• Andy Dick chalks up the fact that people call him gay to everyone being jealous of him, and not him having sex with men.

• Kate Beckinsale says she'll never get plastic surgery. Despite the fact that her boobs were named the Ugliest in Hollywood.

• Madonna probably adopted a baby, for real this time, though. Toting around an African baby is the new Birkin bag!

• George Clooney says he'll never run for president because he's boffed too many ladies. Insert Clinton joke here, please.

• Amber Tamblyn's nip is Tumblyn out of her dress.

• Et tu, Rose McGowan?

• Finally, Johnny Depp to make an honest woman out of Vanessa Paradis! Hopefully she'll be able to get on his dental plan now.

• Lindsay Lohan says, "It's up to me and my mom to decide if I am partying too much." Ah, yes, nothing like that tender moment between mother and daughter, when Mom gently strokes Daughter's hair and says, "Beer BEFORE liquor, sweetheart. And coke before ecstasy. And Red Bull before semen."

• Dr. McDreamy gets McCreamed by McCastmate. We promise that's the only time you'll ever have to read the name "McDreamy" on these pages.

 

Johnny Depp recently spoke about his 1997 breakup with Kate Moss, and stated: "I don't think I was very good for her, so what we did was right--we walked away from each other. She went on to bigger and better things and I went on and fell in love and had kiddies."

Hm.



Yes.  

It's been a few weeks since Anna Nicole's slurry awards show shock and awe campaign, and frankly, we've been a little lonely for a good train wreck. Although he didn't pull out his breasts, Johnny Depp graciously stepped in and filled the void with a charmingly surreal speech at the People's Choice Awards.