You Ugly. You Ugly. Your Momma Says You Ugly.

Do you want to know why Jennifer Aniston is so compulsively needy? Is it because she can’t keep a man for longer than eight seconds and in her sleep she hears the words “Angelina Jolie is better than you” on a constant loop like some people hear the soothing sound of crashing waves? Nope. It’s because her momma thought she was ugly. She told Elle magazine:

I remember being 7 and asking my mom if I was as pretty as [my best friend] Monique. And with all the love in the world, my mom looked at me and said, ‘Oh, honey, you’re so funny.’ So, she doesn’t lie to me . . . She answers the question by not answering and instead tells me what she thinks is my greatest strength.

No no no, Jen, she wasn’t pointing out one of your strengths in lieu of telling you that you’re ugly. Nope, she was saying, “You’re so funny. You could never be as pretty as Monique. Well, unless you got a nose job, maybe a chin reduction, dyed and straightened your hair, and pretty much changed everything about yourself. Really, honey, you’re hilarious.” Actually, that’s pretty much the same thing Momma Aniston says when Jen asks if she’s as beautiful as Angie Jo too.