Willis Gets (Die) Hard For Lohan

We’ve heard a lot of rumors about which washed-up scuzzballs Lindsay Lohan has been schtupping, but this one really is too much. Now the eighteen-year-old is reportedly getting cozy with fifty-year-old Bruce Willis. We couldn’t even accept the idea of Willis doin’ it with Jennifer Aniston in that one episode of Friends.

Reports claim that the pair was apparently “canoodling”, which to the Brits seems to mean anything from a handshake to forgettable sex in an elevator. This alleged canoodling happened at an after party for the premiere of Willis’s new movie Hostage. The only detail concerned Willis partially pulling down Lohan’s pants to show off some ink. "At one point, Bruce had Lindsay's pants down far enough to reveal a tattoo that said "La Bella Vista" (The Beautiful View) on her right cheek," a spy told the New York Post. We’ve always thought that Lindsay’s ass was a beautiful view, but we’re happy that she confirmed it for us. Personally, we think this whole thing was a big hoax. Lindsay Lohan wasn’t actually at the party, and this alleged girl was actually Ashton Kutcher in drag, finally following through on his long-awaited chance to punk Bruce Willis. Yeah, that sounds less creepy than Willis getting it on with someone two years older than his daughter. (image via Drunken Stepfather) Please note how dangerously close Willis's paw is to the cheek in question.