Oh, hey, look. It's TomFat, K-Hole, and Scientological Overlord Suri NoMiddleName Cruise in Italy.




We can gather a few things from these pictures. Namely, that the infant pictured closely resembles the one depicted in the infamous Vanity Fair spread, so either that's Suri, or the baby they rented for the shoot went on sale, and the couple were able to purchase her outright for all upcoming photo ops. Furthermore, it's nice to see that Tom, with his newfound lust for the more delicious things in life, didn't devour the child after mistaking her for a celebratory suckling pig or, perhaps, a Tastykake Honey Bun.  

It's been a long, hard almost five months since little Suri No Middle Name Cruise donned sunglasses and BVDs and sock-slid out of Katie Holmes's rent-a-womb to the strains of "Old Time Rock and Roll". It's been speculated that she's actually Chris Klein's baby, that Katie was never pregnant and wore a prosthetic baby belly, that Suri was hideously deformed. Well, to all the naysayers: Tom and Katie have finally ponied up that enigmatic baby for all to see:



Surprise #1: she's adorable. Surprise #2: she does look quite a bit like Katie. But before you start with your "That baby looks Asian! That baby looks way older than four and a half months! Boy, that line of Marie Osmond porcelain dolls sure is lifelike!", read our conspiracy theory under the cut. We feel it makes much more sense.  

Four months ago we were all like, "Suri, Suri, where's Suri? Gotta see Suri. Have to inspect her for gills or scales or a prehensile tail. C'mon, where's Suri. We've gotta see her. Show us the Suri!" But now that the moment is upon us and we are mere hours away from Suri's unveiling, we're not so interested anymore. You've played with our emotions for too long, Tom, and we won't kowtow to your publicity stunts any longer. Plus, by this point we're pretty sure Suri bears no resemblance to Godzilla, Mothra, or Rodan. Pretty sure.  

Like the mythical Yeti of yore, Suri No Middle Name Cruise roams the land silently and stoically under the cover of night, emerging only to feed and mingle briefly with Scientology-approved thespians. Sightings of the mysterious infant have increased tenfold, in a highly crop-circle-style fashion, in the last month, and this past weekend Suri experienced that milestone in every celebrity child's life: her first industry party!