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filed under: Calum Best

March 25, 2008

Lindsay Lohan Knows Her BJ Skills When She Sees Them

We weren't the only ones duped by that supposed Lindsay Lohan beej photo that was floating around last week; Lindsay thought it was real too! But to give her self recognization skills a little credit, there's no possible way on God's green earth that Lindsay could ever remember every situation in which she's given a blow job. You could probably show her a picture of Alexis Arquette blowing Kevin Federline on the Small World ride while Charo looked on and applauded and Lindsay would be hard pressed to remember if the bj queen in the photo was her or not. The details just kind of go out the window when you've got a dick in your mouth. The Sun reports:

Pals say that Lindsay made a series of abusive phone calls to GEORGE BEST’s lothario son after a porn-style photo, said to be of the two of them, was posted on the Internet.

The blurry clip is thought to have been filmed on Calum’s phone when they were an item last year and then forwarded on to one of his friends.

A source, who overheard the rant, said Lindsay was screaming: “I can't believe you would ever f***ing do this to me, I should have listened to everyone.

“I should never have f***ing trusted you."

Lindsay screeched down the blower for so long that she had to leave another voicemail to finish her abusive tirade.

The Mean Girl continued: "It's everywhere now, all over the net, everyone's seen it, how f***ing could you?"

God, Lindsay, you have such a big mouth. (And, no, that's not a comment about the size of Calum's member.) Had you just zipped it we would have went on believing that pic was just some random no-name blonde. Or maybe Dina.

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March 20, 2008

I Know Who Blew Me

It's celebrity dong-smoking week here at CelebNewsWire! Invite your pals over for Li'l Smokies, don your best foam fingers and cram them down the gullets of your neighbors! Lindsay Lohan caused a bit of a stir when she simulated oral sex on camera for the movie Georgia Rule (see left). Today, life imitates art as a questionably fuzzy yet undeniably entertaining shot of someone appearing to be the fierycrotched one bestowing a blow job on a dude rumored to be former boyfriend Calum Best popped up. After the cut, take in the photographic evidence. Move over, Kristin Davis's bacon--there's something leaner! And it's rubbing against Lindsay Lohan's brains!

UPDATE: It's not Lindsay. But you're still going to look anyway, aren't you, you perv. more »

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May 23, 2007

You Mean Vodka Is Alcohol? Oh Crap.

Remember how you felt when Lindsay Lohan went to rehab? You probably thought, "Thank Vishnu. She'll finally slow down and maybe stay home and read Cosmo once in a while instead of partying every night." But girl didn't even stop partying while she was in rehab. Plus, there's really nothing Lindsay could learn from reading Cosmo. Although she could probably write a really awesome step-by-step instructional piece on how give the perfect blowjob. more »

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May 22, 2007

Lindsay Lohan: Sex Freak

When you imagine Lindsay Lohan having sex (which we're sure you were doing just four minutes ago), you probably think of her in a chaste white dressing gown, pulled up just enough to accommodate her lover but not enough to be indecent, strains of Beethoven wafting gently through the lavender-scented air, and Lindsay lying wide-eyed and silent on her back, never moving an inch. Well, you were wrong. Lindsay's a sex freak. Crazy, we know. We'll give you a moment to compose yourself before we continue with the story. more »

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May 14, 2007

Lindsay Lohan's Top Popped By Best

Lohan and her balding English man candy, Calum Best, have taken their international love to the Bahamas. Best grabbed Lohan in the water, squeezed her in a bear hug, and popped her like a 3 day old whitehead. Only instead of releasing an ivory bounty of pus, her bikini top released a nipple. Which is almost as sexy as pus. Almost.

Click "more" for the nippage. more »

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May 11, 2007

Lindsay Lohan Canoodles with Calum, Hikes up Skirt, Is Backseat DJ

In the grand tradition of Spears and Federline, Spears and Howie Day, and Minnelli and Gest, Lindsay Lohan is now dating beneath her. Rush and Malloy report:

Lindsay Lohan locked lips with British scene-maker Calum Best at Wednesday's Nylon Magazine party - despite the frowns of some pals. "This isn't a serious relationship," one friend tells us. "He's a piece of shit. He's a wanna-be celebrity. Lindsay trusts people until they hurt her." Whatever their future, Lohan was in fine form at the Tenjune bash. "She was lifting up her skirt, and sending people over to [her friend, deejay] Samantha Ronson when she didn't like what she was playing," said a spy.

Man. Not only does Samantha have to suffer through her sexy friend only deigning to hook up with her when no available man-pork presents itself, she must suffer the humiliation, as a professional DJ, of Lindsay sending her minions over to critique her beat-matching and demand that she play more Fall Out Boy. Rumor has it that Lindsay also likes to hang around operating rooms, murmuring, "could you make the incision over there instead? I dunno, it's just prettier." more »

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May 07, 2007

Lindsay Lohan Finally Achieves Goal of Becoming Kate Moss

Shocker! Of! The! Century! Lindsay Lohan does coke. Oh, and she humps lots of boys too. We may never recover from our shattered illusions. When we're ninety and sipping a creamed corn and mashed potato smoothie on the lanai in our nursing home, we will utter our first words in sixty years: "Can't believe . . . Lindsay does coke." Then we will fall off our rattan chair, never to wake, never having recovered from the great shock of May 2007. more »

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