We don't really care whom Paris Hilton and her set have or haven't slept with. At this point it's just swapping different herpes strains anyway. But in a desperate bid to garner publicity for his new House of Carters (which we'll only watch if it involves AARON CARTER SHIRTLESS), Nick Carter is claiming that Paris cheated on him with Chad Michael Murray, so in return Nick slept with Ashlee Simpson. Why doesn't everyone in Hollywood under age 25 just get together for one giant clusterfuck and call it a night? Except for that lovely Mandy Moore. We wouldn't want to defile her like that.  

• Bai Ling wants to marry her boyfriend, Backstreet Boy/Hilton slugger Nick Carter. Please, God. We don't ask for much. But we're begging and pleading here. Let this union happen. Oh, the stories we would write! And the pictures! My God! The pictures!

• Another clip of Kelly Brook's two in Three.

• Despite being a boozy druggie and cramming his weenis into hookers, Charlie Sheen has been taken back by his estranged wife, Denise Richards. Welp, good luck with that.

• She's alive! A Natasha Lyonne sighting is like catching a glimpse of mythical cobbler elves. Only crackier.

• Hey, look. Naked supermodel.

• We're, like, 50 billion days late on this, but Vincent Gallo has put his sperm up for sale. Perhaps Rod Stewart/Danny Wood/George Michael can buy a gallon of it, get their stomachs pumped, and make that urban legend a reality.

 

Backstreet Boy Nick Carter is trying to explain away his Saturday night drunk driving arrest. It turns out he wasn't drunk, he was just fucked up on drugs! Thank God. We're so glad he cleared that up.  

And if it is indeed true that the Lady Federline and her old man are headed for a bust-up, Brit will surely soon be dusting off her quill and composing a new Letter of Truth. But until that day comes, we have more of Paris "You are the shit and I love you to death" Hilton's sentimental stylings to former flame Nick Carter.