filed under: Cate Blanchett

Cate Blanchett is a woman of style, grace, dignity, and class, one of the few ladies worthy of portraying a queen. But that doesn't mean that she has to cover herself in burlap and eschew showering. No, so is also very, very pretty. And very, very pretty people generally like you to know that they are very, very pretty. And you know what helps to make someone very, very pretty? Boobs. Big, juicy, succulent boobs. And if they're barely contained in a sexy black dress that smooshes them together, all the better. So thank you, Cate Blanchett's latest offspring, for helping Mommy grow such glorious gazongas. And here you thought the point of getting knocked up was to breed life, sustain the species, all that crap. Nope. It's so you can inflate those funbags. This guy sure seems to approve.

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Anyone who is not a female above age thirty can just stop reading this right now, because we're about to delve into the world of babies. It's going to be babies, babies, babies around the CNW parts until every last one of you wants to scrape out your lady innards with a rusty hanger. We just can't stop talking about, thinking about, and looking at babies. Just call us Angelina Jolie. First up, Christina Aguilera states the oh-so-obvious, per IMDB:

Christina Aguilera has finally confirmed reports she is expecting a baby with husband Jordan Bratman. The singer has previously refused to comment on the status of her bulging belly, despite her father Fausto Aguilera and her pal Paris Hilton letting slip about the 26-year-old's happy news earlier this year. The couple has also been spotted shopping at baby boutiques in Los Angeles on numerous occasions in recent weeks. But Aguilera, 26, has now spoken out for the first time about her excitement at impending motherhood, revealing to U.S. magazine Glamour that she is expecting in the New Year. When asked about her New Year's resolutions for 2008, Aguilera says, "That'll be about the time I enter into mommyhood, so... I'm hoping to have started a beautiful family with my husband!" And music executive Bratman is delighted at the prospect of becoming a father. She adds, "Oh, he's thrilled! He's just great." The baby will be a first for both Aguilera and Bratman, who married in November 2005.

Yeah, thanks for finally fessing up, Xtina, but what we really need to know is how you conquered the hardships involved in being inseminated by a monkey. Were there scientists involved? Will this open a whole new world of cross-breeding possibilities? Will Paris Hilton soon get knocked up by her pet goat?

Also admitting to the fetus in the tummy is Cate Balnchett, also via IMDB:

Notes On A Scandal actress Cate Blanchett has put a stop to reports speculating about her expanding waistline - she's announced she is expecting her third child. The Aviator Oscar winner, 38, first sparked pregnancy rumors in October, when she stepped out to promote her latest film Elizabeth: The Golden Age in Rome, Italy, sporting a sexy new fuller figure. The star made the confession during a red-carpet appearance in Australia on Saturday, when she revealed she is four months pregnant - although she does not yet know the sex of the baby. She says, "It's early days yet. It's due in April." Blanchett already has two children with her husband, playwright Andrew Upton: six-year-old Dashiell and three-year-old Roman.

You already know of our love for Cate, so we cannot say anything negative about her. Instead we'll just say this: J.Lo, you just got faced by an elf. What you gonna do about it, preggo?

And in the celebrity births category, Milla Jovovich finally popped one out, and as far as we know it didn't weigh forty-seven pounds. According to Celebrity Baby Blog:

Actress Milla Jovovich, 31, and her fiancé, director Paul W.S. Anderson, 42, have welcomed their first child. Daughter Ever Gabo was born on Saturday morning at Cedars-Sinai in Los Angeles, a day before Milla's due date of Sunday, weighing in at 7 lbs, 8 oz. According to a source, "Everything went really smooth."

Ah, we get it. As in "This kid isn't Ever going to forgive her parents for giving her a stupid name." Good one.

That Cate Blanchett, she's such a trickster. She's all like, "Hey guys, look at my butt. Isn't it fabulous. I make a damn sexy queen, right? Look at my ass!" Then the next minute she starts laughing in your face, saying, "Haha, loser, that's not my bum. It's that girl's over there. I sure fooled you, didn't I? I am so clever." And while we adore Cate and think she's lovely and appreciate her cleverness, we do not like being tricked. Especially by nudity. It's just mean. Page Six says:

CATE Blanchett is shy about baring her butt on-screen. For the second time in her career, the Oscar winner is using a derriere double in her upcoming film, "Elizabeth: The Golden Age." She tells London's Daily Mail: "It's not my bottom. It's someone else's. . . . It looks very nice, but it doesn't belong to me. Only my husband sees my bum." She previously used a double for her rear end in "Little Fish." But Blanchett is less uptight about her chest. There was a "very brief shot of a left breast while making love" in "Elizabeth," according to mrskin.com.

Way to turn it around, there, Page Six. Here we are being upset with Cate Blanchett for her tushy tease and you start talking about our internet boyfriend Mr. Skin and we swoon. Maybe you're the clever one, Page Six.

For a couple of years now, we've been hounding the powers that be at the Toronto International Film Festival to add a subtitle to their festival's name. We've sent letters, personalized cupcakes, talking parrots, whatever we could think of. But to no avail. They will not even consider changing the name to the Toronto International Film Festival: We Give You Famous Naked Titties. They may be old fuddy-duddies resistant to change and progress, but they can't argue that that's a pretty accurate description. After the cut, Cate Blanchett, Jennifer Jason Leigh, Mena Suvari, and many more. more »

If you are someone who frequents these pages, you're surely familiar with our assertion that the only two celebrities beyond the scope of our mocking are Mandy Moore and Cate Blanchett. And Mandy's not even bulletproof--she actually let Zach Braff put his liver lips all over her person, and if that's not grounds for derision, what is? Cate, on the other hand, lives a private civilized existence with her playwright spouse and her regal face and her charming voice. We suspect orphans and woodland creatures flock to her, just to be near her warm and benevolent presence. So it's with much glee that we learn of new nudes from Cate in the upcoming movie The Golden Age:

In the sequel to Elizabeth, the actress reprises her Oscar-nominated role as the 16th century monarch, and at some point in the film she is completely nude -- although not full-frontal -- according to British journalists who got a sneak peek of footage from the film.

So the critics just got a tiny peek, and contained in said peek was naked flesh? Logically, that means that there could be more naked flesh in the rest of the movie. In fact, we're just gonna go out on a limb and say that Cate is naked throughout the entire film. And that they're going to change the name to The Golden Age of Cate Blanchett, Who Is Naked Throughout This Entire Film. And then she will win every Oscar including Best Costume and Best Original Score and Best Animated Short Film. And Best Supporting Actor. more »