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filed under: celebrity BFF

August 12, 2008

Angelina Jolie Seeks Titty Tonguing Advice from Tera Patrick

angelina_jolie_laughs.jpg We know that not everything printed in Page Six is 100% accurate. But usually we trust it more than Lizzie Lezzie's Blog of Fantasies and Lies. Usually. But not today. Today they want us to believe that Angelina Jolie has lingerie-clad pillow fights with porn star Tera Patrick. Because that's what girlfriends do, right? Sayeth the Six:
NOW that Angelina Jolie has the blessing of original Catwoman Julie Newmar to play the foxy feline in the next "Batman" movie, she's been talking it over with porn star Tera Patrick . "They are friends and keep in touch via e-mail," said a source. "She and Angie have a girl-talk thing going. After seeing reports that she'll land the lead role, Jolie asked Patrick what she thought. Tera had such insights into the role that Jolie cracked, 'You should do it!' " Jolie's rep did not return calls.
This is about two tiny steps away from a letter to Penthouse Forum, or whatever the famous-lesbian equivalent may be. What's next? Will Page Six be running stories about Angelina seeking advice on onscreen butt sex from Jenna Jameson? more »
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July 09, 2008

Is Maria Sharapova Lying Sharap-unda Camilla Belle?

maria_sharapova_camilla_belle_1.jpgIf you are a famous lady in Los Angeles, and you have a female friend, the two of you are either "frenemies" or you are "lesbians". That is the way of the Hollywood. Or, rather, that is the way of all of you fat dude sweating behind your computers, feverishly imagining Nicole Richie and Paris Hilton fighting with pool noodles or Oprah and Gayle King 69ing. The latest pair of BFFs rumored to be snatch snackers: actress Camilla Belle and tennis player Maria Sharapova. The pair recently attended a fashion show together--according to Fatback Media:
Also in attendance were Camilla Belle and Maria Sharapova, who talked tennis and clothes. “This is my first couture show,” enthused Sharapova, while Belle raved about recently attending the Wimbledon tennis tournament in London.
We can only imagine that their furious girl-girl coupling looks a bit like Maria's Canon commercial, with Maria wielding a camera and snapping away as Camilla nakedly croons, "Ohhh, not again, Maria Sharapova!" And then Maria will groom Camilla with a furminator and give her some heartworm medication. Rooowwwr! BeHAVE!
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April 11, 2008

Casting Begun for Paris's Parasite

Xparis sucks on pizza.jpg Every day we inch closer and closer to Paris Hilton's return to serialized television. One day in the near future you will turn on MTV (unless you are like us, i.e., not 18, in which case you'll probably be watching Law & Order or that show where dads beat each other up or something) and there will be Paris, bedecked in pink velour, living canine accessory under her arm, lazily cooing "That's hot" until you are forced to pound on your television screen with your fist and beg her to pick a new catchphrase. Something '80s-inspired, we hope, like "Gag me with a Swarovski-studded dildo." Catchy. Casting for Paris's new sidekick began yesterday in New York, to lackluster results. Apparently there aren't as many girls willing to follow in her elephantine shoes as you would have thought. OK! reports (via Celebitchy):
“There were less than 40 people there,” one audition insider tells OK!. But despite the poor turnout, each of the hopefuls seemed ready to show their unique desire to grab the attention of the casting directors. “There were girls wearing matching pastel prom dresses with Swarovski crystal pendants and updos, ghetto-fabulous girls and two goth-inspired girls with bleach blonde hair, pale makeup, eyelash extensions and leather clothing.”

Additionally, OK! has to question the motives of these attention-seekers, as at least one contender was overheard remarking that she, “totally couldn’t live in the house with Paris,” because “she would be so annoying!” But for those camera-hungry wannabes fortunate enough to merit a call-back, they were approached by a casting director who handed them the show’s version of a golden ticket — a card that read, “You are cordially invited to join us at our audition to become Paris Hilton’s new BFF.”
We're actually kind of shocked that there are 40 people in the entire country, let alone New York, who would be willing to spend weeks fighting for Paris's attention. They probably won't even have memorable reality-show-style made-up personalities; Paris will probably just opt to call everyone Parisita or "her over there." But that's sort of fitting, as Page Six claims that the applicants pretty much all looked the same anyway:
Paris Hilton's new reality show should be called "I Want To Be Paris Hilton". Heirhead wannabes lined up Tuesday at Nikki Beach in New York for Hilton's new MTV reality series, "Paris Hilton's My New BFF" and it wasn't pretty. "It looked like Barbie threw up in there," said our spy. "All the girls looked like versions of Donatella Versace. They all had bleached blond hair, too-dark tans and were wearing tight, shiny dresses. All the guys that were there were gay. The whole thing was so bizarre." Casting directors had sent out a notice saying they were looking for "hot bitches and fierce guys" for the show.
Who did you expect to show up for the audition? Natalie Portman and a bunch of girls wearing ankle-length skirts and reading Gravity's Rainbow while waiting in line? more »
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March 27, 2008

Be Paris Hilton's BFF. We're Sure It Won't Be As Bad As It Sounds.

paris hilton and britney spears are BFF.jpg Paris Hilton has had pretty bad luck with friends. Nicole Richie deserted her in an effort to be normal. She seemed to trigger Britney Spears's crazy gene, with unbelievable consequences. And Kim Kardashian's ass got sick of battling with Paris's feet for the title of most comically large appendage and bailed. So now Paris is on a hunt for new meat that she can mold into a slightly less attention-worthy version of herself. And that new meat could be you! MTV sent out the following casting call for Paris's upcoming reality show:
Do you long to strut into the world's most elite hotspots without a care in the world except how fabulous you are? Ever wish the velvet ropes didn't exclude you from the social circles of the A-List? How about the fantasy of jet setting around the world with the ultimate BFF, whose fierce style, charisma and star power is only matched by your own.

Now that's hot! MTV is giving the opportunity of a lifetime to one girl or “fabulous” guy who has what it takes to become Paris Hilton's new BFF. Finally, you have the chance to show the world that you have what it takes to achieve social stardom; allowing you unprecedented access to young Hollywood as never before. Loves It!

Doron Ofir Casting is seeking “Hot Bitches” and “Fabulously Fierce Guys” who are at least the age of 21 and appear under 30.

Are you sick and tired of envying the social icons? Will you be the next pop-arazzi obsession and quintessential star of the red carpet? Prove it bitches!
What must the requirements be for being Paris Hilton's best friend? You're pretty, but not too pretty, thin, but not too thin, really good at holding Paris's discarded dog when cameras aren't around, and able to vouch for Paris's innumerable good deeds. "Like, we totally went to Africa last week. They really needed us there. We gave them autographed pictures and samples of Paris's new perfume and they were so grateful. We probably cured malaria or something. There aren't any pictures, though, because we wanted the focus to be on the children." Also, we can't wait to see 32-year-old Tara Reid audition for Paris's BFF. "I do too look under 30, bitches. My plastic surgeon told me just yesterday that I don't look a day over 26! . . . Do you guys have any of the Paris Hilton canned champagne around here?" more »
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March 04, 2008

Katie Holmes Thinks Victoria Beckham Is Trashy, Orange

katie holmes posh spice.jpg In the world of celebrity BBFs, there must occasionally be causalities. Where once we had the undying mutual admiration of Paris and Nicole or Kid and Play, we now have nothing. No shining beacons to teach us how to love platonically. It is a sad, sad world that cannot sustain such friendships, but it's an even sadder world that lets such a strong shared love of fancy ass clothes go to waste as it has with Katie Holmes and Posh Spice. If famous people can't unite over fashion, what else is there? Star reports (via Celebitchy):
It’s arctic between Katie Holmes and her fashion mentor, Victoria “Posh Spice” Beckham, and a source tells Star that it’s all because of a tattoo! Thrilled with her latest tat [on the inside of her wrist] of the Latin phrase “De Integro” - it means “afresh” - Posh urged BFF Katie to get inked herself. Posh, who got this fifth one to mark her new start in the U.S., “was pretty shocked and upset” when the Mad Money actress called such body art trashy, says the source.
We know that Katie Holmes is really just Vicky the Robot all grown up, dolled up in Chanel and Armani, and programmed to say nothing but "Tom Cruise," "Suri," "beautiful," and a handful of synonyms for wonderful, so naturally she's all prim class. But it's 2008, girl. Even our grandma has a tat. We think it says "Born to ride me," but the wrinkles make it a little difficult to read. If you're going to slag on Posh for being trashy, at least make it about her half-coconut-shell tits.
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November 26, 2007

Eva Longoria Takes Posh Spice Dildo Shopping

victoria beckham is a robot.jpg If you were new to L.A. and searching for advice on where to get your bob trimmed or your labes waxed or who sells the very best Swarovski-encrusted butt plugs, surely you'd turn to Eva Longoria just like Victoria Beckham did. That Posh is a smart girl. Our gossip KY enthusiast, FemaleFirst, reports:
Eva Longoria has taken Victoria Beckham on a tour of Los Angeles' sex shops.

The 'Desperate Housewives' actress - who is married to basketball star Tony Parker - has been bonding with the Spice Girl over their shared passion for bedroom experimentation and has taken Victoria out to buy sex toys.

A friend of the Latina actress said: "Eva has pointed Victoria in the right direction in Hollywood - the best beauticians, the best places to go for a wax, where she can pick up sexy lingerie and where to buy sex toys. I think David will be pleasantly surprised."

It seems Victoria - who moved Stateside with her family when her husband David signed a contract with the Los Angeles Galaxy soccer team - has already been stocking up on goodies for David.

The 33-year-old singer was recently spotted buying various massage products and a vibrating doll from Los Angeles sex boutique Pleasure Chest.
Yeah, we're pretty sure Eva just took Posh into her special sex-toy closet, where each dildo is arranged by color and size and kept in its own cashmere bag. We hear it's nearly as big as Dodger Stadium.
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June 06, 2007

Liv Tyler Greets Kate Bosworth with Hearty Face Sucking

kate-bosworth-liv-tyler-kiss-01.jpg After finally enabling comments yesterday, we were pretty shocked at the results. Who knew that angry Claymates read CelebNewsWire? Certainly not us. We were expecting 90% of the comments to read: "More hardcore girl-on-girl action, please," with the other 10% of respondents requesting that we lick their balls. And since we've already reached our RDA for ball licking today, we'll accommodate the other segment of our fictional readers. After the cut, Liv Tyler sucking Kate Bosworth's face. more »
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June 05, 2007

Vanessa Minnillo: Lindsay Lohan's Secret Knife-Play Buddy

lindsay vanessa knife.png Yesterday when you saw those pictures of Lindsay Lohan playing with a knife and her anonymous friend trying to free Lindsay's jug from its spandexy prison, you thought, "Gee, Lindsay's friend sure is helpful. I wish she would've pulled a little harder though." Well, turns out Lindsay's friend is Vanessa Minnillo. And welcome to the two seconds in which Hollywood's most bland pseudo-famous person seems almost, sorta, still not really interesting. And it's over. more »
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May 30, 2007

Nicole Richie Skips Burgers, Spends Entire Party Budget on Booze

nicole richie stocks up.jpg Try as she might, Nicole Richie just doesn't possess the patriotic three-day-weekend spirit. Holiday weekends aren't just about drinking until one of your friends ends up in the hospital; they're also about eating massive quantities of grillables and potato salad and BBQ buffalo chips. To her, eating four Baked Lays may seem like totally pigging out and warrant a four-hour stint on the elliptical the next day, but she's got nothing on your uncle Earl's Monday goal of polishing off four entire packages of beer brats before dusk. Uncle Earl really loves America. more »
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April 26, 2007

Lindsay Lohan Leans Lesbo

lindsay samantha peace.jpg Yes! It has finally happened! Lindsay Lohan has run out of men and is now starting fresh with women. The only question left is how long will it take her to run through the planet's female population? Fourteen months? Two years? Either way, we're eagerly awaiting the next phase in Lindsay's romantic exploration, in which she will take on one member of the animal kingdom at a time, starting alphabetically with aardvark. more »
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April 24, 2007

She Was Researching a Role as World's Shittiest Friend, Obviously

lindsay lohan black shorts.jpg Lindsay Lohan is a really great friend. She'll love you and protect you and get you into Hyde. And when you do something to piss her off--like say hi to a girl who once looked at a boy she kinda sorta liked five years ago, even though that girl is your sister--she will steal all your clothes and call you fat. Cause that's what real friends do. more »
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March 20, 2007

Victoria Beckham to Bring Fancy English Book Learnin' to U.S.

posh spice reads.jpg We've heard a lot of whacked out, too-crazy-to-be-true tales in our life (many involving Paris Hilton taking it up the ass from a donkey, but we don't let our grandpa tell us stories anymore), but none have been as unbelievable as this: Victoria Beckham wants to start a book club. Hahahahahahaha. The next thing you know Lindsay Lohan will start a chastity club. Anything's possible in Hollywood. more »
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March 07, 2007

Scarlett Johansson and Jessica Biel Unite!

scarlett-johansson-jessica-biel-01.jpgDespite being former hump-muppets of master hottie-diddler Justin Timberlake, Jessica Biel and Scarlett Johansson have put their differences aside to become BFFs, enjoying an afternoon of lunch and shopping on Monday. It's a good thing they did so in Paris, as the French are not an easily impressed people. Were JoBielsson to stroll down the street on our shores, the fully ripened combination of the world's most pneumatic breasts and the planet's most globose rear would cause mass priapism not seen since Tom Sizemore in his drug days. more »
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January 18, 2007

Posh Buys Shoes, Not Religion

posh eww.jpg Spend $50,000 on a pair of diamond-dust encrusted panty hose that claim to make your legs so skinny you'll look like a pair of children's safety scissors? Victoria Beckham says, "Of course!" But hand over wads of cash to a religion that promotes the love and acceptance of her alien brethren? F that. more »
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December 18, 2006

Paris and Britney: Fighting the Worst Fight in Human History

paris and britney strut.jpg Apparently Paris Hilton and Britney Spears ended the shortest friendship in celebrity BFF history not over a disagreement in the best way to treat a herpes outbreak but over Greasy Bear Brandon Davis. Couldn't they find something more worthwhile to fight over? Like one of Jayden's used Pampers? more »
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December 15, 2006

Paris Hilton Corners Her Next Victim

paris and elisha.jpg Elisha: What am I doing here in a car with Paris Hilton? The last thing I remember I was on the set of 24, I think I was with some kid and running from a crazy wife-beating maniac. It was 2002. And then today I wake up and the Hello Kitty calendar above my vanity table says it's 2006, and Paris Hilton is calling me and asking me to party. What happened to the last four years? I thought by 2006 I would have starred in a few really awesome movies, had my own TV series, maybe posed in Playboy. But I find myself here. Next to a shemale with polyester hair who smells like Vagisil and cheese fries. And she tells me we were in a movie together. I do not remember this at all. Maybe she was at that crazy party at Keifer's house and kidnapped me and has been stuffing me full of roofies and controlling my life. Man, my career is totally fucked. I just hope she remembered to put panties on me today." more »
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