We wait all year for Halloween in hopes of seeing celebrities look even more ridiculous than they do every other day of the year. And this year's highlight doesn't even involve an outrageous costume; it's all about Christian Slater falling into Paris Hilton's bush.  

So. It seems that Halle Berry was approached by the Playboy folks a decade ago and agreed to peel for the publication, but only after the "right film" came along. Huh. Guess The Flintstones and B.A.P.S. weren't exactly inspirational in the nudity department?  

(Is it wrong that we're kind of bummed out he didn't grab a tit? We're finding it next to impossible to come up with any Slater butt puns, and "Gleaming the Boob" has such a nice ring to it.) At any rate: Christian Slater picked the wrong seat to snatch when he decided to get all handsy-like on Tuesday morning. In a startling turn of events, the grabbee was less than amused to find herself on the receiving end of a random cheek squeeze even though her assailant was the star of Untamed Heart. However, weep not for Slater--he's got strippers on his side!  

Memorial Day weekend! Whoo! Party! While you were busy getting wasted and playing grab-ass, Oliver Stone and Christian Slater were busy . . . getting wasted . . . and, uh, playing grab-ass. Also.  

Lindsay Lohan has a daddy complex. We understand this--growing up with a father like Michael Lohan (a drug-addicted, drunk-driving, loose-cannon freakazoid) would give any girl issues. We thought her Bruce Willis liaison may have been a fluke, but now she's accepting the attentions of papa-of-two Christian Slater. So hang on to your weiners, DILFs of Tinseltown--we suspect she's luring these older dads by disguising her movie-set trailer as an L.L. Bean. Free bj with your next Dockers purchase!  

Long-suffering Jack Nicholson impersonator Christian Slater barely escaped being attacked by a knife-wiedling kook in London on Friday. We realize Hard Rain totally sucked, but Jesus Christ, you don't have to stab the guy.  

Heathers star Christian Slater wants to put his acting career on hold to record an album of Sinatra covers. Wait. Christian Slater has an acting career?