When Wilmer Valderrama went on Howard Stern and rated all the famous trim he'd had the pleasure of Fezzing over the years, everybody rolled their eyes. Just another sad little tiny-crotched rooster fluffing up his feathers and waggling his sad little comb. After all, playing a lisping foreign dude on a dead-horse FOX show, doing a guest spot on Grounded for Life, and providing voice talent for Clifford's Really Big Movie is hardly the stuff of legend. But when that handsome John Stamos followed suit, we had to give the ol' thumbs up and appreciate the new trend of celebrity boff bragging for what it is: the closest any of us will ever come to sleeping with the likes of Rebecca Romijn.
John Stamos. Charmer. Uncle Jesse. Substitute Beach Boy. Legendary cocksman. He went on Stern's radio show on Wednesday and although he kept mum on the subject of sex with ex-wife Rebecca, he orated at length on his carnal run-ins with other dames of note.
Stern asked Stamos if he'd thought Teri Hatcher has had too much plastic surgery. Stamos replied:
"Yeah, you know sheís ok. I actually saw her the other night, we were at that Ryan Seacrest thing and she came out and kept trying to kiss me in front of all of the cameras."
John was apparently involved with Denise Richards post-Charlie and pre-Richie. He said:
"The truth was weíre really good friends and when she was going through her divorce, I was there for her. We had dated you know years before for a while. This time around was just kind of a fast thing and she was going through a hard time. I felt bad that we couldnít continue on, but it was a bad timing thing. Sheís a great mom and sheís a very hands-on mom, you know, and dating women with kids is tough."
And just call him Richie Stamboros, because he almost had Heather Locklear in her prime, too:
I met her one time and we got really drunk and she asked me to go up to her room with her. But I was a kid and she was getting me plastered, we were playing quarters and by the end I couldnít even hit the quarter on the table. So she said why donít you come up to my room in a few minutes, Iím going to take a shower, and I was like yeah, you know, Iím going to do this. The next thing I remember, I woke up with barf all over my room and security was pounding on the door because I had to get to the show. I was in my own room, I just missed the whole thing!
And speaking of being too drunk to hump, John mentined that he had also done it with Brat Pack era Demi Moore, but he could barely remember the act due to his drug use at the time. See, Nancy Reagan had it all wrong when she waged a war on drugs. Her slogan should have been "Don't Do Drugs Because You Will Get to Have Sexual Intercourse With Incredibly Sexy and Rich Hollywood Starlets But Then You Won't Remember It So Basically It's Like You Never Banged Them in the First Place." Which doesn't have the same memorable ring to it as "Just Say No," we admit. But it probably would have been much more effective. Guess we'll never know. Thanks a lot, Nancy Reagan.
Teri Hatcher's hairy snatcher at MrSkin.com.
Denise: also there, also naked.
Heather Locklear's there.
And wouldn't ya know it, so's Demi.
