• Who wears short shorts? Jessica Simpson wears short shorts. Heyyyyy. Nice mons pubis.

• Given the choice, Nick Lachey would rather be stuck on a desert island with Satan than with his supremely vile former father-in-law, Papa Joe Simpson. That makes 6 billion of us, Nick.

• Kate Moss might as well face that she's addicted to Pete Doherty. She wishes she knew how to quit him. Brokecrack Mountain?

• Another Doherty--Shannen--angrily hung up on a Newsweek reporter after being asked about her fiery, Naomi-Campbell-like, fired-from-Spelling-shows days. God, you run over a boyfriend 15 years ago and you never hear the end of it!

• "Christina Milian" kind of rhymes with "this tiny little thong". Sorta.

• The divorce gets ugly: Travis Barker questions his estranged wife Shanna Moakler's parenting skills, booze intake, nail salon visits, and open-door vagina policy . . . on his MySpace blog! We can't wait until she hits back with a string of vitriolic friend comments and some extra-hot profile pics taken in the bathroom mirror.

• Keith Urban, pre-tooth job looks an awful lot like Limahl of Kajagoogoo fame.

• Note to Nicole Richie: when size 000 bikini bottoms start to look like droopy adult sumo diapers, it might be time to try a cruller or something.

• One, two, princes kneel before you/thats what I said, now/princes, princes who adore you/just go ahead, now/William has a cosmo in his hand/that sounds great, now/Harry said he wants to honk your mam, now/aint in his head, now.  

We know you’re sick of hearing about Sundance and all the fabulous parties and glamorous celebrities having fun and getting free booze while you’re stuck in a cramped little cubicle actually working for a living. We don’t mean to rub your noses in it. But did you know that Sundance-attending celebs (the ones who are already rich and famous and have everything their cold, black hearts desire) get tons of free stuff? Where is the justice? Us Weekly reports that both Paris Hilton and Shannen Doherty walked away with over $5000 in swag, including white rabbit-fur coats (of which Paris helped herself to four!). Wait. Even freakin’ Brenda gets free stuff? We thought she’d be giving handjobs to agents in hotel parking lots by now. This world is so not fair.