Another day, another lad mag tells you whom you should masturbate to tonight. And in what may be the upset of the century--or at least right behind that whole Crash/Brokeback Mountain thing--Scarlett Johansson is now your top masturbatory fantasy. Jessica Alba is crying into her no-nudity clause as we speak.  

Our high-school guidance counselor was really against the idea of us starting up our own traveling orgy that sought out lonely ex-Playmates and comforted them with lots and lots of naked flesh. And we must admit that up until this point the venture has not borne too many profits, but that's what Jenny McCarthy is for. She can't wait to get totally naked with us and all of our D&D buddies. Take that, Mr. Feinstein.  

We say "Jenna Jameson having sex" and you spring to attention. We say "Jenny McCarthy having sex" and you say, "Jolly good, CelebNewsWire, I am listening! Do go on!" We say "Jenna Jameson and Jenny McCarthy having sexy, sexual sex with each other" and you spontaneously burst into flames.  

We never thought we’d mention the name Jenny McCarthy on two consecutive days, but we’ve never been one to pass up a story about a lady talking about her vibrator.  

Remember when Fergie from the Black Eyed Peas peed her pants onstage? That was funny, wasn't it? Wouldn't it also be funny if Jenny McCarthy, in some sort of bizarre, Howard Stern-induced bout of torture, were to also pee her pants? Yes, it would be. Behold, our newest member to the pee-pee pants club:

Jenny doesn't care if you've seen her pee her pants. She's just a normal girl, and she has bodily functions just like you. And, really, if walking around a grocery store gushing a sea of menstrual blood in Dirty Love didn't embarrass the girl, nothing will. And Howard Stern has even more pics for your perusal here.
More Jenny, minus the pee, at MrSkin.com.  

Why a former Playboy playmate would have a no-nudity clause in her film contract is a mystery on par with who killed JFK or the true identity of Jandek, but Jenny McCarthy's got one. And she's breakin' it.  

We sent our intrepid reporter to Sundance to uncover all who got uncovered in upcoming indie flicks. And lemme tell ya, boy, in addition to the usual suspects, there's a surprise or two.  

Teri Polo'll make you wanna Focker, bein' naked gets the thumbs-up from DiCaprio, Jenny McCarthy shows her junk in Playboy . . . and to husband again, finally. Read on.