When you arrived home from work last night we bet you cracked open a can of Fancy Feast for Mr. Winkles, popped a Lean Cuisine entree into the microwave for yourself, and then got on the internet and went directly to DirtyColin.com with hopes of filling your long evening with nothing but Alexander cock. And when you got there you waited . . . and waited . . . and waited . . . and nothing happened. You never got a peek at Colin's Dirk Diggler dick. And then you cried.
If you recall our past yarns of celebrity sex tapes we thought we'd never see, you'll remember that Colin Farrell taped himself screwing the pudding out of Playboy Playmate Nicole Narain and Narain had agreed to the tape's distribution but Farrell wasn't having it. Well, yesterday to our grand surprise we were alerted to a website called DirtyColin.com that was selling said sex tape for $14.95. We were unable to view the filmed fucking and now the website is down. And depending on who you believe, this could be the work of Farrell's snap-happy lawyers or simply an exhausted server that had to go into hibernation due to download requests. Either way, you're not seeing Colin pork a Playmate today. But if you mosey on over to IDon'tLikeYouInThatWay you can check out some nifty screen caps from the vid. But why can't we see the thing, just once? Farrell's publicist released this statement:
"A website attempting to distribute an unauthorized tape of Colin Farrell was shut down. Mr. Farrell will take legal action against anyone who tries to distribute this tape."
But Narain's lawyer had quite a different slant on the situation:
"We're extremely upset. This is a black-market release. Nicole is not getting a dime from this. We're outraged – $14.95 is a ridiculous figure."
See, it has nothing to do with not wanting people to see your special private areas; it's all about the price. Joe Scumbag from Butte, Montana, should have to pay at least $29.95 to know what it looks like when pretty people pork. The website's owner, John Taylor, has a bit of a different opinion as to the site's unavailability. In an exclusive interview with Jossip.com, Taylor said,
"We put up a couple of offshore servers, and they were overwhelmed with visitors. Before we lost the servers, our traffic logs showed an immense response far larger than we had anticipated. To date, I have not received any legal representations from any party."
We're really trying to believe this John Taylor guy, although that does sound like a very unoriginal made-up name. If he's telling the truth there's still hope. In the meantime we'll just have to hold ourselves over with some Tom Sizemore schlong. Which isn't nearly as interesting.
Don't wait for the tape. Check out Nicole at MrSkin.com.
And see Colin's legendary member at MaleStars.com.
