Our jubilance upon learning that Eva Longoria and her romantically subnormal toy boy, Tony Parker, had split was short-lived. Today we learn the sad fact that they are trying to save the romance, and that Eva has dropped everything and flown to France to try to work things through, thus giving gossip writers yet another reason to think they're terribly clever by describing Eva as "desperate". Oh ho ho!  

Ring the alarm! Sound the gong! Eva Longoria and her frog baller lover Tony Parker are over! Guess that "T.P." mons pubis tattoo doesn't seem like such a stellar idea today, eh, Eva?  

There may be some truth to Eva Longoria's admission that her man-candy, San Antonio Spur Tony Parker, is woefully inexperienced when it comes to romantic/erotic matters, as he became wildly jealous when his girlfriend hopped into the ocean and began cuddling with dolphins. You may think this sounds like the action of a desperate, insecure man; we think it's the action of a smart man. If Jessica Alba has taught us anything, it's that dolphins are poonthirsty perverts by nature and will stop at nothing to grab a heavenly piece of woman-cake.  

After their marriage, Nicole Kidman and her new husband, crooning outback troubadour Keith Urban, jetted to a remote, staggeringly expensive, extremely private resort on the island of Bora Bora. Picture it: You're arguably the world's most famous actress, you've just pulled of a smooth wedding, you're heading to a tropical locale away from the prying eyes of the public, you've hired a team of jet-skiing bodyguards to patrol the area, and you're met with . . . the infamous Eva Longoria, staying mere steps from your private cabin, banging gongs and knocking on your door asking to borrow a cup of sugar and offering you marital aids from her vast private stash.  

Good news, Eva Longoria fans! Your heroine might find herself single quite soon, after outing her boyfriend as an inexperienced demivirgin in a national magazine.