CelebNewsWire - The skinny. The scoop. The Hollywood poop. Wherever there is a nipple slip, we'll be there. If there's a party, you'll find us doing shots with Lindsay Lohan and upskirt flashing alongside Britney Spears. Wherever Paris Hilton is breaking the law, you'll see us. If there's a celebrity sex tape, we will find it. Nude stars, drunk stars, scandals, hookups, breakups? Let CelebNewsWire be your guide. Hold our hands. Come inside.
The Hollywood poop.
filed under: celebrity deaths
August 11, 2008
Bernie Mac Died and then Isaac Hayes Died and We're Sad
Well, this weekend totally sucked an egg. Bernie Mac AND Isaac Hayes died. No more 'merica! No more salty chocolate balls! IMDb says:
Comedian Bernie Mac has died after losing his battle with pneumonia. The 50-year-old Ocean's Eleven star passed away on Saturday morning at Northwestern Memorial Hospital in Chicago, Illinois, a week after being admitted to the medical centre.Also:
Musician Isaac Hayes has died. He was 65.We struggled for a long time trying to create an emoticon that accurately described our level of sadness upon hearing this news. A simple :( would not suffice. So after a few hours we came up with :^(. The nose kinda adds a new level of grief.
Hayes passed away on Sunday morning at a Memphis, Tennessee hospital. The cause of death has yet to be confirmed. According to reports, the songwriter was rushed to Baptist East Hospital after receiving a call from Hayes' wife who found him lying near a treadmill in their home.
Police at The Shelby County Sheriff's Office are investigating the star's death, but do not believe foul play was a factor.
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July 23, 2008
CNW Junk Drawer: Funky Monk-y
• Sophie Monk's nipples try to stab their way through her bikini top. Like they were pink, squishy pirate cutlasses. (I Don't Like You In That Way)• David Duchovny was scared that wife Tea Leoni would give him a beatdown when she saw his makeout scene with Gillian Anderson in the X-Files movie. Guess we can assume she's never seen Californication. (FemaleFirst)
• Nick Hogan turns 18 on Sunday. That means big boy jail! Yayyy! Sooo big! (Allie Is Wired)
• Despite the pap songs, the fishbelly complexion, and the castrato voice, being James Blunt is kind of sweet. (Cityrag)
• More details about Batman giving his batmom a batshove. (Yeeeah!)
• Heather Locklear has been successfully rehabilitated. Locklear v. 2.0 ready for deployment. (The Blemish)
• Amy Winehouse wants at least five children with cracky, smacky husband Blake. Though since he's just been sentenced to 27 months in jail, that might be difficult outside of conjugal visits. (CelebWarship)
• Two weeks post-birth, and Nicole Kidman's gut is flatter than yours. The world is a vampire. (Hollywire)
• Gabrielle Reece shoves her volleyballs into a bikini top. (Drunken Stepfather)
• Picture it. 2008. Estelle Getty dies at her home. We'll miss you, Sophia Petrillo. (PopCrunch)
June 03, 2008
CNW Hollywood Heathwatch Update
They say bad things happen in threes, so Hollywood is heartily screwed today. In the last 48 hours, a great plague has befallen some of the best and brightest that the entertainment industry has to offer. A quick wrap-up:• Kelsey Grammer had a mild heart attack, but he's OK. One of his siblings was murdered and his twin half brothers died in a scuba diving mishap, so a heart attack for this dude is pretty much akin to having the hiccups.
• Fashion designer Yves Saint Laurent died at the age of 71. But his blonde fingerwaves and kicky ascots will forever live on as long as Austin Scarlett is on this planet!
• Twice-baked po-Tatum O'Neal on her crack bust: "My dog died! I was sad!". Well then. Prepare to head down to 87th and buy a few baggies of rock because . . .
• Bo Diddley done doodley dieddley.
May 27, 2008
R.I.P. Sydney Pollack
Acclaimed filmmaker and actor Sydney Pollack died of cancer yesterday at the age of 73. The Tootsie director will be missed. He sure knew a sexy broad when he saw one.
April 01, 2008
The Timing Here Is So Convenient
When a beloved celebrity dies tragically, a logical course soon follows. First comes shock. Then mourning. Then tributes. Then squabbling over the estate. Then strange creepy ladies claiming to have bourne the celebrity's young, and coincidentally would perhaps like a nice piece of said estate. Right on time appears a dame with a possible Heath Ledger Jr. Reports Australia's Daily Telegraph:
Ledger was a 17-year-old schoolboy when he had an affair with an older woman who is thought to have only discovered she was pregnant after their relationship ended. The woman was living with another man at the time of the alleged affair. Yesterday, Ledger's uncle, Hadyn Ledger said: "There is a very real possibility that Heath was the father."What is it with these tragic Australian celebrity deaths? If they're not getting their assets choked by the mothers of their secret babies, they're choking on their own vom or choking themselves while jerking off. Paul Hogan, Yahoo Serious, Jocko: please take care, stay away from nooses, and chew your vegemite well.
March 11, 2008
CNW Junk Drawer: Weird and Scary
• Ashley Olsen thinks paparazzi are "weird and scary". Also, paparazzi thinks Ashley Olsen is "weird and scary". (Female First)• Kate Beckinsale does Anna Karina for Mean magazine. Eat your tits out, Lohan-as-Marilyn! (Popbytes)
• Kate Moss models. She doesn't model clothes, though, since it seems she's not wearing any. (Egotastic!)
• Mischa Barton's recent DUI charges haven't affected the buoyant spirits of her side boob much. (Taxi Driver)
• Star Jones is set to divorce husband Al Reynolds, because she "felt Al had spent their marriage riding her success while she did all the heavy lifting". Either that, or Al spent their marriage riding hot, oiled-up dudes who look like they do a lot of heavy lifting. (I Don't Like You In That Way)
• Some yahoo called 911 on Heather Locklear and told them she was going to kill herself. Denise Richards, you prankster. (CelebWarship)
• Heath Ledger never updated his will to include Michelle Williams or baby Matilda. (Celebridiot)
• Button, button, who's got the button? Patricia Heaton sure doesn't. WTF? (Drunken Stepfather)
• Jenna Jameson dresses up as Bettie Page for PETA. "I'd rather get donkey-punched after ATM than wear fur!" makes for a pleasant catchphrase. (The Blemish)
• Janet Jackson has been hospitalized with the flu. Much more plausible than "Exhaustion", to be sure. (I'm Not Obsessed)
• Rebecca Romijn's lettuce heads. They're ripe, they're healthy, they're shilling for mall-slut store Bebe! (Popoholic)
February 06, 2008
CNW Junk Drawer: The P Word
• Paris Hilton enjoys fishing. And fish enjoy the familiar, down-home smell of Paris Hilton's bacterial vaginosis. OK, that was pretty gross. Sorry, Paris. (FemaleFirst)• And speaking of Paris's vagina, she will be rubbing hers up against the lesbian thespians of The L Word. (The Superficial)
• The results are in: Heath Ledger's death was caused by "accidental overdose" of SIX different types of prescription drugs. (TMZ)
• Godspeed to you, Patrick Swayze! May your gut convalesce so that you may arabesque again. (IMDb)
• Cammy Diaz gots some pegs, boy, I tells ya. (Cityrag)
• Larry Birkhead take$ Dannilynn to vi$it her mother'$ grave$ite. (Celebitchy)
• Bike shorts and what appears to be a Lamborghini Countache: no, it's not 1987; it's the new Bebe ads featuring Eva Longoria! (PopCrunch)
• Bar Rafaeli: professional wearer of lingerie, schtupper of DiCaprio, sporter of labia-splitting bikini camel toe. (Derek Hail)
• J. Lo is definitely having twins. And we are definitely having another cruller. Yum, jelly. (Evil Beet)
• Kim Kardashian sued by ex-boyfriend's mom. Oh, what a tangled web. (The Blemish)
• Rihanna launches her own umbrella line. What if her hit song had been called "Colostomy Bag"? Guess you can't really stand under one of those, though. Or can you? (Daily Stab)
January 23, 2008
CNW Junk Drawer: No, No, No. Ella, Ella, Ella.
• Heath Ledger's autopsy proved to be "inconclusive". (The Hollywood Gossip)• However, cops are saying that drug packets were found in his room, along with a $20 bill rolled up in a "suspicious" fashion. Maybe it was origami-folded into the shape of Snidely Whiplash! (TMZ)
• Possibly the last picture of Heath taken (very Depp!), on the set of his movie, The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus. Which sounds like a poor man's Dr. Magorium's Wonder Imporium. (Derek Hail)
• Sylvester Stallone says that he's nothing but a "tiny fairy". Don't do 'roids, kids. (FemaleFirst)
• The fat kid from Stand By Me is not only married to Rebecca Romijn, he does a high-larious Tom Cruise iimpression. (Yeeeah!)
• Keeley Hazell is pretty. She has big breasts. Let us gaze upon her image and swell with joy and erectile tissue. (Popoholic)
• Whoops! Guess she said "no, no, no" after all. Fantastic, we wouldn't have wanted her to harm the integrity of her hit single. (A Socialite's Life)
• Rihanna, half naked, covered in water. Insert obligatory "Umbrella" joke. (Cityrag)
• Attention, France! Your do not have supermodel-singer Carla Bruni as a first lady. Haha, France! In your face! You lose! Although you do produce very delicious breads and cheeses and berets. We'll give you that much, France. (Celeb Warship)
• Here is a list of Oscar nominations. Not only are we witty and rich and can bench 550 pounds, we're helpful, too! (Allie Is Wired)
January 22, 2008
R.I.P. Heath Ledger
According to TMZ:
TMZ has learned that 2006 Academy Award nominee Heath Ledger has died in NY.Out of all the things we could not have predicted on any given day, "Heath Ledger passing away" would be right up there at the top of the list alongside "Amy Winehouse going to rehab". Bummer times a billion.
He was found dead in his bed in one of his residences in Soho by his housekeeper at 3:35 PM ET today. Law enforcement sources tell TMZ they believe it was not a crime, adding prescription pills were found near his body.
The 28-year-old actor has a two year old daughter with former fiancee Michelle Williams -- they separated in September, 2007. He plays The Joker in the upcoming Batman film, "The Dark Knight."
According to NYPD a masseuse arrived at Ledger's apartment and was let in by a housekeeper. When he didn't answer his bedroom door, the housekeeper and the masseuse opened it and found him unconscious. They attempted to wake him, and when they couldn't they called 911.
We're told when paramedics responded, the actor was in full cardiac arrest. They attempted to perform CPR on him, but were unsuccessful. He was pronounced dead at the scene.
Ledger may be best known for his groundbreaking role as Ennis in "Brokeback Mountain."
January 16, 2008
CNW Junk Drawer: Leg-Spreading and Fetus-Getting
• Cleava Mendes. (Drunken Stepfather)• "Dear Brad Renfro. We came over to fuck you but you were dead. Love, Tiffany and Amber." Rest in peace, Brad. (Fatback and Collards)
• We want to "LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE!!!!", honestly we do, but we just can't when she keeps flipping us her outer labes. (Taxi Driver)
• Jenna Jameson swears that she will "never spread her legs" for the porn industry again. She will spread Philadelphia's whipped strawberry cream cheese, though. It's the wonderfully spreadable, sweetly fruity topping with only 60 calories per serving! (IDLYITW)
• Alessandra Ambrosio caught Pregnant, too. (The Blemish)
• Zac Efron was rushed to the emergency room for an emergency highlighting. Those buttery chunks ain't gonna streak themselves. (Derek Hail)
• Lumps on Halle Berry's torso: now there are three. (Daily Stab)
• "Now that bulbs flashing more than ever/You can see under my dress, fellas. Ellas. Ellas. Ay. Ay." (Cityrag)
• Jennifer Garner may have been the original target of Tom's Cruise missile of love. (Superficial)
September 04, 2007
Larry Birkhead and Howard K. Stern More than BFFs: Secret Gay Lovers
Late last week we were made giddy by the prospect of Larry Birkhead and Howard K. Stern (that asshole) being in cahoots. We thought that by this point in the whole Anna Nicole saga there couldn't be any more surprises, that we could see every impossible twist coming. But holy shit were we wrong. We should have been able to say, "Of course Larry and Howie were stuffing Anna's maw full of pills then stuffing their own maws full of each other's penises." We should have seen it coming. Well, next time we'll be ready. When the zombiefied body of Anna Nicole comes back to reclaim Dannielynn and all her money, we'll be expecting that one.Totally gaytastic drawing of Larry and Howard via Pretty on the Outside. more »
March 26, 2007
Anna Nicole Smith Cause of Death, Revealed!
This morning, investigators revealed the cause of Anna Nicole Smith's death at long last. It was not, as we assumed, Howard K. Stern (asshole) in the conservatory with a rope, but lots and lots of accidental drugs and, possibly, a blood-poisoned gluteal abcess due to an injection, in the hotel room by Anna and/or persons unknown. It's comforting to know that Anna Nicole's reputation as one of the major sex symbols of our time will never be tainted by the stink of murder or suicide--only a butt carbuncle. more »
March 23, 2007
Anna Nicole Smith's Death Secrets Revealed!
Medical examiner Joshua Perper isn't set to announce Anna Nicole Smith's cause of death until Monday morning (according to TMZ), but that won't stop Star and The National Enquirer from telling you that they know the answers. The tabs talked to this guy who is Perper's sister-in-law's manicurist's cousin's pool boy, and he said she was bitten by a rabid helper monkey she had hired to replace Howard K. Stern. Well, they convinced us! more »
March 01, 2007
R.I.P. A.N.S.: Funeral Tomorrow
After all the legal wrangling, haggling, and scrabbling between Larry Birkhead, Virgie Arthur, and Howard K. Stern (that asshole), it has been decided that Anna Nicole Smith will finally be buried next to her son Daniel in the Bahamas tomorrow. IMDb.com reports:
Virgie Arthur challenged a ruling to bury Smith in Nassau, and her appeal was heard yesterday morning. But judges at Florida's Fourth District Court Of Appeals overruled Arthur's bid for custody of her daughter's remains late yesterday, re-awarding the corpse to attorney Richard Milstein, the legally-appointed guardian to Smith's baby daughter Dannielynn. Milstein, Smith's companion Howard K. Stern and her ex-boyfriend Larry Birkhead had already agreed to bury the late model in the Bahamas, her adopted home."Awarding the corpse" is such a strange turn of phrase. "Yaaay! I won!!!" But we're just glad that Anna's wishes were taken into consideration and that her body will be laid to rest next to her son. This is not the first time that Anna Nicole's body has been laid, but it will certainly be the last. Zing! Oh, we hate ourselves. more »
February 23, 2007
CNW Junk Drawer: . . . and the Sorcerer's Bone
• Patricia Heaton is a conservative, but her dress sure ain't.• Scratch your head in wonder as you ponder the bizarre flap of flesh that resides between Janet Jackson's ubiquitous implants.
• Anna Nicole's former assistant, the beloved Kimmie, will be opening up tonight--for real this time--on The Insider. Pat O'Brien is gonna go fuckin' crazy with her.
• Anna Nicole will be buried next her her son in the Bahamas, it's been decided. Finally.
• Are Angelina and Brad presently purchasing the next member of their Benetton brood?
• Harry Potter proudly waves his trouser wand; doesn't make foreskin disappear. Make your own hung/horse joke here. NSFW.
• We had pretty much decided against posting any shots of the paparazzi bothering Britney Spears during her breakdown. But then we saw these shots/video of buzz-shorn B attacking a pap's SUV with an umbrella and had to share because 1. she looks, awesomely and deliciously, like her lesbian soccer team just lost a match and she felt compelled to deface her opponent's vehicle, and 2. we think she needs to call us immediately because we want to start an oi band with her.
February 22, 2007
What, You Don't Party With YOUR Methadone Doctor?
Keeping up with Anna Nicole coverage has become, for us, a Sisyphean task. We feel like Beastmaster slowly sinking into quicksand, only we have no charming rodent cohorts to lend us a tree branch and pull us from the muck. So we're just going to pick one update and go with it today: this video of Anna getting groped and licked by her methadone-prescribing Dr. Nick, Sandeep Kapoor. Watch as Larry Birkhead stares stonily, while Howard K. Stern (asshole!) tries to intervene, and ANS shoos him away like he's a bothersome moth. Oh, Anna. If only she had heeded the words of Mötley Crüe! He's not what you'd call a glamorous man! Dr. Feelgood might be the one that makes ya feel all right, but in the end, he's gonna be your Frankenstein! more »
February 21, 2007
CNW Junk Drawer: "Never Killed a Pot Head"
• Stallone steroid scandal. Stallone steroid scandal. Stallone steroid scandal. Say it five times fast.• Tyra Banks recreates her iconic swimsuit issue cover shot. Too bad her face looks like she's dropping a log in her bikini bottoms.
• Gretchen Carlson finally lends credibility to FOX News with a liberal view of her panty-clad crotchial area. Did you catch that? Liberal! Haw haw?
• Brody Jenner is pissed that Details insinuated he was using Nicole Richie, but says it's all good because he has "broad shoulders". Wait, what?
• Watch in rapturous wonder as Jewel nearly drops a forkful of food down her cavernous chest chasm.
• Anna Nicole's death is a lot like her life: with a bunch of creepy men all fighting over her body.
• Speaking of Anna Nicole, her small, purple-haired, Broom Hilda lookalike tuff gal former assistant Kimmie speaks out, accusing Howard K. Stern of being an asshole!
• Or not.
• Michelle Rodriguez "never killed a pot head".
• Naomi Watts is likely preggo via Liev Schreiber, who ejaculated semen into her vagina.
February 20, 2007
Druggy the Clown
As we speak, Howard K. Stern (that asshole) is in court, along with embattled probable babydaddy Larry Birkhead and Anna Nicole's estranged mother Virgie Arthur, so a judge can determine ANS's final resting place. It's a sobering time and a true tragedy when people can't even come together to decide where a poor deceased woman would want to be buried. It's depressing and tragic all around. We've spent the morning sadly shaking our heads, our eyes filling with salty--HEY! LOOK! HAHAHAHAHA! FUNNY CLOWNS!Oh, wait. That wasn't funny. That was still tragic and depressing. Our b!
more »
February 19, 2007
Anna Nicole Smith's Body Embalmed, Ready for Gram Parsons-like Snatching Caper
Get ready for the first funeral to ever get live full coverage from Entertainment Tonight: Anna Nicole Smith's body has finally been embalmed. more »
February 16, 2007
Anna Nicole Bared Her Breasts and Genitals for Men and Women
As much as we'd like to just relax and cold kick it with a bottle of Kabbalah water, and chill out while waiting for Anna Nicole toxicology reports/paternity test results, we can't help but fuel the rumors, because we're nebbynosed blatherskites and that's what we do. Today's updates bring us prison correspondence, predestined funereal garb, and a tribute straight from the sparklingly overglossed lips of Bobby Trendy!• According to the NY Daily News, Anna had become "obsessed" with dying in the weeks leading up to her demise and had contacted a seamstress to prepare a funeral gown. It will be an understated hot pink with an appropriate neckline modestly covering the nipples, yet baring the tops of the areolae.
• TMZ has receipts showing that ANS purchased methadone, demerol, and injectable B-12 while she was 8 months pregnant. But hey, let's not jump the gun. It doesn't say anywhere that she took them, she just bought them. Maybe they were a gift. A baby shower gift. For herself. To take.
• Another possible Dannielynn daddy has stepped forward. No, it's not David Crosby, it's Mark "Hollywood" Hatten, a former fling of Anna Nicole's, who wrote to TMZ and Extra that he provided ANS with a sperm sample several years ago. The only thing this proves is that when the sobering task of claiming paternity comes up, it's best addressed via alternating pastel pen colors on a yellow legal pad.
• Anna's super ultra mega faaaabbbbulous interior designer, Bobby Trendy has finally broken his silence and offered this tender tribute to his titanic ta-ta'ed former employer: "Thank Anna for making me famous. When you think of Anna, think of red, white and pink hearts. She was love as she taught love. She was the breadwinner and supported four people by baring her breasts and genitals for men and women. She was an entertainer who will be missed." If that doesn't go on Anna's headstone, can we steal it and have it engraved on ours? more »
February 15, 2007
CNW Junk Drawer: Sexy, Sexy Babies
• Anna Nicole Smith's maid claims that ANS ordered her to underfeed her daughter saying, "Ms. Marshall was obsessed with making sure that her baby was sexy." Hopefully, the maid also put Dannielynn in crotchless thong diapers. How else are you supposed to show off that Play-Doh My First Brazilian Wax®?• The maid also says that ANS tried to commit suicide "at least twice" after giving birth to Dannielynn. Where were you and your vitamins when Anna needed you, Tom Cruise, you lousy prick?
• Anna Nicole's methadone pusher calls himself an "entertainment doctor". Must . . . refrain . . . from making . . . second Patch Adams joke in a week . . .
• Anna Nicole's body is set to be released, but to her mother, or to Howard K. Stern (asshole)? At this point, they should just sell her body to Entertainment Tonight.
• Carrot Top sure has great gams!
• Keira Knightley will be naked in her next film. We called it a "film" because it sounds classy.
• Jordan still has tetherball-sized breasts, by the way. (NSFW)
• Celebrities are so plastic! Knifestyles of the rich and famous! A cut above the breast! And other charming puns!
• Travis Barker and Shanna Moakler are back together. But at what cost? Paris Hilton was brutally battered, for what?
• Oft-nude model/celebutante/daughter of Patty/granddaughter of Randolph Lydia Hearst refused to let Britney Spears have a bag she designed, because "I'm only giving the bag to accomplished young women who are doing something positive to affect the world around them. " Oh yeah? Well YOUR mom robbed a bank, Lydia. BURN!
• Paula Abdul claims that she's never been drunk or done drugs. Tell that to MC Skat Kat, baby. Tell it to the Skat Kat.
February 13, 2007
I Had Unprotected Sex with Anna Nicole and All I Got Was This Lousy Paternity Suit
Another gentleman has run, gasping, to the current events forefront, brandishing a sweaty claim ticket for poor wee