• Yes, you've seen Kate Moss in her underwear before. But that's not going to stop you from looking again.

• David Hasselhoff says that he, like, totally could have done Princess Di if he wanted to, and that they flirted once. She said "You look much better with your clothes on," and then the Hoff replied, "Well Ma'am, so do you." That . . . doesn't . . . make any sense.

• For all you gymnast (we're quite dumb) figure skater-loving old dudes: Katarina Witt upskirt!

• When Britney and Christina kissed Madonna at the MTV awards lo, so many years ago, Christina suggested that she and Britney lock lips, but Brit declined, because she's incredibly classy and very discerning when it comes to whom she lays her mouth upon.

• A man resembling the leather daddy from The Village People is telling all about his affairs with Tom Cruise, Antonio Banderas, Randy Travis, Andrea Boccelli, and Garth Brooks. Of the latter, he says, "When you're fucking a whale, it seems like an eternity." You're preaching to the choir, pal.

• Kate Hudson and Owen Wilson are both presently vacationing in Maui. Which is purely a coincidence, we're sure.

• Welcome to Bizarroworld: Ashlee looks stylish, Jessica wears a harem-panted jumpsuit. 2 Legit!

• Jamiroquai frontman Jay Kay assaults a throng of Lohan-stalking Pavarottis when he thinks they're interested in him. But he did not do said assaulting in or with a wacky hat, sadly.

• Nicole Richie cries that the media reports saying she's anorexic are stressing her out so bad that she's becoming anorexic!  

As we mentioned before, Kate Hudson's marriage is not only over, she's reportedly saddled up, slipped her dainty feet into the well-worn stirrups, and trotted off on the sinewy back of The Butterscotch Stallion. But the impetus for doing so might not be a simple "irreconcilable differences"--Kate reportedly has grown weary of playing the part of the meat in a Chris Robinson-giggling groupie sandwich.  

Yesterday we were indescribably bored by the break-up of Kate Hudson and Chris Robinson because there were no details. Today we learn that Kate might be getting some sweet, sweet salad tossing from a Stallion of the Butterscotch variety. Way to go, Kate. You caught our interest with nary a slipped nip in sight.  

When we hear a story about a barefoot Owen Wilson trying to outrun a security guard in a grocery store, we see images of Benny Hill dressed as a bobby wagging his nightstick as Owen takes a wily turn down the vitamin aisle. Owen, of course, is bedecked in a pink polka-dot bikini. But that's not that unusual, actually.  

• Brad Pitt has been diagnosed with viral meningitis. Whatever. We still think cuz got the dysentery.

• The Butterscotch Stallion develops a taste for chocolate.

• Hey, Scarlett. Why don't you take a fricking picture, it'll last longer.

• We have trouble believing that even the most desperate kiddiefucker in a roving gang of Hollywood pedophiles would be hard up enough to want to molest Corey Feldman.

• Meee-yow! Anna Nicole, you delicious bitch!

• Tom Cruise gives his 11-year-old costar Dakota Fanning a cell phone. Now he can beam Scientology propaganda directly into her easily-molded young brain, and she can call her coke dealer without being hassled by the 'rents. Everybody wins!

• You Know It's a Slow Gossip Day When: Angela Lansbury's knee surgery makes top headlines. Godspeed, Mrs. Potts!