Jack "progeny of Ozzy" Osbourne recently revealed in his new autobiography that he once kissed friend, supermodel, and fellow class A drug gourmand Kate Moss, saying, "it just felt just right." Her crackulous paramour, Pete Doherty, is taking umbrage at the claim. Apparently the world thinking Kate Moss once gave an innocent kiss to a dorky teen is unacceptable, while the world thinking Kate Moss is having full-on genital-to-genital contact with a cartoon version of a cartoon version of a cartoon version of Keith Richards is A-OK!  

You know what they say in drug and alcohol recovery circles: you can't start healing yourself until you've hit rock bottom. In the past few short months, we've seen sullied supermodel Kate Moss dorking a cracksmoker, having a topless seizure, blowing rails on film, and being dogged by the pigs. But this week, Kate has finally, finally reached the fabled nadir. She hit on Jack Osbourne.  

Jack Osbourne wants to become a firefighter. Who? Jack Osbourne? Who's that? Ozzy's kid? Yeah, we remember Ozzy. We thought he had a daughter, though. Oh, there's another one? God, we don't remember. The Osbournes is, like, soooo 2003.