So we're a bit behind on the Jessica Simpson news. The lingering memory of Fred Durst's O face made us slowly back away from the rumor that he and Mrs. Lachey were all over each other at a recent party. But now Simpson has moved on to bumping and grinding with totally unfamous people. Where's the newsworthiness in that? Her PR flack needs to sit her down for a good how-to-get-publicity talking to.  

Listen, dudes, forget the musical mastery that is Chocolate Starfish and the Hot Dog Flavored Water. Screw that shit, man, that shit is wack. That shit is kid's stuff. That's in the past, and Limp Bizkit is going in a new direction. It's a Limp Bizkit for the 2K5. A mature Bizkit. A Bizkit that's been through the fire and come out on the other side a little wiser, a little older. Fred Durst has promised us that the new Limp Bizkit album is gonna be so raw and so "full of truth" that we're gonna have our assholes blown clean out, bro. Good thing we have asshole insurance.  

We know we've been a little slow in bringing you coverage of the whole Fred Durst sex tape debacle. The truth of the matter is that we learned about it Friday morning like the rest of the internet, but after viewing the offending clip, we became as shell-shocked as we were after our tour in 'Nam. We spent the entire weekend holed up in a basement closet, weeping, straddling a tenuous line between reality and some sort of unspeakable Durstian hell. After taking four baths in undiluated bleach, we're feeling a little better, and ready to bring you the dish.