• Suri No Middle Name Cruise pictures might finally appear soon . . . in Vanity Fair! Hopefully on the cover, wrapped in swaddling clothes, using Scarlett Johansson's ass crack as a manger.

• Bryce Dallas Howard is baking up a big batch of baby.

• Kate Bosworth ate! Ate cigarettes, water, and lettuce. Baby steps, people.

• Pam from The Office becomes Pam from The Duff-ass.

• When Janet Jackson wants her water cold, she wants her water cold, dammit. Also, yes, she did feel that pea placed under her 12 mattresses last night.

• Newly-separated Dave Navarro is dating newly-separated Jenna Jameson. And she's now #1 on his MySpace Top 8, so you know it's love.

• Jen and Vince: engaged! Whhheeeeeeee! Yayyyyy! Whoooo! Who gives a crap! All riiiiight!

• Robin Williams is in rehab. Body hair rehab, we hope.

• Sienna Miller dons dirty pink cowboy boots, a wedding dress, a red Cleopatra wig, and an exposed upskirt cotton panty look. Indeed, she is truly the fashion icon of our time.  

We say "Jenna Jameson having sex" and you spring to attention. We say "Jenny McCarthy having sex" and you say, "Jolly good, CelebNewsWire, I am listening! Do go on!" We say "Jenna Jameson and Jenny McCarthy having sexy, sexual sex with each other" and you spontaneously burst into flames.  

• Macauley Culkin and That '70s Show's Mila Kunis have been shopping for engagement rings and getting ready to create the dirtiest sounding hyphenated surname ever: Kunis-Culkin. Penis-Cockin'? Pubis-Caulking?

• Kim Raver: nice boob. We mean, shirt.

• PopBitch sez: "Jake Gyllenhaal was in London last week to promote Jarhead. He was without on-off love Kirsten Dunst but quickly had another girl in tow, whom he attempted to impress by telling her he'd also shagged Chelsea Clinton." Well, we're impressed. And by "impressed", we mean "the opposite of impressed".

• Listen, Lindsay, you had your moment as Owner of the Best Breasts in Young Hollywood but you blew it, OK? You fucked it up. Put the Sharpie down and back away from the bathroom wall. The tiara has been passed. The tiara has been passed.

• White of teeth and gargantuan of boob, Jenna Jameson ruled the AVN Awards.

• Hey cancer, you can ravage Kylie Minogue's breasts but you will never! Take! That ass!!!

• Cindy Crawford pix! Actually, Cindy Crawford picks.  

Everyone knows that the porn industry prefers a big fat dong to a pretty face. The industry’s biggest male star, Ron Jeremy, looks like our crazy uncle who lives out of his van, eats nothing but Hostess fruit pies, and still thinks it’s 1972. Not exactly what your average girl would call Prince Charming. But now porn’s biggest female star, Jenna Jameson, wants to make a fuck flick with Mike Tyson.