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filed under: Bai Ling

May 05, 2008

Bai Ling Cranks It So That You May Spanks It

Now, we don't know what kind of movie these Crank 2 people think they're making here, but it looks like a pornographic movie to us! What with all the Amy Smart nip slips and underwear-flashing and such and such. For some reason, Bai Ling is also in the movie, and when it comes to not-so-surreptitiously flashing nippage, she's the undisputed champion. The Hulk Hogan of tit tips. The Joe Frazier of boob bullets. Not to be outdone, she lifted her shirt on set and waggled her junk around for cast, crew, and everyone to see. After the cut, see the nip pics. Try to ignore the fact that she's dressed like a slutty fourth grader.

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February 14, 2008

CNW Junk Drawer: Stealin' Babies and Batteries

• Britney Spears and Adnan Ghalib, married? Married? Yeah, married. Married? Yeah, married! Sheesh! (I Don't Like You In That Way)

• Miley Cyrus publicly apologizes for not wearing her seat belt. No seat belt is a slippery slope that leads headlong into Crotchflashtown and San Rehabton. (IMDb)

• Emma "Hermione" Watson gets slimed by Kirsten Dunst's leftovers. (The Sun)

• Bai Ling arrested for hamburglaring some gossip rags and a pack of batteries from an airport gift shop. Maybe she wanted to power up her G-spotter to use while gazing at herself in the fashion "What Were They Thinking?" section. (Celebitchy)

• Oh, shut your tamalehole, J. Lo. Nobody wants to steal your dumb old crusty old babies. (The Blemish)

• The Madamism of Hollywood. Waylon Flowers would be delighted. (Cityrag)

• Say what you will about Kim Kardashian, that sitter of hers is A number one. (HolyTaco)

• Amy Winehouse upgrades to Blake v. 2.0: all the creepiness none of the jail. Now with Magic-Gro Hair! (The Superficial)

• Aguilera debuts her infink. (Daily Stab)

• Kristen Bell gets rung! (Don't Link This)

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October 31, 2007

CNW Junk Drawer: When the Zubas Come Off

• Make way for the Amy Fisher sex tape. Wonder if she gets fuoco'ed in the butta? (PopCrunch)

• Bai Ling in her natural state in Photographie magazine; i.e., nips out. (Nudography)

• Hot holy shit on a cracked pepper cracker, is Angelina Jolie growing Infant Superbeauty El Gorgeoso Baby Part II in her womb part? (Derek Hail)

• Well, Jennifer Lopez sure is, says her costume designer. (GlossLip)

• Lindsay Lohan will not be hosting a large, alcohol and drug-soaked party in Las Vegas. Well, shit. Now how are we supposed to ring in 2008? (Yeeeah!)

• Sienna Miller continues the true hippie spirit of free love and no bras. (The Blemish)

• God bless America. My bone, sweeeeeet booooonnnnne. (Seriously? OMG! WTF?)

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October 03, 2007

Bai Ling Coulda Been an Angelina Contenda

Bai Ling has been nicely filling the sexually omnivorous ding-a-ling void vacated by Angelina Jolie when she became an earth-tone-wearing mommy to babies and Brad Pitt. And now, Bai claims that when she and Ang met on the Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow set, the two almost slammed gorditas:

"We shared a special attraction. I felt this energy between us, when we look at each other there is an energy, an attraction. Her eyes transfer a sexual energy to me that makes her irresistible. We could have hooked up, but it just wasn't the right time or place. But she told me, 'My heart's open to you.'

"She is like me. She is totally open sexually."

"I've always thought Brad Pitt was the sexiest man on the planet. So now that Brad and Angelina are together, now maybe I could experience both at the same time!"

Poor sweet Bai is stuck in the blood-and-knives-and-screwing-Jenny-Shimizu Angelina phase. She doesn't seem to understand that for the time being, Angelina has swapped munching the beavs of forlorn little Asians to adopting them. Hi-yoooo! more »

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July 12, 2007

Bai Ling's Nips: Once You Pop, You Can't Stop

Yesterday, we showed you a nipless nip slip. Honestly, that wasn't very fair. You see the phrase "nip slip", you expect nip. But there was video! We got excited! It was a new medium! Like when Andy Warhol discovered the 16mm Bolex camera. But you know, Warhol is still best known for his silkscreens, and we're still best known for posting still pictures of dame parts, so after the cut, see the real Bai Ling thing. In fact, you might call us the Andy Warhol of the nip slip. The Van Gogh of the cheek sneak. The Hieronymus Bosch of upskirts. The Tom Batiuk of vagina flashes. Funky Winkerbean rules! more »

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July 11, 2007

Video Killed the Nipple Slip Star

Bai Ling has nipples that are positively charged magnets, and all the clothing she wears is similarly charged. This is the only explanation we have for the fact that her shirts and dresses seem to leap off her breasts to expose her thumblike nipples every single day of her sexy young life. It's nothing we haven't shown you before. But have we ever shown you Ling slipping nip on video? No, we have not, so please enjoy these glorious moving pictures (a talkie, even). The only problem is that TMZ blurred out the offending teat tip. Which is not a big deal, since you can mentally cut and paste the nip from here. Or you can physically print out a copy of that story, actually cut the nipple with scissors, take some Elmer's, and paste it onto the screen as you're watching the video. On second thought, yeah, do that. more »

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May 22, 2007

Bai Ling Nipple Slip, Again for the Very First Time

It's back. Like the warm, comforting touch of an old friend's hand on your shoulder. Turn around, and it's always there for you. When the guy from WKRP molested Dudley, it was there with a kind word and a counselor referral. When the Ricker was having girl trouble, it was there to encourage him to call the radio station and request Mr. Mister's "Broken Wings" to woo her back. That time Blanche went through menopause and was concerned her sexiness and worth as a woman would be dashed forever, it was there with cheesecake and a group hug in the kitchen. It is Bai Ling's nipple, and it is as steadfast and true as a trusty steed, as comfortable as an old pair of slippers, as reliable as a toilet plunger. Which, coincidentally, it rather resembles. After the cut! more »

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February 23, 2007

Bai Ling Is Sad

Poor Bai Ling. Not only did she guest star in the most boring, pointless, find-a-good-crack-den-that's-open-on-Wednesday- nights-because-you-never-need-to-watch-television-on-that- particular-night-ever-again episode of Lost, she didn't even get to slip nip once during the whole damn hour. Even though she tried. Hard. We've got an idea for you, Bai: It's Oscar weekend, there will be parties and cameras everywhere. Why don't you see how many times you can be photographed next to a nominee while wearing only a thong that boasts "I love big trophies"? That should cheer you up. more »

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December 19, 2006

Britney Spears Story #4763

Today, faced with yet another slew of stories about Britney Spears (still with partially flashed body parts!), we decided to look over our recent stories to find a day that did not involve some manner of talking about Britney, her uncovered cooter, her cheap satin bras, or her divorce. And we had to look back to November 6th, the day before Britney filed for divorce. November 6th. We haven't stopped talking about Britney for six entire weeks. So why stop now, right? We must press on, in the name of ~~journalism~~ shorn celebrity snatch, that for which we live. more »

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December 11, 2006

Top Ten Movies To Put You in the Mood(y)

We here at CelebNewsWire pride ourselves on being pervier than the average bear (we've logged dozens and dozens of hours examining the folds of Britney Spears's rubyfruit to prove it), but we learned everything we know from our mentor of muffage, Mr. Skin. Today we're proud to bring you his picks for the 10 best nude scenes of 2006. more »

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August 28, 2006

And the Award for Best Nip Slip in a Dramatic Role Goes to...

An awards show without a runaway nipple is like a Janet Jackson magazine cover sans breast-cupping. That was a terrible simile, but we scored a twelve on the verbal portion of our SATs, so what are you gonna do? After the cut: titties! more »

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CNdb: Bai Ling Review