filed under: Brittany Murphy
February 26, 2008
Brittany Murphy Only Loves One Single Thing--and That Is Just a Peanut-Butter Sandwich

There are some people who are allowed to be demanding on set. If
Mariah Carey scored a ten-second walk-on cameo on
Lost, she could demand that the entire set be relocated to New York--complete with the revelation that the island is actually in the middle of Central Park--and she could get away with it. But
Brittany Murphy? We're surprised that producers would even give in to her demands for a flushable toilet or sick days. But
Page Six dishes on her ornery ways:
BRITTANY Murphy is driving the crew on her new movie crazy. Her behavior on the LA set of Across the Hall has gotten increasingly bizarre, according to spies. Murphy has been making outrageous demands while acting "like a diva," said one insider. "She's extremely difficult. When she gets to the set, it comes to a grinding halt. She's so hot and cold, you never know." According to our sources, Murphy insists on having diagonally cut peanut butter and jelly sandwiches with the crusts removed. "She needs one every hour. It's painstaking her assistant takes about a half an hour making each one," said one crew member. Another issue is Murphy's ever-present oddball husband, Simon Monjack, who lurks around the set and intervenes so much that producers had to call a meeting to discuss how to deal with him. Murphy's rep could not be reached for comment.
Maybe we just have low standards, but we think that Brittany Murphy's assistant has the best job ever. If our main chore each hour was to slather peanut butter and jelly on some Wonder Bread, painstakingly spreading to ensure maximum coverage, and trim off the edges just so, we think we could handle it. It would surely be better than being Prince's personal assistant. He'd probably wake you up in the middle of the night and ask you to build a diorama of the original civilization of Constantinople by daybreak using only monkey feces and used tissues that were discarded by Queen Elizabeth. A couple of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches look pretty damn reasonable in comparison.
February 06, 2008
Questions
#1: How good are Simon Monjack's drugs?
#2: Did
Brittany get a hunk of maguro sashimi stuck to her face on a recent trip to Koi, or is that intentional?
October 10, 2007
CNW Junk Drawer: Keifer in the Klink

Brittany Murphy's husband is Artie Lange??? (
Bricks and Stones)
Lindsay says that rehab was a "sobering experience". You don't say. (
IDLYITW)
Tara Reid in
FHM looking . . . good? Oh, look, a flying pig. (
Hollywood Tuna)
Charlize Theron is
Esquire's Sexiest woman. Which is a nicer honor than being
Esquire's Stinkiest Belly Button. Yeah, we're still bitter,
Esquire. Screw you jerks. (
Egotastic!)
Halle's berries are ripe for the fuckin'.
Pluckin'! Pluckin'. (
Derek Hail)
Kiefer Sutherland is going to jail. God, he is always trying to ape Paris's steez, man. Always. (
The Blemish)
Man of God proves that
Clay Aiken is not gay! By twiddling wieners with him. Or writing a funny letter. Which one is truth and which one is a joke? Find out on the next scintillating installment of . . .
Gayken! (
Celebitchy)
Everybody on earth knows that
J. Lo's packin' mad embryo. (
CelebWarship)
June 28, 2007
Brittany Murphy: Stalked or Just Cracked?

We're sure that meeting the man of your dreams and marrying him four months later (you know, cause otherwise he'd be deported) only to find out that he's a big old
thief and fraud and criminal and whatnot can make a girl mighty paranoid. But we also think
Brittany Murphy may be taking things a bit too far.
The New York Daily News reports:
Is someone trying to harm Brittany Murphy?
A source who used to work for the perky star says she talks darkly of "a high-powered Hollywood player" who is allegedly stalking her.
And when her then-boyfriend, Simon Monjack, disappeared for 10 days in April, Murphy claimed he had been kidnapped by agents of this mysterious figure, says the source.
"When he came back, he had head injuries," says the former insider. "He was pale and sometimes had trouble standing."
Not only that, but the former staffer also claims Murphy said she was unable to pay him because the money had been used for ransom.
However, the alleged kidnapping seems to exactly coincide with the dates reported by The National Enquirer that Monjack, a British citizen, was jailed by U.S. immigration authorities for overstaying his visa.
Monjack, a screenwriter, is not short of enemies. Several anonymous sources have posted unflattering stories on the Internet about his past relationships. On June 13, a man identifying himself as Arturo Globenfeldt posted a message on Monjack's Imdb.com page claiming he owes him $16 million in film investment money. Globenfeldt, whose blog indicates he is in Portugal, did not immediately respond to an e-mail.
A rep for Murphy also did not respond to a request for comment.
Arturo Globenfeldt. Arturo Globenfeldt. Globenfeldt. We think that name may get more play in our private thoughts than Blake Fielder-Civil. Anyway, what do you want to bet that when Monjack was hauled off to prison his one phone call was to a guy named Moose or Paulie or some such to set up a fake kidnapping plot? Because as any good thieving boyfriend would know, those
Uptown Girls residuals are better spent on clandestine trips to Vegas than on buckets and buckets full of
glittery makeup.
May 30, 2007
CNW Junk Drawer: Stuff on My Lohan

Jessica Simpson dons dress with Venetian blind chestpiece. (
Yeeeah!)
Fun with Photoshop: "Stuff on My
Lohan". Hee hee hee hee hee! (
Cityrag)
Hollywood romance meets the
Primetime weekend mystery:
Brittany Murphy has awesome taste in men! (
ICYDK)
Claire Danes and My So-Called Nip. (
Taxi Driver)
Anna Kournikova and Enrique Iglesias have broken up. It was all downhill after he chopped the Raisinette off his face. (
Hollywood Tuna) UPDATE: They're
still together, choco-krispie or no.
Eva Mendes admits that she had a swig or two of booze to calm her nerves before shooting a sex scene opposite Joaquin Phoenix. As a recovering alcoholic, he surely found the taste of Beam on the breath an intoxicating impetus to make the scene that much more authentically passionate. Man, was that too mean? (
Derek Hail)
Lindsay's dad offers up some Christian advice whilst wearing a tank top. (
GlossLip)
When
you're faced with a daunting jail sentence after violating parole following a DUI, how to lift your spirits? Build-A-Bear Workshop, girlfriend! (
Celebrity Puke)
September 12, 2006
BREAKING NUDES: Toronto Film Fest 2006
It's that time again, kids. Not quite as glitzy as Sundance (and with far fewer gift bags being horded by your Tara Reids and your Pam Andersons) but not quite as respected or, well,
foreign as Cannes, it's The Toronto Film Festival. And what it lacks in celebrity swag seekers and high-profile filmic attendees it makes up for with boobs. Lots and lots of boobs. So sit back and let us tell you a little story about the brave actresses who went north of our border to show off what's north of their borders.
more »
September 06, 2006
CNW Junk Drawer: Ain't No Hollaback Doll
"
Eva Longoria Loves Facials". Yep, that sounds about right.
My
Gwen Stefani doll can beat up your Peaches N' Cream Barbie.
Still no word on whether or not
Lohan is
engaged to Harry "Pink Taco" Morton, but she's sporting an
'80s-style pear-cut diamond that Alexis Carrington herself would find distasteful.
Kelly Clarkson was embarrassed to learn that she owned the
same pink convertible as a porn star. The fact that she actually owns a pink convertible is much more embarrassing, however.
Brittany Murphy exits club, gets propositioned for some tuna taco tangoing, signs autographs,
lets us look down her shirt. Now that's multitasking.
Eva Mendes's bare
ass in
Flaunt magazine. You heard us. That's right. Believe it.
Flaunt magazine! Seriously!
Kate Bosworth and
Orlando Bloom broke up. Again. If a walking Chupa Chups lollipop and a crustachioed eunuch can't make it work, what hope is there for the rest of us?
An idea we wish we'd thought of:
Gossip Blog Wars.
Kate Moss + underwear =
server crash. Way to get your kit off, bird! Pip pip! Tut tut! Tally ho! Cheerio!
August 23, 2006
CNW Junk Drawer: Mauled by Rap Community, Embraced by Crap Community
Brittany Murphy has
ended her engagement to best boy/grip Joe Macaluso. Brittany, do you actually think you're going to be able to do better? He's the BEST boy, for Christ's sake!
"
Kevin Federline mauled by rap community." God, if only that headline were literal.
Janet Jackson says that fiancι
Jermaine Dupri sexually
takes her to places she's never been before. Oh, like the Ewok Village? Get it? Cuz he's short.
Proving you can never have too much of a good thing: even
more pictures of the expansive side of
Lindsay Lohan's enormous, speckled breast.
And
Lindsay's dad is quite the little Jim Davis, taking pen to paper and
cartooning the demons pulling his daughter from his fatherly embrace. Impressive, but we would have drawn Lindsay crying "ACK!" and holding a bikini on a hanger to illustrate her body-image issues.
A devious, scrawny mammal that steals sneakily, and Kevin Federline. One and the same, friends, but
which one has more facial hair?
Britney angrily refused to allow
Jessica Simpson to
kiss her pregnant belly, which is the first smart thing Britney's done, child-rearing-wise. Perhaps she didn't want to risk having her fetus get poisoned by toxic, cupcake-scented plumping gloss.
Beyonce and Jay-Z are planning a
$3 million wedding. Bet the courtesy gift bag will be fabulous!
Jessica Simpson is now
hawking hairpieces. What is she, a Mandrell?
June 22, 2006
Brittany Murphy is a Fairy
Brittany Murphy has been cast as the voice of Tinkerbell in a new Disney animated video. Even though, if we remember correctly, Tinkerbell doesn't speak. At any rate, it looks like she's already covered in shimmery pixie dust:

As for the curiously rigid and bloated upper lip, well, that's also magic! Magically spine-chilling.
more »
June 15, 2006
Take a Trip to 1987 with Brittany Murphy
Brittany Murphy has recorded a song for DJ Paul Oakenfold's new album. Brittany Murphy has filmed a video for said song. We went
here and watched the video. The video confused us.
The grainy, black-and-white video. The abundance of black spandex. The lamι. The alley cat cheekily baring his fangs (rowrr!). The hoop earrings, the backup dancers doing pelvic thrusts in a grimy back alley. The huge, flowing, honey-blonde hair. The
beret.
It's
Taylor Dayne!
Oh, they've tried to confuse us with the belted black strapless lycra get-up and make us think that was Jody Watley, but the lack of brim on her kicky chapeau, coupled with the fact that she is Caucasian, points to Dayne. Welcome back, Taylor!
more »
June 14, 2006
CNW Junk Drawer: "All Nose and Hose"
Vida Guerra displays her
ripe rump for mateworthy males in
Playboy.
Daryl Hannah "
arrested for farm protest"? What the . . . ? What kind of sick person protests
farming?
Ashlee Simpson's in the new issue of
Marie Claire talking about how women should
embrace themselves no matter what size or shape and love their flaws. Accompanied by a nice pictorial spread of her showing off her new rhinoplasty, collagen-infused lips, and cantaloupe diet waistline.
The other day,
Britney,
Kevin and Federspears the Younger were
photographed together for the first time since March. Oh, they're definitely a loving couple fully committed to one another. We're convinced now.
Paris and
Lindsay fight over
Stamos Nachos. They just can't get enough of his warm, cheesy goodness.
Heather Mills McCartney, soon to be defrocked and downgraded to "Just Plain Heather Mills but a $200 million richer Heather Mills so f u very much", makes viewers sing,
"Hey Boob/Don't be a prude/Take some naked pics/And make wangs bigger".
Some kids like football, some kids like video games, some kids like Legos.
Pam Anderson's sons' favorite toy is her
stripper pole.
Brittany Murphy may be tinier than a baby flea, but
her rack can compete with the best of them.
You know what isn't tiny? Screech from
Saved by the Bell's
weenis.
Jennifer Aniston's got
pokies. And she knows how to use 'em.
June 09, 2006
ScarJo's Got the Best of the Breast
So what were the serious journalists over at
In Touch doing while
People was negotiating their $4.1 million buy of the
Brangelina family fun pics? They were rating celebrity racks. Because who cares about Piloh Shitt when there are boobs to ogle?
more »
August 29, 2005
Late Bloomin' Brittany
Brittany Murphy would like to give a big shout-out to her Moms for forcing her to get her cherry busted. Thanks, Ma! Couldn't have done it without your support and guidance!
more »
July 27, 2005
CNW Junk Drawer: Nothing About Lohan Despite References to Coke and Anorexia
Anorexia,
asthma, crummy tonsils, kidney problems, throat cysts, childhood
OCD. It's a wonder
Jessica Alba lived past puberty.
Osama Bin Laden: valiantly trying to
wipe out America's population of electroclash holdovers.
Kate Moss loses 120 lbs. of ugly, useless flesh; possibly
picks up a Jackass.
Nicole Kidman plans to
take a year or two off acting. We suspect that when she returns, she'll have mysteriously taken more than a year or two off her looks.
Two impossibly good-looking WB stars'
three-month old marriage on the rocks? If
Sophia Bush and Chad Michael Murray can't make it work, what hope is there for the rest of us?
The diabolical
Mischa Barton plays
the TomKat game.
Brittany Murphy proves that nothing sells jeans quite like
a lack of jeans.
April 15, 2005
Brittany Murphy Goes Pin-Up
In the past, soldiers stationed overseas stroked their AKs while looking at pinups of Betty Grable, Ava Gardner, and
Raquel Welch. Now another actress has signed on to uplift the troops' morales by posing for sexy pinups: former Kutcher schtup-puppet
Brittany Murphy has agreed to model her spectacularly pointy chin in an upcoming issue of
Maxim, after its editor promised her that he'd send 40,000 copies to the troops in Iraq with a special personal message from the actress. "Taking that picture was the least that I could possibly do," she says. Yeah. Thanks a lot.
more »