• Pink promises that for one day only, her wedding day, she will "be a girl". But after the ceremony is over, the dress and all its frilly, lacy trappings will come off, the foot-long silicone strap-on will come out, and Pink will bend her new husband over their marriage bed and show that little bitch who wears the pants.

• Heidi Klum probes her husband.

• Which one's cuter?: Mischa Barton with a kitty! Awww! Awwww! Awwwwwwwwww!

• 50 Cent will let his little boy mock murder people and watch porno, but cussing's where he draws the line.

• Lindsay Lo-ho and Keanu Reeves might be heading for a shack-up. One can only imagine the stimulating conversations these two have.

• Nip slip? Bah. Lip slip? Soooo two days ago. Rhona Mitra goes next level with an implant scar slip. Jealous, bitches?

• Sorry, boys! Elton John is officially off the market!

• The terrorists will never win when we have freedom on our side! Freedom, and Alyssa Milano's breast.  

It's like NBC doesn't even want people to watch their stinky old channel. First they insist on keeping both Joey and Will and Grace on the air despite nary a laugh to be heard. Now they won't let Pamela Anderson dance around a pole while wearing pasties because it will hurt the poor little children. If they think that will hurt the kiddies, wait till our army of undersexed pervy old men take to the streets and start beating the kids with baseball bats because they're so irate over not being able to see the better part of Pamela Anderson's breasts on prime-time television without turning on Fox. That will really hurt.  

Charity is cool. Giving is cool. Not just because such a thing offers a chance for us all to feel warm n' fuzzy and/or superior when we fork over some dough to help people, and not just because of those nifty tax deductions, but because very nice-looking famous ladies often get naked in the name of charity.  

Justin Timberlake was delighted when he was offered the role of Elto--sorry, Sir Elton John--in a forthcoming biopic. There was just one problem--the script was all rock n' roll, sans the sex and drugs JT craves.  

Dirt cheap budget airline Air Tran is slapping Elton John's bloated, gap-toothed mug on the sides of 20 jets. Because nothing says "cramped, tight spaces," "huge, hard phallic object," and "irrational fear of imminent doom" quite like Elton!