The Hollywood poop.
filed under: Brandon Davis
CNW Junk Drawer: Lisa, Kelly, or Jessie?
Mr. Skin takes to the streets of Chicago to find out which Saved by the Bell babe is the most wanted in the Windy City. (Mr. Skin) Samantha Ronson blows a load all over Lindsay Lohan. Load, kiss, same thing. (Drunken Stepfather)
If Tom Cruise had a comic book. (Holy Taco)
Model Miranda Kerr dumps Orlando Bloom for Brandon "Firecrotch!" Davis. Trading a eunuch elf for Fat Elvis? That's kind of a lateral move. (Yeeeah!)
Sarah Jessica Parker gets her chin goober removed; now will only be mistaken for Lemmy Kilmeister 50% of the time. (Cityrag)
Don't tase me, (Josh) bro(lin)! (The Blemish)
Katy Perry wants to kiss a girl. A girl named Miley Cyrus. And we liked it. (Hollywire)
Kristin Chenoweth is charming, funny, and has colossal gazongas. (Fatback)
Vanessa Hudgens straddles Zac Efron on the beach. She's thinking sex, he's thinking "stop smudging my bronzer." (F-listed)
Reggie Bush desires less tush from girlfriend Kim Kardashian. He also hates America, freedom, petting puppies, and ice cream. (Celebitchy)
Bret Michaels and Ambre Lake have ended their "relationship". Now Bret can spend more time with his hair and the finest European extensions money can buy. (Celeb Warship)
Emmy nominations released; Katherine Heigl's wish comes true when she gets zilch. (Bitten and Bound)
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CNW Junk Drawer: CBT
Brittany Snow not naked, but well-versed in cock and ball torture in On the Doll! (Fatback) In case you were wondering if Pam Anderson's nipples were still inching their way towards her armpits, the answer is a resounding yes! (Taxi Driver)
Abigail Clancy: dumpy name, glamorous naked boobs in a bikini. (Drunken Stepfather)
Despite her assertions to the contrary, Jessica Alba is most definitely shopping around pics of her baby. (Cityrag)
Awwww. Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson, happy and hugging. Not as exciting as groaning and fingerblasting, but we make do with what we're given. (Yeeeah!)
Sienna Miller enjoys sleeping with . . . . . . . . . . . Heath Ledger's pajamas. (CelebWarship)
Heather Locklear throws some gang signs. Yo yo yo, northeast siiiiiide, Bev Hills, dis ya girl Heathuh! Brentwoooooood! Respect! (The Blemish)
Paul Newman has lung cancer. Noooooooooooooooooooooooo. (Hollywire)
Elizabeth Hurley continues to dress her son like he's Little Lord Fauntleroy. (Allie Is Wired)
Does Christina Aguilera have her eye on another, nonsimian man? (Hollyscoop)
Firecrotch-spouter Brandon Davis has gone from Fat Elvis to slightly less fat Elvis. (Faded Youth)
CNW Junk Drawer: Eatin' Kids, Beatin' Pigs
Bite-sized Heroes star Hayden Panettiere volunteered at World Children's Day, where she proceeded to devour all the babies under age two and pick her teeth with their discarded, semi-gnawed rib bones. (The Blemish) Even when you take away her hand-held communication devices and remove her from the vicinity of assistants, Naomi Campbell will come out swinging and hissing and--yes--spitting. (Yeeeah!)
Brandon Davis, alias "Greasy Bear", aka "Fat Elvis", is no longer anti-Firecrotch. He's decided he hates black people and gays way more. (TMZ)
Angelina Jolie at a nubile sixteen! Before the blood, the Brad, the Billy Bob, the babies there was . . . really unflattering 1990s bathing suits with curious sheer cut-outs? (Egotastic)
Mena Suvari's crapper is delectable in a thong. Do we mean "butt" or "toilet"? Click here to find out the shocking answer! (Drunken Stepfather)
Anne Hathaway's boyfriend was arrested for bouncing a $250,000 check. Aw, that could happen to anyone. Oh, wait, we though that said "$2.50 check". (Celeb Warship)
Who wears assless shorts? Gisele Bundchen wears assless shorts. (I Don't Like You In That Way)
I got fingered by Megan Fox (and it felt like a kiss). (Hollywood Tuna)
Lucky Kristen Bell gets to pose on the cover of Cosmopolitan next to the blurb "When Your Boobs Act Weird". (Daily Stab)
Jerry Seinfeld flipped his car. He's OK though, so we can all have a hearty guffaw or whatever. (Holy Taco)
Cameron Diaz is looking very Amazonian in GQ. (Bitten and Bound)
Tom Cruise takes Suri to the playground. Not to play, though. To have a series discussion about SPs and OC Clears. (A Socialite's Life)
Stamos Nachos Not Greasy Bear's BFF
Today we bring you a very special story of a budding feud between our favorite non-celebrity celebrities, Greasy Bear and Stamos Nachos. It's kind of like one of those Battle of the Network Stars come to life where the contestants consist of a few Price Is Right models, the left center square from Hollywood Squares, and Charles Nelson Reilly. more »
Brandon Davis Hates Arabs, Self
You may remember this story about Brandon Davis inviting Paula Abdul to lick a mysterious part of his anatomy. It seems that Greasy Bear didn't stop there, also taking aim at her Middle Eastern heritage. Funny thing, though: Greasy Bear's rightful surname is Zarif and he's half Turkish. The New York Daily News reports: Brandon crossed paths with Abdul at Paris Hilton's recent Los Angeles birthday party, where his behavior caused her to flee.We're all for making fun of Paula Abdul. In fact, our water-cooler impression of Paula slurring, "I'vvve nesvvver beeeen drissssunk," kills every day at 1:00 and 4:00. But at least make fun of her frightening, Tori Spelling-like boob chasm, not her ethnicity. Also, what's next, Brandon? A tirade about Fred Durst being fat and greasy and proof that humans are at heart disgusting and vile creatures?
"He was mocking her," says a witness. "He kept on saying her last name over and over again, and then would insert his made-up version of an Arabic language. He was being very lewd and graphic and making sexual overtures to her in between being completely insulting."
Brandon Davis Wants to Be Carrot Top of Insult Comedy
Paris Hilton should just dispense with the nonsense that she has a birthDATE and declare an entire birthYEAR. That way she can celebrate turning twenty-six every single weekend for the remainder of 2007. And if we're lucky Greasy Bear will attend every single celebration, yelling out possibly offensive slogans at every passing celeb in hopes of regaining his Firecrotch glory. more »
Greasy Bear Goes to the Beach
While contemplating what our final story of the day would be, we considered many options: Kid Rock wanting to beat Tommy Lee's ass, Whitney Houston selling off her underdrawers, Kevin Federline trying to get a sample of Lindsay Lohan's Popozao. But ultimately we realized that nothing we could tell, no joke we could construct, would be as capable of making you fall backward in your chair and laugh for five minutes straight as pictures of Brandon Greasy Bear Davis on the beach. Find the full spectrum at Splash News, Dlisted, TMZ, and X17. Enjoy!
Paris and Britney: Fighting the Worst Fight in Human History
Apparently Paris Hilton and Britney Spears ended the shortest friendship in celebrity BFF history not over a disagreement in the best way to treat a herpes outbreak but over Greasy Bear Brandon Davis. Couldn't they find something more worthwhile to fight over? Like one of Jayden's used Pampers? more »
Overgrown Oil Heir Tests "Fighting Irish" Stereotype; Loses
Paris Hilton. Brandon Davis. Sex. Ewwwww.
Does This Mean Wilmer Is Actually in a Mariachi Band?
This crow doesn't taste so good. more »
Revealed: Brandon Davis Prefers Flashed Gash to Firecrotch
Oh wait, sorry. That was the wrong picture. This is Paris Hilton kissing Brandon Davis:
In our defense, both Brandon and the ferret, along with the shared probability that they are teeming with communicable diseases, belong to the weasel family. So you can see how we got confused. more »
The Courting of Firecrotch
Firecrotch!: The Apology
Firecrotch!
We hate to say this, but when Mischa Barton dumped Brandon for Cisco Adler, she traded up. more »
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