• Brad Pitt has been diagnosed with viral meningitis. Whatever. We still think cuz got the dysentery.

• The Butterscotch Stallion develops a taste for chocolate.

• Hey, Scarlett. Why don't you take a fricking picture, it'll last longer.

• We have trouble believing that even the most desperate kiddiefucker in a roving gang of Hollywood pedophiles would be hard up enough to want to molest Corey Feldman.

• Meee-yow! Anna Nicole, you delicious bitch!

• Tom Cruise gives his 11-year-old costar Dakota Fanning a cell phone. Now he can beam Scientology propaganda directly into her easily-molded young brain, and she can call her coke dealer without being hassled by the 'rents. Everybody wins!

• You Know It's a Slow Gossip Day When: Angela Lansbury's knee surgery makes top headlines. Godspeed, Mrs. Potts!  

Corey "Feldog" Feldman had some interesting things to say about his former BFF Michael Jackson during his much-anticipated 20/20 interview last Friday. Namely, that Michael showed him naked pictures, did not touch his wiener, and refused to save Corey from the terrorists. Poor old Corey. Never gets a break.