It's nice to see that even when donning a comically flowing top to hide any stubbornly-clinging baby weight, Gwen Stefani is still willing to sex it up by showing a little leopard print brassierage:



And while one might find it a little distressing that Gwen is apparently wearing a Waldo-print blouson-Snugli top sans baby, we're sure you'll agree that husband Gavin Rossdale's Afro puff pigtails are far more disturbing.

 

• "Eva Longoria Loves Facials". Yep, that sounds about right.

• My Gwen Stefani doll can beat up your Peaches N' Cream Barbie.

• Still no word on whether or not Lohan is engaged to Harry "Pink Taco" Morton, but she's sporting an '80s-style pear-cut diamond that Alexis Carrington herself would find distasteful.

• Kelly Clarkson was embarrassed to learn that she owned the same pink convertible as a porn star. The fact that she actually owns a pink convertible is much more embarrassing, however.

• Brittany Murphy exits club, gets propositioned for some tuna taco tangoing, signs autographs, lets us look down her shirt. Now that's multitasking.

• Eva Mendes's bare ass in Flaunt magazine. You heard us. That's right. Believe it. Flaunt magazine! Seriously!

• Kate Bosworth and Orlando Bloom broke up. Again. If a walking Chupa Chups lollipop and a crustachioed eunuch can't make it work, what hope is there for the rest of us?

• An idea we wish we'd thought of: Gossip Blog Wars.

• Kate Moss + underwear = server crash. Way to get your kit off, bird! Pip pip! Tut tut! Tally ho! Cheerio!  

• As a half-Jew, Rob Schneider refuses to ever work with Mel Gibson. Braveheart 2 just got 54% less zany!

• Ever seen pink pee before? No? Ever seen Pink pee before? Also no? Well, here ya go.

• Carmen Electra and Shannon Elizabeth are pals. If C-list hangs with D-list, does that elevate them to B-list?

• If you posess fashion experience and much love for checkered bondage pants, you can work for Gwen Stefani and her L.A.M.B. label. Just email skagirl.com. Skagirl . . . we think we cybered with her in the AOL Skankin' Pickle room in 1994.

• Melanie Griffith takes the Cruddiest Mom of the Year crown from Dina Lohan when she lights her teenage daughter Dakota's cigarette.

• Cindy Crawford plus stripper pole plus mojitos minus bra equals summer fun for the whole family.

• Al Reynolds dons spandex; gets late-night booty call from large man in bucket hat.

• In case you were wondering who, on God's green Earth, would admire the jauntily shoddy designs of Charlie Sheen's ill-timed kidswear company, Sheen Kidz, the answer is: Britney. Naturally.

• Penelope Cruz is the first non-Scientologist to step forth and claim that Suri No Middle Name Cruise exists.

• Is David Geffen getting Stiflered?  

The facially superior fruit of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's sex organs was birthed into this world on Saturday. We have to admit we're a little disappointed. We thought the world would feel . . . different, somehow. Brighter. Sexier.  

Fully fecund Gwen Stefani has broken her finger on a sewing machine. She will reportedly fall into a deep sleep, slumbering in a glass box in an enchanted forest for a hundred years until she's awoken by a prince's kiss.  

Gwen Stefani is officially in the family way! Incredible! We had no idea drag queens could get pregnant.  

When you're a saucy little tart, thumbing your nose at Jesus and constantly flouncing about in tiny scraps of houndstooth and bondage pants, an errant lady part is bound to eventually make a surprise appearance. Love, Angel, Music, Boobie.  

• Gwen Stefani sees herself as a "dorky fat kid". That's funny, because we see her as a creepy transvestite who keeps Japanese girls as pets.

• Are you going to Scarborough Fair? Parsley, sage, rosemary and weed.

• Naomi Campbell blah blah blah new catfight blah blah punching slapping blah zzzzzzzzzz.

• Johnny Knoxville has something in common with Mick Jagger. And it's not 30 illegitmate children or highly kissable lips!

• Victoria Posh Spice says she does, in fact, read books. They're just children's books, is all.

• Nick and Jessica can barely fake it anymore.

• It's kind of a crude, low budget Midwestern version of Gawker Stalker, but we have our first celebrity sighting: a snitchy spy wrote us and said that they spotted Dwight Yoakam at the White Stripes/Greenhornes show in Chicago last night, and that Yoakam was "hanging around the Greenhornes' dressing room for a good hour, calling the band 'my Ohio boys' and eating their Fritos and dip". If you see Yoakam (or, like, Angelina Jolie, or Marilyn McCoo even) at their show tonight, let us know: tips@celebnewswire.com.  

• Colin Farrell gets restraining order against Nicole Narain--he's afraid that pesky sex tape will harm his "reputation and career". His reputation is that of a serial ass-tapper; his last movie was Alexander. Dude has nowhere to go but up.

• Joss Stone has a bum double in a Gap advert? Why, we're bloody gutted over the news! Pip, pip! Tut, tut! Tally ho!

• Scotty's remains are going to be beamed up FOR REAL.

• Journalists dish all: Tom Cruise is creepy, Catherine Zeta-Jones is as dumb as a turd, Andy Garcia is a big fat ugmo, and MORE!

• Angelina and new baby Zahara enjoy a day out; Maddox deemed "too old", forced to stay home in a closet, eating bread crusts.

• If you're friends with Gwen Stefani, you may just find your cute outfit being knocked off, churned out by Chinese orphans and mass-marketed.

• Tom and Katie "can't wait for a baby!" Problem is, they have no idea how you make one.

• Um, hi, celebrities? Yeah, hi, it's us. Listen, guys, could you be a little more exciting? I mean, we don't want to have to do the CNW Junk Drawer every single day because you give us nothing to write about. The Jude Law nannyfucking was a great start . . . maybe you could all be a little more like Jude? Like, just start grabbing asses, or make out with Erik Estrada at a party, or buy a gun and wave it around. Scream, shout, piss on a wall with abandon! Anything! Please! Love, Your Friends at CelebNewsWire.  

We've all received some lame presents for Valentine's Day (that pink satin teddy bear we got in the eighth grade being top on the list), but at least we're not Gwen Stefani. She got a couple sacks of potatoes.  

We all know that insecure singer Gwen Stefani had kittens after finding out that husband Gavin Rossdale sired a secret love child. But her blown gasket has now reached critical aneurysm status as Gav is possibly being sued for 15 years of back child support.