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filed under: Cameron Diaz

July 01, 2008

CNW Junk Drawer: Heidi Christ, Superstar

heidi-montag-pink-bikini.jpg• Reality show star/monster Heidi Montag promises to make a Christian album, compares herself to Jesus. "Because we both have really shiny hair and heal leopards," Heidi says. "That's what the poor people with zits are called, right?" (Yeeeah!)

• Katherine Heigl downblouse cleavage shot. By the by, why is the term downblouse? What an antiquated word. We don't say "upcrinoline". Though "crack above slacks" has a nice ring to it. (Egotastic!)

• Anne Hathaway does not heed the rap world's advice to "stop snitchin'"; snitches. (Flisted)

• Cameron Diaz is beginning to look a bit Wildensteinian. (Cityrag)

• Eva Longoria gets plugged. Fireplugged, that is! (The Blemish)

• Pharrell thinks tattoos and skin are like wallpaper. (FemaleFirst)

• Lindsay Lohan and chick chum Samantha Ronson get cutesy together. (CelebWarship)

• Zooey Deschanel is everyone's favorite. You there. Go. Look upon her in a swimsuit. (Don't Link This)

• Bridget the Midget's nip slip proves that not ALL of her is tiny. (Taxi Driver)

• Amy Winehouse hit a fan (and it felt like a kiss). (Allie Is Wired)

• Eddie Murphy wants to retire from movies. Well, see ya. (Daily Stab)

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June 12, 2008

Dick Fiends!

cameron_diaz_bocce.jpgDo not deny Cameron Diaz her Jesus Goat, lest ye be labeled dick fiend. Lo, it is the law of the land. Take heed. Take heed. Today's tale of creative celebrity tantrumming comes courtesy of Digital Spy:
Cameron Diaz rowed with staff at an Abercrombie & Fitch store, say reports. The Charlie's Angels actress got angry when she was told that she couldn't purchase a specific T-shirt, which was the last of its kind in the shop.

According to the Daily Star, Diaz, 35, shrieked and stamped her feet in protest. When leaving, the actress allegedly called the staff "dick fiends".

The T-shirt apparently had the words "Jesus Goat" printed on the front.
"Dick fiends" is a good one! Were Cammy D ever to find herself out of the acting game, she could easily start her own company making up inventive new cussing for those who have depleted their swear cache. Her best clients could be Charlie Sheen and Denise Richards, and Alec Baldwin would employ her to come over and whisper "Smegma nugget . . . rat clit . . . um . . . cooter tooter" whenever he called his daughter. Cam'll be the Cyrano de Bergerac of pottymouths! more »
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May 21, 2008

Cammy D Thinks Sex Is Pretty Neat

cameron diaz eats.jpg That Cameron Diaz, she's on the cutting edge. She's always saying stuff that just blows our mind, like, "Grass is green," "Kittens are cute," and "Sex is the best." Seriously, who does this girl think she is? It's going to take a lot more than a pretty face to make us question our core beliefs of grass is purple, kittens are hideous, and sex is torture. Maybe if Cameron were to tell us these things in person, while demonstrating just what makes sex the best, maybe that would convince us. People reports:
Nearly 18 months after her break-up with Justin Timberlake after they were together four years, Cameron Diaz is loving her view of the dating scene.

"Men are the best!" the What Happens in Vegas star, 35, tells InStyle for its June issue. "Sex is the best!"

And when it comes to seducing her men, Diaz says she prefers an outfit that accentuates her natural resources: a pair of heels and nothing else.

"You don't walk around naked?" she asks innocently.

Despite the April death of her father Emilio (the interview apparently took place before the sad event), Diaz – who once professed to thinking she'd be married and a mom by the time she was 22 – terms this a "good year," adding, "Yeah, I'm happy."

As for the prospective Mr. Right, "You don't want the men who want the 25-year-olds," she says with a laugh. "People think if you're single, you are incomplete. No. The thing is, I don't want to be in a relationship that makes me incomplete."
So Cameron really likes sex. You hear that, Justin? We bet Jessica Biel has never made such a bold statement. No, she's probably the "Hurry up, I've gotta walk the dog" type. more »
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April 07, 2008

Cameron Diaz Is a Towering Cyborg of Legginess

cameron_diaz_gq_uk-1.jpgAs far as fetishizing body parts goes, it's been 1871 for a long time in America, with everyone salivating like a horny cartoon wolf over colossal asses. Only instead of crinolines and bustles, we have surgical butt cheeks implants. And so alas, the poor leg man of yore has fallen by the wayside. But here's some cheesecake for the gam lovers: it's Cameron Diaz, stomping in on her towering pegs! Watch in wonder as she splays her oiled-up pair for GQ UK! Cower before her! Quake with humility!




cameron_diaz_gq_uk-2.jpg cameron_diaz_gq_uk-3.jpg cameron_diaz_gq_uk-5.jpg

And then scratch your head after reading "right now, I'm not done cookin'" and wonder when Cameron Diaz turned into Matthew L-I-V-I-N McConaughey.
more »
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April 04, 2008

CNW Junk Drawer: Eatin' Kids, Beatin' Pigs

hayden_child.jpg• Bite-sized Heroes star Hayden Panettiere volunteered at World Children's Day, where she proceeded to devour all the babies under age two and pick her teeth with their discarded, semi-gnawed rib bones. (The Blemish)

• Even when you take away her hand-held communication devices and remove her from the vicinity of assistants, Naomi Campbell will come out swinging and hissing and--yes--spitting. (Yeeeah!)

• Brandon Davis, alias "Greasy Bear", aka "Fat Elvis", is no longer anti-Firecrotch. He's decided he hates black people and gays way more. (TMZ)

• Angelina Jolie at a nubile sixteen! Before the blood, the Brad, the Billy Bob, the babies there was . . . really unflattering 1990s bathing suits with curious sheer cut-outs? (Egotastic)

• Mena Suvari's crapper is delectable in a thong. Do we mean "butt" or "toilet"? Click here to find out the shocking answer! (Drunken Stepfather)

• Anne Hathaway's boyfriend was arrested for bouncing a $250,000 check. Aw, that could happen to anyone. Oh, wait, we though that said "$2.50 check". (Celeb Warship)

• Who wears assless shorts? Gisele Bundchen wears assless shorts. (I Don't Like You In That Way)

• I got fingered by Megan Fox (and it felt like a kiss). (Hollywood Tuna)

• Lucky Kristen Bell gets to pose on the cover of Cosmopolitan next to the blurb "When Your Boobs Act Weird". (Daily Stab)

• Jerry Seinfeld flipped his car. He's OK though, so we can all have a hearty guffaw or whatever. (Holy Taco)

• Cameron Diaz is looking very Amazonian in GQ. (Bitten and Bound)

• Tom Cruise takes Suri to the playground. Not to play, though. To have a series discussion about SPs and OC Clears. (A Socialite's Life)

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February 06, 2008

CNW Junk Drawer: The P Word

paris_hilton_pink_wonk.jpg• Paris Hilton enjoys fishing. And fish enjoy the familiar, down-home smell of Paris Hilton's bacterial vaginosis. OK, that was pretty gross. Sorry, Paris. (FemaleFirst)

• And speaking of Paris's vagina, she will be rubbing hers up against the lesbian thespians of The L Word. (The Superficial)

• The results are in: Heath Ledger's death was caused by "accidental overdose" of SIX different types of prescription drugs. (TMZ)

• Godspeed to you, Patrick Swayze! May your gut convalesce so that you may arabesque again. (IMDb)

• Cammy Diaz gots some pegs, boy, I tells ya. (Cityrag)

• Larry Birkhead take$ Dannilynn to vi$it her mother'$ grave$ite. (Celebitchy)

• Bike shorts and what appears to be a Lamborghini Countache: no, it's not 1987; it's the new Bebe ads featuring Eva Longoria! (PopCrunch)

• Bar Rafaeli: professional wearer of lingerie, schtupper of DiCaprio, sporter of labia-splitting bikini camel toe. (Derek Hail)

• J. Lo is definitely having twins. And we are definitely having another cruller. Yum, jelly. (Evil Beet)

• Kim Kardashian sued by ex-boyfriend's mom. Oh, what a tangled web. (The Blemish)

• Rihanna launches her own umbrella line. What if her hit song had been called "Colostomy Bag"? Guess you can't really stand under one of those, though. Or can you? (Daily Stab)
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February 04, 2008

Cameron Diaz Dance Off!

cameron diaz wins dance off.jpg We have seen into the future. And what awaits us is a world where judges and juries and governmental agencies and international diplomacy are obsolete. In the future we will celebrate all milestones (birthdays, weddings, etc.), grieve all deaths, and settle all disputes the Cammy Diaz way: with dance offs! Page Six reports:
CAMERON Diaz doesn't only do a dance-off in "Charlie's Angels." The blonde hottie broke it down on the dance floor at Socialista the other night with a "cute" male partygoer for almost an hour. "He challenged her to a dance-off, and she turned him down at first. But once she got into it, the whole place was hysterical," said our spy. "She did give him her number, though. She looked very single." Also cheering her on were Robert Iler of "The Sopranos" and Chace Crawford from "Gossip Girl."
And here we thought the only thing Cam learned from Justin Timberlake was how to pick up girls for threesomes. But those years spent as JT's older lady must have been filled with endless elaborations on the fabled Justin/Britney dance off, with each telling ending with Justin yelling, "You got served!" or "Booyah!" We assume Cameron has a little more tact though, and her dance off probably ended with her pulling off a super intense version of picking up change and then backflipping into a windmill, leaving all onlookers gasping for breath.
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January 28, 2008

Eva and Cameron Seal Friendship with Flatus

eva-mendes-eeee.jpgPicture Eva Mendes. Her skin creamy cocoa latte. Her hair like bronzed silk. She comes to you at night in a diaphanous robe, a halo of soft light illuminating her indecent beauty. She leans toward you, closer, closer . . . she smells like fresh-baked cinnamon rolls. A sexy, shy smile tugs at the corners of her full, ripe lips. Closer yet she comes, and then . . . then . . . she rips an enormous, flappy whale of a fart louder than a sonic boom and ranker than a dumpster in Chinatown. According to our gossip gastroenterologist, FemaleFirst, Eva claims that she and pal Cameron Diaz traveled to Nepal for Cam's travel show, and they passed the time by passing something else. You know. Gas. Says Eva:
"Cameron is a big old belcher, but I can't belch. One night I had a heavy dinner, so I combated her belching with something I could do. We were in side-by-side beds, so it was her disgusting bodily function versus mine. It was an Eva-Cameron fart-belch off."
Unfortunately, Eva does not elaborate and tell us who won. And hopefully, it was not a draw. According to the Official Fart-Belch Off Rulebook, fifth edition, revised, ". . . In the instance of a tie, the first opponent to produce a gaseous eruption 'with change'; i.e. a fecal leak in the case of the flatulence opponent, and what is known colloquially as 'throwing up in [one's] mouth a little' in the case of the orally gaseous opponent, shall be declared the victor." Let's just say that after the maids had to come and take care of Eva and Cameron's hotel room, Nepal was no longer known as a peaceful land.
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November 13, 2007

What Every Girl Wants: Sex Wax

bielbeet.jpgMen, they are from Mars, and they are wont to find a move that works and stick with it, carrying it from relationship to relationship. One girl responds well to being serenaded by Breathe's "Hands to Heaven"? You better bet all subsequent girlfriends are gonna get an earful of mid-'80s English pop. Justin Timberlake is no different, and rumor has it that he recycled an old Cameron Diaz gift idea to give to abundant-assed new love Jessica Biel: a surfboard and accompanying wax. Says a source:
"He phoned Evolution Surf and ordered a longboard with a blue, yellow and gold design. He also put in an order for a year's supply of Sex Wax. He thought it'd be fun to surprise her with a board and a trip to Hawaii to teach her how to surf!"
Haha, yeah, that would indeed be fun. It's also going to be super fun for Jessica when, after their arrival in Hawaii, Justin gifts her with a blonde wig and then grabs the corners of her mouth and staples them back in a permanent Joker grin. "Also, how about I call you 'Cammy'? Is that cool? I dunno, I just thought it would be fun!" FUN! more »
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October 01, 2007

Cameron's Hamerons

cameron_diaz_upskirt_butt.jpgWe're not sure if this picture is old or not, but here are Cameron Diaz's lower chair cheeks. Judging by the jaunty way her skirt has been lifted, the male arm to the right the possible culprit, and the "oh, YOU!" look on Cam's face, we can assume that this was taken on Friday Flip-Up Day, right after they all had an assembly to hear Officer Friendly talk about Stranger Danger, but before they traded slap bracelets and made up a dance to Midnight Starr's "Freak-A-Zoid" on the freshly blacktopped playground area. The guy probably heard that Cameron had eaten some green M&Ms. Man, she was dyin' for it! more »
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August 16, 2007

John Mayer Likes the Pretty Ladies

John Mayer agape.jpg Yesterday we saw pictures of Mandy Moore and John Mayer, presumably on a date. We weren't too happy about the prospect of Mandy getting Jessica Simpson's secondhand cooties, especially after the horrible luck she's had with men in the past, but we weren't sure whether we otherwise condoned the coupling or not. Turns out we're not going to have to trouble our pretty little head about it, as Mayer's now supposedly dating Cameron Diaz. What can we say, he likes 'em leggy. Page Six reports:
WHEN John Mayer was snapped having lunch with Mandy Moore at La Esquina on Tuesday, it sparked rumors of a love match between them. But Mayer has his sights set on a more glamorous Hollywood gal - Cameron Diaz. The same day, Mayer took Diaz to an intimate, late-night dinner at Lafayette Street eatery Indochine. "They were very playful and cozy," said a fellow patron, who reports they ordered cocktails and "lingered over dessert." Mayer, 29, and Diaz, 34, "met years ago at a concert," according to a friend of the leggy actress. "Their relationship just started, though." Diaz split with her longtime boyfriend (and younger man as well) Justin Timberlake late last year, while Mayer is coming off his brief whirlwind with bubble-headed Jessica Simpson. As for Moore, who showed up alone to the premiere of "Dedication" at the Chelsea Cinemas that same night, we hear she's dating San Diego-based singer/songwriter Greg Laswell. Reps for Mayer and Moore declined comment.
But lest you think that Mandy is being two-timed again, she told Extra:
Oh my goodness. John and I have been friends for years, no romance.
Thanks, Mandy, for so deftly illustrating how different you are from Cameron. If Cam opens her mouth she's likely to burp the entire alphabet for onlookers' amusement or stuff a greasy cheeseburger into it in three bites, whereas when Mandy opens her mouth phrases like "oh my goodness" come out. They're like Balki and Larry, those two. Night and day.
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July 02, 2007

Cameron Diaz Is An Adulteress

cameron_diaz_tard.jpgIt's just like Ray Parker Jr. sang lo, so many years ago: I'm in love with the other woman. My life was fine till she blew my mind. Actually, those lyrics have very little to do with the following story, but we had to give props to RPJ for dropping consistently smooth and sexy platters in the 1980s. At any rate, Cameron Diaz has been dating X-treem magician Criss Angel for a few months, but they've hit a snag. It turns out he has a magical secret wife. Whoops. According to the New York Post:
The “secret” Long Island wife of kooky magician Criss Angel yesterday accused him of having an affair with Cameron Diaz, claiming their marriage broke down as soon as the TV illusionist got famous and bedded the Hollywood star.

Celebrity lawyer Dominic Barbara - who represents Angel’s wife, Joanne Sarantakos - says he will now subpoena Diaz and have her testify about their romance, in state Supreme Court in Mineola, to support the spurned spouse’s divorce suit on the grounds of mental cruelty and abandonment.

Angel - who changed his name from Sarantakos and moved to Las Vegas after he hit the big time with his TV show “Mindfreak” - kept his wife of five years “as a secret” to increase his sex appeal to female fans, Barbara said.

The couple had a 15-year relationship, he said.
It's pretty cool that big film studios have whole movies riding on people like Lindsay Lohan, who are guzzling some sort of bourbon-Adderall-crack concoction and smashing cars, and they can't seem to reign her in, yet Criss Angel's "handlers" are harkening back to the days of Rock Hudson and Rudolph Valentino, hiding Angel's wife so little girls can fantasize over his Bop centerfold. The alternative magic scene must be more lucrative than we thought. more »
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June 25, 2007

Cameron Diaz: Enemy of Peruvian Freedom

cameron diaz in peru.jpg "Hey look, Cameron, there are a bunch of people you're offending right this very second. Do you see that little old lady with the shawl and the cane? The one carrying her grandson in a papoose on her back? I think she's crying." more »
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June 15, 2007

Pirates on the Cameron-Beans

cameron_diaz_bikini_1.jpgYarrr! Avast, me hearties! And by "hearties", we mean "Cameron Diaz's yams". As of late, she's been greatly enjoying lots of bikini time generally involving her rather astonishingly toned body and a surfboard. Not quite sure what's up with the camo/skull and crossbones swimwear here--perhaps Cameron is trying to scare people away from her right breast while simultaneously camouflaging her groin to avoid sharks. Though ocean water isn't generally varying shades of khaki, but sharks don't know that. Shhhh.

After the cut, Cam fingers the sex wax. more »
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June 06, 2007

CNW Junk Drawer: Porking a Model is the Best Revenge

angelina_vein.jpg• Angelina and Brad are thinking about adding a Czech orphan to their multi-hued brood. NO. F U. MORE SHILOH. (Derek Hail)

• Brooke Hogan performs in frayed denim chaps. We haven't seen such creative scissors-meet-fabric self-styling since Billy's Squier's "Rock Me Tonite" video! (Drunken Stepfather)

• Nicole Richie pregnant. Yeah, rite. (Female First)

• Jennifer Aniston gets back at Brad for shacking up with Hollywood's most beautiful woman with the only possible revenge: dating a model. (Hollyscoop)

• Criss Angel dedicates a magic trick to new girlfriend Cameron Diaz. Uhhh, we think that sort of romance only works with musicians dedicating songs. Then again, who knows, maybe there are dentists out there saying, "This root canal goes out to my boo, Debbie. I love you, babygirl." (Celebitchy)

• Christina Aguilera and her husband. They sure do like costumes. (Hollywood Tuna)

• Elle MacPherson: She's still got it! And by "it" we mean "nipples". (Taxi Driver)

• Dawn Wiener's sweater puppies in Hostel 2. (Don't Link This)

• The Hoff got hassled by ex-wife and cops. (Yeeeah!)

• Katie Holmes threatens to bake up a fresh batch of Cruise juice into more spawn. (Glosslip)

• The Butterscotch Stallion to freely roam the plains again, whinnying and rearing and tossing his golden mane. (Lainey Gossip)
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May 11, 2007

Cameron Diaz Thinks She's All That and a Bag of Proactiv

cameronpopcorn.jpgWhen will the little dutch boy appear to cram a finger into Cameron Diaz's mouth, curbing the nonstop flow of crapola gushing out of it? Hot on the heels of her assertion that she and her ilk are the cool kids at the popular lunch table and the rest of y'all just jealous, she comes forth with this gem:
"If a woman who is a successful actress weighs 300 pounds and has warts, nobody ever asks her, 'Do you think you made it because you're ugly?' So why should there be prejudice against someone who's had some success in films and looks a little better than average. It's all in my genes, so don't hold it against me."
No, as a matter of fact, no one has ever asked the dozens upon dozens of successful working superstar thespians who are upwards of 300 lbs. and covered in warts if their blinding success and ubiquity in the tabloids is because of their ugliness. We'll get right on that, Princess Fiona, you poor, put-upon lamb. more »
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May 10, 2007

Cameron Diaz Is Popular, Likes Sex Shows

camshine.jpegYesterday morning, Cameron Diaz appeared on the Today Show looking a little beat. As it turns out, she had been up all night musing over the world's jealousy of her popularity and getting slimed. At a sex show. Make of that what you like. more »
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April 18, 2007

CNW Junk Drawer: Sexy in Kindergarten

cameronclown.jpg• Cameron Diaz has tiny nipples atop her tiny breasts underneath a tiny shirt. No tiny bra in sight. (Drunken Stepfather

• Jennifer Garner may have allowed Ben Affleck to ejaculate into her vaginal canal during ovulation again. (FemaleFirst)

• Angelina got more ass between juice breaks in kindergarten than you're getting now. (Bricks and Stones)

• Victoria Beckham is aging like a fine wine--kinda sourly. (Hollywood Tuna)

• The Lohan says that she is the protector of the family. She protects them by horfing rails. (A Socialite's Life)

• The people of India are angry at Richard Gere after he kissed Bollywood star Shilpa Shetty in public. Hey, they were lucky he didn't greet her by pantsing her and cramming a shaved hamster up her can. (IMDb)

• Jessica Alba, caught making out with a real dog. (MollyGood)

• Sabrina the Teenage Ass Crack. (Taxi Driver)

• Heather Mills fall down go boom! (Yeeeah!)

• John Travolta equates his level of fame to that of Marilyn Monroe and Elvis. Um, try Marilu Henner or John Ratzenberger. (The Blemish)

• Paris is scared that jail time will ruin her career. Her career consists of showing up to parties thrown by beverage companies, so we're pretty sure she'll be fine. (IDontLikeYouInThatWay)

• Larry Birkhead cuddles his $weet little $ugarpie. (TMZ)
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April 03, 2007

Cameron Diaz Sports Bikini, Entices Sandy Kindergarteners

camkini.jpg"Oh, hello there, Justin. It's me, your ex, Cam. Just thought you might want to have a little looky loo at what you've surely been missing these last few long and lonely months flying solo. Like my bikini? Like my taut and toned figure? And most importantly, like your replacement? That's Dylan, worshipfully sculpting a sand castle at my feet as a gesture of his love for me. You might be nine years younger than me, but Dylan's in fourth grade. Suck on that, Timberlake." more »
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March 06, 2007

Cameron Diaz Hooks It On Up with Tyrese

camtard.jpgCameron Diaz may have been dumped by her unfortunate-faced younger swain, Justin Timberlake, but she is wasting no time when it comes to enjoying the pleasures of more younger flesh. New York Daily News reports that although Cam has recently been linked with surfer Kelly Slater and actor Djimon Honsou:
A Gatecrasher spy caught Tyrese Gibson and Cameron Diaz in full lip-lock at the hip L.A. club Xenii. “They made out right in front of me on the dance floor,” says the spy.

They also came (and left) together to a pre-Oscars party thrown by Harvey Weinstein, Tamara Mellon and Tracey Edmonds, although Diaz’s rep tells us the two are not dating.
Despite reports to the contrary, it seems that Cameron Diaz is actually quite intelligent. A brainiac, even. You see, since their split, Justin Timberlake has been linked to Scarlett Johansson and Jessica Biel, arguably the two most desired female celebrities in the western world. As Justin Timberlake is, at present, probably the most desired male celebrity, Cameron was faced with no other choice but to completely emasculate him by following him up with a professional athelete and two insanely built African-American former models. Oh, Diaz, you diabolical mastermind! more »
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February 28, 2007

CNW Junk Drawer: A Banjo, Some Clothing, a Gold Record

jennifer-love-hewitt-001.jpg• Just a reminder: Jennifer Love Hewitt still has enormous bewbs.

• Those pictures of AI's Antonella Barba smoking some dude's dork are fakes. But weep not, for it will still be entertaining to see the shame in her eyes as she belts out some Diane Warren song tonight.

• When we see a headline about Paris Hilton getting impounded, we generally take that to mean "in the butt", not her car.

• Naomi Watts is 100% with child. You know Nicole Kidman is seething with jealousy.

• Cameron Diaz's butt cleave threatens to devour her bikini bottoms in one chomp.

• Wolfgang Puck serves up a hearty lamb-and-hepatitis stew to half of Hollywood.

• Dannielynn Has Two Daddies.

• Britney's problem might be post-partum depression. Solution: make Jayden James pay.

• "It was a dark and stormy night. One of my streetwalking employees just sat on Bruce Willis's face." Breathtaking prose from a former Hollywood madam!

• Kate Moss continues to show excellent judgment by allowing Pete Doherty to move into her home. He brought with him a banjo, clothing, a gold record, and a big pile of crack.

• Lohan's got the DTs. Or she's just scared, whatever.

• You'll have to wait just a little bit longer to illegally download use your working and legitimate credit card to purchase a copy of the Kim Kardashian sex tape.

• Anna Nicole might have died from being loopy! Oh, wait, no. Lupus. Lupus.
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February 26, 2007

Drew Passes Cam the Dutchie from the Left Hand Side

cameronjoint1.jpgNever did we think we'd see the day that Drew Barrymore and Cameron Diaz would be aping the styles of Paris Hilton and Mischa Barton. Mind you, Drew and Cam aren't really known for trendsetting--unless extreme stroke-mouth and get