Are you completely out of touch with the world? Are you still clinging to a stained and torn copy of 1987's JCPenney catalog, the lingerie section of which you have completely devoted to memory? Do you need new meat for your masturbatory fantasies? Ask Men is here for you, Mr. Stuck in the '80s Man, and has helpfully compiled a list of the 99 women you should most want to have sex with. And, no, the 17-year-old girl who works at KFC who kind of looks like your hot cousin isn't on it, you sick freak.  

Much like the real world, the Hollywood world is totally unfair. On one side, you've got your A-listers, who get invited to fancy parties to which they arrive in a Bentley, wearing Dolce and Gabbana before being given grab bags spilling over with emeralds, mink stoles, and Cristal. On the other side, you've got B-listers and below, who are occasionally invited to parties thrown by, like, Safeway or General Mills. They arrive in rented Lincoln Town Cars wearing Heatherette and get grab bags full of Fruity Pebbles and Paper Mate eraseable pens. Well, today is the day that B rises up against A, the day that a couple of lesser yet still gloriously stacked stars defiantly extend their repressed middle fingers to the skies and shout, "Screw you, Keira Knightley and Mischa Barton! We, too, are secretly exposing our nipples to the harsh glare of the flashbulbs!"