CelebNewsWire - The skinny. The scoop. The Hollywood poop. Wherever there is a nipple slip, we'll be there. If there's a party, you'll find us doing shots with Lindsay Lohan and upskirt flashing alongside Britney Spears. Wherever Paris Hilton is breaking the law, you'll see us. If there's a celebrity sex tape, we will find it. Nude stars, drunk stars, scandals, hookups, breakups? Let CelebNewsWire be your guide. Hold our hands. Come inside.
The Hollywood poop.
filed under: Brad Pitt
August 07, 2008
Jennifer Aniston Is Pregnant! Pregnant with Spite.
It's been a while since we've seen one of those patented "Jennifer Aniston is sad" stories, so it comes as quite a relief to hear that she's doing the adult equivalent of sitting on her canopy bed staring at a yearbook picture of her crush while listening to Lisa Lisa and Cult Jam's "All Cried Out". According to Star, those pictures of her ex-husband Brad Pitt with his new infant twins hit her right where it hurts. In the babymaker!
As Brangelina's twins wow the world, Jennifer Aniston couldn't be happier. She's found love with John Mayer and will finally get what she's always wanted — a child!Indeed, nothing will show your ex-husband that you're not self-centered quite like having a baby and plastering its photos on a magazine cover just to show him. Except sending him a copy of the magazine via courier with a halo drawn above your head in Sharpie and the words "NOT YOURS!!!!" with an arrow pointing to the baby. And then showing up and knocking on his window and cheerfully shaking the baby at him by its foot, mouthing, "you got SERVED!" and then spiking the child and doing the cabbage patch. more »
The 39-year-old actress feels that after all she has been through watching Brad and Angie's family grow, she'd love Brad to see photos of her holding her own baby and show him she's not the self-centered girl he had made her out to be.
"It's my turn now," she told a friend. And Jen believes the rocker is perfect daddy material.
"Jen feels so strongly that John is 'the one,' " says a source. "She knows he can handle being a dad."
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August 04, 2008
The Jolie-Pitt Twins Say Hello! to All You People
So if a Gorgon is so hideous that looking at her turns one's face to stone, what's the opposite? Because Vivienne and Knox, the dual totems of the mingling of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie and their flawless DNA, are available for your perusal today. You may want to sport sunglasses or peer at People and Hello! from behind the safety of a crack between your fingers, lest your eyeballs melt clean off your face. People reports:
"It is chaos, but we are managing it and having a wonderful time," Jolie tells People of daily life at the Château Miraval in Provence, France, where the couple's four older children – Maddox, 6, Pax, 4, Zahara, 3, and Shiloh, 2 – have been enjoying a summer of outdoor play (hide-and-seek is a favorite) on the château's sprawling grounds.The odd thing is that the Wondertwins don't appear to be sporting Jolie lips on the cover of People, but on Hello!, they are. And the fact that Brad couldn't be bothered to wash his hair or shave that hideous 1995 goatee for the first family portrait with his newborns. Those poor kids probably think their dad is in Sugar Ray.
Adds Pitt: "[It's] still a cuckoo's nest."
Fortunately, they already have some household helpers. "[Shiloh] and Z pick out [the twins'] clothes and help change and hold them," says Jolie. "It's sweet – they are little mommies."
Aw riiiiight, More pics! Shiloooohhhh! more »
August 01, 2008
Knox and Vivienne Get Their First Multi-Million-Dollar Paycheck
The messiahs are coming! The messiahs are coming! Will their cheeks be as bitably marshmallowy as Shiloh's? Will the makeup artists be able to properly shine their halos? Will their angel wings fit into baby couture without unsightly bunching? Oh, the questions! Reports WWD: Brangelina sure love People magazine — or at least the checks the weekly keeps writing the celebrity couple. The title has again scored the exclusive North American rights to photos of Brad Pitt’s and Angelina Jolie’s latest children — new twins Knox Léon and Vivienne Marcheline. On Tuesday night, JustJared.com reported People will publish the photos, and a source close to the deal confirmed the news Thursday night. Hello bought the international rights. People and Hello will unveil the photos on Monday, two days earlier than People’s usual newsstand drop day. The price for the photos was a reported $10 million to $15 million, which, assumably, People and Hello will split in some manner.$15 million may seem like a lot of money, but think about it. Brad and Ang each reportedly earned $20 million for Mr. and Mrs. Smith, which probably took them roughly three months to film. These babies took nine months to cook up, and two of them popped out. That's like if at the end of filming two movies miraculously appeared in theaters. Really, if you look at it that way, the Jolie-Pitts are getting ripped off. $40 million + three months = Mr. and Mrs. Smith. But $15 million + nine months = Knox and Vivienne? That just doesn't add up. By CelebNewsWire's highly scientific calculations, those tykes should've pulled in about $160 million. The twins better start trying a little harder to keep up with the family's financial expectations. more »
July 25, 2008
Knox and Vivienne Jolie-Pitt Have Bar Codes
When you're rich and beautiful, you can do anything. Everything except bake up a pair of genetically gifted twins via the old penis-into-vagina way. Although we might all believe that Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt live a life of magical lust, where all fruit of their loins springs forth speaking ancient tongues and healing lepers with a touch, it turns out that newborn twins Knox and Vivienne were made by some doctors in a lab after they pulled out Angie's eggs and Brad jizzed into a cup. US mag claims:
Forget Mother Nature – Us Weekly reports in its new issue, on newsstands now, that Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt turned to fertility treatments to quickly conceive twins Knox and Vivienne.Being a doctor in a fertility lab would be a fun job. We hope Angelina and Brad's doctor had a nice sense of humor and actually used Gary Busey sperm and the eggs from Hatchetface from Cry-Baby. Let's see how much you love a couple of kids who don't look like adorable ragamuffin urchins from a third world, do-gooders! more »
"They conceived through in vitro fertilization," a well-placed source within their camp tells Us. "They both desperately wanted more babies soon."
The chance of having fraternal twins at Angelina's age (33) naturally is under 1 percent; with in vitro, the chances are 25 percent. Says Dr. Arthur Wisot of L.A.'s Reproductive Medical Group (who did not treat the couple), "We live in an era of reproductive freedom, so anybody can do anything they want within legal limits."
The actress chose the procedure (which can cost around $12,000 a pop) so "she wouldn't have to deal with the stress of trying to get pregnant," the source tells Us. "She could just knock it out."
July 14, 2008
Move Over Shiloh; You've Got Some Competition
We've been gypped. Somewhere along the line some lonely blogger with a neglected boner heard the words "Angelina Jolie" and "twins" and immediately started to resurrect his very detailed Jessica and Elizabeth Wakefield fantasies, only with poutier lips and billions more dollars. And somehow that rumor spread, until everyone on the interwebs thought it was fact that the Jolie-Pitt kiddies would pop out sans baby wieners. Not so. Angie was cut open on Saturday, and one messianic boy and one female bundle of perfection were pulled out. Knox Leon and Vivienne Marcheline now join the ranks of Max and Emme Anthony and Phinnaeus and Hazel not-Roberts as A-list mixed-sex twins. Way to go, Angie. We thought you had more individuality in you. Like maybe you'd blow everyone's minds and birth twin raccoons named Bandit and Scamp. Brad really has turned you conventional.You may be racked with sadness over the missed opportunity to polish off you old Olsen twins countdown-to-legal-twincest calendar for a greater purpose, but you know who's even sadder about this birth than you? Jon Voight. Sure, as soon as he heard the announcement during a Living Lohan commercial break on E! he was on the phone with every press contact in his Rolodex (which by the way looks like this: New York Daily News, New York Post, People, Star, Us Weekly, James Van Der Beek, and a couple of pages marked "Angie" and "James" with the contact info left blank). He gushed and gushed about how happy he was for his daughter, telling The Insider:
"I'm over the moon - it's magnificent. In this world, all we can hope for is that mommy and the kids are healthy. I'm very excited. If I were called today, I'd be there."We're pretty sure that as soon as that phone call ended he cried into his Hungry Man dinner. But we can't really feel sorry for him. We're guessing that if that call from Angelina ever comes, Jon will equip himself with high-tech hidden cameras a la a John Stossel investigation and sell the footage to Access Hollywood. more »
July 01, 2008
Brangelina Birthin' Babies?
Today might be the day that two new Jolie-Pitts entered the world. Or maybe it isn't. Whether or not the rumors are true, it's all just a bunch of French people talking, and we still don't trust the French, because they hate freedom and democracy and apple pie and Burger King and beer guts. So we'll wait until we get an official announcement from good old Amuricuns like People magazine. But until then, The Huffington Post scoops the poop: A French magazine reported on its website Wednesday morning that Angelina Jolie has given birth to her twins. She and Brad Pitt have been holed up in the South of France since May, having recently moved into Chateau Miraval with their four kids.We're inclined to believe that this is total bullshit. Because the world waiting for the birth of the sexiest twin girls in history is kind of like a sixteen-year-old boy being in the presence of a naked girl for the first time. He's so damn excited that he's finally going to get his bone wet in something other than his mom's jar of cold cream (and, no, that's not a euphemism) that he gets to the main event about forty minutes too soon. So stuff it back in your collective pants, you Brangelina lovers, and think about baseball or Bugs Bunny or something. Unless of course you're turned on by baseball and/or Bugs Bunny (he was pretty damn sexy when he put on a dress, we'll admit), in which case you'll have to resort to the whole grandma on the toilet strategy of deflating your dong. And if you're turned on by that, you've got Amy Winehouse-level problems.
According to Closer:
En exclusivite mondiale, Closer est en mesure de vous annoncer qu'Angelina Jolie aurait accouché ce matin dans un hôpital français ! La star serait rentrée hier soir en salle de travail. Toute reproduction interdite sans la mention du site closermag.fr
Translation: Angelina went into labor Tuesday night and gave birth this (Wednesday) morning in a French hospital.
Angelina has "reportedly" given birth before, with "Entertainment Tonight" claiming she did a month ago and refusing to back down. But, Brad Pitt has traveled a lot since, doubtful if he had two preemie twins at home, and In Touch has pictures of a still-pregnant Jolie last week.
UPDATE: According to Us Weekly Angie's still incubating the tots but has indeed entered a French hospital. Two wee ones will be living out countless men's sicko fantasies any moment now. more »
June 12, 2008
Fetuses Make Brangelina Horny
Most married couples' sex lives suffer--or, at the very least, slide a bit--after they become parents. Exhaustion, irritability, and a constant stream of Wiggles music in the background aren't really conducive to making whoopee. This is true for nearly everyone, except, of course, Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt. Yes, even amongst a pile of diapers laden with kiddie-stools and Pax and Maddox punching each other, these two still have a healthy urge to join groins passionately. In an interview for the new issue of Entertainment Weekly, Angelina extols the virtues of pregnancy sex:
"It's great for the sex life. It just makes you a lot more creative. So you have fun, and as a woman you're just so round and full."For real. Nothing gets the old creative juices (and sexy juices!) flowing quite like wondering if that stuff is semen or mucus plug, or figuring out ways to steer your wiener around giant, pendulous hemorrhoids. Pregnancy is the new DP! more »
May 29, 2008
CNW Junk Drawer: Hopelessly Devoted to Food
• Britney might star in Grease on Broadway. Well, she's certainly got the "grease" part down. (Daily Stab)• Mischa Barton is refusing to promote her t.a.t.u. movie. Wonder why. (IDLYITW)
• Thank God for Lindsay Lohan's relationship with Samantha Ronson, for it keeps Michael Lohan in the news! (Yeeeah!)
• Scarlett Johansson. Naked in a pool. (Egotastic!)
• As Hilary Duff's veneers have shrunk, so has her rack inflated. It's magic! (Cityrag)
• Mariah Carey dons her most Mimi-est of rags to kick off Japanese baseball season. Man, what a weird sentence. (Drunken Stepfather)
• Pamela Anderson returns to form with the best upskirt she can muster. (Taxi Driver)
• Angelina and Brad let their children do whatever while they dunk their sleek, genetically superior forms nakedly into their pool. (The Blemish)
• Naomi Campbell to trade glamour for the slammer. (Celebitchy)
• Bill Murray's wife says he's a drunk and a stoner and a cheater and a beater. B-b-buh . . . but . . . he's the voice of Garfield! (PopCrunch)
May 21, 2008
Castor Oil and Never Mind the Pollux Jolie-Pitt
Here's Angelina Jolie at Cannes, and if she has three more months to go with her pregnancy, than she is going to end up giving birth to twin rhinos. And speaking of the unborn double golden children, Angelina apparenltly has some rather interesting names picked out for them. According to Yeeeah!:
Gemini Angelina reportedly wants to name the babies Castor and Pollox after the twins of her birth sign, but Brad has dismissed the suggestion as he doesn’t want a daughter with a name “like a British cuss word”.Well, how about a son with a name like a British cuss word? Wanker Jolie-Pitt is really pretty. So is Bugger Jolie-Pitt. How about Cuntish Yobbo Jolie-Pitt? Oh, the possibilities are endless.
May 15, 2008
Jack Black Ruins Angelina Jolie's Wombly Secret
Don't you love it when celebrities confirm things we've known for like three years? But in the case of Angelina Jolie being tricked into admitting she's saddling two specimens of human perfection in her lady chamber, at least she wasn't all, "I'm not pregnant, I swear. I just really love huge billowy dresses all of the sudden," and then finally own up like a month before she popped like a certain zombie-espoused famous lady we know. So way to be more honest than someone there, Ang. Or rather, way to let someone else spill the big news for you, as Jack Black does in the following Today interview. It's long, and it does contain Jack Black doing kung fu kicks and using his "I'm Jack Black and I'm mettttalllll" voice, so to save you the agony, here's the gist of it: Jack Black is a secret-ruining, scraggly, scruffy dillweed. Oh, and so is Dustin Hoffman, possibly minus the scraggly, scruffy part, as he blabbed Angie's due date, which is August 19th. So what does Angie think of her tattletale Kung Fu Panda (ugh) castmates (when the cameras aren't rolling, of course)? Just take a gander at that photo up there; we're pretty sure that Angie boxed Jack about the ears but good as soon as the photog was through. Either that or she really wants Madonna's ropy guns and is trying to achieve that sinewy look through extreme fist exercises. more »
March 31, 2008
Brad and Angie Still Living in Super Sexy Sin
"Brangelina," as you insist on calling them, did not get married this weekend. They will never get married. So just drop it already, and go back to making mittens for your cats or whatever it is you do when you're not reading Star. Just be happy that Brad and Ange are such reproductive overachievers that they are not only populating the planet with genetically perfect offspring, they're doing it two at a time.
February 29, 2008
Life Is Like a Refugee Adoption; You Never Know What You're Gonna Get
So disappointed was he that his life partner/baby incubator didn't capture the attention of the Academy with her performance in A Mighty Heart, Brad Pitt is trying a new approach to bring Oscar gold home to the Jolie-Pitt nomadic stead: following in Tom Hanks's footsteps and remaking Forrest Gump through his hairdo. We can't wait to witness Brad shaking hands with Kennedy. Run, Brad Pitt, run!
February 25, 2008
That Ain't Just Bloat
Back in the year 1986, Junkyard Dog was king of the ring, UB40 won our hearts with a little song called "Red Red Wine", and every female age 12-30 smelled like Exclamation!, a terrifying nasal assault that came armed with the catchphrase "make a statement without saying a word". Another way to make a statement without saying a word--and without smelling curiously of citrus-infused cat urine? Remain mum on the subject of pregnancy rumors, but show up on the red carpet of the Independent Spirit Awards wearing a form-fitting schmatte that shows off some of this:
Oh, Angelina Jolie. We already know that you don't like Shiloh--or white kids in general--much, so why whip up another? On the other hand, doesn't the baby's father, a wax version of Robert Evans in 1974, look positively radiant?
January 25, 2008
Angelina Jolie and Tori Spelling Foist Bumps Upon Us
At this point, it's more newsworthy to write stories about people who aren't pregnant. Man, those Hollywood types! They sure do make it with each other a ton. The latest to join the cavalcade of famous folks marching towards procreation: Tori Spelling and, possibly, Angelina Jolie. Hollywood.com reports:
Former Beverly Hills, 90210 star Tori Spelling is pregnant with her second child, according to new reports.Well, bully for them. But the real news is that Shiloh Jolie-Pitt might have some competition when it comes to Hollywood's Comeliest Baby. Star says that Ang Jolie might be whipping up a batch of twins:
The actress and husband Dean McDermott became first-time parents last year when baby son Liam was born, and they're said to be ecstatic about the news.
A close pal of Spelling's tells In Touch Weekly magazine, "They have been having so much fun with Liam, they couldn't wait to have another."
[Angelina] only discovered that she is eating for three over the past week. Rumors of pregnancy have swirled since she appeared at the Critics’ Choice awards on January 7 looking considerably healthier than the almost skeletal figure she had become. While Brad drank beer and others at their table downed champagne, she stuck to water. “Brad and Angelina are absolutely ecstatic,” a second source says. “But I still think there will be more adoptions to come.”Twins. God, what an overachiever. Not only are she and Brad more facially attractive that 99% of planet, not only do they sprinkle kindness all over foreign lands, not only do they give homes to downtrodden youth, rebuild New Orleans, give award-winning performances in large budget motion pictures, but they also procreate better than you. Bitches all!
January 15, 2008
Just Wait Until She Buys Them Mini Vials of Blood
Angelina Jolie may have adopted a new, Virgin Maryesque persona as of late, but the smack-shooting, switch-hitting, "we just fucked in the car", loose cannon who's into knifeplay still lurks deep within her heart, especially when it comes to holiday gifts for children. Reports Star magazine, via Celebitchy:
[Brad’s sister] Julie was shocked when Angie sent her children the commando-style video game Ghost Squad. According to a family insider, Julie and her husband Rob sent it back with a note that read, “We don’t promote violence in our home.”Throwing sharp things is definitely a building block of childhood. True. In our baby books, nestled right between notations in our mother's handwriting on the amount of formula we ate every day, and a lock of flaxen hair from our first haircut, is the classic "Baby's First Scimitar" entry. So cute! What a day that was! The eyes shiny with wonder as the torn flesh of one eyelid flopped down. The blood pooling in those darling dimples in our cheeks. Sure, it was a little hard at first, and the handle kept slipping, but with Mother's encouragement, we bandaged up those feet, put those lopped toes in a glass of milk, and got right back in the saddle again. Awwww!
Julie and Rob “shun these kinds of violent games for kids,” says the insider. So when they got the present, it was just too much. It went right back in the box.”
Angelina was not pleased. “She was really angry,” the insider reveals. “She thinks it’s normal and part of being a kid. She even bought Maddox a knife-throwing set and is encouraging him to learn to throw knives!”
December 20, 2007
CNW Junk Drawer: David Silver's Best Gal
• Megan Fox seems to have misplaced her shirt. We all win! (Egotastic!)• Brad Pitt thinks that orphans come from his anus. (Allie Is Wired)
• Britney's not the only one who enjoys mama's lollipops in front of Sean and JJ. Only Daddy's lollipops come in a pretty glass container and smell funny. (Yeeeah!)
• Fergie is coming clean about her dirtied drawers. (Cityrag)
• Ashley Tisdale's new nose gives you glad tidings. (Drunken Stepfather)
• Britney proves she owns undies. (Taxi Driver)
• Tony Parker is not just French, he's litigious. Doubly obnoxious! (Daily Stab)
• Tom Cruise's older children call Katie Holmes "Mom". They call Tom "Intergalactic Overlord Patriarchal Cyborg Unit #6599202B". (Celebitchy)
• Tara Reid sports a bikini. And what appears to be Ashton Kutcher's trucker hat from 2002. (The Blemish)
• Monica Bellucci has thingies. They're, like, round things. Kind of pinkish? They're a little bit below her collarbone. You know, whosiwhatsits. (Hollywood Tuna)
November 14, 2007
CNW Junk Drawer: Gimme Moore (in a Bikini)
• Demikini. Bidemi? Moorekini. (Drunken Stepfather)• Amy Winehouse plans to heal from her husband's arrest by backpacking through India. Yeah, there is absolutely nothing funny about that sentence. Nothing mockable there, no siree. (Socialite's Life)
• Tom Cruise sure can cut a rug, boy! Look at 'im jitterbug! He's doin' the Lindy Hop! Go, Tom! (Cityrag)
• Ladies and gentleman, the greatest film ever made: Major Movie Star, with Jessica Simpson. It's like Glitter meets Private Benjamin meets a gigantic BM. (Derek Hail)
• A lady beat up John Stamos on an airplane. Which was well-deserved; he had a hand in "Kokomo". (IMDb/WENN)
• Paris rubbing her person on a pole. Such is her wont. (Egotastic!)
• Lindsay Lohan is back to hanging out with her former element. The bad element. The lesbian element. No, wait, that's the good element. (Yeeeah!)
• Hey, look, it's a bunch of Victoria's Secret chippies dressed up like the Pink Ladies. (I Don't Like You In That Way)
• Brad and Angelina buy a man-made island in the shape of Ethiopia. Man-made? How gauche, that's like the cubic zirconia of islands. That said, we'll take one in the shape of a middle finger flipping off France. Yeah, buddy! USA! USA! USA! (CelebWarship)
September 24, 2007
Angelina's Mission of Burma
The moon and tide and women all wax and wane on monthly schedules, and so does CelebNewsWire. Only instead of ocean waves and period blood, we expel a monthly "Angelina and Brad are adopting again!" rumor. It's time again, so whip out your tampons and read on. A source told the Daily Mail that the couple are looking to adopt a girl from Burma:
"Angelina feels she is barely making a dent in the suffering she sees throughout the Third World as she travels incognito to different countries as a United Nations representative.The rainbow fam
"She wants to step up her action in what she calls Red Alert areas, the most seriously troubled, war-torn areas in the world. She's in talks to go into Burma and help with students and AIDS victims who are suffering terribly."
Will there soon be
One more orphan
For Ange Jolie
Burma Shave
more »
August 27, 2007
Brad Pitt Has Teensy Tiny Man Nipples
We have long suspected that Zahara Jolie-Pitt has a wicked sense of humor in addition to her low bullshit tolerance. She's a master at making funny faces and is far more interesting than scowling pre-punk Maddox or too-new-for-a-personality-assignment Pax. Sure, she'll never be as marshmallowy and bitable as Shiloh, but her biological parents were mere humans and not super beautiful and amazing gods among mortals, so she's making due with what she was given. Just look at this here picture (click on it and it gets big, just like a wiener). At some point during her stroll through the park she must have looked at the box of Nerds she was undoubtedly munching on and gotten an idea: "I should lick a couple of these to get them all sticky and slide them under Daddy Braddy's shirt. That'll look funny." You are a sly one, Zahara.
August 13, 2007
Jenny Shimizu Sez: Angelina Will Never Give up the Vadgelina
You know what, Jenny Shimizu? Shut the hell up. We know you once tasted the juicy and delicious rubyfruit of Angelina Jolie, but get over it already. We care about that almost as little as we care about Isaiah Washington or those smarmy and perfectly coiffed kids from High School Musical. Even so, we're sure you, our readers, still want to hear what this visitor to the Mecca that is Angie's poon has to say. She told very reputable source News of the World: She loves danger and dabbling in the dark side. Angelina is an unbelievable lesbian lover. That's where she gets her kicks -- not playing happy family with one man. She loves women too much. It's like a drug and she was hooked.You just don't get it, do you, Jenny? Brad Pitt is all the pussy Angelina could ever need.
In related news, the Jolie-Pitt brood is currently, at this very moment, somewhere in Chicago, within ten miles of CelebNewsWire! Our tracking efforts so far have been fruitless, as the rainbow that perpetually hovers just above their heads is quite difficult to follow, and while angelic little Shiloh does give off an especially strong waft of lilacs and baby powder and pure Tahitian vanilla, our nose was thrown off her trail when we neared the Blommer chocolate factory and the streets filled with the scent of brownies. But we will not give up. We will do our best to channel Miss Marple until we finally spot the savior infant in person. If you tune in to Entertainment Tonight this evening and hear about "that crazy person who ran up and pinched Shiloh's cheeks and then disappeared," you will know that our mission has been completed.
August 10, 2007
Brangelina Prefers the Vanilla
Brad Pitt is widely accepted as the apex of male sexiness in this country. The ladies long for his kissable lips and chiseled torso and they simply go bananas for his strong paternal instincts. So it may come as a surprise that this studly, virile, golden god has rendered the infamously insatiable fuck-bomb Angelina Jolie a missionary-loving beacon of sexual morality. Ang recently admitted:
"I've never hidden my bisexuality, but since I've been with Brad, there's no longer a place for that or S&M in my life."Ah, now we know why Angelina has been looking so painfully thin lately. She's starved for poon. And speaking of poons, our gossip headmistress, FemaleFirst, alleges that Angelina may be with child again, and not only that, they let us know with an entertaining typo:
Rumours are rife that Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt may be hearing the patter of tiny feet again because the actress is pregnant.Actually it would technically be the second child in her clam. more »
This would be the fifth child in the Brangelina clam but only the second biological child.
June 25, 2007
Angelina and Brad: "I Love You" Is for Pussies
Despite all outward appearances--the fleet of babies, the sharing of homes, lives, and helicopter lessons, the facial loveliness deeming them irresistible to one another--Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt have never come out and muttered the L-word (no, not "lesbian") to one another. Ang admitted to Marie Claire mag:
"I don't think we've ever said it (I love you). I mean, I'm sure we have, but we would have to punch each other in the arm first."These two are cool. Instead of romance, they have bro-downs. Living in the Brangelina home is like a Monday night at Tau Kappa Lamdba. They probably eat some cold Papa Johns after sniffing it to check its age, then they start chucking each other and playing the "Don't look at the finger circle" game. "You flinched, fucker!" Angelina crows, and gives Brad a brutal titty twister. "Bahhh. I love you, man," he mutters after administering a solid kick in the ass. Aw. more »
June 06, 2007
Angelina Jolie Like Naked Chatty Cathy
The more we learn about Brad Pitt, the more we think he's a mollusk-brained dullard who has no idea that nearly every human (and probably most chimpanzees and ferrets) on the planet wants to feel his girlfriend's boobies (among many other, dirtier things). If anyone else were naked with Angelina Jolie, they would probably die on the spot from the world's most intense orgasm. But when Brad's naked with Angie they talk. Angelina told Marie Claire (via A Socialite's Life): I don't know how he does it, but ... I talk a lot in the bath. It's easier to talk when you're naked ... Get naked with me, and I'll talk!Unless Brad is actually a sexless eunuch on the level of Morrissey, we're guessing that as they lounge in their oversized tub full of rose petals and lavender-scented bath salts and Angelina is saying, "On our next trip to Darfur I think it would really make a difference if we . . . " Brad is nodding and saying the occasional "Uh-huh" and "I agree" while thinking, "Mmmmm, hooters." more »
CNW Junk Drawer: Porking a Model is the Best Revenge
• Angelina and Brad are thinking about adding a Czech orphan to their multi-hued brood. NO. F U. MORE SHILOH. (Derek Hail)• Brooke Hogan performs in frayed denim chaps. We haven't seen such creative scissors-meet-fabric self-styling since Billy's Squier's "Rock Me Tonite" video! (Drunken Stepfather)
• Nicole Richie pregnant. Yeah, rite. (Female First)
• Jennifer Aniston gets back at Brad for shacking up with Hollywood's most beautiful woman with the only possible revenge: dating a model. (Hollyscoop)
• Criss Angel dedicates a magic trick to new girlfriend Cameron Diaz. Uhhh, we think that sort of romance only works with musicians dedicating songs. Then again, who knows, maybe there are dentists out there saying, "This root canal goes out to my boo, Debbie. I love you, babygirl." (Celebitchy)
• Christina Aguilera and her husband. They sure do like costumes. (Hollywood Tuna)
• Elle MacPherson: She's still got it! And by "it" we mean "nipples". (Taxi Driver)
• Dawn Wiener's sweater puppies in Hostel 2. (Don't Link This)
• The Hoff got hassled by ex-wife and cops. (Yeeeah!)
• Katie Holmes threatens to bake up a fresh batch of Cruise juice into more spawn. (Glosslip)
• The Butterscotch Stallion to freely roam the plains again, whinnying and rearing and tossing his golden mane. (Lainey Gossip)