, did we say life? We meant weed. Enthusiasm for weed. It's as if the trio was playing a little puff-puff-give while the photographer set up the snap and the joint had to be cruelly yanked from between McConaughey the younger's lips just seconds before the flash went off. But accompanying this heartwarmingprofitable family portrait is an even better interview with typical McConaughey nuggets. Some highlights:
• "Contractions started kicking in. I sat there with her, right between her legs. We got tribal on it, we danced to it! I was DJ-ing this Brazilian music."
• "We ended up having an epidural because, on the large contractions, the umbilical cord was being compressed. They went in and tried the vacuum. This is where I learned — and no one tells you this — but having a baby is a bloody, pukey, sweaty, primeval thing! And I mean that as a beautiful thing. It is wild. But the vacuum didn't work, and the doctor said, 'C-section.'"
• "I said, 'Come here, little man. I saw the pecker and screamed that we'd been right all along about him being a boy. Then I brought him over to her [Camila].'"
The one thing we think when we encounter interviews with Matthew McConaughey is, "Why can't he be more open? He's just so guarded." We're guessing the full OK! interview holds a description of what a dilated vagina looks like close up.
And just because we can, here's the trailer for Matthew's upcoming cinematic masterpiece Surfer, Dude. We think Matt, Woody Harrelson, and Willie Nelson probably got together one day to concoct a way to make the moviegoing experience truly special by constructing each movie ticket entirely out of weed. But someone probably pulled out the bong before this theatrical marvel could be fully planned out. What a loss.
When you were a lad, your favorite toys were Bristle Blocks, Popples, and Construx. The Federspears boys, Jayden James and Sean Preston, also have their favorite toys: menthol lights, filterless 100s, and Zippo. Almost exactly one year ago, pics surfaced of little Jayden poking a sticky, chubby little finger into the soft pack of Mama's lollipops like they were a blob of glow in the dark Play-doh. Today, Sean too learns the fun of Marlboro Reds--they're just like pick-up sticks, only you can eat them! Plus they come with a colorful plastic bonus toy that emits sparkles! Indeed, Britney, there is no better way to celebrate losing full custody of your children than stuffing yourself into a bikini and letting your child play with lighters. But hey, it could be worse. Look on the bright side! She could be wearing nothing but a strap-on and Sean could be on fire. The glass is always half full with us!
It's been smelling pretty good around here lately, and there can only be one reason: lack of Britney Spears posts. But today we can happily frolic through the pasteurized processed nacho cheese food product like it was Willy Wonka's chocolate river, because the Brit is back! And she can see her kids kinda, just not full-time. According to E! News:
K-Fed’s longtime attorney Mark Vincent Kaplan exclusively tells E! News that the divorced duo have reached a settlement in their long-gestating custody case.
“The case has been settled,” Kaplan said. “The court still has to approve it. ” Both parties are due in court Friday morning.
“Kevin was not [out] to get custody. Kevin's goal was to set up some kind of template so the mother of his children can co-parent,” Kaplan said. He said. 'I need to have Britney to be involved in the coparenting of the kids but I need there to be a structure.'”
And that marks the first time Kevin Federline used the term "structure" without meaning the store on floor three of his local mall where he buys all his cargo shants.
more »
Jessica Alba does everything better than you. She looks better in a bikini, she always replaces the toilet paper in the proper overhand position, and she gave birth to brand new whelp Honor Marie Warren with nary a drug, scalpel, or uttered word. The new baby pics and first post-birth interview was sold to the highest bidder graciously granted to OK! mag, and Alba says that Honor's birth was a quiet affair.
“I didn’t scream," Jessica reveals. "It was really Zen.” And Cash could only marvel at his wife’s quiet strength when she gave birth. “She didn’t make a sound,” he says. “It was amazing.”
The Love Guru star tells OK! that she had natural birth. “The labor was more like meditation,” she says. “I did yoga breathing. I was focused."
Yeah, Jessica, um, it would probably be wise if you maybe kept that whole quiet, Zen birth thing under wraps. Lest tomorrow you wake up in a dark room with a throbbing headache and when the burlap sack is removed from your head, you see Tom Cruise there, whispering, "Soon, my sweet. Soon. You shall be my new loins." more »
Nicole Kidman may have jumped on the Hollywood "My baby's special; she needs a unique name like Colon Backslash Anal Sex" bandwagon, but she's not all about the latest celebrity trends. Jessica Alba, Matthew McConaughey, and Brangelina may be banking millions off of their offspring snaps, but not Nicky. She's all, "Hell, you wanna see her? Here. Get a good look. Just let me know when you're done, cause she's gotta nurse." Our own celebrity-baby photo agent, FemaleFirst, reports:
Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban have rejected various million dollar offers for the first photographs of their new daughter.
The 'Moulin Rouge' actress and her country singer husband - who welcomed Sunday Rose, their first child together, into the world last week - have allegedly been approached by various celebrity magazines desperate to get the first pictures of the baby, but have declined all offers.
A source said: "They don't think it's appropriate to make deals. They are still deciding how they feel about it - if and when they will release a photo at all."
However, the couple are said to be considering releasing a picture themselves, for free.
The source added: "They realise there is enormous interest from the public and they are grateful and appreciative of that.
"Nicole and Keith have been enjoying their first few days at home with their firstborn tot - Nicole is thinking about things like breastfeeding right now."
What are you thinking, Nicole? The amount of dough Sunday Rose could rake in for you could keep you in Botox shots--and restorative surgery once it's discovered that Botox causes your flesh peel off in chunks after fifteen years--for the rest of your days. Oh, no, oops. We don't mean that. We mean, just think of how many starving babies those millions would feed. Yeah. That's it. That's what celebrities do with all that money. Feed starving babies. more »
Your babies: never wear clothes more than once because after about an hour they are covered in vomit and diarrhea. Jennifer Lopez's babies: never wear clothes more than once because washing laundry is for poor people. Oh, and the other difference. While your kids' clothes come from the clearance rack at Old Navy (Baby Gap if it's a really special occasion), Max and Emme Anthony are only swathed in the finest European fabrics. Which then get turned into really luxurious rags, we're guessing. JLo's maids are so spoiled. According to The Mirror:
Even by Jennifer Lopez's extravagant standards, this takes some beating...
The actress apparently insists on dressing her five-month-old twins in new designer gear every day.
We're told: "Jennifer was approached by a charity and asked to donate some dresses for a celebrity auction. She agreed and donated a gorgeous £5,000 frock.
"She also offered some of Max and Emme's clothes, telling organisers that she never lets them 'repeat' outfits.
"But the auction deals only in adult clothes. Jennifer told them it was a shame, as some items cost over $1,000 (£500) each."
Curiously, Jennifer isn't so concerned when it comes to the little tykes' diapers, meticulously washing an re-using each one, even if she has to employ public sinks and Pink Panther-hued soap. What can we say, she's an environmentalist. more »
We've been gypped. Somewhere along the line some lonely blogger with a neglected boner heard the words "Angelina Jolie" and "twins" and immediately started to resurrect his very detailed Jessica and Elizabeth Wakefield fantasies, only with poutier lips and billions more dollars. And somehow that rumor spread, until everyone on the interwebs thought it was fact that the Jolie-Pitt kiddies would pop out sans baby wieners. Not so. Angie was cut open on Saturday, and one messianic boy and one female bundle of perfection were pulled out. Knox Leon and Vivienne Marcheline now join the ranks of Max and Emme Anthony and Phinnaeus and Hazel not-Roberts as A-list mixed-sex twins. Way to go, Angie. We thought you had more individuality in you. Like maybe you'd blow everyone's minds and birth twin raccoons named Bandit and Scamp. Brad really has turned you conventional.
You may be racked with sadness over the missed opportunity to polish off you old Olsen twins countdown-to-legal-twincest calendar for a greater purpose, but you know who's even sadder about this birth than you? Jon Voight. Sure, as soon as he heard the announcement during a Living Lohan commercial break on E! he was on the phone with every press contact in his Rolodex (which by the way looks like this: New York Daily News, New York Post, People, Star, Us Weekly, James Van Der Beek, and a couple of pages marked "Angie" and "James" with the contact info left blank). He gushed and gushed about how happy he was for his daughter, telling The Insider:
"I'm over the moon - it's magnificent. In this world, all we can hope for is that mommy and the kids are healthy. I'm very excited. If I were called today, I'd be there."
We're pretty sure that as soon as that phone call ended he cried into his Hungry Man dinner. But we can't really feel sorry for him. We're guessing that if that call from Angelina ever comes, Jon will equip himself with high-tech hidden cameras a la a John Stossel investigation and sell the footage to Access Hollywood.
more »
You know that picture of you at 8 months old? The one depicting you with one hand down your diaper and the other using one of your own fekes as a writing utensil on the dining room wall? The one your mom lovingly calls "Harold and the Poople Crayon" that she likes to whip out when you bring dates over? Imagine that picture is worth more than your salary times twenty, and you know what it's like to be Jessica Alba's daughter or Matthew McConaughey's son. Both Alba and McCon have brokered deals to whore out lovingly sell photographs of their precious spawn to magazines for a sweet, sweet price. According to TMZ:
TMZ has learned Honor Marie Warren, celebuspawn of Jessica Alba and hubby Cash Warren, is now $1.5 million richer thanks to OK! Magazine.
We're hearing the two-part deal consists of pictures of the baby now, and one other "event" -- Christmas, Thanksgiving, vacation, etc. Our spy said Jessica initially turned down the offers of several weekly mags, not wanting to sell, but eventually caved.
Two-month-old Honor, we're told, is just "adorable" and the pictures, taken this week, are "so cute."
1.5 clams buys a lot of Baby Bjorns and Zwieback crackers, to be sure, but Honor Warren is actually as poor as Firecrotch Lohan circa 2006 in the race for the priciest baby pics. Our personal photo broker, Female First, says:
Matthew McConaughey has reportedly sold photos of his new son for $3 million.
The 'Fool's Gold' actor and model girlfriend Camila Alves - who welcomed Levi, their first child together, earlier this week - are said to have signed a deal with America's OK! magazine to publish the first pictures of the little boy.
What makes one baby worth twice as much as another? What does Levi have that Honor doesn't? Perhaps we should go by the parents and assume that Honor sat for her shoot, sour-faced, demanding a body double for her diaper scenes while Levi let it all hang out, even humping some sand on a beach and sharing a weed pacifier with the camera crew. more »
You think that Sunday and Levi are names worthy of getting a kid 's teeth knocked out behind the jungle gym? Wait till you meet little Chewy Martin. Luckily his parents won't have any trouble understanding his strange language, as to them names and words and such are nothing but noises. The San Francisco Chronicle reports on Chris Martin's baby-name theory:
Coldplay rocker Chris Martin is sticking up for celebrities with unusually named children, insisting names are "just noises."
Martin and his wife, Gwyneth Paltrow, delved deep into the baby name book to hand their 2-year-old son the Biblically themed Moses, after giving daughter Apple, 4, a fruity moniker.
But the singer insists there's nothing odd about choosing a unique name.
He tells Blender magazine, "People make a big fuss over names. Names of babies, names of albums, names of bands.
"There's nothing weird about calling your baby Chewbacca if that's what you want to call your baby. It's no stranger than Sarah.
"A name is just a noise, and, if you like it, then [bleep] what everyone else says."
Thanks for the idea, Chris. We just found this really sweet size 2T head-to-toe fur snowsuit, but we weren't sure what infant on earth would be worthy of such couture. But now that Chris has so helpfully chosen the perfect baby name for us, we better get to procreatin'!
• Megan Fox straps her camel toe into some stretch pants for a shopping excursion. (Faded Youth)
• And speaking of Megan Fox, her former(?) fiance Brian Austin Green denies the breakup rumors, says the couple are "solid". Solid as a rock? So nothing's changed it? And what you're saying is that the feeling's still hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hot? (PopCrunch)
• The first look at Jamie Lynn Spears's little baby, Maddie Briann. Maddie's next OK! cover: in thirteen years, when she marries cousin Sean Preston in a romantic toothless ceremony in Louisiana. (Dlisted)
• Jennifer Lopez in a bikini. Post-twins, her abs are still flatter than yours, and her ass is still bigger than the sun. (Flisted)
• Lilo and SamRo ride the pink caterpillar at Disneyland. Ohhhh yeaaaaah. (Holy Taco)
• See Jaime Pressly in a bikini and you'll be nothin' but a horn dog. Eh? Yes? No? Bah. (IDLYITW)
• New Paris Hilton TV show in the works. And no, sadly, it's not a Fear Factor type show involving a rocket sending her to the surface of the moon to see how long she can hold her breath. (Hollywire)
We know that ever since yesterday morning your face has been plagued with a perplexed expression, you've been scratching your head so much you've nearly created a new bald spot, and you've been muttering to yourself, "Sunday Rose? Seriously? Sunday Rose?" while walking around in circles and distractedly bumping into furniture. And we've been right there with you, pal. But luckily MSNBC has come along to solve the Nicole Kidman baby-name mystery:
By now it’s pretty much common knowledge that Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban named their baby Sunday Rose, and thus re-opened the vault of bad celebrity baby names.
What was the couple thinking? One Kidman source said that before the birth, Urban penned a song titled “Sunday” about his little miracle-to-be. “(Urban and Kidman) knew the sex of the baby beforehand, and once Keith wrote the song, they thought it was the perfect name for their baby,” said the Kidman source. “They really didn’t know she’d almost be born on Sunday.”
Another source said the name is her last jab at Scientology. “Nicole is a Catholic, and Sunday was an important religious day for her until she was involved in Scientology,” said the source. “She’s still bitter about her experience with Scientology and the fact her baby’s name could be perceived as one last jab doesn’t exactly upset her.”
What’s up next for the new family of three? “They’re going to nest in Nashville for a while.”
The Keith Urban song theory we totally get (and we're sure it's a masterpiece on the order of "Hey Jude"), but using your first naturally born child's moniker, the name she'll have to saddle until she's 18 and changes it to something really boring like Ann, to smite Scientology? We don't think so. We think Nicole's saving that honor for her very first yacht, the S.S. Scientology is a Cult Full of Crazy Alien Humpers. And of course the dinghy will be christened the P.S. My Ex-husband Tom Cruise Likes Wieners (and I Don't Mean Hot Dogs). more »
Hold onto your Huggies, Sunday Rose Kidman Urban, there's a charming new stud in town. Welcome to the world, Baby Boy McConaughey! That's right--golden-bronzed bongo bopper Matthew McConaughey took the toothbrush out of his mouth long enough to help his girlfriend, model Camila Alves, deliver their first child yesterday. US Weekly gives a few more details:
Matthew McConaughey and Camila Alves welcomed their first child into the world Monday afternoon in Los Angeles. Alves gave birth to the as-yet-unnamed baby at 6:22 p.m. local time weighing 7 lb., 4 oz.
The baby was reportedly born with sweet abs, wearing Jamz. In lieu of stogies, McCon passed around an "It's a boy!' gravity bong.
UPDATE: The little dude has a name. Mac and Camila released the following statement:
"We welcome Levi Alves McConaughey into this wonderful life and look forward to living in it with him. In the mean time and all times, just keep livin'."
—Matthew David McConaughey and Camila Maria Saraiva de Araujo Alves
And now we know: What to Expect When You're Expecting does not have a chapter on not using your movie character's catchphrases in your baby's birth announcement.
What happens when a heavily Botoxed mother and a heavily Lumineered father reproduce, and their baby comes out with forehead creases and the potential for crooked brown teeth? We dunno, ask Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban! Mere moments ago, Nicole spread her fish belly white thighs and pushed forth a new life unto this world. People scoops:
Nicole Kidman and her husband, Keith Urban, have welcomed their first child together, a daughter named Sunday Rose Kidman Urban, born Monday morning in Nashville, PEOPLE has confirmed.
"Husband Keith was by Nicole's side, and mother and baby are very well," said spokesman Paul Freundlich, who added that the couple were "delighted" to make the announcement. He also said the baby girl weighed 6 lbs., 7.5 oz.
And at the same time in a parallel universe, Sunday's arch rival, Thursday Peony Adultwoman Rural, was also born. In twenty years they will fight to the death. Who will emerge the victor? There can be only one.
more »
Today might be the day that two new Jolie-Pitts entered the world. Or maybe it isn't. Whether or not the rumors are true, it's all just a bunch of French people talking, and we still don't trust the French, because they hate freedom and democracy and apple pie and Burger King and beer guts. So we'll wait until we get an official announcement from good old Amuricuns like People magazine. But until then, The Huffington Post scoops the poop:
A French magazine reported on its website Wednesday morning that Angelina Jolie has given birth to her twins. She and Brad Pitt have been holed up in the South of France since May, having recently moved into Chateau Miraval with their four kids.
According to Closer:
En exclusivite mondiale, Closer est en mesure de vous annoncer qu'Angelina Jolie aurait accouché ce matin dans un hôpital français ! La star serait rentrée hier soir en salle de travail. Toute reproduction interdite sans la mention du site closermag.fr
Translation: Angelina went into labor Tuesday night and gave birth this (Wednesday) morning in a French hospital.
Angelina has "reportedly" given birth before, with "Entertainment Tonight" claiming she did a month ago and refusing to back down. But, Brad Pitt has traveled a lot since, doubtful if he had two preemie twins at home, and In Touch has pictures of a still-pregnant Jolie last week.
We're inclined to believe that this is total bullshit. Because the world waiting for the birth of the sexiest twin girls in history is kind of like a sixteen-year-old boy being in the presence of a naked girl for the first time. He's so damn excited that he's finally going to get his bone wet in something other than his mom's jar of cold cream (and, no, that's not a euphemism) that he gets to the main event about forty minutes too soon. So stuff it back in your collective pants, you Brangelina lovers, and think about baseball or Bugs Bunny or something. Unless of course you're turned on by baseball and/or Bugs Bunny (he was pretty damn sexy when he put on a dress, we'll admit), in which case you'll have to resort to the whole grandma on the toilet strategy of deflating your dong. And if you're turned on by that, you've got Amy Winehouse-level problems.
UPDATE: According to Us Weekly Angie's still incubating the tots but has indeed entered a French hospital. Two wee ones will be living out countless men's sicko fantasies any moment now. more »
We love celebrity spin control. When someone is caught with a hooker or gets filmed donkey punching an old lady on a crowded street, there are always stories leaked by "inside sources" claiming that said celebrity is truly a great person, and the Starbucks barista must've put eighteen shots in their morning latte, because they would never do such a horrible thing. And then there's the eye-witness account from some bumpkin in Montana who personally saw said celebrity rescue a couple of dozen puppies from a burning building. So we say it's no coincidence that today there are two stories about Jennifer Lopez: 1) She's getting sued because her doggie bit a lady, and 2) She's a totally wonderful hands-on mom who doesn't even have nannies! She's amazing. First the legal stuff, from The New York Daily News:
A flight attendant claims Jennifer Lopez's guard dog chomped her leg on a plane trip two years ago, and now she wants to take a $5 million bite out of the singer's pocketbook.
Lisa Wilson, 40, filed a suit in Brooklyn Federal Court Thursday, alleging the attack caused her to fall and suffer back injuries that prevent her from working anymore.
The dog-bites-woman tale began July, 3, 2006, when NetJets, a private airline company, assigned Wilson to work a flight taking J.Lo to Burbank Airport in California, the suit says.
Wilson says Lopez boarded a Gulfstream IV jet at Republic Airport in Farmingdale, L.I., with Floyd, a German shepherd described in the manifest as "a well-behaved guard dog."
Just in case, Wilson, of Mary Esther, Fla., says in the court papers, Lopez gave her some instructions on how to act around Floyd.
But the suit alleges that 90 minutes into the flight, Wilson walked past Floyd, and he responded by "attacking her and biting her pant leg."
In an attempt to get away, Wilson says she "twisted and fell," injuring her lower back so badly she had to undergo surgery last year and no longer can work - "at great economic loss."
But because owning a vicious dog who incapacitates a poor woman isn't good for the rep, MSNBC also brings us this story:
Us Weekly reports that the Lopez and Anthony might still be wrapping 4-month-old Max and Emme in $100 Melissa Masse blankets, but they’re doing so without the help of nannies. The magazine confirmed with Lopez’s rep that the couple is still without outside help, even while traveling abroad. A Lopez confidant also told Us, “The whole 75-pieces-of-Louis-Vuitton-luggage thing is just not happening now. … Being a mother has completely changed Jennifer.”
That’s a good thing: A source told Scoop that before the twins were born, Lopez had picked up a strange travel habit. “Not even the first-class lounge was good enough for her. She kept slipping into a door inside the lounge, so people thought it was like a special VIP area,” said a traveler who witnessed the behavior on many occasions.
“Turns out, it was just a storage closet. Give her credit for wanting to be left alone, but hiding in a storage closet? That's a little extreme.”
See, she's good people! She knows how to raise her children with only the help of an animated-skeleton husband and millions and millions of dollars. That's not easy, folks. more »
We watched two episodes of Denise Richards: It's Complicated and had to have a lobotomy, so we can totally relate to Denise's little daughters with Charlie Sheen, Sam and Lola. Recently, Denise revealed to In Touch that she and Charlie's constant squabbling has led to her putting the children in therapy. She said,
“My kids are in therapy. It’s very sad that they need to be there, but they do for now. On the other hand, it’s good they have an outlet to deal with their feelings and someone who is just their advocate.”
We're not sure what a three- and four-year-old actually do in therapy. Usually when kids that young see a professional, they use dolls to act out their feelings. Though we're not sure how the psychologist will react to the little Richards-Sheen moppets making the teddy bear say "prostitute-tranny-infested sperm." And we doubt there is any doll available that looks the part of Daddy's passel of hookers. Oh, wait. Bratz. more »
Another Spears littl'un has arrived y'all! Well, maybe. All the buzz this morning was that Jamie Lynn was set to give birth through her tummy hole today, but we're pretty sure people are just making this shit up now. Especially since the supposed confirmation came from The National Enquirer. Sure, they may have been right about Patrick Swayze, but if all of the sudden we live in a world where The Enquirer can be trusted for actual facts, we may as well find out for ourselves what Wino finds so intriguing about crack, because the world will never be the same. And as for the name, nobody knows an f'ing thing, really. First we heard that JL and her offroadin' paramour were going to combine their names to come up with something super cool and classy and unique. Like Cailynn. But since that isn't quite country enough, JL may also be considering Emma Jean (according to her "friend", whom we're betting goes by the name Lynne). But People claims the future OK! cover model is being called Maddie Briann. Seriously, we don't really care right now. These names are all boring, and we don't yet believe any of them (remember Preston Michael Spears and Sutton Pierce Federline?). And since we think that these names all materialized in the brainpans of disgruntled gossip writers, we'll jump on that train too. We just happened to have spent our vacation in Kentwood last week, and as we were searching the aisles at Wal-Mart for Little Hugs, we ran into Jamie Lynn and she threw out some possibilities for us. At the top of the list were Jessie Us (for our Lord and Savior) and Pumkin Pie ('cause it's tasty). She also lamented that she wasn't having a boy because she was really hoping to name him Wally Mark in honor of her favorite place.
• Lindsay Lohan has pulled a Heigl and withdrawn her name from the Emmy race. To which the Emmy panel said, "OK. Sounds good. Who's Lindsay Lohan?" (Celebitchy)
• Mickey Rourke takes his new face out to ogle some gay stripper's grape-smugglers. (Yeeeah!)
• Keanu Reeves is seeing China Chow. You're also seeing China Chow. Seeing her topless, that is. In related news, China Chow is not kibble for Chinese people that comes in a 15 lb bag. Who knew? (Taxi Driver)
• Jennifer Lopez and Unfrozen Caveman Husband take their spawn out for some fresh air. (Faded Youth)
• Forget danceoffs; Mel B is getting her revenge on Eddie Murphy with an album called Beverly Hills Cock. That sounds nice. (Daily Stab)
• Gisele Bundchen speaks highly of beau Tom Brady; says he "doesn't have a bad bone in his body." That's right, because his bad bone is in YOUR body. Swish! (CelebWarship)
• Boil some water and get some clean sheets--Britney's on her way to Lousiana to be there for Jamie-Lynn's birthin'! Wait a minute, we're talking about Spearses. Boil some Diet Mountain Dew and get some dirty sheets! (The Hollywood Gossip)
You wouldn't really think that Chris Robinson would pass on hyper-masculine genes to his spawn, but his four-year-old son with Kate Hudson already has a fondness for funbags. As Kate explained to Conan O'Brien:
I'm working on getting him off being interested in female parts. He thinks it's hilarious when he pulls off my shirt. He's four years old!
We're sure it would get annoying to have your four-year-old repeatedly play find the booby, especially if he continues the de-shirting in public. But luckily Kate is in a bit of a unique situation: If she wants to curb the kid looking up her shirt, all she has to do is sit him in front of the TV and put in Almost Famous. The kid can get his fix of Mommy's boobs while Kate's playing Scrabulous or baking a quiche or something. more »
'Tis the season for fetii to emerge from their wombs of fame. This past weekend, Jessica Alba grunted and pushed forth little Honor Warren, and yesterday, Tori Spelling made like a hen and laid tiny Stella McDermott. OK! sez:
The former 90210 star gave birth to a daughter on Monday, June 9. Stella Doreen McDermott arrived at 3:13 p.m. PST and weighed 6 lbs 8 oz.
Tori's rep tells OK!, "She's here! She's a healthy baby girl. Tori and baby are resting comfortably."
And in semi-related but way more hilarious and terrifying news, Naomi Campbell says that she's ready to join the infant brigade after recently having a cyst of evil surgically removed from her dastardly ovary. According to Contact Music, Naomi said:
“Now I can have a child I would like one. I’m even willing to have one without a father. I know that I am ready. I know that with a baby I would change, I’d calm down."
Either that or the child will mysteriously have a baby monitor-shaped imprint in his smooshy skull after a bout of prolonged squalling. more »