• A slight look at Kelly Hu's Hu-ters.

• Teri Hatcher and Ryan Seacrest dating? She says she "really enjoys his company". Well, duh. He knows about all the sample sales ahead of time, and he's so fun to enjoy a decadant whipped yogurt (only 140 creamy, dreamy calories!) with, while getting a deep tissue massage!

• OMG! Victoria's Secret is that Adriana Lima is a total virgin!!!

• Whoa, here she comes. Watch out, boy, Lindsay Lohan will chew you up.

• Sorry, ladies! Handsome beef-a-roni hunk Jack Black is officially off the market.

• Sorry again, ladies! Studly demigod Michael Bolton is also officially off the market. Enjoy that, Nicolette Sheridan.

• Jessica Alba is officially sexy, we know, but now Scarlett Johansson has been deemed certifiably pretty. Good to know.

• "Little black book" is just one of the many practical purposes served by Pam Anderson's grotesquely colossal plastic breasts.

• We mourn the demise of the leg man. If you're one of them, you will probably want to look into Paulina Rubio. Damn, that tomato's got some nice pegs.

• Paris Hilton prepares to get back to 1985 after harnessing a bolt of lightning hitting the clock tower.  

Much like the real world, the Hollywood world is totally unfair. On one side, you've got your A-listers, who get invited to fancy parties to which they arrive in a Bentley, wearing Dolce and Gabbana before being given grab bags spilling over with emeralds, mink stoles, and Cristal. On the other side, you've got B-listers and below, who are occasionally invited to parties thrown by, like, Safeway or General Mills. They arrive in rented Lincoln Town Cars wearing Heatherette and get grab bags full of Fruity Pebbles and Paper Mate eraseable pens. Well, today is the day that B rises up against A, the day that a couple of lesser yet still gloriously stacked stars defiantly extend their repressed middle fingers to the skies and shout, "Screw you, Keira Knightley and Mischa Barton! We, too, are secretly exposing our nipples to the harsh glare of the flashbulbs!"