• Pink promises that for one day only, her wedding day, she will "be a girl". But after the ceremony is over, the dress and all its frilly, lacy trappings will come off, the foot-long silicone strap-on will come out, and Pink will bend her new husband over their marriage bed and show that little bitch who wears the pants.

• Heidi Klum probes her husband.

• Which one's cuter?: Mischa Barton with a kitty! Awww! Awwww! Awwwwwwwwww!

• 50 Cent will let his little boy mock murder people and watch porno, but cussing's where he draws the line.

• Lindsay Lo-ho and Keanu Reeves might be heading for a shack-up. One can only imagine the stimulating conversations these two have.

• Nip slip? Bah. Lip slip? Soooo two days ago. Rhona Mitra goes next level with an implant scar slip. Jealous, bitches?

• Sorry, boys! Elton John is officially off the market!

• The terrorists will never win when we have freedom on our side! Freedom, and Alyssa Milano's breast.  

So you think you're hot shit in a champagne glass because your dad got the kids from the local high school who had a Foreigner cover band play your bar mitzvah? Well, one Elizabeth Brooks from Long Island has totally faced your ass because her defense contractor daddy, David H. Brooks, shelled out several million to secure some serious talent for his daughter's womanly celebration. We're talking 50 Cent, we're talking Tom Petty, we're talking Ciara, Don Henley, Stevie Nicks, Kenny G, Joe Walsh, and DJ AM. Because, you know, if there's anything in the world 13-year-old girls love, it's Kenny G and Don Henley.