• Following her guest-starring role as lottery winner Dawn Budge on Nip/Tuck, Rosie O'Donell will be doing a spinoff series. A Dawn Budge spinoff but no Riding the Bus with My Sister spinoff? God, the injustice in this world.

• We can see right through Mischa Barton.

• And after that, she pokes out our eyeballs so that we might never see again.

• Lance and Matt: forever putting the "ghey" in "McConaughey"!

• Ellen Barkin would like you to know that she has fucked George Clooney. Big deal. Join the club.

• Kelly Brook's underwear can be yours. In fact, Kelly Brook's underwear can be anybody's now.

• Suzanne Somers wrote a new book about hormone replacement therapy being the fountain of youth. Before you go clamoring to pick up a copy and a side of progesterone, have a gander at the results. Sweet fancy Moses on a cracker!

• Whitney Houston is legally extricating herself from Bobby Brown. Hopefully she'll get custody of a better weave. Oh yeah! We went there! That's right!

• Heather Mills is alleging that Paul McCartney roughed her up during their marriage. Oh, please. That's like saying you got roofied by Cat Stevens. Paul McCartney? Macca? Seriously? The worst we can picture is him smoking a laced doob and giving a half-hearted slap with some organic radishes or something.

• The wrestlers of the WWE had their way with Kevin Federline the other night. And while the pictures of K-Fed getting body-slammed in the ring are pleasant enough, we can't help but yearn for the quality WWF days of our youth and wish that Junkyard Dog and the Iron Sheik would join forces to tag-team Federline, while Lou Albano shot rubber bands from the sidelines and afterwards, Rowdy Roddy Piper would make a man out of K-Fed during a Backlot Brawl.  

• Vida Guerra displays her ripe rump for mateworthy males in Playboy.

• Daryl Hannah "arrested for farm protest"? What the . . . ? What kind of sick person protests farming?

• Ashlee Simpson's in the new issue of Marie Claire talking about how women should embrace themselves no matter what size or shape and love their flaws. Accompanied by a nice pictorial spread of her showing off her new rhinoplasty, collagen-infused lips, and cantaloupe diet waistline.

• The other day, Britney, Kevin and Federspears the Younger were photographed together for the first time since March. Oh, they're definitely a loving couple fully committed to one another. We're convinced now.

• Paris and Lindsay fight over Stamos Nachos. They just can't get enough of his warm, cheesy goodness.

• Heather Mills McCartney, soon to be defrocked and downgraded to "Just Plain Heather Mills but a $200 million richer Heather Mills so f u very much", makes viewers sing, "Hey Boob/Don't be a prude/Take some naked pics/And make wangs bigger".

• Some kids like football, some kids like video games, some kids like Legos. Pam Anderson's sons' favorite toy is her stripper pole.

• Brittany Murphy may be tinier than a baby flea, but her rack can compete with the best of them.

• You know what isn't tiny? Screech from Saved by the Bell's weenis.

• Jennifer Aniston's got pokies. And she knows how to use 'em.  

• In case Paris Hilton's nipples weren't enough for you the first one thousand and eight times, here's more.

• No, no one is shocked by Kate Moss's boogar sugar use, but still, repercussions. Don't fire Kate, fancy fashion people! Don't force little Lila Grace to wear last season's Burberry!

• Looks like Jude and Sienna may be back on. CoughBABYcough.

• Debra Messing consults her nip-oracle for post-Will and Grace career advice.

• Ewan McGregor gets his dong sucked.

• Jennifer Lopez is a barbarian. She will skin an animal with her bare hands, slap its bloodied hide on her back, and then beat you with your own prosthetic leg. This story made us laugh, because we are dark and cold and bad inside.

• And because we were too lazy to post it yesterday, here it is: Prez Bush forges a bathroom pass.