Well, we've lost her.
Everyone's tried valiantly these past six weeks to extricate our lovely little buckeye from the diabolical clutches of the veneer-flashing, Oprah-chicken-fighting jagbag Tom Cruise. But she's gone. She's converted to Scientology (and recently stated, "I have looked into it [Scientology] myself and I really like it and I think it's really wonderful . . . I feel like I'm bettering myself."), and she's now under the control of a L. Ron drone "minder". She's lost her free will. Joey Potter's wings have been clipped. It's over.
Tom has hired a babysitter named Jessica Rodriguez to trail his new lady love around wherever she goes. Oh, sure, they call her a "Scientology advisor", but she's a babysitter all the same. Tom's invested far too much into this publicity stunt already; he can't afford to have Katie appear reticent about their relationship (see also: Katie attempting to make a run for it during the Oprah taping) now. Warner Bros. is reportedly more than a little agitated about Rodriguez's role on Katie's publicity tour for Batman Begins. A source told the New York Daily News: "Tom pays Jessica to 'Keep Katie on the path.' She goes everywhere with Katie–she's never more than a quarter-step behind her. When you ask her who she is, she says, 'I'm Katie's best friend.' She's known her for six weeks!"
Um. For once, we have no idea what to say here. This is just a really terrible movie with Ashley Judd or perhaps Keanu Reeves involving a large-scale conspiracy so unbelievable that you stand up and walk out of the theater in favor of going home and watching A Baby Story on TLC. Unless, of course, Katie actually has not converted, she doesn't even like Tom, and she's created a mentally unstable hologram of herself to drum up publicity. In which case, she'll dethrone Mariah Carey as our personal diety.
See Katie's boobs at MrSkin.com, but warning: they're lousy with thetans!!!
