• Kelly Osbourne thinks Paris Hilton inspires parents to dress their children like hookers. Would she rather the children of the world take fashion cues from her?


• Is Liz Hurley all knocked up again? Does anyone care?

• Nicky Hilton calls Mischa Barton a "fat pig". Huh. Maybe she meant "stuck pig"?

• Remember those Lisa Loeb thong shots we showed you yesterday? Of course you do. Well, now you can see those pictures move! It's called "the talkies", which translates to "motile ass".

• Jodie "Stephanie Tanner" Sweetin was a meth head, but she's since Cut! It! Out!

• Oh, speaking of thongs, flash leads to a see-through dress in Alyssa Milanoland.

• Egotastic!'s got the poop scoop on what's really going down betwixt Sienna Miller and Darth Vader. It's considerably less sexy than previously thought.

• Tyra Banks rocks the pit stubble. Fierce!!!

• Quote of the year: "If you're going to be raped in a movie, it may as well be Vincent Cassel." Oh, Jennifer Aniston, you are so terribly high-larious.

• Oh yeah, Oscar nominees.

• Tom Cruise's next potential film project will be a "contemporary romance". We have a good idea for a romantic film! Boy divorces girl, elders at boy's cult pay new girl to perpetrate like she's dating boy, boy jumps on furniture, cult elders impregnate girl with mythical animal-human hybrid, and . . . aw, never mind. Nobody would buy it.  

Kate Moss? Pffft. Edie Sedgwick? Bahhh. Looks like Sienna Miller's found a new celebrity style to jock. Remember when we told you that Jessica Simpson was seen leaving Adam Levine's hotel room the morning after, looking all disheveled and postcoital? Well, "disheveled and postcoital" is the new boho! Pretty soon we'll be seeing Pavarotti pics of MK Olsen leaving the Roosevelt, eschewing her more traditional cowboy-boots-and-oversized-sweater deal for a more modern, cutting edge unbrushed-teeth-and-dried-semen ensemble.  

So you're Sienna Miller and you're desperately trying to make yourself into the next Julia Roberts or some such. You land a sweet part as a crazy naked girl in a movie opposite People Sexiest Man Alive and manage to get him to profess his everlasting love to you. Then he fucks his nanny and everyone magically knows your name. You've discovered the joy of media attention. You make up and break up every other week just to keep your name on the tips of everyone's tongues. But then you realize that the public isn't so interested in your man candy now that he's not in every fifth movie at their megaplex (and now that they've seen his wee little pee-pee) and you take a look around you. Who's that man costarring in your latest project? And is he about to have a good year? It sure looks like it, Sienna Miller.  

Second-rate filmmakers are usually good at getting attention for their films without resorting to things like talented actors, good writing, or spectacular special effects. The best way to do this is with nudity, hopefully of the rampant and full-frontal variety. But when your flick stars famously prudish Jessica Alba, you have to look to other avenues. Such as coaching your actors to be total douchbags in public. It might have backfired for Cinderella Man, but it's sure to garner Awake a few viewers.  

Being a Hollywood star is sooo demanding. All most celebs want out of life is the chance to leave fame and fortune behind and just be a normal person. No more free designer clothes or glamorous parties, just honest hard work and a respectable paycheck. That's why Hayden Christensen wants to become an architect.  

Obligatory "slipping her the old light saber" joke here, please.