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filed under: Carmen Electra
July 31, 2008
Carmen Electra Is Wiggly
We're a little confused as to what exactly Carmen Electra does for a living. She's not really a full-time actress. She's not a model. She's not a reality star, either. As far as we can gather, she just applies lip gloss and sits on a mound of money and bangs some dude from Korn. And does burlesque stuff, like last night. Reports Top News
The former Baywatch babe had men drooling when she performed at Les Femmes Cheries - a new event that strives to create original Hollywood glamour by mixing cabaret, heart-pumping rock, classic pin-up beauties and high fashion.After the show, Carmen got a flaming cherry tattoo and went swing dancing with her rollerderby team before catching a Squirrel Nut Zippers show and working on her Bettie Page fanzine.
She also performed a red-hot act in the Plush Lounge at the Key Club Hollywood, California.
Electra is no stranger to burlesque. She was chief Pussycat Doll a decade ago debuting the kinky cabaret at Johnny Depp''s Viper Room in 1995.
Her trademark numbers included a hip-shimmying rendition of "Big Spender", Bjork's It's Oh So Quiet" and a sultry cigarette-smoking dance to Henry Mancini's Pink Panther theme tune.
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June 04, 2008
CNW Junk Drawer: Rhys Is in Pieces
Sienna Miller finally cuts loose her improbably-named, leonine lover Rhys Ifans. (CeleBuzz) Angry whelp Miley Cyrus wrecks equipment on the set of her new video. "Grrrr! I'm so mad! Like a bear! Grrr! Like a fluffy bear! With a bow around its neck! Grrr . . . awwww." (Drunken Stepfather)
Kim Kardashian and Vanessa Minnillo dressed as cheerleaders, Carmen Electra in jazzercise gear. You're welcome, pre-verts. (The Hollywood Gossip)
The fetus is out there. And by "there" we mean in Gillian Anderson's womb. (F-Listed)
Oh yeah, Charlie Sheen married Brooke Whatsherguts last weekend. We didn't report on it because it didn't involve insulting Denise Richards. (Allie Is Wired)
Lily Allen's hair is pink, her face is green, and her liver is pickled yellow. Fun drunk shots! Luv u Lily. (Derek Hail)
Astley Tisdale: prepare for mass RickRollage. (The Blemish)
Vanity Fair is in deep shit for implying that Gina Gershon let Bill Clinton's presidential peen into her Oval Office. Crystal Connors, NO! (Defamer)
Eva Longoria is sporting what appears to be an inflated pregnancy rack, highlighted by the most burnt sienna of tan-spackle. (D-listed)
May 09, 2008
Sex Kitten with a Sex Kit
Carmen Electra must be a fan of the Babysitters' Club books, because she has adopted their idea of carrying around a kit conducive to success. But while Kristy, Stacey, Mary Ann, Claudia and the gang had Kid Kits full of toys and coloring books, Carmen Electra totes a sex kit full of erotic accouterments. She gives the following tips to readers in the new issue of Cosmopolitan:
"Keep a sexiness kit in the car or in a drawer at work with the essentials in it - perfume, lip gloss and a pair of heels because they'll help you better showcase your legs. Knowing you look hot also boosts your all-around confidence."Hmmm. So we kinda understand the mechanics of Carmen's sex kit. You lube up the heel of the shoe with the lip gloss before inserting it into the orifice of your choice, right? So where does that leave the perfume? Some sort of new age aromatherapy contraception? Diabolical. more »
April 25, 2008
Carmen Electra Proves She Has a Type, Gets Engaged
Carmen Electra is continuing her quest to out-Pam-Anderson Pam Anderson by preparing to take on her third husband. We hope her wedding-day attire will be as inspired as Pam's. Reports People: Carmen Electra is engaged to her boyfriend, guitarist Rob Patterson, her rep Jill Fritzo confirms to PEOPLE.Touring guitarist? Carmen sure is moving down the washed-up-rock-star feeding chain. Is husband number four going to be the former roadie for Staind? No matter, Patterson sure is a lucky guy, especially when you consider the rumor that we heard oh, so many many moons ago that Carmen commemorated her marriage to Dave Navarro by getting a little tightening procedure in the poonal area. How will she celebrate this latest betrothal, with some preparatory asshole irrigation? more »
"He told friends three days ago that he got engaged," adds a source. "The ring is a black diamond set in white diamonds."
Patterson, 37, who is the former touring guitarist for Korn, popped the question over the weekend while he and Electra were in Las Vegas to celebrate her 36th birthday, says the source. The couple have been dating less than a year.
This will be the third marriage for the actress-model, who was previously wed to rocker Dave Navarro and, briefly, to NBA star Dennis Rodman.
March 26, 2008
CNW Junk Drawer: Pamela and Camela (Toe)
Pam Anderson's marriage to Rick Salomon has been annulled. In the eyes of the law, that means it never happened. Let us never speak of this again. (Hollywire) MrSkin.com scores the first ever interview with Christian Landers, the dude behind the high-larious StuffWhitePeopleLike.com! (Mr. Skin)
Madonna claims that her marriage is ripe with "erotica". Excellent way to work your song title in there, Madge. Was your wedding La Isla Bonita? (Female Foist)
Kate Moss sans the clammy, crackulous influence of Pete Doherty = foxy. (Cityrag)
Awwww. Carmen Electra has found herself another funny little eyeliner-wearing alternarocker to love. (Daily Stab)
Sophie Monk's religious last name belies the deep cleave of her camel toe. (Drunken Stepfather)
Renee Zellweger attended a screening of Leatherheads donning a leathered face. Sorry, Renee. You seem like a nice lady, you just make it so easy. (Allie Is Wired)
Sorry, boys! Looks like that hot slice of preggo jailbait Jamie Lynn Spears is off the market! (The Blemish)
I'm a Pepper, you're a Pepper, he's a Pepper, Axl Rose is a Pepper. (Seriously? OMG! WTF?)
August 13, 2007
Carmen Electra-fies Your Eel with Her Bikini
You ingrates didn't seem to like last week's Debra Messing side bean, so here's our attempt to get back in your good graces with Carmen Electra stuffed into a bikini or two. If the pictures don't yank your chain, there's actual striptastic video footage at TMZ, in which the paparazzi sound like they're chanting, "Cartman! Cartman!" What did Carmen Electra do to get a flawlessly sculpted physique such as the one that she has? Perhaps she harvested the souls of Prince and Dennis Rodman. Or maybe she eats her Wheaties and goes to the gym. Or maybe the real Carmen Electra was replaced years ago with the Carmen "doll" from that one Dave Navarro video. Who can say? The only thing we know for sure is that you've got a boner. Yayyyy! You did it!
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May 15, 2007
Carmen Electra's Txt Sx
Carmen Electra has written a book. It's called Wave-Particle Duality in Quantum Mechanics. Haw, no, it's called How to Be Sexy, a book in which Carmen teaches us all manner of lip-quivering, cooing, and smelling pretty. Oh, and texting. She writes:
"I am a texter, I love to text. There is nothing wrong with getting a hot text. I say go for it but be subtle. Express how you are feeling but don't do anything too crazy."Sage advice, Miss Electra. Sexy, not crazy. "BTW I LNG 4 UR BOD" is kosher. "WNT 2 CUT U OPEN & CRWL NSIDE" is not. more »
May 03, 2007
CNW Junk Drawer: Powderpants
Kate Bosworth takes off her bikini just long enough to slip a bit of nip. (Egotastic!) John Voight finds his daughter "fascinating" and "attractive". And "stunning". If Papa Joe Simpson ever gets out of the daughter managing/ogling game, he might have a worthy replacement. (GlossLip)
Sienna Miller slips both nip and panty waistband in the same outfit. Now that's multitasking. Slutty multitasking! (Drunken Stepfather)
Busta Rhymes got Busta-ed. What a hilarious play on words! (Yeeeah!)
Vanessa Minnillo shills for Bongo jeans. Bongo's still around? What's next, Jessica Alba for Palmetto and Mischa Barton for Camp Beverly Hills? Anyway, cleavage. (Derek Hail)
Eva Mendes either showing a swath of upskirt panties, or she has a crotch that is a colorless, shadowless void. But which? (Taxi Driver)
Kate Moss turns up with white powder on her pants. We dunno, Kate is pretty much a pro at blowing rails--it's hard to believe she'd let some go to waste hanging out on her Tsubis. (The Blemish)
Scary Spice is taking Norbit to court, cuz she's mad at him, haaaay. (TMZ.com)
Carmen Electra: in Soviet Russia, booty short and yarn bra wear YOU! (Cityrag)
March 22, 2007
Carmen Electra and Joan Jett Just Friends Who Like to Kiss and Stuff
Since you've been wondering (and hoping and fantasizing and other disgusting things that we cannot mention on a respectable website), Carmen Electra and Joan Jett are not sharing their fuzzy muffins. Carmen's rep said so: "They are just friends." OK, we believe you Mr. or Ms. Electra publicist or agent or whosit. They just like to watch February 28, 2007
Kimbo Stewart FHM's Most Eligible Bachelorette. Must Look up Definition of "Eligible Bachelorette"
When you imagine which young, single, hot girl you would most like to share your dangly bits with, names like Jessica (either Alba or Biel will do) or Scarlett might come to mind. But in the FHM offices they want nothing more than to drive their collective Downtown Train into Kimbo Stewart. Hey, Joe Francis did declare her a better fuck than Tara Reid. That's something, right? more »
January 19, 2007
Carmen Electra Turns Us All Into Coke Fiends
Continuing the grand tradition of sody pop commercials including "Little Boys Get Boners from Cindy Crawford Drinking Coke" and "Bob Dole Gets Boner from Britney Spears Drinking Pepsi", Carmen Electra dons patent leather stripper shoes and a non-bikini featuring cherries over her chocha while cramming a glass phallic object between her moist, pursed lips for the new Coca-Cola campaign. more »
November 15, 2006
CNW Junk Drawer: "I Am In the Process of Putting on Weight, and That Should Be Enough"
Oprah was not invited to Tom and K-Hole's wedding, but she is trying to figure out what to send them as a gift. Duh! A couch.
Bigger news than Santa arriving at the lighting of the Macy's Christmas tree: Victoria's Secret supermodels getting on their boob-shaped spacecraft and arriving on Earth after their long journey from Planet Jiggle.
Madonna wants to buy another baby as soon as possible. Perhaps it will be a Christmas gift for the other one.
Sure, Vida Guerra has a gargantuan tail. But did you know that she has boobs, too?
Nicole Richie has responded to PageSix's insinuation that SOMEONE had reverse gastric bypass in her MySpace blog. The lady doth protest too much.
Is Kirsten Dunst sinking her vampiric meth mouth baby teeth into rodentlike eunuch Orlando Bloom? And will their hypothetical babies be weaselly nutless bloodsuckers?
Paris Hilton's ass looks less flapjacky from the back. But don't they all, really? When it comes right down to it, aren't they all less flapjacky from the back? Deep.
Jenny Love Hewitt might be all chaste and crap, but she will still wear a small strip of fabric nestled lovingly betwixt her buttocks.
Lesbian Week continues: Joan Jett and Carmen Electra love rock n' roll. Joan mighta put another dime in Carmen's juicebox, baby.
No, as a matter of fact, we haven't actually seen Ron Jeremy and Super Mario in the same room together. Luigi, though, sure.
Bigger news than Santa arriving at the lighting of the Macy's Christmas tree: Victoria's Secret supermodels getting on their boob-shaped spacecraft and arriving on Earth after their long journey from Planet Jiggle.
Madonna wants to buy another baby as soon as possible. Perhaps it will be a Christmas gift for the other one.
Sure, Vida Guerra has a gargantuan tail. But did you know that she has boobs, too?
Nicole Richie has responded to PageSix's insinuation that SOMEONE had reverse gastric bypass in her MySpace blog. The lady doth protest too much.
Is Kirsten Dunst sinking her vampiric meth mouth baby teeth into rodentlike eunuch Orlando Bloom? And will their hypothetical babies be weaselly nutless bloodsuckers?
Paris Hilton's ass looks less flapjacky from the back. But don't they all, really? When it comes right down to it, aren't they all less flapjacky from the back? Deep.
Jenny Love Hewitt might be all chaste and crap, but she will still wear a small strip of fabric nestled lovingly betwixt her buttocks.
Lesbian Week continues: Joan Jett and Carmen Electra love rock n' roll. Joan mighta put another dime in Carmen's juicebox, baby.
No, as a matter of fact, we haven't actually seen Ron Jeremy and Super Mario in the same room together. Luigi, though, sure.
October 03, 2006
CNW Junk Drawer: Drop Knowledge, Not Bombs
George Michael says, "I don't have a drug problem!" Aside from being arrested after falling asleep in his car at an intersection. For the second time. In eight months.
Avril Lavigne apologizes for hawking loogs on the Pavarotti, stating that she'd never spit on her fans. No, she'll just flip them off and cuss them out.
Well, Jordan's obviously got her cell phone on "vibrate".
There's another warrant out for Bobby Brown's arrest--he owes two months' worth of back child support, totalling $11,000. Oh please, they can't expect Bobby Brown to scrape up that kinda scratch these days.
Mischa Barton's shirt says "Drop knowledge, not bombs". But what she's really dropping is a big ole doo log of an outfit.
Carmen Electra poses for some nice "F U, Dave" shots.
The "Marie Antoinette Association" of France are hopping mad about Kirsten Dunst's portrayal of the queen in Sofia Coppola's new film, helpfully titled Marie Antoinette. A spokesperson for the association hisses, "I've seen the trailer for the film on the internet. It is a fright. We've spent years trying to convince people that the queen was not just a libertine who told the starving to eat cake. What do you see on the trailer? You see Marie Antoinette eating cake. You see her lying naked on a chaise longue. I fear the film is going to set us back many years." God, just think of all the advancements these people have made by dressing up in powdered wigs and sending out mimeographed newsletters . . . down the drain! All those hours spent planning historical reenactment dinners--wasted! And just wait until people see the movie and actually believe that Marie Antoinette was a fang-toothed California blonde who listened to New Order! It'll be anarchy! Civil war! Innocents will be slaughtered! Pestilence will sweep the land! Sacre bleu!
Avril Lavigne apologizes for hawking loogs on the Pavarotti, stating that she'd never spit on her fans. No, she'll just flip them off and cuss them out.
Well, Jordan's obviously got her cell phone on "vibrate".
There's another warrant out for Bobby Brown's arrest--he owes two months' worth of back child support, totalling $11,000. Oh please, they can't expect Bobby Brown to scrape up that kinda scratch these days.
Mischa Barton's shirt says "Drop knowledge, not bombs". But what she's really dropping is a big ole doo log of an outfit.
Carmen Electra poses for some nice "F U, Dave" shots.
The "Marie Antoinette Association" of France are hopping mad about Kirsten Dunst's portrayal of the queen in Sofia Coppola's new film, helpfully titled Marie Antoinette. A spokesperson for the association hisses, "I've seen the trailer for the film on the internet. It is a fright. We've spent years trying to convince people that the queen was not just a libertine who told the starving to eat cake. What do you see on the trailer? You see Marie Antoinette eating cake. You see her lying naked on a chaise longue. I fear the film is going to set us back many years." God, just think of all the advancements these people have made by dressing up in powdered wigs and sending out mimeographed newsletters . . . down the drain! All those hours spent planning historical reenactment dinners--wasted! And just wait until people see the movie and actually believe that Marie Antoinette was a fang-toothed California blonde who listened to New Order! It'll be anarchy! Civil war! Innocents will be slaughtered! Pestilence will sweep the land! Sacre bleu!
August 04, 2006
CNW Junk Drawer: Pink Pee
As a half-Jew, Rob Schneider refuses to ever work with Mel Gibson. Braveheart 2 just got 54% less zany!
Ever seen pink pee before? No? Ever seen Pink pee before? Also no? Well, here ya go.
Carmen Electra and Shannon Elizabeth are pals. If C-list hangs with D-list, does that elevate them to B-list?
If you posess fashion experience and much love for checkered bondage pants, you can work for Gwen Stefani and her L.A.M.B. label. Just email skagirl.com. Skagirl . . . we think we cybered with her in the AOL Skankin' Pickle room in 1994.
Melanie Griffith takes the Cruddiest Mom of the Year crown from Dina Lohan when she lights her teenage daughter Dakota's cigarette.
Cindy Crawford plus stripper pole plus mojitos minus bra equals summer fun for the whole family.
Al Reynolds dons spandex; gets late-night booty call from large man in bucket hat.
In case you were wondering who, on God's green Earth, would admire the jauntily shoddy designs of Charlie Sheen's ill-timed kidswear company, Sheen Kidz, the answer is: Britney. Naturally.
Penelope Cruz is the first non-Scientologist to step forth and claim that Suri No Middle Name Cruise exists.
Is David Geffen getting Stiflered?
Ever seen pink pee before? No? Ever seen Pink pee before? Also no? Well, here ya go.
Carmen Electra and Shannon Elizabeth are pals. If C-list hangs with D-list, does that elevate them to B-list?
If you posess fashion experience and much love for checkered bondage pants, you can work for Gwen Stefani and her L.A.M.B. label. Just email skagirl.com. Skagirl . . . we think we cybered with her in the AOL Skankin' Pickle room in 1994.
Melanie Griffith takes the Cruddiest Mom of the Year crown from Dina Lohan when she lights her teenage daughter Dakota's cigarette.
Cindy Crawford plus stripper pole plus mojitos minus bra equals summer fun for the whole family.
Al Reynolds dons spandex; gets late-night booty call from large man in bucket hat.
In case you were wondering who, on God's green Earth, would admire the jauntily shoddy designs of Charlie Sheen's ill-timed kidswear company, Sheen Kidz, the answer is: Britney. Naturally.
Penelope Cruz is the first non-Scientologist to step forth and claim that Suri No Middle Name Cruise exists.
Is David Geffen getting Stiflered?
July 26, 2006
CNW Junk Drawer: Apologies; Pregnancies
Christie Brinkley's husband says sorry. "Sorry! Sorry for having sexy sex with a teenager. Seriously, sorry about that. My b."
David Hasselhoff as Captain Hook in a London production of Peter Pan? Those are some prettygay big shoes to fill. Only one man can replace The Hoff, and that's The Fonz. Ayyyyy.
Paparazzi, please stop taking photographs of Natalie Portman. Or she will make her hair look like Annette Bening's circa 1989 and then waggle a hand at you in a vaguely threatening manner.
Britney's little sister, Sean P Federline, and a turd on a stick. You heard us.
I've had it with these motherfucking Mo'Niques on this motherfucking plane!
Seacrest out? No. Lance Bass out? HELL YES! You go, girlfriend!
Agent Scully is preggo . . . by an alien! No, by a businessman. Whatever.
Carmen Electra, former wife of Dennis Rodman and newly split from Dave Navarro, was seen on a date with Jamie Foxx. Well, you know the old saying: once you go black, you go back once and then a few years later you look in the mirror and say "I'm married to a guy who still wears eyeliner and feather boas in 2006" and THEN you vow to never go back. Or something.
Did Fergie get dumped? Get dumped get dumped get dumped? Check it out.
David Hasselhoff as Captain Hook in a London production of Peter Pan? Those are some pretty
Paparazzi, please stop taking photographs of Natalie Portman. Or she will make her hair look like Annette Bening's circa 1989 and then waggle a hand at you in a vaguely threatening manner.
Britney's little sister, Sean P Federline, and a turd on a stick. You heard us.
I've had it with these motherfucking Mo'Niques on this motherfucking plane!
Seacrest out? No. Lance Bass out? HELL YES! You go, girlfriend!
Agent Scully is preggo . . . by an alien! No, by a businessman. Whatever.
Carmen Electra, former wife of Dennis Rodman and newly split from Dave Navarro, was seen on a date with Jamie Foxx. Well, you know the old saying: once you go black, you go back once and then a few years later you look in the mirror and say "I'm married to a guy who still wears eyeliner and feather boas in 2006" and THEN you vow to never go back. Or something.
Did Fergie get dumped? Get dumped get dumped get dumped? Check it out.
July 18, 2006
'Til Death Yesterday Do Us Part
After months and months of speculation, Carmen Electra and Dave Navarro announced their separation yesterday. It seems that Dave has already moved on and found another love, socialite Sarah Howard, who looks a hell of a lot like Tommy Lee:
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May 17, 2006
CNW Junk Drawer: Supermodels Having Sex. Or Not.
FemaleFirst reports that Nicole Kidman used "the F-word". Oh, but they meant "fiancι!" Awwwww, ha ha ha ha, that was so clever! You really had us going there, FemaleFirst!
Debra Wilson from Mad TV shows off her comedic chops. And by "comedic chops" we mean "tits".
Barbra Streisand gets on the guest list at your local Loews.
Carmen Electra hates herself for lovin' Joan Jett. Can't break free from the things that she . . . doan . . . dett? Eh, we suck.
Janice Dickinson: genius of our time.
Elle MacPherson loves to have loads and loads of casual sex. Just not with you. You fat loser.
Light-filled goddess from heaven Mandy Moore denies cherry-poppage at the hands and wang of Fez. Wouldn't you?
Is J. Lo preg. o?
Speaking of cherries, The Virgin Adriana Lima is a punchy little firecracker. We got a little something that would chill her right out. Yeeeeah, that's right. A little somethin' in our pants, if you dig what we're saying. It's a packet of chamomile tea and a fizzy bath bomb in our pocket. They're great for de-stressing!
Debra Wilson from Mad TV shows off her comedic chops. And by "comedic chops" we mean "tits".
Barbra Streisand gets on the guest list at your local Loews.
Carmen Electra hates herself for lovin' Joan Jett. Can't break free from the things that she . . . doan . . . dett? Eh, we suck.
Janice Dickinson: genius of our time.
Elle MacPherson loves to have loads and loads of casual sex. Just not with you. You fat loser.
Light-filled goddess from heaven Mandy Moore denies cherry-poppage at the hands and wang of Fez. Wouldn't you?
Is J. Lo preg. o?
Speaking of cherries, The Virgin Adriana Lima is a punchy little firecracker. We got a little something that would chill her right out. Yeeeeah, that's right. A little somethin' in our pants, if you dig what we're saying. It's a packet of chamomile tea and a fizzy bath bomb in our pocket. They're great for de-stressing!
April 14, 2006
For Your Consideration: Carmen Electra Rides the Sybian--Now with Video!
Just three days ago we told you about Carmen Electra riding Howard Stern's super fantastic magic orgasm machine (and, no, that is not a pet name for his penis) and losing a lucrative cosmetics deal because of it. Well, now there's video of the incident. Head over to Egotastic! and check it out. Just make sure not to think about Dave Navarro while watching Carmen get her lady parts tickled. That'll totally harsh your boner. more »
April 11, 2006
Carmen Rides Sybian, Loses Eyeliner Job
First Kate Moss got fired from several lucrative ad gigs after getting caught doing the naughty salt, now Carmen Electra's contract with Max Factor is in jeopardy after she mounted a Sybian machine on Howard Stern's radio show. So if you're a model representing makeup, you can't blow coke or rub your genitals on a piece of hardware intimately acquainted with Jenna Jameson? Cosmetic companies are fascists. more »
March 31, 2006
Carmen and Paget: Keeping Us Up All Night
We don't usually get to see late-night talk shows because our mom enforces a strict nine o'clock bedtime, but lucky for us some of our more mature gossip blog brethren have stayed up for the past couple of nights listening to Jay Leno pander to fat Midwestern women and Conan O'Brien joke about how dorky and unpopular he is while thousands of viewers hang on his every word. If they hadn't, we wouldn't know about Paget Brewster considering a Playboy spread or have seen Carmen Electra demonstrating spread-eagle circus moves on a couch. (OK, that last one was bound to happen somewhere eventually.) more »
March 28, 2006
Scarlett Johansson Sexier Than Jessica Alba; Adjust Masturbation Schedule Accordingly
Another day, another lad mag tells you whom you should masturbate to tonight. And in what may be the upset of the century--or at least right behind that whole Crash/Brokeback Mountain thing--