Our second Posh Spice story in as many days! We truly are obsessed. Today, she's making headlines due to the outrageous, Mariah Carey-like list of demands she and husband David gave to a London hotel to ensure that their stay was a comfortable one. Your hotel requirements might be: towels, a working toilet, decent water pressure, and sheets with the minimal amount of bodily fluid on them. Posh's are much different.  

Posh Spice's rather unflattering severe new bob was widely covered in the gossip blog pages a few weeks ago. Some speculated that it was a way to balance out her terrible, terrible boobs, some said she wanted to spark a new trend, but the truth of the matter is that the penile ministrations of husband David Beckham were hearty enough to cause her extensions to fall out. In essence, he fucked her weave off.  

David Beckham says that he was able to get over the shock and stress of being dropped from his soccer team through the gentle guidance of his good friend Tom Cruise, who, with a positive attitude and a reassuring grin, helped Becks realize that he was surrounded by a healthy family and wonderful best friends and a pretty house and a lot of talent. And then the two of them held hands with Barney and took a ride over the rainbow on the Great Space Coaster so they could teach Knock-Knock and Edison all about sharing, caring, and cooperation.  

Once in a while we jump on a story that may not be based in anything that resembles fact. Like if we heard a story about Britney Spears's plans to gain a bunch of weight, don a muumuu, and take to the stage as a Divine impersonator, we'd run with it. Sure, we might have to run a retraction, but we'd get a few laughs out of it first. But sometimes we get things wrong and it's not the fault of our lack of journalistic ethics or even our extreme laziness. Sometimes famous people are really, really dumb. And today David Beckham happens to fall in that category.  

In case you were under the mistaken impression that an eighty-eight-pound body with all the curvy womanly features of an eleven-year-old is insufficient to support human life, Victoria Beckham proves your assumption wrong by gestating her fourth child.  

After exhausting his list of Scientological compatriots (Leah Remini) and tight-lipped celeb cronies on the L. Ron payroll (the Pinkett-Smiths, Penelope Cruz), Tom Cruise is branching out and inviting other celebrities to bear frankincense, myrrh, and designer Baby Bjorns, follow the star in the north and come to gaze upon baby Suri No Middle Name as she lies in her plexiglass, thetan-repelling hyperbaric cradle. He's invited Posh Spice and her well-waxed husband David Beckham to come visit the child (after agreeing to adhere to a list of creepy rules, natch), but we just think he wants to throw the fact that they haven't yet been able to produce a girl-child in their faces.  

This tidbit is FemaleFirst-penned, so take it with a Hummer full of salt, but Posh Spice and equally groomed hubby David Beckham are reportedly having sex standing up, because they heard that's a surefire way to conceive a girl. In related news, the Beckhams also say that you can't get pregnant when you do it doggy-style, and if you use tampons, you're like totally not a virgin anymore.  

There are a few things we know for sure about Victoria "Posh Spice" Beckham: She has a face like Mr. Ed's long-lost bastard daughter, she could beat both Jessica Simpson and Catherine Zeta-Jones in a game of "Look how much empty space I have in my skull," and she has very fertile lady parts. The rest of these things are currently just conjecture: Vic may be knocked up again, her marriage may be nothing more than a surprisingly good acting performance, and she may be bowing down to our lord and savior, Xenu.